Disclaimers: I do not own Glee or its characters. I do own all OCs unless ownership is otherwise stated/given.
Spoilers: None
Rating: T
Reply to reviews: (chapter 35 + 36)
Isa Yodice12: Thank you! The pregnancy craving was completely randomly thought of, but I figured I needed to add something so it did not seem like I has basically forgot about her being pregnant. Also, I am excited to write Daniela, as well. I may do a quick Skype date for Christmas if I decide I can't wait for her birthday in January.
Boris Yeltsin: Thank you for the reviews. :)
MRSDARRENCRISS589: Thanks for the help. I will mark Paul done as his father, and I guess just OC his mother. :)
Thank you to the others who reviewed! We are almost at 200 reviews, which is absolutely amazing, and you may get tired of hearing that, but it is the truth. When I first started, I was unsure I would be able to do this justice, and write it well enough to keep people's attention. Well, this chapter will officially break as my highest word count story, and we are 20 reviews short of it being my most-reviewed! :)
Also, welcome to my follower and favoriter darkbloom97.
Notes: This chapter deals with loss, and the affect it has on a family. This was my favorite chapter to write, despite how sad it is.
Reminders: Tiá Estrella is what Santana's younger siblings call Rachel. Andie is Santana's baby sister, Miranda.
Character credit for Daniela Lopez goes to Isa Yodice12. She does not have speaking part but is mentioned a few times.
Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
*Morning*
Today is Wednesday and, while they should be at school, there are four families who are not.
It begins in the morning.
Brittany spent the night, and at seven, the alarm goes off.
The girls just… lay there, waiting for it.
5 minutes goes by and there is a knock at the door. Brittany calls out come in and the door opens to reveal Maya. The little girl comes into the room, over to the bed, crawling up and in between the two girls.
"Hi, Sissy," She whispers as she lays down and faces Santana.
"Good morning, Mijá."
Maya sighs, long and deep. Then, she whispers out, "It's Bubba's birthday…" And Santana just sighs in reply.
"Yeah… I know."
"How is he now?"
It is such an innocent question; after all, she was only 4 when it happened, so she does not remember how old he was, or how many years has passed, and what number that would equal on each birthday.
And…
Santana does not have the heart to tell her that question should be asked in the past tense instead of present tense.
Instead, she simply says, "Twelve, Mijá. Bubba would be twelve years old today."
The three of them get up soon after.
Matthew and Miranda are energetic as usual; Mattie chatters about the day at breakfast and Andie babbles while eating smooshed bananas and cheerios. Maya is the only younger kid who remembers RJ. Mattie was born after it happened, as was Miranda, obviously.
So she is quiet, as well; she is sluggish, and slow to eat, having none of her usual happy energy that only little kids seem to possess in the mornings.
"Do you need help with anything, Mamí?" Santana asks quietly between bites of cereal. Carmen just looks at her. At her little girl who has been through so much in the last several years – family loses, losing Abigale, what Russell put her through. She is only 15 but she has a world of hurt linked to her past that she will never be able to forget.
"No, baby." Carmen reaches out to her and when Santana does not pull away, she gently brushes her hair behind her ear. "We'll set up later, ok? For now, you can invite your friends over, Rachel and Quinn, if you want. And, Britt, honey, you can see if Jen wants to bring Lexie and the twins over."
Santana just nods, handing her bowl to Carmen while Brittany does the same, and the two leave the kitchen. Maya follows closely behind, tugging on Santana's hand.
"I wanna call Tiá Estrella." She whispers and Santana does not respond; she just picks her up and walks back upstairs. Once in the bedroom, Santana hands her landline phone to Maya, and the little girl dials Rachel's number.
It is no time before everyone arrives.
Because there were more than just the Lopez family who was affected by what happened that day in July of 2004.
Like Matthew, Brittany's sisters did not know RJ. They are at school right now, and will join the rest of them this afternoon for a candlelight vigil. But Jennifer and Michael have both taken off of work for today, because they know. And they remember.
Rachel and Quinn show up, as well. Gabriel's girlfriend, Leilah, shows up. Jacob comes with his wife, Sophia. Rach and Q head straight for Santana's bedroom. They don't even knock. And they see the room is packed with people – kids – who were all affected the same on that day, 5 years, 4 months, and 13 days ago.
What happened in July of 2004 affected many people, adults, kids, families, across multiple generations. And there is not one moment that anyone can forget.
"Hi, Tiá Estrella, hi, Tiá Quinn."
It is whispered by Maya. The youngest of the bunch right now, well, the youngest who remembers, at least. She is on the floor, coloring in one of her favorite coloring books – Sesame Street, though she would never admit it, – and Rachel just smiles sadly back at her.
"Hi, babydoll."
Rachel moves over to sit beside her.
"Do you wanna color with me?"
"Well, I can't right now because of this," Rachel motions slightly with her casted arm. "But, how about you go and get some Sharpies, and you can decorate my case some more?"
It makes her happy – so happy – the first time since waking up an hour and a half ago, or even since going to bed last night, when the nine-year-old was anxiously anticipating the clock to strike 12:00 a.m., which told her that it was officially her big brother's birthday.
Rachel watches her leave, then immediately turns to Santana and Britt.
"How is she?"
And Brittany sighs, long and deep, and full of… yearning for this day to be a joyful one, like birthdays are supposed to be.
"About as good as you'd expect. She was really young when it happened, and she has some memories, but honestly, I think it is mostly just the stories that she has been told. She doesn't actually… remember, ya'know?" The dancer's voice breaks here.
"She was old enough for her mind to cement having a big brother, but not old enough to have true memories that she made and categorized for herself."
Rachel just blinks back the tears, watching Quinn crawl up on the bed next to Santana, looking around the room at her family. Maya comes back and she now has three Sharpies. Rachel lets her decorate her cast a little more, though there is not much room as nearly everyone has signed it and added little drawings or symbols of some sort.
"I can't believe it has been five and a half years," Noah whispers from his place across the room, on Santana's window seat, where he holds Miranda, the toddler unusually quiet and subdued. Both she and Noah are looking out of the window, at the cars going by as people – families – start to work or school.
"Today will never get easier, will it?"
Her voice surprises them. Santana usually does not speak much on days like this. They have no idea who she is speaking to, but Quinn shifts to where she is lying right against her friend, their foreheads touching, and a breathy, "I am so sorry," is the only response to be given.
*Afternoon*
"He always loved having his birthday in December." Gabriel comments to his girlfriend. "The snow and cold weather never bothered him. No," He laughs here though it is hollow. "He loved it because of Christmas. Because it meant presents only two weeks apart. He loved it because his favorite thing was hot chocolate, and–…"
His voice breaks and Leilah shushes him, rubbing his back soothingly.
"Do you remember when I first met him?" Brittany asks, as she and Santana are suddenly thrown back seven years…
:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/
Flashback
Time: August 16th, 2002 (third grade)
Place: Logan Elementary School (East Allegheny, Pitts., Penn.)
"Mamí!" 8-year-old Santana Lopez runs over to the edge of the school playground, where the car riders are being picked up.
Carmen Lopez has Santana's older siblings with her – 13-year-old Daniela and 12-year-old Gabriel, – her younger brother, 4-year-old Robert James-Thomas, or RJ. Carmen picked him up from preschool before coming here. And her baby sister, 22-month-old Maya.
"Hello, Mijá!" Carmen greets, hugging her middle daughter. She then notices the little girl standing slightly to the side. Santana sees her as well, and runs over to grab her hand.
"Come on, Britt-Britt!" Santana pulls her back over to Carmen and her siblings. "Mamí, this is Brittany! She is the new student, and is in my class!"
She says it as though she did not speak for hours about her new friend just two days ago, on Wednesday, their first day of school.
Still, Carmen smiles.
"Hello, sweetheart. My name is Carmen, and these are San's older and younger siblings – that is Daniela and Gabriel, this little man here, is Robert, but you can call him R, and this is Maya." She gestures to the toddler she is currently holding.
"Hi, Mrs. Lopez."
The girl is quiet and shy, and looks a little bit overwhelmed. Carmen tries to ease it with, "Please call me 'Carmen', sweetie." And Brittany just nods.
Her gaze lingers over each of the people she was just introduced to. The girl – Daniela – does not say anything, and Brittany thinks maybe she looks… bored? Or something. Not happy or excited like Sanny looks. And the older boy, Gabriel, greets her with a 'hello' to which she waves back.
But her attention, mostly, is on the little boy hiding behind Sanny's mommy's legs. He looks really young, and since she does not remember seeing him at recess, that probably means he does not go to their school.
Maybe preschool, she thinks. Or homeschool, but no, because Sanny said her mamí was a lawyer. She helps people who need something more just the police.
So that must mean he is in preschool.
He is looking at her now. He does not have brown eyes like his sisters, brother, or his mommy. He has green eyes, the prettiest she has ever seen. She thinks he looks a bit like Sanny and Gabriel put together.
Brittany moves closer, dropping to her knees.
"Hi, Robert," She whispers, and gets a small wave in response. Brittany then slightly holds her hands. "Can I give you a hug?"
Carmen and the older Lopez kids watch this interaction. They all know, and have adjusted to, how shy RJ is around strangers, even his big sisters' or big brother's friends.
They expect it to be the same for Brittany, except…
RJ moves away from Carmen and straight into Brittany's arms, and she readjusts her position so he can lay his head on her shoulder, and Santana watches this – watches this incredible little girl who she has only known for three days, but whom she makes a decision about right then and there to do everything possible to make sure Brittany Pierce stayed in her life.
"Hi, B."
RJ whispers it and god, even Carmen is close to tears because this?
This does not happen.
Her baby boy who is incredibly shy and wary around strangers and who takes upwards of months to be able to hug them…
Does not do this.
Maybe her daughter wasn't just using her newfound "big word" ability when she said that Brittany was definitely a keeper.
Maybe Brittany Pierce really will be a keeper.
*End of flashback*
:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/
"You were his favorite person, Santana." Brittany states in a stern voice. They are lying on the living room floor now, next to Rachel and Quinn. She has her arm stretched out and Santana is lying on her stomach and using Britt's arm as pillow. She can see that Santana is thinking otherwise. "He absolutely adored you."
Then she laughs, and…
"God, do you remember that time he tried to make your birthday cake all by himself?"
And Santana's laugh is broken by the tears, but she smiles, and…
It is genuine… so, so genuine.
:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/
Flashback
Time: January 12th, 2004 (Santana is 10)
Place: Santana Lopez's house (Lima, Ohio)
This year, Santana Lopez's birthday is on a Monday.
Which means she gets to bring cupcakes to school.
Also, it is super, oh-so-special birthday.
Because instead of spending it with just her parents, siblings, grandparents, and best friend, soon-to-be 10-year-old Brittany Pierce, she gets to spend it with her three other best friends – 10-year-old Rachel Berry, 9-year-old Quinn Fabray, and 9-year-old Noah Puckerman.
Santana gets out of bed willingly today. She dresses, eats breakfast, and everyone tells her 'happy' birthday. Carmen drops her, Brittany, and RJ off at the Elementary school, then drives the older kids to the middle school, and takes Maya to preschool.
The day is a wonderful one. The kids sing her 'Happy Birthday' before the cupcakes are passed out, she gets cards from everyone, and even gets to wear the Birthday Crown, which the teacher makes specially for each child on their birthday.
Then, back at home, Santana hangs out with her friends.
Her older siblings, 14-year-old Daniela and 13-year-old Gabriel are at their afterschool activities while her little sister, 3-year-old Maya, is at the babysitters, and her little brother, 6-year-old Robert, or RJ, is at home with her and her friends.
RJ gets to stay because Carmen and Carlos know that he will behave well enough that Santana can watch him. And also because he still absolutely adores his big sister's best friend, Brittany.
While they are doing homework at the kitchen table, the five of them, RJ runs into the room.
"Sissy, I maked a picture for you!"
He shows her a drawing. It is of a birthday cake, and says, "Happy Birthday Sissy!"
"Wow, RJ! This is so good, buddy! I love it. I will hang it up in my room as soon as I get done with my homework."
"Okay! But I'm gonna make you one, too. A cake that you can eat!"
He is so eager about it, practically buzzing with energy.
And really, being only 10, Santana simply thinks he means he is going to "make" a cake with the play food and kitchen utensils, since they have so much strewn throughout the house. And because of this, she nods and says,
"Ok, bubby, you do that. Now, go play so we can finish our homework, then we are going to read, and then we can watch cartoons, ok?"
"Okay!"
And with that, RJ bounces out of the room. Sometime later, the five of them are officially finished with their homework. Of course, Santana and Rachel tag teamed to help Britt with her math, and Rachel talked Quinn through finishing her vocabulary page.
Then, the five head up to Santana's bedroom, where, being Monday, it is Rachel's turn to read what is their reading homework.
Each day of the week, the kids read aloud, except Quinn, which means Rachel usually goes Monday and Friday. It is easier than them all trying to read individually, which is boring and time-consuming.
:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/
*Meanwhile, in the kitchen with RJ*
"I am gonna make the bestest cake ever!" RJ declares to himself. He surveys the kitchen, trying to remember what his mamí does when baking a cake.
"I hafta get the mixing bowl!" He finds it underneath the counter. It is a little small but, of course, he is unaware of just how many ingredients are needed, and also how big the bowl would need to be.
Since the cookbooks are on top of the cabinets, which he is unable to reach, he decides to improvise.
"We need milk! And eggs, and… flour!" RJ says each of these out loud, holding up fingers as he counts them, and adding, "To make it fluffy!" under his breath.
"Milk is in the fridge, cause it's gotta be cold!" Thankfully, the gallon bottle is about ¼ full, so he can pick it up easily. "Oh, there's the eggs!"
He moves everything to the counter, which includes a dining room chair, which leads to him also needing to stand in it to get a measuring cup from the cabinets.
"Let's see…"
Green eyes flicker from the milk to the measuring cup to the bowl, and back to the milk. He tries to recall how much his mamí uses. Then, he tries to read the measurement lines.
"Huh… '1 dash 3'. Huh. Let's do that!"
1/3 turns out to not be very much, so he adds another "just to be safe".
"Sissy loves milk, so it should have lots of it." This declaration comes with a thought…
"Oh, she likes chocolate milk!"
And that?
Well, that leads to him scrambling off the chair and back to the fridge. You can't have a birthday cake with white milk, he reasons. Not when the birthday girl likes chocolate milk!
And yeah, maybe it is a little too much chocolate syrup, but hey – it tastes great, so…
Next are the eggs.
This part goes a little easier. Every single one of the Lopez children have been "kitchen helpers" since they were little bitty. Which means that, at least for this part, RJ is able to crack the eggs.
"Gotta make sure no eggshells are in it!" He quips to the empty room. "One… Two… Three… better add one more, just to be sure…"
The flour is next. And, well…
It sort of just…
Goes downhill from there. Which is also when Rachel walks into the kitchen for a bottle of water. She sees the mess but, more importantly, she sees the eggs on the counter and floor, and immediately turns back around and runs up the stairs.
Santana comes down and freaks out.
There is some yelling and some Spanish words and then RJ cries and Santana hugs him, and the three of them – Santana, Noah, and RJ – clean the mess up. Rachel cannot help because of the eggs, and Santana does not want Britt to because the dancer has a dairy allergy, and therefore cannot touch the milk.
Quinn eventually comes over, shyly taking some paper towels from Noah, and begins to help.
They clean up as well as they can, but the eggs are not salvageable, which means RJ will have to explain that to his parents. Thankfully, they understand the meaning behind this mess, and let RJ go with a stern warning to never do this again without Carmen or Carlos being there with him.
*End of flashback*
:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/:/
"God, I don't even want to think about what would have happened if Rachel didn't go downstairs when she did!" Noah chuckles, and the rest follow suit.
"It was well-intentioned, I will give him that," Carlos says. "He wanted to bake a cake, and hypothesized on how to do it. The milk, the eggs, the flour… Although," He rubs his chin here, and adds, "I would have never thought to add chocolate syrup to it for… chocolate milk, was it?"
Santana finally cracks at this.
"It was because I liked chocolate milk, Papí," She snickers. "So he was making me a "chocolate" cake instead of white with the regular white milk."
"Oh, the looks on your face, though, when you came home and saw the kitchen!" Gabriel says, but is cut off by Santana.
"Hey! I'll have you know that we did a pretty good job cleaning up, considering we were a bunch of fourth graders!"
"That you did," Carmen agrees. "I imagine it was significantly less of a mess than what it could have been."
The rest of the afternoon is spent similar to this… With memories and stories and pictures and remember when he… or oh, god, do you remember…
It is bittersweet, if nothing else.
*The evening*
The little boy was only six when tragedy struck, but, god, did he change the lives of so many in those six short years.
He is loved and missed, and those memories are cherished and will be for generations to come.
The families spend the last 30 minutes of daylight at the memorial bench at the park. They light candles and release balloons – which are blue, black, and green, RJ's favoritest colors ever.
Then, they do that thing.
The thing that should definitely be done more often but that they just… can't bring themselves to do.
The cemetery is big for such a small town. And there are several headstones here belonging to someone in each of these four families.
One of those is Quinn's sister, Abigale, but that one won't be visited tonight.
Tonight, they visit one which should never have been placed here, to begin with.
Because, you see, kids are not supposed to die before they get to first grade. They are not supposed to die before getting the training wheels off their bikes, or sleep without a nightlight for the first time, or even before they learn how to read…
But that is what happened.
5 years, 5 months, and 13 days ago.
And this headstone?
It is a grim reminder of just how real what happened that day was…
"We miss you so very much, Mijó," Carmen whispers as she places a red rose on an angel statue-type headstone. "So, so much…"
No matter how much they would love to forget that day; to file it away in the "false" memory category of their minds…
The words engraved on that headstone just will not let them do that.
Robert James-Thomas Lopez
December 9, 1997–July 26, 2004
Brother, Son, Friend
Fly High, Little Man
Ok, so…
That happened.
And, yeah…
Please review and let me know what you thought.
P.S. I have not decided what happened to RJ. I know, so far, that I am going to he was kidnaped. However, I don't know if he was at the park with the girls, or if he was walking to a friend's house, and someone grabbed him. Just thought I'd let you guys know.
