Disclaimer: Same as always.
A/N: Here is another chapter. Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate them. Hope everyone is still enjoying this story. I'm doing my best to keep it going and update when I can. Please review because they keep me motivated to continue this story. If I know you love it and want more, I will keep writing and try my best to be faster at updates. Thanks and enjoy.
Chapter 20
Unbearable Guilt
Just like and endless dream
And always you'll be
Blood and soul part of me
My second element
I am longing for you
And always you'll see
That you reflect on me
My second element
Are you missing me too?
SARAH BRIGHT MAN -The Second Element
Elrohir sat silently in a chair in Elladan's room, silently watching his twin. Elladan was sitting on his bed, busily sharpening his sword.
"What is troubling you?" Elrohir asked.
Elladan looked up for a moment, glaring at his brother. "Our little brother and best friend might be captured or even killed, Mirkwood is being destroyed, and you ask me what is troubling me?"
Elrohir crossed his arms across his chest. "Well, I knew that, but that's not what I meant and you know it."
"Then refresh my memory." Elladan said annoyed.
"I know you. Whenever you sharpen your sword with such vigor and strength, it means that you are wishing to go to battle, but something is holding you back. I can see the pain and regret in your eyes, but I can also see the determination for revenge."
Elladan sighed. Elrohir was right. He wanted to rush out and find Aragorn and kill everyone in the way, yet he knew the stupidity of that. He wished there was something more he could do and it pained him that for now, they had to sit and do nothing.
"I've only seen you this intense, however, once before." Elrohir continued. "I've seen you mad or angry, I've seen you when you want revenge, but not like this. The only time I ever saw this look in your eyes was after Naneth was found and brought back. You were so angry at the orcs for what they had done and it hurt you so badly to know there was nothing you could do. All the orcs that had tortured her had been killed, but still you wanted revenge."
Elladan closed his eyes, remembering vividly that horrible night. There had been nothing he could do for his mother. He could only watch as the life of the Eldar slowly faded from her. Four days later, she sailed into the west. He had been so infuriated by the orcs for what they had done, that he had traveled into the woods, killing every orc he found. Elrohir had followed him, his own rage fueled by his own pain and grief.
Elladan opened his eyes and looked at his twin. "So if you know what is troubling me, then why even ask?"
"Because this time it's different. Something more troubles you."
Elrohir was right again. Something more was troubling the older twin. Last time he had wanted to avenge his mother and somehow relieve his pain by killing the orcs. This time, however, it wasn't just about revenge. This time something more drove him. Elladan knew that if Aragorn and Legolas were captured by whatever evil that was in Mirkwood, then time was against him. Last time, he had all the time in the world, but this time, he needed to do something now to save his brother. He couldn't just sit here on his bed and wait for his father to determine a plan. His brother needed him. He needed to get out there and find Estel. He feared what had befallen the young ranger and he desperately wished there was something he could do. Yet, as always, he was being held back. He knew it would be useless to try to rescue his brother without a plan. He knew he needed to wait and be patient. He just wished time was not against them.
With a sigh, Elladan looked at his brother. "I want to be out there fighting. Estel could be in danger, Mirkwood is being destroyed and we are sitting biding our time."
Elrohir sympathized with his brother. He too wished there was something he could do, but being the more patient of the two, he was willing to wait. If waiting meant a more efficient job would be done, he wanted to wait. "Don't you think Ada wants that too? Ada has been friends with King Thranduil for longer than we have been born. I know he wants to fight as well, but Ada is wise. He will not rush into battle until his moves are carefully strategized."
"It's been a week since you returned to Rivendell and still Father has done nothing. I'm a fighter El, not a thinker."
Elrohir smirked. "You are? Wow, I never noticed that."
Elladan grabbed the nearest pillow and tossed it at his twin. "Oh hush!"
Elrohir laughed as the pillow hit him. "Don't start a war you can't finish, gwador." (brother)
Elladan raised an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?"
Elrohir grinned. "Only if you want to lose."
Elladan grabbed another pillow. "Like you would ever win in a pillow fight."
Even in the midst of a serious discussion and perilous times, the twins always found a way to laugh and have fun together.
Elladan rushed at his brother, swinging the pillow in the air. Elrohir blocked with his own pillow and countered with a blow to Elladan's head.
"Ha, first strike." Elrohir said with a glee of victory.
"Oh, yeah? Well take this." Elladan came at him rapidly swinging, blocking, pounding the younger twin with blows. Elrohir laughed and kept backing up from the swings. He knew what he needed to do. He backed up close to the bed and as Elladan struck again, Elrohir grabbed the pillow and spun, sending Elladan toppling on the bed. Elrohir triumphantly grabbed the pillow. He smacked his brother once, smiling proudly.
"You lose!"
Elladan glared at him. "Not fair. You planned that all along, didn't you?"
"From the beginning. It's the reason I talked you into dueling me." Elrohir said, sitting down near his brother. Elladan sat up.
"So it was a lesson then, proving that plans can work better." Elladan said, knowing where his brother was going with this.
Elrohir nodded. "If you get so caught up in the battle and don't plan your next moves or the moves of your opponent, something will always happen that you don't expect."
Elladan smiled at his twin. "Now you're stealing Ada's words."
Elrohir shrugged. "Guilty as charged."
Elladan smiled. "You are right though. I tend to lose track of a plan and end up just going with the flow of battle. Sometimes it works and that's what you need to do, other times, it won't work."
Elrohir nodded. "Exactly."
"But that's why you're my brother. You strategize, I fight."
Elrohir rolled his eyes, but smiled at his brother. "We do make a pretty good team."
Elladan nodded. "That we do."
Suddenly their conversation was disturbed by another elf. "My apologies, my young lords, but your father has called for you. He has a plan."
The twins looked at each other and nodded. They quickly rose and headed to the council chamber. They were both ready for the fight to begin.
Legolas stirred slightly and opened his eyes with a moan. He found himself staring at a window and he smiled slightly. He was so happy to be home and surrounded by familiar and comforting surroundings. It brought such relief to his heart, because for a time, he began to think he would never be home. He was joyous beyond words that he had survived.
At the same time, however, he cursed himself for being home, knowing that Aragorn was still out there under the control of the Nazgul. He could only imagine what torture the creature was devising for the human or what horrible acts Aragorn was being forced to do. The thought angered him. He hated himself for being in the comfort of home when his friend was suffering. He wished with all his heart that he could take Aragorn's place.
That thought, however, made a chill run up his spine. He wished to never have to face the Nazgul again or to be within 100 miles of the cursed creature. With a slight shudder, Legolas looked down at his right hand. His fingers were splintered and held in place. Because of the splinters, he could not move his fingers and he did not even know if he would ever be able to again. Quickly pushing that thought aside, he tried to asses his other wounds.
He moved slightly causing his sides to flare in pain. His ribs, though set back in place, needed time to heal. With a sigh, Legolas tried lifting his left arm. It was held in a sling around his neck, but he was still able to move it slightly. The slight movement sent pain spiraling through his arm, making him cringe. His dislocated shoulder had been put back in place, but has not healed. Slowly he moved his legs, finding that just as difficult and painful. The bruises that covered almost every inch of his skin still made his body very tender. He was healing though. He could feel his elven strength returning to him and guessed it would only be a matter of days before he was walking around like normal. He was determined to be able to fight and travel with a week, so he could find his friend and help save his home.
"How are you feeling, this morning?"
Legolas turned his head and smiled at seeing his friend Kalen. "I feel better than I have in days." Legolas replied.
"You definitely look better." Kalen said as sat down by the bed.
Legolas sighed. "Were you there when I was found?"
Kalen nodded. "I was. I hardly even recognized you."
"What about the Nazgul? Was he around anywhere?" Legolas asked curiously.
Kalen shook his head. "There was no trace of him. Before your father told me about the creature, I had no idea. I hardly even recognized their existence. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew they did exist, but save for the stories we have been taught as children, I never really thought about them."
Legolas nodded. It had been the same for him. Now, however, he had been face to face with one and the very thought of the vileness of the creature made him queasy,
"I don't know why he wasn't there. It seems odd to me that he would just leave, but I have no answer. I was just happy to have found you. I am glad we found you when we did, too. The knife wound you had was very deep. Someone had crudely sealed it, but you were still losing blood."
Legolas looked at him. "I couldn't have lost that much blood. I passed out after I was stabbed, but you must have come soon after."
Kalen shook his head. "The knife wound was at least two days old when we found you."
Legolas stared in horror. "Two days?"
Kalen nodded, making Legolas stare at the wall. He had thought Kalen and the other elves had arrived shortly after. He had no memory of anything that had happened in those two days.
"Do you remember that?" Kalen asked.
Legolas shook his head slowly. "I have no memory after I was stabbed. I only remember waking up here."
Kalen bit his lip sympathizing with his friend. "None whatsoever?" He asked, worried what the Nazgul might have done in those two days.
Legolas shook his head dejectedly. It troubled him greatly that he did not know what had happened. What had the Nazgul done during that time? What if the Nazgul had learned of his and Estel's secrets? Legolas bit his lip. What did the Wraith do to Estel during that time? Legolas cringed at that thought.
"Do you remember seeing a human when you found me?" Legolas asked fearing the answer.
Kalen looked cross-eyed at his friend. "Yes, there was a human."
Legolas' eyes widened. "Where is he? Tell me you didn't leave him."
Kalen continued staring at his friend. "Are you insane? That human tried to kill you."
Legolas' face fell. He closed his eyes for a moment, dreading what Kalen would say, but knowing he needed to know. "What happened?"
Kalen sighed. "We saw him among the orcs when we saw you. I recognized him immediately, knowing he was your friend. At first, my goal was to save him and bring him back with us, but only because he was your friend. When we began our attack, however, he pulled out a knife and tried to kill you. I didn't understand, but I wasn't about to let him do that to you."
Legolas bit his lip, not believing what he was hearing. "What did you do?" He asked, fearing the answer.
"I shot and killed him." Kalen's words held no regret, no remorse.
Legolas looked up as his breath caught in his throat. His eyes filled with tears. "You killed him?" He muttered.
Kalen stared at Legolas. "Legolas I know he might have been your friend, but he betrayed you. He tried to kill you. There was nothing else I could do."
"NO!" Legolas yelled. "He did not betray me. In his own power, Estel would never betray me."
"Well, he did…"
"No, Kalen. " Legolas interrupted. "The Nazgul was controlling him. It wasn't his fault." Tears began to fall down Legolas' face. He couldn't believe that his friend was actually dead. "He couldn't control his actions. You killed an innocent man. You killed my friend."
Kalen was silent for a moment, contemplating what Legolas had said. "Humans aren't innocent, Legolas." He finally said. "Humans are known for betrayal. Don't be so sure that he didn't betray you."
Legolas glared at his friend, knowing full well what his friend was thinking. He recalled the time when he and his sister had trusted a human, thinking he was trustworthy, only to have him betray them. Trusting him had cost them both more than could ever be replaced. "Don't you think I of all people should know that? I have not forgotten what happened to my sister years ago. I never thought I would trust humans again after that. But Estel is different."
Kalen continued glaring, not believing that Legolas was actually sad about the death of a human. "Well even if he was your friend, he was just a human. He is of no concern to us."
Legolas continued glaring at his friend. "He was not just a human!" He yelled. Because of the pain in his heart and the fact that Kalen held no sympathy for Estel's death, Legolas raised his voice at his friend. "He was a better friend to me than you'll ever be."
Legolas saw in Kalen's eyes the pain his words had caused, but he paid no heed. He was angry and hurt. The pain that was in his heart was like nothing he had ever experienced.
Kalen stared at his friend for a moment, not believing what he had heard. Finally, he raised his chin defiantly, hiding the pain he felt. "Your mind has been corrupted by these humans. You have become no better than they."
Legolas knew fully what his friend was implying and that remark hurt him deeply. "You are out of line." Legolas seethed. "How dare you talk to the Prince of Mirkwood like that."
Rarely, if ever, did Legolas use his title or his seniority against someone especially his best friend. Because of this, Kalen stared at him. He knew he was out of line, but Legolas had never pulled that against him.
Swallowing hard, the young elf stood to his feet. "I'm sorry, Legolas. I did not wish to offend…"
"Leave me, Kalen!"
Kalen winced slightly at the harsh use of his name. He hated leaving his friend like this, however. "Please Legolas, let me at least stay and keep you company."
Legolas turned his head to glare at his friend. "Don't make me make it an order."
Kalen's shoulders slumped. He bowed slightly, looking down at the floor. "As you wish… my Prince." With that, he walked towards the door and left the room.
Legolas waited until the door was shut before closing his eyes and letting the tears fall from his eyes. He closed them tightly, clenching his left fist. He had broken his promise. He had failed his friend and had let him die in the hands of the Nazgul. The guilt was unbearable.
