FIVE
Rick sat at his desk; his chin was propped up by his left fist as his right hand limply rested on his computer mouse. He had been reviewing security camera footage of a single Manhattan block for the prior two hours and was struggling to stay alert. The worst part was that in all the footage he'd reviewed, he had yet to see a glimpse of their suspect. Reviewing camera footage was dull enough, but at least the satisfaction of catching a criminal in the act usually balanced out the monotony. Now it appeared he might not even get that.
He was nearly through the last of his footage when he heard a commotion behind him and turned around to see an unexpected sight: his coworkers Detectives Esposito and Ryan hovering over a figure that had collapsed on the ground. Horrifyingly, that figure was Kate.
Rick rocketed out of his chair so quickly it toppled over, and he practically jumped the fifteen foot distance from where he sat to where she had collapsed in front of the white board they were updating with evidence from their latest case. "What happened? Oh my god, what happened?"
"I'm not really sure," Ryan said. "Beckett just started looking really pale and then suddenly he just…I don't know, fainted or something."
"Beckett? Beckett?!" Rick called her name frantically as he knelt down by her head. She had collapsed down on her side so he rotated her body so she was on her back. He quickly checked her heart rate and breathing and found both, which meant she truly had just passed out and wasn't in need of CPR. While that was a relief, the fact that she had fainted at all was definitely a concern, particularly considering her maternity status. Using his hands in her armpits, Castle hauled her upper body against his thighs, which put her head in a more elevated position. He lightly tapped her cheeks and called out her name again, but still, she did not open her eyes.
Feeling his concern elevate, Rick looked up at his colleagues, who had spent the morning with her while he had reviewed the video footage. "Did he say anything about not feeling well?"
"No, not that I remember," Esposito told him.
Castle nodded and then turned his attention back to his partner. He gave her shoulders a shake, but still she did not rouse, so he came to the devastating conclusion that emergency medical care was probably needed. "I think we should call an ambulance."
"Really? He just-"
"What's going on here?"
Rick, who was still trying to rouse his partner with no avail, ignored their captain's question, but Ryan answered with, "Beckett passed out, sir."
"Well, we have smelling salts in the first aid kit, don't we?" their captain, Montgomery, responded.
"No, no," Rick chimed in, his heart now thrumming at a rate well into the triple digits. "We have to call an ambulance."
"Why? Does Beckett have some sort of medical condition?"
Rick felt his entire body simultaneously feel the weight of defeat while also feeling every nerve alight with the flush of adrenaline. This was the exact moment they had been trying to avoid, but damn, what choice did they have? He couldn't wake Kate up, which meant she hadn't simply passed out from dehydration or anything else that could be easily attended to. He had no idea what was going on, but considering her blossoming pregnancy, he was terrified that something had gone wrong. What if she was bleeding internally? What if something was wrong with the baby? He could not, in good conscience, keep their secret any longer, even if it destroyed their lives as they knew it.
"Yeah," he began, his voice a bit shaky. "She's pregnant."
Absolute silence filled the bullpen for the span of ten seconds before Montgomery said, "Now is not the time for jokes, Rodgers."
Rick looked up and stared their captain in the eye. "I'm not joking. She's probably about four months along, but we're not certain."
A soft chorus of "Whoa" and "Holy shit" filled the immediate area, while Captain Montgomery's annoyance seemed to morph into anger. "Are you saying that James Beckett is female?"
"Yes, sir, I am."
"How could-"
"Mmm"
Rick gasped when Kate began to stir in his lap. He cradled her body up higher onto his torso and asked, "Beckett? Can you hear me?"
"Don't feel good," she mumbled, not opening her eyes.
"Okay, just stay calm. Can you sit up?"
"No. No. Dizzy. Feel…weak," she mumbled.
His heart clenched with terror, and he brushed his thumb against her cheek promising, "Okay, we're going to get you to a hospital. Just rest, Beckett; just rest."
Twelve steps forward. Turn. Ten steps back. Turn. Repeat.
Rick had probably paced the small hallway space in front of a bank of chairs well over a hundred times since arriving at the hospital, but what else was he to do? Sitting was only making him more anxious and increasing his stress level. At least if he paced, he felt moderately better. Not that he could possibly feel better about the horrifying situation they were in. Worst of all, he felt completely responsible. He had been the one to insist upon calling the ambulance. He'd been the one to explain to the wide-eyed EMT's that their patient was actually a pregnant female and not a male. Though deep down he knew it was irrational, he felt everything that happened to Kate from that point forward would be his fault for he had ultimately been the one to reveal her true identity.
For the prior six weeks, ever since Kate revealed to him her maternity status, they had been going round and round about what their next steps would be. He was mostly concerned for her health and safety at that point, and though he knew why she did not want to seek an evaluation on her pregnancy, that did not reduce his stress level about it. Kate seemed to be taking a bury-her-head-in-the-sand approach, insisting she would deal with her pregnancy only at the time at which it could no longer be hidden beneath her clothing. Since, despite diligent research, Rick had yet to find a safe-haven for them inside of the country, he again understood he reasoning. Yet, he was well aware of just how inevitable the discovery of her pregnancy was—and how heartbreaking that day would be when it arrived.
"Detective Rodgers?"
Rick practically jumped at the sound of his name. he turned to his left to see a man dressed in a white coat approaching and frantically said, "Yes, that's me. What's going on? How's Beckett? Do you know what happened?"
The doctor nodded gravely. "Yes, she was very close to going into diabetic shock."
"Diabetic? She's not diabetic."
"There is a condition called gestational diabetes, which is when pregnancy causes a woman to become diabetic. In most cases, the woman's body returns to its pre-diabetic state after the child is delivered, but until that time she needs to be very careful about her diet and testing her blood sugar."
Rick nodded and responded as though he would be able to help her with these tasks. "Yes. Of course. Of course. Can I see her?"
"No, I'm sorry. She's sequestered until she can be evaluated by the fertility specialists."
Though the term "fertility specialists" sent a shiver down his spine, Rick was undeterred. "But I'm the child's father. Shouldn't I-"
"I'm sorry; they said no visitors," the doctor said, his tone showing little sympathy. With that, he turned and walked away, leaving Rick alone to wonder what sort of evaluation Kate was going to undergo.
He didn't have too much time to ponder those horrifying questions, though, because not five minutes later he spotted Detectives' Ryan and Esposito approaching from the emergency room entryway.
Not bothering to open with pleasantries, Esposito demanded, "Why aren't you answer your phone," as soon as he was close enough not to shout the question.
"I turned it off; I'm in the ER," Rick replied matter-of-factly.
"Well, you'd better turn it back on or better yet come with us – Cap's losing his mind. A bunch of feds just showed up."
Rick briefly considered how bad that was for all of their futures, but immediately pushed those thoughts away as they were not the most pressing in that moment. "I'm not leaving here until they let me see her."
"They won't?" Ryan asked.
Rick shook his head grimly. "The doctor said she's being evaluated or something. God this is such a mess." He groaned as he scrubbed his hands over his face.
"How long? I mean, how long were you two…together?" Ryan asked gently.
Glancing over at his friend, Rick confessed, "Almost eight months."
"Were you trying to have the baby?"
Rick almost laughed at the absurdity of the question. Even if they'd known it was possible, they never would have voluntarily done something so dangerous to Kate. "No. God no. We didn't even realize it could happen, to be honest."
"Do you think she'll have to go to one of those facilities now?" Esposito asked
"Dude!" Ryan scolded and Esposito bristled.
"What? You were thinking it too!"
They both looked towards Rick, and he answered grimly, "I don't see how it could be avoided. It's why… we didn't know what to do about the baby. We knew she could only hide it a few more weeks. I was thinking maybe we could go to Mexico but now…"
"They'll probably let you have the kid when it gets older," Esposito said as an attempt at positivity.
He'd done enough research to know that this was most likely the case, but to Rick it almost felt sadder. How could he raise a child knowing that its mother had been taken from them due to horrendously unfair circumstances? How could he go through the world alone knowing how wonderful it was to have Kate by his side? The ache such thoughts caused in his chest was almost too much to bear. The worst part was there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop such a fate; the wheels were already in motion.
"Richard Rodgers?"
Rick jolted at the sound of his name. He'd been sitting in the waiting room for hours and had almost drifted off to sleep from boredom. When he opened his eyes to see a man in a black suit standing before him, he jumped to his feet and said, "Yes, I'm Rick Rodgers."
"Come with me."
Rick scurried along behind the man as they wound their way deeper into the hospital, walking down halls and going through doorways. Finally, they reached a door that was guarded by another man in a dark suit and wearing sunglasses despite the fact that they were inside. The two men nodded to each other and then the man who led Rick opened the hospital room door and gestured for Rick to entered. He was immediately flooded with relief to see Kate sitting upright in a hospital bed. She wore a hospital gown and a concerned expression, but all the color had returned to her face. Rushing into the room he sighed out, "Hey, how are you?"
She smiled immediately at the sound of his voice. "Much better."
Rick took her hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "Good; you had me worried."
Kate's smile faded away as she looked towards the suit-wearing man now standing by the closed room door. Her grip on his hand tightened and she lowered her voice when she spoke his name, "Rick."
Rick's felt some fractures form in his heart. He knew what was about to happen, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to at least attempt to argue for her life. Turning towards the suit-wearer, he said, "She should stay with me."
"You know that's not possible," the man replied simply. "Especially with her condition."
"The doctor said it can be managed with diet."
"It would be best for her and the child if it was managed at one of our facilities."
Anger at the unfairness of the situation boiled over inside of Rick's chest and he snipped out, "Then what? What about the baby? Her life? Her job."
In a tone more annoyed than anything else, the man said, "Her position with the NYPD has obviously been terminated due to a litany of false pretenses. The child will be raised in our facilities until he or she is of school age and then, as the child's father, you will have a right to bring him or her into your home. You will also be allowed weekly visitation in the interim time provided you pass all the necessary certifications."
Thanks to his research none of these statements surprised him, but still Rick balked. "That's absurd. I want to raise my child."
The man looked at Rick as though he was the dumbest person alive. "You cannot leave a baby alone in your apartment while you're working."
Practically growling, Rick replied, "Yes, I know that obviously. But—I don't understand what about Kate doesn't she get to raise the child too?"
It was Kate who answered in a soft, "That's not how this works, Rick."
His heart clenched painfully as the government man explained in more detail, "Infants stay with their mother for three months and then reside solely in the nursery so the mothers can produce more children." He glanced at Kate and smiled in a way that made it seem like he hadn't eaten in days and she was a burger and fries. "I expect Ms. Beckett can have at least two more pregnancies—hopefully with multiples."
Though he knew it was futile, Rick didn't give up. "Why can't she just stay with me? We'll have more children."
"The law is-"
"I know what the law is," he snipped, knowing that with such limited resources men were not allowed to re-enter the fertility pool once they'd conceived a child—not that many could have afforded to go through the process a second time even if it had been an option. "But surely there could be different circumstances for naturally conceived children versus the ones made in a lab."
"The law is clear—one child per father."
Rick was about to continue his argument when Kate interrupted with, "Can we have a minute, please?" Though obviously hesitant, the man in the suit nodded his head and stepped out of the room. Once the door was closed, Kate squeezed his hand and insisted, "It's okay Rick."
"No, it's not," he protested, his voice wavering with emotion. "There has to be a way."
She shook her head. "There isn't."
"There has to. I'll fight for you Kate."
She reached up with her free hand and cupped it against his cheek. "I know you would, and I love you for it, but there's no use."
Tears stung at his eyes and he tried to sniff them back. "How can you say that?"
She smiled sadly. "Because I've been preparing for this moment since I was a teen. I knew I was only biding my time, that somehow, I'd be found out. And I knew that once I was found, I'd be sent right to a one of the fertility centers so they could get as much use of out my uterus as they could before I turned thirty-five. That's simply the unavoidable fate of any woman who isn't wealthy enough to buy her way out or tries to go against the government's designs in any way. I wish the world wasn't like this but…well, at least one good thing has come of this: I can give you the child you've always wanted."
Tears now dripping onto his cheeks, Rick insisted, "But I want you, I want a family. I can…if I sell my apartment, maybe I can afford-"
"No, no." She squeezed his hand. "It's too late for that. Even if you could get the money together, I've broken too many rules for the committees to approve me for marriage."
Rick shook his head, gripping her hand tightly as though clinging on strong enough could keep his hope alive. "I won't give up on you. I won't."
A tear slipped out of her right eye and she said softly, "You don't have a choice. I'm so sorry. I love you and I never wanted to get hurt like this."
"Then we can find a way. We can-"
Rick was cut off by the door opening again and the suit-wearing man telling him, "It's time for you to leave."
"No, wait, I—I can still see her, right? Visit?"
The man ignored his question and said, "You'll be able to see the baby once it's born."
"But-"
"Sir, if you don't leave now, I'll call security."
"Go Rick," Kate told him. She pulled her hand out of his tight grip and gave his arms a little shove for encouragement. "I'll be okay."
Knowing it wouldn't help his case to have security escort him out, Rick began to shuffle his way towards the door. Before he reached it, he promised one more time, "I won't give up Kate. I won't." And then, as his heart shattered to a thousand pieces inside his chest, he stepped out into the hall and sobbed, for he truly did not know if he would ever see her again.
A/N
one more update left!
