A/N: Most of this is based on the movie "Monkeybone."

Chapter 2

Kenny started to panic. His eyes were filled with fear, and he gonna cry until…

"WELCOME!" shouted various voices.

"Huh?" asked Kenny.

"Pffft, doesn't even know what 'welcome' means," scoffed a teenage girl.

"Hey, give'em a break," said another teenage girl. "He's new, young, ignorant, and cute."

"Gross, Mel," said the first teen. "He's, like, in kindergarten. You are so sick."

"Geez, Julie," said the second teen. "You are so moody all of a sudden. I'm glad you have black ones instead of white." She walked past Kenny sweetly and said "Hi."

Kenny kept his eyes on her. He kept his eyes on her until KONK! His face ran into a pole.

"Wait!" he muffled. The teen turned around to wait for Kenny. "Uh…I'm Kenny."

"Hi," said the teen. "I'm Melissa."

"Where am I?"

"You're in Comaville, where people of all ages go when they're in a coma. This is the Dancefloor, where there are dances, parties, and the Departing Ceremony."

"I'm not in a coma."

"I know you want to doubt it at first, but then you'll understand. We know what happened. You got hit by a bus while playing 'Blindfolded Jaywalk.'"

"No I didn't! Well, maybe I did, but I'm not in a coma!"

"Then why can't you feel any pain?"

Kenny touched his body where he was hit.

"Oh my God. I am in a coma. GODDAMMIT! sigh Crap. So, how'd you get here?"

"Ran into a rope by the neck, got rope burn, fell to the ground, passed out, sent here."

Kenny looked around. "Where are the adults?"

"Oh, well, it sorta works like this: this whole world is split up in five sections, kids and teens, people ages 18-45, 46-60, 61, and people who like sex and alcohol and have lots o' money."

Kenny's eyes lit up. "Where's that?"

"Don't. Nobody under 21 is allowed in there." She pointed to a small room called "Room of Sex n' Beer: O whata fun combination!" Kenny tried to sneak in, but then was ejected by the guard.

" 'eh, youse. Nos minors in heres," said the drunk guard.

Kenny landed with a thud. "I bet your martinis suck, anyway!"

"Kenny, watch the language," said Melissa. "There are people younger than us here." She pointed to kids who were either in elementary school, preschool, toddlers, and, sad enough, babies. Most of them were crying because they were hungry, tired, had soiled themselves, cranky, or missed their parents.

"It's hard for the rest of us because we have to take care of these little kids until they get back to Earth or they…grow their wings.

"What does that mean?" asked Kenny.

"It's kinda hard to explain, but it means that the person has at least 5 days to live. But, this way, you can foresee your afterlife. If you grow beautiful white wings, you go to heaven. If you grow dark, pointy wings, you go to hell and get your wings chopped off.

"Some say there's a legend about a cursed one that has one black wing and one white wing, but I don't know the rest and I don't want to know."

Kenny was frightened, yet intrigued by that last part. He asked Melissa "How old are you?"

"Thirteen," replied Melissa.

"Shouldn't you have a kid to take care of?"

"Oh, you mean Dylan," she said sadly. "Well, he got a pass to get back to Earth, so he left yesterday. I kinda miss him but…wait. How old are you?"

"Nine."

"Hey, I could take care of you. I'm thirteen, so I'm old enough to take care of you."

Kenny smiled under his hood. He liked her with her pink highlights in her blonde hair, she was sweet, smart, and was old enough to be his older sister! He felt like this was home.


"Mister and Miss McCormick, I have some bad news," said Dr. Doctor, the head doctor at Hell's Pass Hospital. "Your son Kenny—"

"Oh, no!" said Kenny's mom as she buried her face in her husband's arms. "My Kenny's dead!"

"Actually," said the doctor, "he's in a coma. A deep one. I'm sorry." Kenny's mom felt a little better, then felt worse.

"Excuse me," said Stan knocking on the room's door. "Can we visit?" Kyle and Cartman were with him.

"Of course," said the doctor. When the three boys walked in, Kenny was in really bad conditions. His right arm and left leg were in casts, he had a concussion at his head, and he was hooked on completely on life support. Stan felt really bad.

"Hey, Kenny," said Stan. "Listen, I…I…I can't do this! Doc, give it to me straight! How long does Kenny have until…you know."

"Oh, well," said the doctor, "it depends on his condition, really. He could wake up today, maybe tomorrow, but if you want to be a little more realisitic…the most he has is about 10 weeks until his heart will start to collapse and shut down, along with his liver, lungs, and his brain. Until then, he has that time to wake up before we shut him down."

Kenny's mom knelt bu her son's bed. "C'mon, Kenny. Mommy wants you to wake up and be all right!" Kenny was just still as a rock.

"Well, all's well that ends when Kennah dies," said Cartman without thinking. "C'mon, guys. Let's go to the thrift store and faht in the 30-dollah preehm dresses."

"Cartman!" said Kyle. "How can you say that! Kenny's still our friend, no matter what happens to him. Besides, how'd you feel if you were in a coma and Kenny badmouthed you?"

"Ah wouldn't kneuh because ah'd be in a comah, so screw you guys…ah'm goin' heuhm!" Cartman waddled out of the room and went home.

"Poor Kenny," said Kyle. "I wonder what it's like in a coma."


"Okay, let's see…McCormick, K. Room 230," said an older man with a horse's head but a man's body. "Here you are." He opened the door and Kenny saw his room, which was a lot better than his house!

"Okay. Enjoy your stay here at the "Geezer Lion Apts." Breakfast is from 6:30 to 10:00, and don't forget the departing ceremony every night at 7:00." He left, leaving Kenny alone. He was overwhelmed with joy, so he leapt on the bed with glee and sighed happily. Things were finally going Kenny until—

KNOCK-KNOCK! Kenny got out of bed and went to the door. He opened it and found…no one. Nothing was outside except an envelope on the floor. He picked up the envelope and closed the door.

He went back on his bed and opened the envelope to find a letter. The letter said:

Kenny:

Want to know about your secret crush? Your secret is safe with me, just meet me at the Sleepy Cauldron Café tonight at 8 o clock. Ask for a guy named Platypus.

Anonymous.

P.S. Enclosed are directions to the place.


Kenny arrived at the restaurant, but was greeted with "WHY DID YOU STEAL MY WALLET, YOU F---ING BITCH!"

Kenny screamed really loud and tightened his hood so you could barely see his face.

"Oh. Sorry kid," said the waiter. "I thought you were my mother. Are you looking for someone?"

Kenny asked for Platypus and was led to a table with a teenage boy with black messy hair, a little stubble, smoking a cigarette, and didn't look pleased.

"So," he said with a French accent, "You're Kenny. Hmmm…I expect-ed someone a leetle…older." Kenny looked at himself. "Now, ze reazon why I called you here…you have a crush on a girl."

Kenny nodded.

"Okay, but first, I need you to help me weeth some fav-ars for moi," said the teen. Kenny gulped.

(9 to 5 by Dolly Parton plays)

Kenny was handed a list of tasks to perform.

1.Walk coma dogs twice a day today. Avoid coma mailmen and coma cats.

"BARK! BARK!" barked the coma dogs as they walked down Nightmare Lane. One of them spotted a cat and they all started chasing it.

"STOP! STAAAAAAAAAAA" screamed Kenny as he was dragged by ten different dogs on leashes down the street.

2.Watch my little kid while ah go to ze coma dentist.

Kenny is watching the teen's little boy named Jamie, who is crying non-stop! Kenny has a little hood that he pulls out of his pocket and puts on the kid, who loves it!

3.Sneak into senior zitizens place an' grab sleep and caffeine pills.

Kenny is beaten up from the last two days, and was getting sick of this. He was wearing a full body robber suit, but his face still couldn't be seen. He went into the retirement home and took the box full of sleeping pills and caffeine pills.

Why the hell am I even DOING this? he thought. He accidentally hit and button and then—

WEE! WEE! WEE!

An alarm went off and dogs started coming Kenny's way.

"Aw, f---," groaned Kenny. He ran for his life out of the retirement home and out the protective gate and the dogs were barking at the gate.

The next day, they met again in the teen's room. Kenny put down the boxes of stuff in front of the teen, and Kenny was mad.

"Okay, I walked the dogs, I watched that screaming brat, and I got the damn pills, now TELL ME ABOUT THAT GIRL!"

"Fine," said the teen. "But firrrrst, I must congratulate you, and I shall give you a form-al greeting. My name is Jacque D'Costell. I think you probably know my worthless half brother, Cristoph."

"Wait," said Kenny. "Cristoph…the Mole?"

"Ouí," said Jacque. "Now, ze girl. Blonde hair with pink highlights? Green-brown eyes? Short?"

Kenny nodded at everything he said.

Jacque took out a folder and gave it to Kenny. "Her name is Melissa Janice Foy," said Jacque. "She's 13, animal lover, likes cute. Her pet peeves are fat people, insects, and people who think they're better than they really are."

"Where does she live?"

"At The Resting Pony Terrace, but that section of Comaville is strictly girls-only. If you want to see her, I would dress up like a girl, if I were you. How soon do you want to see her?"

"Tomorrow," said Kenny.

"Okay, then," said Jacque. He pushed Kenny out the door and left him there, thinking.


10 days had passed since the accident. The three boys decided to go back to school, but Stan wasn't normal. He had a worried look on his face all the time, and he wasn't happy.

When they went into the classroom, the entire class went dead silent.

"Nice of you boys to show up," said Mr. Garrison. "Now, where the hell were you? It's been two weeks!"

"Uh, well, we have an announcement to make," said Kyle. "The reason we haven't been in school is because our friend Kenny is…in a coma."

"Oh, no!" said Wendy. "What happened, Stan?"

BLEEEAUUCCH! Vomit came out of Stan's mouth.

"EW!" groaned the class.

"Oh, please," said Mr. Garrison. "I'v heard that excuse for a while. That doesn't explain why you weren't at school."

"Sure it does," said Kyle. "A Jewish custom is when somebody has lost someone or has a friend or relative that's sick, the family stays home for as long as they need to. This is called a sittiing shiva."

"We don't wanna hear your Jewcrap, Jewhead!" said Cartman.

"Stop calling me that, fatass!" said Kyle.

"Kyle! Eric! Enough out of you two," said Mr. Hat.

"That's right, Mr. Hat," said Mr. Garrison. "Now, I'm sorry to hear about Kenny, but we lose people all the time in our li—"

He abruptly stopped because a flashback was coming to him.


Mr. Garrison was two years old when this happened to him. He was bald, had grey hair, and was at his grandfather's side, at his deathbed.

"Herbert…" said his grandfather. "Grampy is…going to a very…very special place for a while, so I wan…want you to have my puppet. It wou…it would make me happy." He handed his only grandson a puppet with a red and white striped top hat, a beard, and a purple costume before he took his final breath. The puppet was Mr. Hat.

"Gampy?" asked young Herb.


"Grampy?" asked Mr. Garrison. "GRAMPY?" He ran out of the room, crying. "Grampy!"

All the kids were still quiet. They looked at Kyle, Stan, and Cartman.

"Uh…" started Kyle. "Who likes rollerskating?"

All the kids ran out of their desks and trambled Butters along the way.

"Oh my God! They killed Butters!" said Stan.

"You bastards!" said Kyle.

"I-I'm not dead," moaned Butters.

"An' so lies an euh-kay guy named Butters. Mayh he rest in f---ing peace." The three boys walked out, and Cartman kicked Butters in the legs.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

"C'mon, Stan," said Kyle. "Cheer up! The guy at the food counter gave you a free snocone." Half of the snocone was eaten. "What the—CARTMAN!"

"Whahht?" aske Cartman, who had a red moustache on his mouth.

"Did you eat half of this?" asked Kyle.

"Uh…Neeeeuh. burp"

"I'm not hungry," said Stan. "I put one of best f-f-friends in a coma. I wish I was never born."

"What? How can you say that?" asked Kyle.

"If I wasn't born, none of this would've never happened."

"There's lots of things you've done that have been good. Just don't kill yourself or anything." Kyle walked over to the DJ stand and announced "Attention fellow classmates—this party is now over."

The kids groaned, took off their skates, and headed out. The rink closed for the night, and the doors were locked. The only problem was…

flush "Hah guys! Guess wha? Ah won a free bahloon in the bathroom," said Cartman, holding something plastic. He noticed everything was dark, and he was locked up.

"Guys? Guys! AW, YA SONSUV—"


Kenny was in bed, but he couldn't sleep, so he turned on the TV and found a channel with Stan on it.

"What the—"

"Hey, Kenny, it's me, Stan," said Stan on the screen. "Uh…guess what? I got the entire class to help you and your family.Uh, Clyde told Mr. Garrison to go f--- himself, and rumor has it he did. In front of Clyde.

"Anyway,I just want you to know that I'm the one that put you in the coma. It's all my fault!" He started crying on Kenny's hospital bed, and Stan's mom came and took him home.

Kenny turned off the TV and layed back in his bed. He knew what he had to do.

To Be Continued…