AN: I don't know Tobias's last name so from now on it's Thatcher...alsoam I the only one that noticed Tobiaswent from having black hair to blonde? Strange much? Anyway, I've decided that Tobias is going to have Black hair in this because it's hotter. Enjoy.
The hawk or the boy?
Two days past and Jake was still hung up over Tobias's odd words spoken that night after the battle. It wasn't consuming his every waking moment, but he found often his thoughts drifting back to what Tobias had said. He had dreamt about it that night.
He was standing on a yeerk pool. Somehow walking on the water of the large yeerk infested ray soaked pool. Visser Three couldn't reach him, because if he tried he would fall into the pool
(Stupid Andalite, you'll loose in the end, your friends will die and you will become one of us. You'll suffer till the end of your days, controlled by a parasite)
'He's right Jake,' Cassie spoke beside the Visser. 'It's a waste of time and effort, we can't win, how could we?'
Suddenly the rest of the Animorphs stood beside her. Marco smirking, his hair returned to it's old length, Ax standing there in a rabbit morph, it was the rabbit from the movie Monty Python and the Holy grail, Jake thought he should defiantly get that morph! Rachel wasn't standing there though, instead Xena took her place, leather outfit flying killing disks and all. Tobias stood to the side in his human morph looking sad and pleadingly at Jake.
'You're going to get us all killed bro, why don't we go to Fiji? No yeerks in fiji, they don't the music it makes their ears hurt,' Marco asked.
'He's right Jake, there are some battles you just can't win,' Xena offered.
(You're no Andalite Prince, Jake, you're playing pretend. You're going to get us all killed) Bunny Ax spoke.
'We don't want to die Jake, why are making us do this?' Cassie asked.
'Some best friend, we're going to end up dead, what army will you have then?' Marco asked.
Suddenly Tobias was in front of Jake, standing with him over the yeerk pool.
'I believe in you Jake,' Tobias spoke 'I know you'll save us, you won't let it end any other way,'
'But what if they're right? What if I do get them killed? How do I stop myself?' Jake asked him. Tobias looked up at him with those beautiful sad eyes.
'Just find your something,'
Jake woke up in a cold sweat, panting heavily. Frustrated with himself for no reason he threw aside the covers and rushed into the shower. It was a Sunday, though Jake knew after a dream like that he'd get no more sleep. Once he had dried himself off and thrown on clothes he left his room and went downstairs for some breakfast. Tom was there…or the yeerk controlling Tom's mind and body was there. He was reading the Sunday newspaper, sitting on a stood at the bench. He looked up as Jake came down the stairs.
'Hey, you're up early for once,' Tom pointed out.
'Yeah,' Jake reached into the cupboard and pulled out the Cornflakes 'Bad dream,'
Tom nodded and returned his attention to the newspaper. Jake scowled, and wondered if yeerks even had dreams. He poured himself a bowl and searched for the milk, finding it not in the fridge he checked by the stove where the coffee pot was, bingo. He unscrewed the lid and poured the milk into the bowl. Before grabbing his own stool and began feasting on breakfast cereal.
'So how's Marco? I haven't seen him round here in a while?' Tom asked suddenly.
'He's alright, he just got a new girlfriend so she's taking up a bit of his time,' Jake made small talk with the yeerk enslaving his brother.
'Ah, you just make sure he doesn't turn into one of those guys that blows off all his mates because he's got girl now huh?' Tom smiled.
'Ahh yeah. I hate guys like that,' Jake tried.
'So what's on your agenda today?' Tom asked casually.
'Hmm? Oh nothing, probably just watching foxtel or playing some video games,' Jake shrugged.
'Sounds exciting,' Tom laughed.
'Thank you I'm sure I'll enjoy myself,' Jake smirked.
'I've got a sharing on this afternoon…I don't suppose you've changed your mind and would like to join me?' Tom asked.
'Ah no sorry,' Jake shrugged 'Still really doesn't appeal to me,'
'Oh come on,' Tom grinned 'What harm could it do?'
Ah how about putting a parasite in my brain where it learns all my deepest darkest secrets, controls my every move and thereby destroying all my friends.
'Na thanks, anything interesting going on?' Jake gestured toward the paper, successfully changing the subject.
'Nothing much,' Tom shrugged looking down at the printed news 'They're having that funeral for that factory worker today,'
'What factory worker?' Jake asked.
'You're kidding right?' Tom asked 'Geez honestly Jake, you need to know more about what's going on in the world, try watching the news sometime instead of that cartoon crap with the singing Christmas shit,'
'It's called South Park and his name is Mr Hankey!' Jake defended mocking hurt. Tom smiled and decided to fill Jake in.
'Three days ago there was a fire in one of the meat packing factories, the whole thing got burnt down, luckily someone pulled the alarm early and only one workmen ended up dead,' Tom recounted.
'Really? That was lucky,' Jake commented 'What was the guys name?'
'Alan…something,' Tom shrugged 'What was lucky about it was that the guy had no family, I mean apparently it says he has a nephew…but the kid disappeared a while back, I think he use to go to your school too,'
Jake dropped the spoon in his hand and it clattered on the floor. Tom raised an eyebrow when Jake didn't pick it back up.
'What was the guys last name?' Jake asked.
'Ahhh,' Tom flipped back a couple of pages and read 'Alan…Thatcher,'
Shock and understanding gripped Jake like a vice. He hid it quickly and picked up his spoon. He dumped the rest of his cereal in the bin, and left his bowl and spoon in the sink for mum to clean up later.
'What'd you do that for?' Tom asked.
'I just realised I do have plans for today,' Jake spoke quickly heading toward the door 'Have fun at your meeting!' Jake had a funeral to attend.
By the time Jake had got there the funeral was over, the grave was completed and not a figure remained. The graveyard was empty, except for one boy. Jake approached the grave, and the boy who's back was to him. The boy had deep black hair, a thin, yet broad shouldered figure and a body that was…nice. A body one could learn to worship…not that Jake thought that…
Jake stopped before he reached the boy and spoke.
'Why didn't you tell us?' Jake asked. Tobias turned and looked at him with those sad grey eyes. He was so beautiful, no wonder Rachel had chosen him out of all the boys at their school.
'It was right before a battle…' Tobias answered and turned his gaze back to the headstone. Jake walked up beside him and followed his gaze.
'And I didn't want it to seem like that big a deal…we never got along. He was always drinking and never treated me very well. So I'm not upset …no big deal,' Tobias spoke.
'It is a big deal,' Jake spoke 'But not because of who he was,'
Tobias looked at him in shock…how did he know? They were silent for a while. The wind began to pick up, the sky looked very intimidating, there was gong to be a storm soon, it was very dark for two o'clock.
'He was the last…' Tobias spoke suddenly 'My Aunt…she died last year…he was the last of my family…'
'You don't have to tell me…,' Jake offered as Tobias's voice wavered.
'It-it's okay,' Tobias said looking at the floor 'I want to…I like talking you to you. You don't judge me…or offer false comforts…you just listen, I like that,'
Tobias did remember that night, it was clear now. Jake half smiled at Tobias, waiting for when he was ready to tell him what he wanted to.
'He was my last connection to…my…humanity. Now there's nothing connecting me to the world. Now I truly am a hawk,' Tobias lowered his head. Jake reached out and grabbed Tobias' arm.
'Don't say that! It's not true! You have us,' Jake swore. Tobias looked at him with those heart piercing eyes.
'No false comforts Jake,' Tobias pleaded.
'It's not false!' Jake declared 'We'd never let you slip away Tobias. To us you'll always be the boy. The hawk is just your…masquerade,'
Tobias knew from Jake's pleading soft brown eyes, he thought he was telling the truth. Tobias looked at the ground and clenched his fists. The feel of Jake's hands still on his arm burned him with Jake's warmth. So comforting, Tobias barely felt the misery that had plagued him before. At Jake's touch Tobias felt apart of…something…that Jake really cared what happened to him.
'Sometimes I don't think so,' Tobias stated, 'Sometimes I think…the boy is…just a stage of a transition,'
'It isn't Tobias,' Jake promised 'You're human, you're not alone. You have us, the Animorphs, you're friends, we tie you to your humanity,'
'But then…you're all not that human any more are you?' Tobias returned Jake's gaze 'We've changed, we're different from everyone else, it's like…we've looked into a void…something humans were never suppose to see…and it's changed us, so that we're never the same again…and we can never be truly human again…,'
Jake thought about Tobias's words. They were…deep and troubling, quite frightening. Yet Jake knew they were true. They would, couldn't ever be the same again. They weren't like normal people, they'd been through too much, know too much. They'd never be like that again.
'You're right…we're not truly human anymore,' Jake quietly agreed. Tobias looked at him shocked. He didn't expect Jake to see it the way Tobias did. He expected him to deny it and claim sanctuary in his denial. He didn't imagine Jake to come to terms with it so quickly, look Tobias in the eye and say it was true.
'Even so…' Jake spoke smiling warmly 'At least we've got company, we've got our friends. You included,'
Tobias looked down at the flowers in the vase beside his Uncle's grave.
'No I don't…I'm not really connected with any of you…' Tobias told him 'And don't say it's not true cause you know it is…all my life I've never really fitted in…belonged anywhere. Even in the Animorphs, I'm the black sheep,'
'Tobias…you're not, you're one of us,' Jake expressed 'You are an Animorph,'
'I'm really not Jake,' Tobias shook his head 'You are all so close. Great and true friends…I don't have that connection with you. You all don't see me as you see one another…I'm a burden…a heavy conscience,'
'No you're-,'
'I am…I'm a sympathy case, I can see it in Cassie's eyes every time she speaks with me. She can't joke or laugh or even talk freely with me. She watches everything she says, with that strong pity in her eyes. Rachel still looks at me with rejection…I don't mind so much anymore…but we've lost that close friendship, I never talk with her anymore. And Marco…well Marco and I have never really gotten along. Ax is a good friend…but there's still that species barrier between us. And then there's you…' Tobias dropped off.
'Go on…' Jake swallowed 'Tell me, what about me?'
Tobias turned his body to face Jake. The sandy haired boy felt the first drop of rain hit his arm that still held onto Tobias. A second followed and soon it began to drizzle rain. The boys stood there unmoving, not caring about the change in weather.
'You…You're always so far away…' Tobias spoke 'You're so deep in your own thoughts. In a lot of ways, we're a lot alike, like that…and…I don't know…I suppose you're different from them too, I thought you were indifferent to me…until that night,'
'Tobias…if only…if only I knew that you felt this way…' Jake spoke. 'I didn't realise that they…'
Tobias smiled and the sight warmed Jake from the rain, thatbegan to fall stronger,pouring down from the grumbling sky.
'You didn't realise it did you?' Tobias spoke 'You saw me as you saw everyone else…a friend…a part of the group that's why you didn't realise that nobody else did, that I really wasn't,'
The rain soaked through their clothes, the drops slid down cheeks, shoulders and necks. Hair became plastered to faces.
'What you said…about needing something else other than war,' Jake tried 'I know, I understand, I need it too. Something in life that is stronger and as equally important to me as the war,'
'Yes,' Tobias agreed. 'A connection to life,'
Tobias looked down from him and focused on the ground, refusing to look up at the other boy.
'I need it Jake, I need something…I can't go on like this…,'
Suddenly Jake realised that Tobias was crying, that some of the water on his cheek was not from the rain. Jake felt his heart cry out for the boy. He had to do something, he didn't know what, he just wanted to take away the boys pain. To make it all stop. To give him something. Jake placed his fingers underneath Tobias's chin and raised it. Grey eyes starred deeply into dark brown. Raindrops froze in their dissention. Jake unconsciously leant forward, he suddenly realised what he was doing but found himself not only unable to resist, but not wanting to stop himself. He slid his eyes closed, and pressed his lips against Tobias's perfect, pale soft ones. Warmth flooded through him. It was a sensation stranger than a morph and far more powerful. Jake swept his tongue against Tobias's bottom lip, they parted with a gasp and Jake swept his tongue, softly and delicately inside. Tobias closed his eyes and welcomed Jake's tongue within his mouth. Jake tenderly kissed the boy, both discovering emotions and sensations far stronger than they had every experienced before.
