Just to Breathe
Fujin's Story
Chapter Fifteen
Beyond Good and Evil
"I used to see something in the idea, but only once did my hands reach anything beautiful.." --Remy Zero, "Gramarye"
Seifer brought us to Sorceress Edea two days after our arrival at Galbadia Garden. In the meantime, we'd gotten accustomed to the school. Raijin spent long hours at the ice skating rink. "It's just not Balamb, ya know?" he would say to me. But the real kicker was that, even though we had finally found him, Seifer spent most of his time away from us.
"I'm the Sorceress's Knight," he explained as we waited for her to join us in Martine's former office. "She needs me to be available whenever she desires." Raijin and I exchanged a hollow look that relayed our feelings of betrayal.
When Edea slithered into the room, there was a spark in the air. She looked over Raijin and I coldly, but I felt strangely soothed. "Very well," she hissed in her deep voice to Seifer. "They may remain."
Seifer did most of the talking as Edea sat motionless in her chair. Her eyes were always dancing, searching some unknown universe. She watched Seifer sometimes with great interest, sometimes with boredom. Edea needed to find a girl named Ellone. Raijin had piped up when Seifer mentioned this ("Why, ya know?") but Edea quickly moved her hand, effectively silencing him not with her actions, but with magic. I, too, felt restless at the mention of Ellone. I felt as if I should know this person, she must be important. Perhaps I had learned about her at school… but try as I might, I could not recall any detail of information about her at all.
Edea left us shortly after Seifer finished his explanation of our new purpose in life. Though I had found Seifer's words intriguing, I felt exhausted and some how less eager once the sorceress was gone. Seifer was proud of himself for being a Knight. He stood with his back against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, and his chin held high.
"What does that make us, ya know?" Raijin asked. I could tell he was waiting for the Seifer we knew so well to answer… but Seifer was different now. He had changed.
He stood aloof, shrugged slightly, and looked away from us. "I guess since I'm commander in chief of Edea's army, I could give you a ranking position," It should've come easily to him. Instead it was as if he wanted to make us squirm in our seats. Raijin did. I didn't.
"Fujin," he turned his jade eyes to me, and I straightened a little. It had been a long time since he had used my name so formally. "You are the commander. You will be in charge of a small fleet of soldier's scouring whatever towns or villages you find in order to locate Ellone. If anyone finds any information, they are to report to you, and then you will report to me."
I nodded, but said nothing, not even my usual 'affirmative.' For the first time I could remember, awkwardness hung over our posse like a cloud. "What about me, ya know?" Raijin asked again.
Seifer shrugged and looked at our friend, a wry smile on his face. "I suppose you can be the Captain." Seifer should have had a lighter tone, a sparkle to his eyes as he joked with Raijin… but there was nothing but a regal pride as he spoke. "Your job is to protect Fujin, and assist in the search for Ellone. And if you see any of those flunkies from Balamb, take them out."
Physically, Raijin was unchanged, but in his eyes I could see disappointment. I wanted to kick him, to tell him to snap out of it, but I gave him his moment of shame. Raijin would be serving under me. We had never been anything but equals in the past.
Watching Seifer over the next few days made me irritated. His attitude, the way he talked, and even his poise got under my skin. He was attentive and obedient of the sorceress, a respect he had never paid to me. How was it, that after years and years of my loyal friendship, that he could treat me so poorly? I thought endlessly, trying to come up with an answer. Seifer wasn't prodding her, like he did to me. He wasn't even wooing her, like he had Rinoa. No, Seifer was worshiping her, and it was driving me to madness.
Though I didn't mean to, I often took out my frustrations on Raijin. I was filled with a fierce desire to impress Seifer, thinking that if perhaps I was as good to him as he was to Edea, that he would notice me. He never did. I became irritated, driven, and cold. I kicked Raijin not out of sisterly care, but out of anger. His normally cheerful manner became dulled by my anger and frustration.
We searched a small town called Winhill shortly after our arrival, having learned that it was Ellone's place of birth. The townspeople were less than receptive of our presence, so it wasn't a simple visit. Raijin came up with an idea to offer a reward for any information about the girl. We figured that the town must be full of it, and people were naturally greedy.
The result was surprising, but not entirely unexpected. The first woman we asked was the owner of a flower shop. "We're here for information about Ellone!" Raijin chirped; he was all business for once, trying to please me.
The woman scowled at us. "Get out of my store!" she growled. "Haven't you already done enough? That blasted Loire got Raine killed and all for what?" At this time, we had no idea what she was talking about, and with considerable rage she forced us out of her store.
Throughout the town, residents reacted badly to the mention of Ellone, and none were willing to depart any information about her whereabouts, or even anything about her past. I was able to determine that Raine, who came up often, must be Ellone's mother. We found her tombstone on top of a hill covered by flowers. Loving wife, loving mother, for far too short a time. What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil.
The lack of cooperation we faced in Winhill enraged me. I did not want to leave empty handed; Seifer would be disappointed. Finally, at the hotel, I instructed Raijin to handle an angry man by force.
"ELLONE, WHERE?" I shouted into his face as Raijin pinned his arms behind him. Shuriken was in my hand, and I pressed one of the tips into his cheek until a ruby droplet of blood formed. The man spit at me.
I cut his throat.
Raijin buried the body of the Winhill man on a hill not so far from Raine's gravesite. He made a small cross from sticks and said a few words of apology. I stayed away, making my way back to the Garden, which had the ability to navigate much like Balamb's newfound flying ability. Disturbed and shaken by my instinctive actions, I emptied my stomach for a full hour. Seifer scoffed at me from the bathroom doorway.
"You're still green," was all he could say to comfort me. "It had to be done."
Raijin kept his distance for about a week, and I desperately missed him. Being without Seifer was hard, but without Raijin, too, I could barely function. When he finally knocked timidly at my door, I apologized to him lavishly. We went for a walk, and he stood with me on the second floor balcony, overlooking the place where we'd intersected the SeeD party not so long ago.
"Everything's different now, ya know?" Raijin said. I nodded shortly. "I know you didn't want to do that, Fuu, ya know? I know it was a mistake."
"Guilty," I told him, a hitch to my voice. "Hurts."
Raijin put his bulky arm around my shoulder. "We'll get through it," he said. "We'll forget. We have to, ya know?" He was right. I knew I could not go on with the guilt of the man's death for much longer.
I turned my attention instead to our mission. I felt suspicious of smaller harbor towns, which might remind Ellone of Winhill. Seifer seemed to think this was a good idea, so he chose Fisherman's Horizon as our next destination.
"If they don't cooperate this time," Seifer instructed, "Torch the place."
Raijin and I had exchanged a paled look. We had killed for SeeD missions before, but we'd never gone after innocent people for revenge.
To deal with the uncertain feelings, Raijin and I conspired to send a small troop of G-Soldiers to the down without us, figuring that the job was simple. It was a big mistake. The soldiers fumbled and, apparently, came across three SeeDs from Balamb Garden, who forced them to retreat. No information about Ellone was gained, and FH was not torched.
Seifer was less than pleased. We stood before him silently as he expressed his disappointment in us. "I trusted you with one simple thing, and you botched it up," he barked. "Edea will not be pleased."
I wanted to scream at him that I didn't care about Edea, that I wanted things to be normal again. I wanted our posse to be like it used to, without the awkwardness and competitiveness for each other's attention. I wanted Seifer to smile at me, but he only scowled.
"Next time, you will handle the mission personally," Seifer was snapping at us. "And there will be no room for failure." And then, with a sickening smile, he dropped the worst part of it all.
"We're going to Balamb."
Raijin and I stood on the deck as Balamb came into view. "Feels strange to be goin' back, ya know?" my friend sighed. There was no cheer to his voice today.
"LONELY," I told him.
Raijin nodded, "Me too." There was an eerie feeling that seemed to hang in the air. Edea and Seifer would be staying aboard the Garden, while Raijin and I would be doing the dirty work. We would be making enemies with our friends. We would betray the children we'd just recently returned to Balamb.
The difficult feelings passed when we met with Edea before entering the town. "You must not fail," she told us. I looked up at her with cold admiration. Edea was everything I could never be to Seifer… I found myself bowing and promising not to disappoint her this time.
We sealed off the entrance with a few soldiers, instructing them that no one would go in, and no one would go out. The train station was instructed, at penalty of death, not to allow any trains in or out. We demanded information about Ellone, but no one stepped forward. Raijin boasted about his reward, still no one stepped forward. We set up a base in the hotel, and began our search.
One woman reacted differently than the others. When we stormed into her house, she looked at me sadly. "Oh, Fujin," she sighed, when I demanded to know about Ellone. She shook her head in a mournfully. "You've grown so much. You're so strong now." I noticed her hand reaching up for my face, towards my eye patch, and slapped her hand away. The way she looked at me unnerved me. We left her house without further interrogation.
Raijin tried to make the most of our time in Balamb. As ranking officers in the Galbadian Army, we were able to order the G-Soldiers to do most of the work. Raijin and I still interrogated a number of citizens, but we also found time to do other things. Raijin often went to the docks to fish, while I often napped in one of the upstairs rooms. It was a way for us to deal with the nagging depression that we'd been forced to suppress in talking to Edea.
The first few days passed without event. On the third day Raijin came to me with fish.
"IDIOT," I told him, "POISONOUS."
He beamed at me regardless, "Nah, Fu, this is good stuff! I had some already!" I rolled my eye; Raijin had a stomach like a garbage dump. Nothing ever made him sick. "I'm gonna cook some more and feed it to our men! They'll be so pleased!"
"PATROL," I told him, a little irritated that he spent so much time goofing off when I was trying to prove myself to Seifer.
"Yeah, yeah, Fu, I know. Don't worry, ya know? I'm just gonna make some fish first!" I smiled to myself as I watched him bound out, the large fish still attached to the line that dangled from his hand. It smelled awful.
Once the door had closed behind him, I laid down on one of the beds. It was a three person room, and sharing it with Raijin only solidified the fact that Seifer had chosen not to come with us. Being forced to prove myself to him, again, hurt… but I would do it. Seifer was the third part of our posse. Without him, everything was haywire.
I hadn't realized that I'd drifted off until Raijin jolted me out of my nap by shaking me with his big bulky hands. "Fujin wake up ya know! It's them, they're here!"
I pushed him off, sitting up quickly. "SeeDs?" I knew that they would come eventually. I'd been dreading it since the moment we set foot in Balamb.
"Yeah, Squall and Dincht and Rinoa."
"RAGE!" It angered me, not just because Rinoa was aiding the SeeDs now, but because Seifer would not be pleased to know that Squall and the chicken-wuss had gotten past our guards and into the town. I snatched up shuriken. Raijin rightfully backed down the stairs. "MORON," I scolded my bulky friend. "PAY ATTENTION, NOT. FISH TOO MUCH." I was sure the Galbadian soldiers could hear me outside, but I didn't care. I kicked Raijin, harder than I had ever kicked him before, and he stumbled back.
"H-hey," Raijin's face was hurt, but I couldn't stop myself. My heart was pounding with fury. I kicked him again, and with all of the weight of my tiny body, put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him out of the hotel.
"GO," I shouted after him. "DESTROY."
"Yeow!" I heard him yell as he fell through the front doors of the hotel. I turned my back, trying to ignore his shouts of "Ouch! F-Fujin… C-control your temper, ya know? I was patrollin', just like ya told me, I even woke up that search dog, sleepin' on the job, ya know? You guys help me out here! We gotta calm Fujin down, ya know?"
I shook my head, stalking back towards the stairs, when I heard a familiar voice yell out Raijin's name. This was it… the SeeDs were right outside. But I was still angry with Raijin for letting them in. He should have been on patrol, making sure that no one could get in or out of the town…. I decided he could handle Squall's gang by himself.
It was a surprisingly short amount of time after that when Zell burst through the two doors of the hotel. "OHHHH YEAHHHH!" He yelled, "The commander's gonna get a whoopin' too!" I rolled my eye. Zell hadn't changed one bit.
He looked me up and down. Had he expected someone different? "So I guess you're the commander?" He puffed up his chest, proud of himself for breaking through the hotel. "Pack your bags and get the hell outta Balamb?"
I looked instead to Squall, "…RAIJIN, DEFEATED…?" I asked him, but it was Zell who answered.
"That's right, BABY! Now, where's Seifer and the sorceress? You're all goin' DOWN!" I couldn't help snorting with amusement. They might be about to turn on me, but Zell was overdoing it.
Squall shared my feelings. "Zell, calm down," I could tell he was the squad leader on this mission. I found myself half wondering if he felt any remorse at all when it came to fighting us. I did. He looked vaguely sympathetic when he turned to me, but I decided that my mind was playing tricks on me. "Fujin, looks like you're on your own. Are you still willing to fight?"
I put my hands on my hips and turned my face upward. Did he really think that I would back down, or surrender? Had Squall not remembered fighting alongside me at Garden? Did he think I was nothing without Raijin at my side? "RAGE!" was my answer. There were three against one me, but I knew I could handle them. I had to, for Seifer.
And then I heard his voice, "BWAHA HA HA HA! She's not alone!" I smiled. Did the SeeDs really think that Raijin wouldn't have had a number of potions with him? They were a lot stupider than I thought.
"W-Who's there?" Zell cried out, fisting his hands. He looked like he'd heard a ghost. I rolled my eye.
Soon Raijin was by my side again. "Major come-back, ya know! Actually, I feel a lot betta, ya know! I feel invincible, ya know!"
"How the…?" Zell was unbelieving. "I thought we defeated you!"
But Raijin and I only laughed, taking on a stance for battle. Angry as I had been moments earlier, I was glad to have Raijin by my side when Squall drew his gunblade. "Time to get serious, ya know?" Raijin called out.
I focused on Rinoa, because Raijin doesn't hit girls. He delivered constant blows to Zell, and we both took hits at Squall as much as we could. For a time it seemed the five of us were evenly matched, and determined to move the fight forward, I turned my attention away from my physical strength to focus on my GF.
And then it happened.
It felt like a vacuum cleaner had been in reverse and placed over my mouth. All of my innards sucked forward and out, and I felt my energy draining. Drawing simple magic from another fighter was one thing… but drawing a GF was just offensive. Squall had taken my Pandemona… the one part of my ability that I had been fused with since before I could remember.
With everything I had left, I threw myself at Squall, slashing and flailing… I would have bit him if I could've gotten close enough. But my Shuriken was nothing compared to his gunblade. One powerful backhanded maneuver sent me stumbling back and sitting on my bottom. I felt lightheaded, and now without the safety of Pandemona's junction, I felt helpless.
"I… WITHDRAW," I yelled up at Squall, who stood over me with his gunblade raised. Surprisingly, Squall backed off. "RAIJIN," I shouted to my friend. I could see that he was preparing a cure spell for me, "GO!" I motioned to the Squall and Zell. I knew that I would need a hi-potion to recover enough to do any damage, and neither of us had any.
It was painful to watch the three of them go against my friend, especially in his prior weakened state. Rinoa seemed to be holding back, but Zell and Squall were relentless. Soon he held up his hands. "Fujin, I lost too, ya know…"
I hung my head. Seifer would be furious.
Squall turned to me. "Are the two of you taking orders from the sorceress?"
"NEGATIVE," I snapped at the one who'd stolen from me. While the sorceress had inspired me to try harder for Seifer, I was not in it for her.
"The sorceress has nothin' to do with us, ya know? We're actin' on our own!" Raijin backed me up, crossing his bulky arms over his bulky chest. A fresh gash on his arm was oozing with blood.
"Own plan..?" Squall tried to get some more information from my friend.
"We're on Seifer's side, y aknow!" was all he would say.
"…That's up to you, but…" Squall shook his head. "Enough is enough. This isn't an internal Garden conflict."
Raijin looked pained, "We can't back out, ya know…" I was sure that the thought had crossed both of our minds on several occasions.
"NEGATIVE," I supported. We were in it with Seifer… but we barely knew who Seifer was anymore.
"Seifer has a lot of followers, but we're his only friends… We're a posse, ya know?" Squall nodded, Zell looked bored. Rinoa looked pained, and couldn't meet my stare. "The Galbadian Soldiers are only listening to Seifer 'cause they fear the sorceress. Without us, Seifer wouldn't have a posse, ya know?"
"If you guys stand behind him that much…" Zell piped up, "Tell frickin' Seifer to stop this nonsense!"
"AFFIRMATIVE!" I said agitatedly. I wanted more than anything to have the old Seifer back… but I was afraid he wouldn't listen.
"We ain't no sell-outs!" Raijin took a step towards Zell. "We're behind Seifer all the way, ya know?"
"Okay… Understood," Squall nodded again. It hardly seemed that he was phased by our encounter at all. "So you want nothing to do with Garden now?" We nodded, though I don't think it was an honest answer from either of us. Garden had been our home for as long as we could remember.
"…From now on, we're not gonna hold back." I wanted to believe that they hadn't been holding back in the battle we'd just had, but if there was a chance Squall had gone easy on us, I was indeed afraid. Raijin and I would have to prepare for another battle in the future. It would be inevitable. I turned to leave.
"You're just gonna let them go? Squall?" Rinoa's voice was confused.
I could've slapped her, but I resisted. I didn't want to cross Squall right then. I turned to see that he looked almost hesitant.
"Don't wanna… talk anymore, ya know…" Raijin had turned away, too. "Kinda painful… ya know..?"
I rolled my eye, "WIMP!" I was trying to save face, so I kicked him. He hopped around for a moment, then straightened and looked to me. "RUN!" I ordered. It might have seemed like we were running away… but I hoped it would look like I was chasing him.
As the door began to close behind us, I heard Rinoa say to Squall, "I feel sad."
I was sad, too.
End Chapter Fifteen
Note from the author: Thank you for the reviews I got on the last chapter. After so long of not continuing, I was certain that no one would have any interest anymore. I told myself that even knowing one person read it was all that mattered to me. I received for reviews, and they meant the world to me. Thank you so much for reading this story. I hope I have not disappointed you with this chapter.
