A/N:

I have… UPDATED DAMN YOU.

Say thanks.

Spiffy McSpiffters In X Rated Trouble!

…HATSUHARU! She gasped and rolled over, onto the floor. Haru stared at her with an insane look in his eyes. He smirked, remembering the first time he had met Spiffy.

"Hello… Spiffy…" He cooed gently, reaching for Spiffy's short, dangly hair. She tried to back away, but only ended up against the wall. Haru stroked her cheek affectionately.

"Remember when I first met you?"

Spiffy shuddered. She hadn't meant to make those sounds. The sounds that enticed him into having casual and unregretful sex- WAIT! I'm not allowed to say that.

Spiffy dropped to her knee's and raised her hands in the air.

"Dear God, if you spare me so I'm not in X rated trouble anymore-" She paused. She WAS God. No use in talking to herself, was there? She damned herself for being in such a position. Spiffy groaned inwardly. She didn't want to have casual and unregretful sex with Haru again. She made a run for it, which worked. Haru was kinda slow (he's a COW), so he didn't turn around and grab her.

Spiffy fled to the ancient building establishment, where she unlocked the door from where she had previously broken it. She ran in, to find Tohru cooking breakfast already and Kyo sitting around on the floor. They stared at her and she stared back.

"Haru… rape… scared… Spiffy…" She said abnormally, slapping her hands on her knees. Tohru went over to her aid and sat her right beside Kyo, who was shuddering. Spiffy wasn't his best friend in the while wide world, ya know.

"Uhh…"

"Kyo, I think this is a good time to tell you," Spiffy mumbled, resting her head on Kyo's shoulder. He let out a cry; I mean, eww! Who wants a person who is going to put an end to your life one day leaning all over you and attempting to put a hand down your boxers? Well, some people might, but Kyo didn't. She shoved her sideways a bit and stood up.

"Leave me alone, dammit!" He yelled at Spiffy, walking off in a random direction. Then, he realized Spiffy needed to tell him something, so he hesitantly came back.

"…Kyo I'm… I'm your MOTHER!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screeched Kyo so loudly the windows broke. Oh wait, Shigure's house HAS no windows. Damn. Anyway, he howled and glared at Spiffy. She grinned stupidly back.

"You… You… I HATE YOU!" Kyo yelled.

"Ahh crap! I'm in X rated trouble now! First there was Haru rape, now there is Kyo hate! What next! Waaah!"

"…Mum, you're a loser" Kyo mumbled. Why did he even say Mum? Spiffy poked him.

"I was kidding, moron. I'm Spiffy Jane Mary Akito McSpiffters. Not Spiffy Jane Mary Akito Sohma. I'm only your… second cousin twice removed, auntie's, uncle's, father's son's, daughter's, uncle's, wife's sister in law"

Kyo let out a 'phew!' of relief. I mean, having Spiffy has a second cousin twice removed, auntie's, uncle's, father's, son's, daughter's, uncle's, wife's sister in law isn't so bad. He walked into the kitchen, for some milk to share with Spiffy.

"Have milk,"

So she did.

"So… you said Haru was trying to rape you?"

"Yeah," Replied Spiffy, "He's scary. I wouldn't trust him with my balls. I-I mean my life…"

"In your world Spiffy, what do you call this place?"

"The… ancient building establishment"

"…"

It was about 8 in the morning by the time Spiffy went home. Tohru had served some breakfast for everyone and Yuki had gotten over his fear of Spiffy. She'd even had casual and unregretful sex with Shigure.

So, all in all, everyone was gleeful and happy.

Even though they're the same thing.

A/N:

Gasp!