Disclaimer: Not mine. Belongs to Shore and Co.

Author's Note: My first attempt at humor. Constructive critcism is welcome; flames will be laughed at.

The Best Man

Chapter One: Rebecca

He was drunk.

Not hung over, like he might have been after a night of hard drinking, but well and truly drunk. Which was quite an accomplishment, considering he hadn't had alcohol since nearly one in the morning.

"I'm drunk," a voice said, mournfully, intruding on, and echoing, his thoughts.

Greg House looked over to see Daniel, Wilson's baby brother, sink into the chair opposite his, grimacing in pain.

"I thought I would be hung over for Jimmy's wedding," Daniel continued. "Cotton mouth, headache, the whole nine yards. I didn't think I'd be drunk."

"Well, we've certainly proved that it's possible to drink too much," House said. "And we're going to have a whopper of a hangover when we sober up."

"You're the doctor," Daniel said, almost plaintively. "Isn't there anything we can do to get sober? Because my mother will kill me for being drunk at Jimmy's wedding."

"Only time," House told him, sagely. "And, speaking of the doomed man, where is he? Isn't he supposed to be here with us?"

Daniel shrugged, carelessly.

"I just thought he'd come over early, since he wasn't in the house when we woke up," he replied.

"What the hell happened last night?"

House winced as the maid of honor, Stacy Leland, stormed into the room, yelling at the top of her lungs.

"What do you mean?"

Brave of Daniel, to risk the wrath of so pissed off a woman.

"There is a synagogue full of people out there, a weeping bride in her budoir, and a missing groom," Stacy ranted. "What do you think I mean?"

"So, you want to know why Wilson isn't here," House stated.

"Yes," Stacy hissed, sounding as though only a supreme act of will was keeping her from killing either one of them. "What happened at your bachelor party last night?"

"Well, it got a little hazy after we got to the ticket counter," House informed her.

A dead silence filled the room after that statement. Stacy kept opening and closing her mouth, but seemed unable to make any words emerge.

"Ticket counter?" she finally spoke, in a voice barely above a whisper. "What ticket counter?"

"You know, that's a good question," House mused.

"I remember we tied the ticket around Jimmy's neck," Daniel said, suddenly, sounding inordinately pleased with himself.

"That's right," House added, as a memory came back. "We tied the ticket around his neck and put him on the plane."

He grinned at Daniel, who grinned back, both pleased at having solved the puzzle of last night. Stacy, however, wasn't done with them.

"What. Plane?" she asked, snapping off the words cleanly.

House imagined she wanted to do the same to their heads.

"That part's still a blank," he admitted, reluctantly.

"Let me get this straight," Stacy said. "You put the groom on a plane, and you have no idea where it went?"

"That pretty much sums it up, yeah," House told her.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she shrieked.

"We were drunk," Daniel said, in a poor attempt at explanation. "Thinking wasn't exactly a priority."

"Obviously," Stacy snapped, her eyes flashing, furiously. "What, exactly, am I supposed to tell everyone out there?" she demanded. "Not to mention Rebecca, who thinks James abandoned her at the altar."

"We're really sorry," Daniel said, in a meek voice.

"You've got to admit," House said, chuckling. "This is pretty funny."

Stacy leveled a glare at him, and he could literally feel his family jewels shrinking up in fear.

"Or not," he amended. Then, inspiration struck.

"We can get him back in an hour," he said, quickly, ignoring the incredulous look Daniel was giving him.

"How-" Stacy started, suspiciously, but House cut her off by pushing her toward the door.

"An hour," he repeated, confidently. "Just stall everyone."

Shoving her out of the room, he shut the door in her startled face, listening carefully until he heard her retreating footsteps fade in the distance.

"How are we supposed to get Jimmy back if we don't even remember where we sent him?" Daniel demanded, as he turned around.

"We won't," House told him. "But an hour's plenty of time to get across the Jersey border."

XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX

James Wilson awoke with a groan, to find himself slumped awkwardly in a hard, uncomfortable, plastic chair. The kind of chairs they had in airports.

Stretching, he realized that there was a slip of paper tied around his neck with a shoelace. Tearing it off, he read departure and arrival times.

A plane ticket. He had a plane ticket tied around his neck.

Horror growing in the pit of his stomach, he looked around wildly, until his eye fell on a sign on the far wall.

A sign bidding him welcome to the Dallas International Airport.