A/n: My take on the Last Temptation of Christ. A random thought I had when I was watching Jesus Christ Superstar...
Jesus sighed as He trudged on through the endless desert. Today was day 37 of wandering aimlessly, and He was getting tired of this project. Suddenly, there was a zap! And standing next to Him was the Devil.
"Hi, Jesus!" He said simply, trying to sound friendly.
Jesus was about to persecute him for being the devil, but instead He sighed and played along. "Hello, Lucifer."
"Oh, don't call me that! It's such an old name! Just call me Satan, everyone else does! You look tired," he remarked innocently.
"Well, you know; when you've been wandering in a desert for 37 days…" Jesus trailed off meaningfully.
"Wandering in a desert? Why on earth would the Son of God want to do that!" he asked.
"It's technical. The whole 'listening to God's will' thing. You wouldn't understand."
"Oh, yeah, and suddenly it's MY fault that I tried to bring down your Father's reign and became the Devil!" he said sarcastically. Jesus sighed, deciding to just ignore the stupid comment and trudge on.
"Hey, Jesus!" Satan hissed secretively, "If You join me, I'll let You control the world with me!"
"I don't want to control the world. I'm perfectly happy being crucified instead, thanks." He replied. Satan stopped following Him for a second, looking slightly miffed. Then he caught back up with Him.
"Aww, come on! I'll let You control my… Legion of DOOOMM!" he said enthusiastically.
"No, Satan. I don't want to control your legion of doom. What on earth would I DO with a legion of doom, anyways?" He asked, looking weirded out, "I'm a pacifist, remember?" He reminded him.
"Uh… oh yeah! Well then… what if I named You… Secretary of Peaceful… Stuff…?"
Jesus sighed, starting to get ticked off. "There isn't even an Office of Peaceful Stuff in Hell!"
"I would make one just for you!"
"Satan," Jesus said testily, "I'm about to go over there and—"
"What's this! The SON OF GOD getting ANGRY! Perhaps even… VIOLENT?" Satan asked dramatically. Jesus took a deep breath and held it.
"I'm going to calmly ask you to stop in about 2 seconds, Satan." He said as nonviolently as possible.
"All right, all right. I guess that's what you get when you try to be friendly with your archenemy's son! Gosh, I was just trying to keep you company." He said huffily. They walked together in silence for a while.
"What if I gave you a cookie?" Satan asked suddenly. Jesus snapped.
"Satan! I don't want a cookie and I don't want to join you! Go away!"
"Fine! I didn't want you to join me anyways!" he said angrily. Then with a puff he disappeared. There was a moment of complete silence. Then, when Jesus was sure that he was gone, He smiled slightly, looking down at the endless miles of desert before Him.
"Finally, I can trudge in peace!" He said contentedly. And with that, He started down the hill.
A/n: The End! Flames welcome!
