Knowing

Is this what I'm doomed to?

Is this my fate?

Am I supposed to live alone? Am I supposed to never get close… to anyone?

Am I supposed to be the never-ending tragic hero? The one who carries on even though there's nothing, and definitely no one, to live for. The one that everyone loves and pities from afar. The one that will never get the simple life he wanted.

They're all gone, you know. Nearly all the Weasleys, 'cept Bill and Fluer, and Fred. Even Ron, heh, you'd think he'd always be around. Hermione, too. I wish she was here complaining about me being foolish, or irresponsible, or "brash", as she'd put it. Remus, McGonagall, Moody… and Gin.

Gin.

I'd almost do it all again, lose everyone else, if she could stay. Just her. She could make this all so… bearable. Not even Hermione and Ron left a hole as big.

She really understood me. Out of every moron and good friend who thought they knew everything I was going through, she actually did.

I never had to say what I thought with her. I never had to tell her how I was doing. She knew, and she was right there with me, through it all. Even after I broke it off with her, she never questioned why, and she just got it. I think she knew before I did that I would come back and tell her I was stupid. Not much of a stretch, really, figuring out something obvious before I do.

And I loved her. Hell, I still do. I don't know if she realized exactly how much she could get out of me, just for saying she wanted it. No asking, no demanding, just letting it be known.

I finally understand why Dumbledore said 'love' was my power. I won the war for her.

Not much good, was it?

I can win a bloody war for her, but I can't keep her alive long enough to actually enjoy it.

Great job, there, Harry.

Heh, I wonder if she's still getting it, from wherever she is. I wonder if she's still "there with me", still just "knowing".