Chapter 6
A week later in South Park, the town was practically demolished. The remains of buildings were up in flames, half-cut up people were lying in the street, little kids crying in pain and grief, sitting next to their dead moms and dads, and only eight kids were reamining: Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Wendy, Ike, Butters, Tweek, and Timmy were beaten to death. They were slaves to the dark archangel. Their skin torn, their clothes ripped and bloody, and their voices almost gone.
Kenatheous was in total control of South Park. A national reporter was standing in front of the town.
"Dave, I'm standing here in front of South Park, Colorado where a dark angel has destroyed the town. And—no! NO! Don't come near me, you son-of-a bitch! No! NOOO—"
Kenatheous struck the innocent reporter and killed him, with blood draining into the town. "Back to work!" he shouted to the kids.
"I-I don't think this is Kenny," said Butters hoarsely.
"Gee, ya think?" whispered Cartman.
Timmy couldn't take the work any longer, and he gasped dead in his chair.
"Oh my God. They killed Timmy," said Stan weakly.
"You—" started Kyle.
"SILENCE!" screamed Kenatheous.
"All right," said Stan. "Where is he?"
"Who?" asked Kenatheous.
"Where's Kenny?"
"Oh, him," said Kenatheous. "So you now know. Your puny friend Kenny is in heaven right now. Well, part of him. The other part is buried inside me. The other Kenny is stuck in heaven, and he can't get out. Now, get back to work!" He put a dark glow on Stan, pushing him to the ground.
Tweek couldn't take the pain or pressure, so he passed out on the ground, dead.
"Oh my God!" strained Stan. "They killed—"
ZAP! Stan was pushed to the ground, unable to move or talk. Kyle used his last ounce of strength and shouted "Kenny! HELP US!"
Kenny heard his name being called. He turned on the TV and found his town in ruins. He heard talking outside his room. He turned off the TV, and half the town of South Park was there.
Kenny felt weird. His halo started slipping, and his wings started to grow bigger. His pupils started to turn a strong aqua. He had to do something.
He went over to Mel's room and asked " What can the good archangel do?"
"Huh?" asked Mel. "Oh, that. I'm not sure."
"Wait," asked Stan. "Another question. If I killed Kenny, then—"
"You didn't kill Kenny. I did!" said Kenatheous. "I was the mysterious voice that you heard while playing "Blindfolded Jaywalk."
"But why?" asked Cartman.
"Because I know now that without the good half of Kenny, I can rule this pathetic world for all eternity!"
"Thanks a lot, Stan," said Cartman.
"Shut up, fatass!" said Stan. He and Cartman were thrown off the ground and then thrown right back down.
"So I just have to do that and save the Earth?" asked Kenny.
"Yup. Just don't get destroyed or anything," said Mel.
"Thanks," said Kenny. He hugged Mel one last time, and went over to the edge of heaven towards Earth. He jumped in the air and immediately plummeted down. His halo fell off and floated towards Mel.
"Please be all right, Kenny," she said.
Kenny was soaring down. His pupils disappeared and his eyes turned aqua. His body had the same color glow, his hood flew off, his hair grew longer, and his wings were a little bigger.
Stan was the last one somewhat alive. Butters, Wendy, Ike, Kyle and Cartman were barely breathing. Kyle was clinging onto his little brother.
Kenatheous grasped Stan by the neck, choking him.
"Now, to do away the one who brought me here!" he growled, killing Stan.
"Look!" said Kyle, pointing to the sky. An aqua glow came streaking down to Earth. Kenatheous dropped Stan, and growled deeper.
"Mykenia," he said.
"Who?" asked Stan.
"Mykenia! My ultimate enemy," he said in a low voice. The other half of your friend is in there."
Kenny landed on the ground. His mind changed into the mind of an archangel. He was Mykenia.
Devil Inside by Utada
Kyle and Cartman opened their eyes and looked at Mykenia.
"Kenny," whispered Kyle. Stan crawled over to his friends since he wasn't strong enough to walk and they hid behind a pile of burnt wood and corpses. Wendy, Ike, and Butters crawled over as well.
"Let these children go!" said Mykenia. "They have done nothing wrong!"
"My suffering from the past will now destroy the future thanks to the children!" said Kenatheous. "It will destroy yours as well." They both flew off the ground and attacked each other using the glows from their hands.
"F---ing weak, dude!" said Kyle.
"Sweeet," said Cartman.
Kenatheous heard Cartman. He sent out a black beam and picked up Cartman.
"Hey! What the f--- are ya doin' ya son-of-a BITCH?" He took the fat kid and stuck his claws down his throat, killing him.
"Oh my God! They killed Cartman!" said Stan.
There was a pause. "What?" asked Kyle. "I'm glad he's been killed."
Kenatheous did the same thing to Wendy and Ike. He pulled out dark ghosts of those kids. They all had a purple glow around them and they were mad.
"You can't destroy me unless you destroy the kids first!"
Mykenia thought quick. He went over to the others. "Please help me defeat him!"
"…kay," said Kyle. Mykenia put his hands on Kyle and Stan's hearts and pulled out two ghosts. He did the same thing to Butters.
"Oh, F---, dude!" gasped Stan.
"I-I'm dead! Oh boy! My parents can't ground me now!" said Butters. He saw Stan and Kyle looking the other way.
"Wendy…" mumbled Stan as he looked at his girlfriend, now a dark ghost.
"Ike…" mumbled Kyle as he saw his little brother an evil Canadian ghost. Stan and Kyle looked at Butters. "Oh…uh, Cartman!" he said in "grief."
"ATTACK!" shouted Kenatheous. Wendy went first and attacked Stan. They were both fighting, and Stan was trying to force Wendy off, but she was too strong.
"Stan! Use her weakness against her!" said Mykenia.
"Wha?" asked Stan.
"Dude, ya just gotta puke on her!" said Kyle.
"No way!" said Stan.
"Do it to save the rest of us!" said Kyle. Stan didn't want to do it. He looked into his girlfriend's eyes and then…
he…
BLEEAURRGH!
Ghost barf came out of his mouth and onto Wendy.
"Whoa, dude," said Kyle. Stan felt sick after puking all that crap from his mouth.
"Stan, stand back," said Mykenia. Wendy was coughing. The metallic noise from her voice disappeared when she coughed. The dark glow disappeared and Wendy went back to normal. She rubbed the vomit off herself and saw Stan floating right in front of her.
"Stan?" she asked. "Stan! It's you!" She hugged and kissed him. Stan would have thrown up again but all the barf already came out.
Kenatheous growled. "Okay, then. Go, little one!" Ike was next to fight. He flew over to Kyle and started bitng him.
"Knock it off, assh---!" said Kyle.
"Kyle, use his weakness against him!" said Mykenia. Kyle knew what to do. "Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!"
"Don kick the baby," said Ike with a metallic dark voice. Kyle kicked Ike around like a soccer ball until the glow went away from Ike. Kyle hugged his little brother.
Kenatheous was mad.
"Two-zero," said Mykenia.
"All right, ATTACK THE DUMB ONE, FATTY!" screamed Kenatheous. Cartman went right for Butters.
"H-HELP! I can't get him off me!" cried Butters.
"Get a bag of Cheezy Poofs!" shouted Kyle.
Butters flew down to the ground, looking for a bag of Cheezy Poofs in his half-burnt-down house. He found one and threw it at Cartman. The fat boy started chowin' down and he went back to normal.
"Hooray!" shouted the kids.
Now, Kenatheous was so mad, he took a little ball out of his chest and threw it towards the kids. "Looks like I'll have to fight dirty now!" Mykenia took a ball out of him and threw it at the other ball.
The two balls combined and it formed something: Kenny! Kenny's ghost flew over to the others. "Hey guys! What's up?"
"LOOK OUT!" screamed Wendy. A giant black claw swiped by the seven kids. Kenatheous was now a giant black dragon who was bloodthirsty. Mykenia was a giant rabbit/lion creature. They both started fighting and destroying the town even more.
"What are we gonna do?" asked Wendy, clutching Stan's arm.
"There's nothing we can do except watch the town being destroyed and remain being ghosts," said Kyle.
Kenny knew this was his fault. He had to do something. He flew out from behind the hiding spot and muffled
"Hey! Assh---!"
They both stopped. Mykenia was on the ground, panting.
"I know this is my fault," said Kenny. "I'm the one who started this. So, kill me instead."
"Kenny, no!" said Kyle.
Kenatheous started to grow a flame in his mouth. Stan didn't want to lose his best friend again, so he flew right through the dragon's heart, stunning it.
Mykenia took this opportunity to spray water on the dragon, making it fall to the ground and staying there. Mykenia blew its breath on Kenatheous and Kenatheous started to dissolve. It dissolved until there was only a black ball no bigger than a marble. An orb suddenly appeared out of nowhere and the black sphere was locked in it forever.
"Hooray!" the kids cheered. All the kids' ghosts went back into their bodies.
"We did it, Stan!" said Kyle. There was no response. "Stan?" He saw Stan's body, lifeless on the ground.
"He must've sacrificed himself to save the rest of us," said Butters.
"Oh no," said Ike.
Everyone started crying. All of a sudden, a little girl who looked like she was in kindergarten with long blonde hair, aqua pupils, wings, and white silk clothing came over to the kids. She went over to Stan, place her hands over Stan's heart and kissed him on the cheek.
Wendy was crying hard now. She went over to Cartman and cried in his fat chest.
Stan's eyes opened up and black goop came out of his mouth.
"STAN!" screamed Wendy. She ran over to him and hugged him.
"Dude, who the f--- are you?" asked Cartman.
"I am the archangel Mykenia," she replied.
"What? No, Mykenia was a dude, dude," said Kyle.
"Not true," Mykenia replied. "I was just using your friend's body like my brother was."
"What brother?" asked Kenny.
"Kenatheous," said Mykenia.
"Brother?" asked everyone with surprise.
"Ha ha!" laughed Cartman. "You had a girl inside ya, Kenny!" Kenny slapped Cartman in the face. "Ow, godammit!"
"Not quite, Eric," said Mykenia. "I am not human, so I cannot be boy or girl. But, about my brother, we have been since the beginning of time. Every 100,000 years, we go to a spot on Earth and fight. Guess how Atlantis disappeared?"
"What does Kenny have to do with this?" asked Butters.
"As punishment for his behavior, we were placed into Kenny's body, but at least things are all right. I want to thank each of you for helping me fight my brother. I will grant each of you one wish."
Butters went first. "I wish my parents wouldn't ground me anymore!"
Then Wendy went next. "I want to be the most popular girl in school!"
Then Ike went. "Gorma-boo-ba Cookie Monster."
Then Cartman. "I wanna lifetime supply of Cheezah Poofs!"
Stan and Kyle had to think. Stan then said "When Kenny dies, I want to die with him."
Everyone else gasped.
"Whoa, dude! You sure you wanna do that?" asked Kenny.
"Yeah," replied Stan.
"If Stan and Kenny die, I'll die with them, too!" said Kyle.
"Kenny, for helping me the most and for being a good sport about this, you get two wishes.
"I want everything to back to the way it was before this whole thing happened," said Kenny.
"That means you'd have to be in the coma again," said Kyle.
"Not quite," said Mykenia. "I can make it so it happens differently. Now, what's your second wish?"
Kenny whispered something into the angel's ear. "Ooh, I can do that!" said Mykenia with glee.
Mykenia rose up to the sky and glowed a magnificant white and—
"Wait! Are we gonna remember this?" asked Cartman.
"Yeah, but only the seven of you," said Mykenia. "Now if I can—"
Suddenly, a red convertible came up and Jesus came out with a dark tan, and a lei on him.
"Uh, what happened?" he asked.
Mykenia glowed a magnificant white and a bright flash went through the town.
"Any last words before I pull the plug?" asked Dr. Doctor.
Kenny's eyes rose up form bed and his eyes opened.
"Yeah. DON'T KILL ME!" he screamed. Everyone except Stan, Cartman, and Kyle were in shock. Fr. Maxi fainted and landed on the other boys.
"HAH! Get your damn body off mahne!" yelled Cartman. Kenny disconnected himself and put his coat on.
Stan and Kyle got out of the dogpile. "Dude, where are you going?" asked Kyle.
"Just follow me," said Kenny. "We're going to Montana."
Kenny and his friends and their families went to Montana to attend a funeral for a person named Melissa Janice Foy. Kenny said his final goodbye and placed a rose on her casket.
After the funeral, you'd think this is the end of the story, right? WRONG! It'd be a happy ending, like Matt and Trey would do, but this isn't their story…it's mine. This is how I want it to end.
Two weeks later, Cartman finished his last bag of Cheezy Poofs, every kid in South Park followed Wendy everywhere, Cookie Monster was Ike's plaything forever, and Butters' parents were treating him with respect.
"Hey! How come I don't have any more Cheezah Poofs?" screamed Cartman. "How—"
Suddnely, Cartman started to blow up, like Violet from the Willy Wonka movie, and he kept growing bigger and bigger until he was a big bubble boy.
"WHAT THE F--- IS GOIN—"
KABOOM!
Cartman exploded into nothing.
"Oh my God!" said Stan. "They killed—"
"I wouldn't go there," said Kyle.
Kenny started laughing.
"Hey! Was that your second wish?" asked Stan.
"Uh-huh," muffled Kenny.
"Wonder what happened?" asked Kyle.
Suddenly, a shot of hell is shown. Cartman appears before Satan.
"What the hell is going on?" asked Cartman.
"Hell is where you are, kid," said Satan. "For all eternity!"
"NOOOOO!" screamed Cartman.
"Hey, relax, guy!" said Saddam Hussein. "Put ya feet up! We're havin' Kroff Dinneuh and watchin' 'Sex and the City' here!"
Kenny was laughing. "You know, I think everything will be just fine from now—"
BANG!
Kenny fell to the ground, shot by a bullet.
"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" said Stan.
"You bastard!" said Kyle.
BANG! A second bullet killed Stan.
"Oh my God! They killed Stan! You bastard!" said Kyle.
BANG! A third bullet killed Kyle. All three of them were on the ground, dead.
A New Day Has Come by Celine Dion
The three boys had their funeral outside, presented by Father Maxi and Rabbi Murkowski.
When the funeral was over, and the biys were buried, a shot of space was shown and the three boys were floating in it.
"Dude, where are we?" asked Stan.
"I don't know," said Kyle. They saw Kenny floating towards a cloud.
"Kenny, wait up!" they both shouted. A bright light came out from behind the cloud and wings and halo grew on the three of them. Stan and Kyle's hat flew off and into space, and Kenny's hood fell off as well.
When they got to the gates of heaven, they saw handplates with names underneath them: their names. They placed their left hand into the plates and the gates of heaven opened. A brilliant white glow shined through the gates. A sign above the boys read:
Access Granted: Welcome Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.
They walked through the gates and all of them, especially Kenny, knew that they would be back on Earth in a week.
THE END!
Copyrights: (again? AARGH!) South Park; 1997-2006, owned by Comedy Central, I-am-E.L.F; 1991-2006, owned by who the bleep cares?
