And the second!

Um...Language content: unsuitable for kids. Implications. Mentions of strange kinks. Mentions of Voldie/Dead!Harry. Fawkes sings U2.


Harry: La la la, I love dark scary sewer/dungeons!

Tom: Yeah, me too. But I'm mental, so I don't count.

Harry: It's the journal dude!

Tom: OMG Harry, can I like have your autograph?

Harry: Any more autographs and I will suicide.

Tom: My evil plan is - I mean, what a shame. What a horrible, horrible thing to happen to you.

Harry: Somehow I detect a lack on sincerity...probably something from Lockhart's memory charm.

Tom: (to himself) No it's not. Note to self: recruit this Lockhart dude.

Harry: Ew, there's all this gunk on my robes!

Tom: Think about it. I've been down here a while...locked up all alone, what would you do?

Harry: I AM DISTURBED.

Tom: Oh, by the way, I'm that psycho out to kill you. Reincarnated.

Harry: OMGWTF

Basilisk: Preeeeciouuuusss...

Voldie/Tom: IT'S...IT'S...IT'S ALIVE!

Harry: Dare I say: I AM DISTURBED. AGAIN.

Tom: Damn right, bitch!

Harry: I seem to be screwed. Again.

Fawkes+Sorting Hat:CHAAAAARGE!

Voldie: CHEEEEEEECK!

Harry: Somehow the moment of safety promised by these tokens of Hogwarts fails to reach me.

Voldie: Big words for a doomed schmuck.

Fawkes: I tawt I taw a puddy tat!

Basilisk: Meow, baby, meow!

Voldie: No! The boy! NOT the plot device!

Harry: Voila! I pull out from a hat...a sword? Dammit, that's not a rabbit!

Voldie: My, Harry, what a large sword you have...

Harry: Stabbitystabstab. Die, die, snake-that-flirted-with-a-phoenix.

Basilisk: (perishes)

Harry: You fail!

Voldie: You're dying. Necrophilia time!

Harry: Dammit, I fail too.

Fawkes: I will sing...sing a new song!

Harry: I feel...cold...

Voldie: You are so off my friendslist, birdie!

Harry: Watch as I unwittingly destroy one of the sixth book's plot points!

Voldie: I'm meeeeeeeeelting!


Yeah. Not as good as the first. The third is better.

I love CAPSLOCK!Harry, just to let you know. If you hadn't guessed. And yes, at some point in each chapter Harry will exclaim OMGWTF because I say so. Nyeh.

I already got one flame, which I take as a good omen. Keep reviewing!