Disclaimer: Same as always. I hold no rights to the story or the songs I use.
A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews. I'm glad everyone is enjoying. Thanks so much for my new reviewers also. I hope everyone continues to enjoy. Also, the next chapter is barely even finished right now. So, I have no idea when I will be able to get that chapter up. I hope it will not be too long. Thanks for all the constant support on this story.
Warning: Okay I feel that this chapter needs a bit of a warning. This chapter does deal with the effects of rape. It is only lightly implied in this chapter, but it is the whole point of this chapter. There is nothing at all graphic. It is just implied through the whole chapter. I realize that this is a serious topic and that's why I don't take it lightly. I do not believe there is anything in this chapter that will offend anyone, but I wanted to give you a warning to prepare you. In my opinion it is more angsty and sad than dark and depressing. Please let me know what you think.
Chapter 10
I'll Carry You
"I'll Carry You"
I know that look in your eyes
I see the pain behind your smile
Please don't hold it all inside
Together we can run to the finish line
And when you are tired...
I'll carry you
I can't walk this road without you
You cannot go it alone
We were never meant to make it on our own
And when the load becomes too heavy
And your feet too tired too walk
I will carry you and we'll be carried on.
- Rebecca St. James
Legolas struggled hard against the chains that bound him. He pulled as hard as he could, but he could not manage to free himself. He heard a scream from across the room and his heart tore. He yelled, screamed, begged, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. Tears streamed down his face as he was forced to watch everything unfold before him. A man, who he thought he could trust, had betrayed him and Linriel was suffering for it. He was being forced to watch as everything was stolen away from her. He could only watch as his sister's face grew pale. He tried to scream her name, tell her to hold on to the light, but he found he could not make a sound. Silenced, chained by some unseen power, he watched, helpless… there was nothing he could do.
Legolas sat up in bed. His breathing was hard and sweat ran down his forehead. Tears were in his eyes and he had to blink a couple of times to remember where he was. He looked around the room. Sun light was creeping into his room and birds chirped outside. It was morning.
Legolas didn't even remember falling asleep. He must have been so exhausted that his body had forced him to sleep. Legolas cringed, however, as he thought of his dream. It had been a long time since he had had that nightmare. A long time ago, that nightmare had been a reality. For years after, the nightmare had plagued his dreams and his waking moments. For years, he was not able to sleep peacefully, was not able to look at his sister without thinking of what had happened. Every time he looked at her, he felt so much guilt and despair that it almost overcame him.
The darkness that was behind her eyes tore his heart. Eventually, however, the wounds had healed and both he and Linriel recovered. The nightmares faded and Legolas was able to smile and enjoy life once again.
Now, though, he was having new nightmares. He knew they too would disappear, but why had this one reoccurred? Why, after so many years, did it torment him again? He had long since given up his pain and guilt, but the darkness behind her eyes, still tore at his heart. He had hoped to the Valar to never have to deal with that again.
Legolas looked outside. Something still nagged at his mind. He saw that darkness in his sister's eyes again. It had disappeared, but now it was back. He could see it clearly now that he had remembered his nightmare of so long ago. The pain in her eyes was back and as dark as ever.
Legolas clenched his fist. "Why haven't I seen this before?" He questioned himself.
He buried his face in his hands as he thought about what that could mean. "No. Please no." He muttered. Was it possible that her nightmare had happened again?
A thousand thoughts raced through Legolas' mind. He tried to recall when he had seen the darkness come into her eyes, when Gerchen would have been able to hurt her. His thoughts fell on the night she had been taken from his cell. Ever since then, the darkness had been there. It made sense now of why the guards had taken her in the middle of the night. It made sense why she went willingly. She had known they would come.
But why? Why hadn't she at least tried to resist? Why hadn't she told him they would come? Why did she try to hide it from him? Legolas searched his mind for answers, but none would come, save one. She had wanted to protect him. But from what? From despair? From more pain? What?
Legolas stood, anger raging in his heart. How dare that man touch her. Legolas ran from the room. He needed answers.
Linriel opened her eyes quickly, startled from her sleep. Her breathing was heavy and it took her a moment to recall where she was.
"Ssh, meleth nin. Nach edra si." (my love. You are safe now)
Linriel turned her head to see Elrohir holding her hand. He gently caressed her face with his other hand.
Linriel looked at him for a moment, but then turned her face away.
"Man no raeg, meleth nin?" (What is wrong)
Linriel stayed silent for a moment, staring at the wall. Gently, Elrohir placed his hand underneath her chin and turned her face towards him. His eyes were full of concern and questions. She smiled. "You should rest, my love. You look exhausted."
Elrohir smiled slightly. "I wanted to be here for you when you woke up."
Linriel rubbed her hand across his face. "Go rest, Elrohir. I will be fine." Elrohir was about to protest, but Linriel silenced him. "Elladan will be fine also."
Elrohir smiled at how well she knew him. "I'm really not that tired."
Linriel glared at him.
"What? I'm not."
"You are a bad liar." Linriel accused.
Elrohir chuckled. He looked up as someone came in the room and smiled at seeing Legolas.
"Good morning, Legolas." Linriel said.
Legolas looked at her, then at Elrohir. "I must speak with my sister privately."
Elrohir looked at him confused, but nodded. "Of course." He kissed Linriel on the forehead and left the room.
"What is it, Legolas?" Linriel asked concerned, as Elrohir closed the door.
Legolas sat down on the bed and looked into her eyes. She searched his face, trying to see what was troubling him.
"Linriel, what happened the night the guards took you from my cell?" Legolas asked. The shadow behind her eyes was clear now, though she tried to hide it from him.
The question startled Linriel and she looked away. "I already told. Gerchen just wanted to question me."
Legolas clutched Linriel's hand. "There was more, wasn't there?" Linriel made no response, so Legolas continued. "I can see the shadow behind your eyes and I have seen it before."
Linriel closed her eyes, trying to hold back the tears.
"Why did you not tell me what had happened?"
Linriel swallowed hard. "Nothing happened." She lied, though her voice shook.
"Linriel, why do you still try to hide it? I know you too well. It was only a matter of time before I figured it out."
A tear trailed down Linriel's cheek. She couldn't keep them back any longer. "I didn't want you to know. I had hoped you would never find out."
Legolas' heart felt like it would break. "Linriel, you should have told me. I'm your big brother. I would have done something to protect you that night."
"No, Legolas!" Linriel turned her head to face him. "You couldn't have. That was the whole point. That's why I didn't want you to know."
"Why? If I had known, I would have done something. I vowed to never let you suffer through that again."
Linriel looked down as her body began to shake with sobs. "There was nothing you could have done this time." She muttered.
Legolas clenched his fists. "I would have at least tried."
Linriel looked up at him and shook her head. "No, you couldn't have. It was my choice. I couldn't resist"
"What?"
Linriel sighed, finally deciding to tell him the story and the truth. "During the day, I came to visit you in the barn, but Master Zergan came in to punish you. I wanted to stop him, but you told me to run so he would not see me. I hid, but I could not leave. I watched in tears as he struck you time and time again. I knew you were too weak to take much more. I knew I had to do something." Linriel swallowed and continued. "Master Gerchen saw me hiding by the barn. He told me that he knew you wouldn't survive much longer because you were growing weaker. I begged with him to stop tormenting you and he agreed… under one condition."
Legolas shook his head. "No! No, this can't be."
Linriel nodded. "Now do you see why I didn't want you to know, even after it had happened?"
Legolas bit at his lip as sobs shook his body. He brought his hands up to cover his face, clenching them tightly in anger. "No! Please say it's not true."
Linriel placed a hand on Legolas' shoulder. "I do not regret my actions, Legolas, and I would do it again to save you."
Legolas let out a sob. He placed his hand on Linriel's and squeezed hard. "That was too high of a price to pay." Legolas choked.
Linriel shook her head, sitting up in bed. "Nay, my brother. I would sacrifice anything for you." She pulled him into a hug. "I love you."
Legolas embraced her tightly, sobbing against her. Linriel cried as well as she held her brother close. "Do not feel guilty, Legolas. I know you would do the same for me if it came to it."
Legolas just nodded. He couldn't form words. All he could do was hold her close to him, wishing to never let go. After a few minutes, the tears finally stopped and he regained his composure. He swallowed hard and let go of her. "Curse that man. Curse that spawn of Morgoth." He spat.
"He got what he deserved, Legolas. He can torment no one any longer." Linriel consoled.
Legolas nodded and stared out the window for a moment. His mind was filled with so many thoughts that he couldn't possibly make sense of them all.
Suddenly they heard a soft knock on the door and it opened slowly. Elrond walked into the room, followed by Aragorn.
"Good to see you awake, Linriel." Elrond said. He looked over at Legolas who was quickly wiping the tears from his eyes. Elrond narrowed his eyes for a moment, then turned back to his son. "Go find Elrohir for me."
Aragorn looked confused, but noticing the tension in the room, he quickly nodded and left. Elrond crossed the room and sat down on the chair near Linriel's bedside.
"Are you okay, my dear?" He asked gently.
Linriel nodded. "I will be." She looked up at Legolas.
Legolas sighed, but anger raged inside of him.
Elrond looked at him, trying to determine what was bothering them both. "Perhaps I should leave and come back later."
"No, it is not necessary." Linriel said. "You have always been like a father to me, lord Elrond. And I think we both could use some fatherly advice right now."
Elrond nodded, looking from Linriel to Legolas. "I will help any way I can." He looked down at Linriel. "I think I might know what this is about."
Linriel looked at him confused, but then smiled slightly. The elven healer always seemed to know when something was wrong and somehow was always able to figure out the problem.
"Did you tell Legolas what happened?" Elrond asked.
Linriel nodded. "He found out by the darkness in my eyes, though I tried to hide it from him." Elrond nodded grimly. "How did you know, lord Elrond?"
Elrond smiled a sad smile as he gently squeezed her hand. "I too noticed the darkness behind your eyes, but as I healed your wounds, I noticed that you were bruised in many places. I noticed because it was the same places my wife was bruised so many years ago. Her eyes held the same darkness as yours do." Elrond's voice trailed off as he thought of painful memories of his wife.
Linriel nodded sadly, tears in her eyes. "Then you don't know the full story."
Elrond looked at her confused, noticing that Legolas cringed and turned away as she said that.
Linriel swallowed hard. "Legolas' life was in danger and I had to do something to save him." Linriel explained, her voice shaking.
Elrond bit his lip, tears rising into his eyes. "You didn't?" He asked regretfully, realizing what she was implying, but hoping it was not true.
Linriel nodded as a tear slipped down her cheek. "I had to save him. It was the only way."
Elrond placed a hand over his face as a sob rose his throat. "My sweet, Linriel." He muttered. He looked at her as a tear fell from his eyes. He reached out to embrace her, but hesitated, looking at her with a questioning gaze. She nodded her head slowly and he pulled her into a tight embrace.
She cried against him as he held her tight. He spoke words of comfort to her, offering what little solace he could.
Legolas stared out the window. Guilt lying heavily over his heart once again. He had promised her he would protect her and again he failed. Again, she had suffered for his sake and had paid too high a price.
Elrond looked over at Legolas. "Legolas?" He called. He waited for the Prince to look at him and slowly, Legolas did. Elrond let go of Linriel and walked towards him. He sat down at the foot of the bed, looking into Legolas' eyes. "It is not your fault, penneth. (young one) Do not blame yourself for something you could not control."
Legolas lowered his head, as tears filled his eyes. "She should not have had to pay that high of a price to save me. It wasn't worth it."
Elrond cupped Legolas chin in his hands. "She did not have to pay it, but she chose to. I agree with you that it was a high price to pay, but you would do the same for her. Let go of the guilt, Legolas. Do not let it consume you. Be thankful that your sister is still alive and that the bond between you two is so strong. There are not many in this world that would sacrifice so much for each other." Elrond gently placed Linriel's hand on her brothers. "You two have a great treasure in each other. Do not ever let the bond between your hearts be broken. Do not let darkness take over your hearts. Stay strong for each other."
Legolas slowly nodded and Linriel did the same.
"Thank you, lord Elrond." Legolas said.
Elrond nodded. "The pain will pass in time."
Though it almost seemed unbearable now, they both nodded. They knew together that they could fight through this. Light would come again.
