Chapter Fourteen
As they made their way to the mess, Jack allowed himself to be amused by having two Carters once again. One of them was available to repair important things while the other one could keep him company. For the moment, it wasn't a bad deal at all.
The mess was deserted as they took their seats. Having only one Carter in his line of sight, especially considering that it was the one who laughed openly at his jokes, even the stupid ones, soothed his nerves. They were eating dessert, making easy conversation about nothing in particular, and being more relaxed then they usually could be together. At one point, while he watched her eyes dance as she smiled, he realized something he had never quite figured out until that moment.
Their counterparts from the other realities had moved much faster in their relationship than jack ever would have imagined himself moving. The first alternates they'd heard of, the ones only Daniel had met, had been engaged less than a year after they met. And the other one - the Samantha that had crashed their reality with Kowalsky - had already been celebrating their anniversary. Jack wasn't a particularly trusting soul and he was especially protective of his heart since it was the only sensitive part of him. When he remembered his own relationship with Carter at those points in time, he hadn't exactly been ready to marry her. Sure, he'd liked her and trusted her, but he'd barely known her. She wasn't exactly open herself. In fact, even after seven years, there were still a frightening number of mundane things he didn't know about her. He couldn't even swear to how she took her coffee.
He stared as she dumped six spoonfuls of sugar into her cup while she played with her jello. He grinned and mentally scratched one thing off his list of things he figured he should know about someone he'd been friends with for so long. She finally took a bite of her dessert, made a face, and then went back to playing with it. "You know, this doesn't even taste that good."
"Then why do you always get it?" Jack always stuck with either pie or cake, but that was because they were consistently good.
"Cause it's pretty. Blue is my favorite color."
Well, he could cross something else off his list of unknowns. Sam was certainly more upfront than Carter. She reached over with her fork and stole some of his cake. Her eyes were warm and inviting and he knew he could confide absolutely anything in her without her thinking any less of him. Carter 1 would probably be disappointed if he ever admitted to being scared after he had a bad dream because she looked up to her CO so much; Carter 2, Sam, would probably only love him more for wanting to cry on her shoulder.
That was when it hit him - why things had moved so fast in the other realities. Because without the hurdle of a military-minded Samantha Carter, he would have fallen in love with her in mere minutes and nothing would have prevented her from reciprocating.
And that knowledge answered the question that had always nagged at him - he knew there truly was no other reason they weren't together. The idea was startling because until then, he'd always been able to pretend, on some level, that he wasn't completely in love with Carter. He'd known he loved her, but the fact that he was really in love with her had somehow always managed to elude him. His jaw went slack as he looked at her. Somehow it was more shocking than hearing the other Jacks had been involved with the other Carters. Somehow it was more shocking than Carter's revelation, lie detector or not, that she loved him. Somehow it was more shocking than Carter calling him on his feelings that very same night. And somehow, although it didn't seem possible, it was even more shocking than Carter allowing him to kiss her.
He recalled the way Carter 1 had freaked when he said he loved her when he wasn't even entirely serious. Her panic suddenly made sense. He was pretty sure, based on the concern displayed on Carter 2's face, that he had that same wide-eyed expression.
"Are you ok, sir?"
He nodded, not trusting his voice.
"You don't look ok, sir."
He forced out words because he could just tell she wasn't going to drop it. "I was just thinking. I'm not used to it."
She smiled, the warmth in her eyes making him think she knew exactly what he was thinking. "You can talk to me, you know."
He nodded, almost embarrassed at the way he was allowing her to comfort him. "I know."
"I won't tell her."
"And when there's only one of you?"
She smiled again. "You can still talk to me. I'm still in there."
He shrugged. "It's not that I don't trust you, Carter, because I do. I just don't open up. Period. Not to anyone."
Boldly, she reached across the table and covered his hand with hers, paying no mind when nervously checked the area for other people. "You don't have to talk, Jack."
His own military training told him to dispute any number of things - that she was holding his hand, that she was calling him by his name, that they were in the middle of a public place having a very private conversation. But he couldn't do anything. He couldn't react. He could only sit there and relish the warmth of her hand on his. Gently, he turned his hand over and closed his fingers over hers. He didn't think he'd ever felt so content.
After a moment, his bravado kicked back in; there was only so much openness he could take. "So you think you know me that well?"
She carefully slipped her hand away from his and stood up. "Of course I know you that well. I could read you from the first moment I laid eyes on you. You think it hasn't gotten easier after knowing you for seven years?"
He fell in step beside her as they left the mess. "It's kind of frightening, Carter, if you know what I'm thinking and haven't run away screaming." He was making a joke of how very exposed he felt. He knew she wasn't kidding about knowing him that well, but he knew he could trust her. Because she had been able to read him the day they met and she hadn't run away screaming.
She smiled. "We're more alike than you might think, Jack."
He smiled back. "That's even more frightening."
