Chapter 12
Delayed in Washington overnight despite his best efforts to the contrary, Hammond was not on a flight back to Colorado until early evening the following day. Flying west, he would gain time but it would still be late afternoon when he made it to the mountain. He hoped it would not be too late to see Kathryn. Hammond shifted in his seat as the loadmaster stuck his head through the doorway of the cockpit where Hammond sat.
"Sir, would you like something to drink- coffee?" the younger man asked.
"Just water, please. Thank you, sergeant."
Trying to control his impatience, Hammond glanced to his left out the window. He didn't mind flying on cargo planes and the padded jump seat behind the left seat of the C-17 Globemaster was a far cry from the rigged canvas ones in the rear of the old C130 Hercules or the C141 Starlifter he'd strapped himself into so many missions in the past. Sometimes, those days seemed like ages ago- sometimes, though, they seemed like only yesterday.
How often had he boarded a big, gray plane to leave behind his family- Maggie, his girls- unsure when, or even if, he would return? More times than he would want to count, he knew. He glanced at his left hand resting on his thigh, bare of the gold ring these few months. Maggie had never complained, not once. She had sent him off with a smile and had met him with a smile, every single time. Up until he met Kathryn, he had never thought he would ever be coming home with hopes of seeing another woman's smile. Yet here he sat wishing for exactly that.
What would Maggie think of his interest in Kathryn?
Hammond sighed. He'd loved Maggie with all his heart, yet he loved Kathryn, too. Would Maggie understand? Would she accept his caring for another woman?
Before she died, she made a great effort to tell him he had to go on living after she was gone. He hadn't wanted to hear it, but Maggie had persisted and made him listen, insisting he not withdraw from life and that he find a reason to get up each day. His reason was his girls and his job at the mountain opposing the Goa'uld. Work had taken over the long, lonely hours after she was gone. It occupied his thoughts, filled his days and half his nights, and gave him a goal: to maintain a safe world for his family.
It had kept him going, but five years of fighting, worrying, and barely making it through one crisis only to have another rear its ugly head had taken a toll. He'd become tired and, if he were honest, he saw little to look forward to but empty years, should the Goa'uld not prevail.
Then, he met Kathryn and everything changed, literally in a moment. The joy he'd known made losing her even worse.
The past weeks had been hell, the loneliness nearly unbearable and he felt lost trying to cope. Exhausted and nearly asleep on his feet, he usually crashed in his quarters just down the hall from his office late at night only to get up a few short hours later and again go as hard as he could. The distractions of command had often worked, but not always. There were times when no amount of urgent meetings, crises, and even off-planet calamities of O'Neil and SG-1 could keep Kathryn and her sons from his thoughts.
Dear heaven, but he missed those boys! Still staring out the window, Hammond let his head fall back against the headrest. How could he endure not being a part of their lives?
The loadmaster reappeared, offering him a bottle of water, and he took it, pulling his thoughts back to the present. He thanked the sergeant and spent a few minutes talking about the airman's current assignment and family back home. When the sergeant left, Hammond again turned to the window, staring absently at the deepening blue sky and wondered if his life would be different when the sun again rose.
In a hurry, Hammond strode past the thick blast doors at the Cheyenne Mountain complex and rode the elevator deep into its lower levels just as the sun was beginning to descend in the sky. Although there were other pressing matters, seeing Kathryn was his top priority. He had to talk with her- it had been far too long and he was not going to let another day go by without straightening things out.
The elevator stopping at the science level, his shoulders barely cleared the doors as they opened and he went directly to her office. He'd only been there twice, both times on the pretext of an errand.
Keeping their relationship from the eyes of their co-workers had been a challenge. On the occasions he came upon her in the hallways, it was difficult to simply nod and walk on as if she were no more than just another employee, disregarding her other than to give the most superficial of acknowledgements, sometimes not even that.
It was hard to ignore her, but he'd had to. As the general and commander, his actions were always under scrutiny. An aide was always near; staff watched for him. Even his having lunch with her would have raised eyebrows and speculation. There were those who would have noted his attention to a female, particularly one he would not normally have reason to speak to or spend time with. The situation couldn't have been pleasant for her.
His footsteps slowed. Were there other reasons for her breaking it off?
When Bob Woodward told him about Maybourne, he'd been confident that with an explanation he could clear up the misunderstanding and bring Kathryn back in his life.
Suddenly, he wasn't so sure. Maybe she had been looking for an excuse to stop seeing him and Maybourne's lies had given her the opportunity to act. Maybe she had never been sure of her feelings toward him to begin with. How much of her worry and discomfort had been for reasons other than simply how their seeing each other would affect his career?
He looked in the mirror every morning. He was nothing special to look at, overweight, bald, and old. What could she possibly see in him?
Perhaps, she would not want to resume their relationship. For a moment, he shook his head, shoving the painful thought from his mind.
Taking a deep breath, he knocked on her office door then opened it and looked inside. She wasn't there. He felt a tap on his shoulder and jumped.
"Looking for someone?" Daniel Jackson asked over the rim of a foam cup. He took a sip of coffee.
"Well, yes, I was looking for Dr. Freeman." Hammond tried to act as if he routinely came searching for the librarian. "I need to…discuss certain matters with her. Do you know where I can find her, Dr. Jackson?"
The younger man did not reply, but looked at Hammond thoughtfully, as if examining an interesting specimen.
"Doctor, I'm short of time, so if-"
"Sir, I admire you very much."
"Thank you, Doctor, but-"
"I've come to think of you as a…a wise grandfather, of sorts." Daniel nodded, agreeing with himself then took another swallow of coffee.
Hammond's eyes widened. "Hell, I'm not that old!"
Daniel frowned and pushed his glasses up on his nose. "Well, maybe an uncle, or maybe even a…a-"
"Dr. Jackson, I'm in a hurry. Do you-"
"Right." Daniel drew a quick breath. "Sir, I just wanted to say that you need to fix whatever's wrong between you and Kathryn."
"How do you know-"
"You should go to her, sir!"
"As I said, I'm looking for Dr. Freeman and-"
"That's it, sir! Crawl back to her and-"
"Crawl? I'm not-"
"Swallow your pride and apologize for whatever you did wrong!"
"I didn't do anything wrong!"
"Begging isn't easy, I can tell you that, but, if you have to plead for forgiveness, it works so-"
"Where," Hammond tried again, "is Dr. Freeman?"
Daniel looked around and shrugged. "I don't know. She's not here."
"Damn!" Hammond growled, turning abruptly and marching away.
"Glad to be of help, sir….anytime!" Jackson called out. He took another sip of coffee, fished around in his pocket with his free hand, and then rubbed a wad of tissues across his nose. He smiled, satisfied. "It's a good feeling to help someone."
One floor down, Hammond rounded a corner and nearly ran into his second in command.
"Hiya, General!" His uniform top open, Jack scratched absently at his stomach.
"Colonel, you're back. Good. I'm busy right now, but-"
"Yes, sir. We got Harry's office packed, hauled it to Andrews, and had it on a plane back here by lunchtime- General Herrick pulled a few strings for us."
"Fine. That's good. We'll talk later about what happened-"
"Say no more, sir," Jack began, lifting a hand to stop his commander. "I know all about you and…." Jack jammed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. He wagged his head side to side. "Well…not all about you and-"
"Colonel, I have a pressing matter to deal with at the moment, so-"
"General, I look up to you a lot- in fact, I think of you as a-"
Hammond's eyes narrowed. "Jack, if you say 'father', I'll tear you apart!"
O'Neil ran a hand through his graying hair and quickly reconsidered. "No sir! A big brother."
"Well, that's better than-"
"And I hope you don't mind me saying so, but I've gotta say you're handling this….this… whatever it is with Kathryn Freeman all wrong."
Hammond put his hands on his hips. "How do you know about-"
"You see, General, with women you have to be strong…take charge! They like that."
"Colonel, this is none of-"
"Sir, you gotta tell her how it is- you have to be firm! It's the caveman thing." Jack was getting wound up on the subject. "See, women like a forceful alpha male, someone who claims his woman by the hair- well, not literally by the hair because that's pretty painful, not that you would know, of course, but-"
"Jack!"
"Sir?"
"Dismissed!" Hammond spun around and strode away.
"That's it- go after her, General!" With a big grin on his face, Jack watched Hammond disappear around the corner. He pumped his fist in the air. "Oh yeah! You're good, O'Neil!"
Kathryn wasn't in the mountain's small library, but Samantha Carter was. She stood as soon as he stepped in the door.
"Sir, there's something I need to discuss with you concerning the Gate function."
"Unless it is urgent matter, now's not a good time," Hammond said. The room was empty but for two of them. He turned to leave.
"It's a problem that's confounded us for quite some time, but I believe I've discovered a way to solve the dilemma."
Hammond frowned. An operational crisis at the moment was not what he needed, but problems with the gate were of the utmost importance. "What dilemma is that, Major?"
"I've been researching the varying wavelength of the electro-magnetic radiation emitted in the room when Gate is activated and how the fluctuations might be averted."
"What?"
"The light above the Gate that flickers every time we dial out, sir- I know how to prevent this from occurring!"
"A flickering light?"
"Yes, sir. You see, sir, I've devised a plan to shield the fixture from vibrations, dampening the field of-"
"I can tell you how to fix it- tighten the bulb in the socket!" Hammond nearly rolled his eyes. Sometimes, he wondered about the Major.
Sam looked thoughtful for a moment. "That might work, too, sir."
"Major Carter, I need to know Dr. Kathryn Freeman's whereabouts."
Sam nodded. "Yes, sir."
Hammond relaxed. Finally!
"Sir, I admire you very much and because you and Dad are so close," she looked away shyly, "I have to confess that I look up to you as something of a second father, sir."
Hammond started to object, but then realized he and Jacob were the same age. He closed his mouth.
"I understand about everything, sir, and if I may say so, you should feel proud."
"Proud?"
"The fact that you can overcome the male mindset that women are subservient to men and should be treated as nothing better than a sex object and that intelligence is a hindrance to a meaningful relationship, is remarkable, sir, and well beyond the typical caveman attitude that most men try to impose on women all in the name of masculinity and-"
Hammond looked at her in wonderment.
"Major?" he said softly.
"Yes, sir?"
"Ask maintenance to fix that bulb."
"Yes, sir."
He left, quickly.
Heading toward the chow hall in case Kathryn was taking a break, he was surprised when Teal'C fell in step beside him.
"General Hammond, may I have a moment?"
"What's on your mind?" Hammond asked, without slowing his pace. At this rate, finding her was going to take him all evening. Despite how it would appear to Kathryn, and the fact that it would be the talk of the mountain for weeks to come, he was tempted to get on the horn and page her.
"Sir, you are worthy of great respect."
"Thank you, Teal'C."
"You are a true warrior, General Hammond, and I think of you as-"
Hammond held his breath.
"-a mentor."
He let it out.
"Sir, I am aware that a distance has grown between you and Dr. Freeman."
Hammond stopped in the middle of the hallway. "Does everyone at the mountainknow about the doctor and me?"
Teal'C linked his hands behind his back. "Indeed they should. It was obvious."
George shook his head and continued walking. Teal'C followed.
"Sir, the practice of Kelnorim allows me to be in touch with my inner self."
"That's good."
"It has the effect of increasing my awareness of my deeper emotions."
"I'm very happy for you."
"Women find this sensitivity to be… pleasing." Teal'C almost sounded embarrassed.
Hammond closed his eyes briefly and kept moving. He hoped this wasn't going where he thought it was.
"If you were to practice this method of self-enlightenment, you might become aware of your inner consciousness, pleasing Dr. Freeman thus ending the estrangement between you."
"Look, I appreciate your concern, Teal'C, but I think I can handle it from here," he replied.
Teal'C's expression became even more dour than usual. "General Hammond, while sexual skills are indeed important, I have noted that Taur'i women also desire their males express themselves without restraint and from deep within."
Hammond stopped and stared. "I'll keep that in mind."
Teal'C inclined his head and gave Hammond a small smile. "I am honored to be of service."
"You can be of even greater service if you tell me where Dr. Freeman is," Hammond answered dryly, not expecting a helpful reply.
"Of course, General. Dr. Freeman is meeting Dr. Fraser for coffee in the medical facility."
"Thank you, Teal'C!"
"You are most welcome, Hammond of Texas." Teal'C bowed deeply. When he straightened, the general was nowhere in sight.
"I know about you and General Hammond," Janet said gently.
Kathryn's looked up from the cup of coffee that sat untouched before her. "You do? How?"
"I saw the two of you out one night," she replied. She was very concerned about her friend.
"Oh! Do others know?" Kathryn asked, frowning.
Janet nodded. "A few." She wondered if Kathryn was embarrassed over her knowing. "You aren't seeing him anymore, are you?"
"No. No, we aren't- this won't create trouble for him, will it?" Kathryn asked, sounding fearful. "The others that know…will they tell anyone?"
Janet could not answer for a moment. Her friend wasn't embarrassed, but afraid. What in the world had gone wrong?
"Why would your seeing each other create trouble, Kathryn?"
She got no reply.
The general had pretty much told her it was none of her business, but Janet was undeterred. She could see the two of them were miserable. While Hammond's performance of duties had not suffered, his health had, noticeably, and come the beginning of the week she was going to call him into her office again, whatever the consequences.
"Kathryn, I really want to help. Please tell-"
There was a knock on at her door.
Hammond stopped in the open doorway of the small office and saw Kathryn a few moments before she noticed him. His heart thumped faster in his chest and he had to force himself not to rush across the room to her, but simply stand there. She appeared tired and very fragile and he desperately wanted to hold her in his arms. Suddenly, Kathryn looked up and saw him.
She put her coffee down and stood.
"I'll be going," she said to Janet, who also got up. Kathryn moved to leave, but Hammond stayed where he was, deliberately blocking the doorway. She hesitated, uncertain what to do.
Would she listen to him? Could he undo the damage Maybourne had done?
What to say? Every speech he'd rehearsed over the past twenty-four hours flew out of his head. Hammond lifted his hand.
"Dr. Freeman, if I may I'd like to speak with you a moment- please."
She hesitated. "I…I don't know. It may not be…"
Her voice trailed off.
"If you'll excuse me, I have work to see to," Janet said quietly, moving to leave them alone.
He saw the discomfort on Kathryn's face. She had paled and looked ready to run, like a scared rabbit. His heart broke again. Hammond spoke quickly.
"If you would, please stay, Doctor Fraser." He'd much rather keep this private, but Janet was one of Kathryn's few friends and perhaps Kathryn would feel more at ease with someone else there. Maybe it would reassure that he would keep his distance and not press her in any way. Hammond was certain the doctor would never breathe a word of what she heard. Janet Fraser had his absolute trust.
Janet looked to the other woman. Kathryn nodded and the doctor sat, her gaze directed at the desk before her.
Hammond stepped closer to Kathryn and took a deep breath.
"All I ask is that you hear me out. Please, just let me explain." He waited, wondering if he had more than a ghost of a chance. Finally, she shook her head, looking at the floor.
"You don't have to explain anything, George, it was my decision. It's for the best…" Her voice began to falter and she stopped.
"No, no isn't! That man who spoke to you in the parking lot- Colonel Harry Maybourne-"
"Maybourne!" Janet's head jerked up and she stared at Hammond in disbelief. She bit her lip and forced herself to be quiet and look away.
Hammond nodded and continued. "Colonel Maybourne was trying to stir up trouble- nothing more."
"He knew you, he knew about the gate and the command."
"Yes, he does- he's nearly gotten strung up twice for illegal gate and off world activity that we had to clean up after."
"He said there was a problem with our being involved. He said your career would be hurt by our seeing each other."
Hammond waited, letting her talk, not wanting to rush her. She hadn't turned him down flat and was listening to him; he didn't want to blow his only chance.
"He said that…that there were people who would try to create problems, people in power who would use me to hurt you."
Hammond moved closer but did not touch her, even though he dearly wanted to.
"Darlin', listen to me. He was lying. Our seeing each other will not put my career in jeopardy or keep me from getting a third star- hell, I don't even want a third star!"
"But, the rules about a commander dating an employee- you could get in trouble! It could ruin-"
"It won't and wouldn't care even if it could!"
Kathryn didn't answer, but her expression remained clouded.
"I'm not saying I don't have a few enemies, but if they try to cause problems, it won't be because of you and I seeing each other."
Unconvinced, she shook her head. "The Vice-President-"
"To hell with the Vice-President!" George neared shouted. "Honey, you and I have a standing invitation to dinner at the White House. The President is an old friend of mine- has been since 'Nam, and he's known all about you from that first night we went out. My commander in chief is pleased, not angry."
She looked up at him and he quickly continued, his voice becoming gentle.
"Kathryn, you are the best thing in the world for me. I can't even begin to tell you how much I care for you and the boys."
Her eyes filled with tears and unable to resist, he reached for her and wrapped his arms around her.
"I love you, sweetheart," he whispered. "I love you with all my heart. Please- let me come back in your life."
Her arms slid around his middle and she buried her face in his chest. "Oh, George, I've missed you so!"
George let out the breath he'd been holding and hugged her tighter. "I'll never let you go, darlin', I swear!"
Janet slipped out of her office, smiling broadly at the couple in each other's arms. It was a long time before they noticed they were alone.
I'm sorry for the delay in updating this. I'll try to get the next chapter up more quickly. Thanks for the reviews and comments!
