A/n: Hey! Fluffy chapter here. Very fluffy chapter. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 4
All through the next day, Sirius spent the entire day trying to think of what to say to Remus. Heck, where was he going to start? So, while Remus was completely oblivious as to what he was planning, Sirius was thinking about what he could possibly say to him that evening.
That night, Sirius was up in his dormitory still thinking about what he was going to say to Remus, when James came up. "Hey, Sirius."
"Hey, James."
"Is everything alright?" he asked.
"Sure." Sirius lied. Everything was not all right and James knew it.
"Are you sure?" James said, trying to get Sirius to say it – to admit it – so he didn't have to come out and say it.
"Yeah." Sirius said, with a sad tone in his voice.
James sighed. "Damn it, Sirius." Sirius looked up, startled. "I'm your best friend. I've known you for 5 years. You can't lie to me and get away with it. Now, what. Is. Wrong!"
Sirius sighed, and decided that he wouldn't be able to hide it very much longer anyway. "Oh, god, James. I don't know where to start."
James sat down next to Sirius, and put his arm around his shoulder. "What is it?" he said, with concern in his voice.
Sirius stood up and rubbed his temples. "I guess I should start out with the fact that… the fact that…" How would James take it? He had to tell him, but… how? Would he lose 2 friends over this?
"That fact that what?" James said, innocently.
Sirius took a deep breath and plunged in. "That fact that I'm gay."
James' heart nearly stopped when Sirius said that. Sirius Black? Gay? I don't believe it! He stuttered for a while before the words, "You're gay?" came out.
"Yes." Sirius said, sadly. Sirius over and looked out the window.
James stood and walked over to Sirius and stood behind him. "Sirius…" he said, as he was about to put his hand on his shoulder, but for some reason hesitated.
"You can put your hand on my shoulder, James, I don't like you. And even if I did, you're straight, and you have a girlfriend. What would that gain me?"
"Good point. Sorry." He said, as he laid his hand on Sirius' shoulder.
"It's ok. I expected that."
James nodded. "So… what else is there to tell me? You said that was the start."
"It was." Sirius said. "There's so much else to tell you."
"For instance…"
"There's someone that I care very, very, very much about."
"Who?"
He whispered, "Remus."
James swore his heart stopped. But when he started thinking about it, it made sense. Sirius left the room whenever Remus was there and seemed uncomfortable whenever he was around. Actually, Remus did the exact same thing… that could only mean one thing… "I think you should tell him." James said, flatly.
Sirius looked back at James. "Yeah, Jack said the same thing."
"You told Jack?" James said, utterly shocked.
"Yes, but no names, and he has no clue who it is or that I'm gay."
James relaxed slightly. "Oh. Ok."
"So, you think I should tell him?" Sirius asked.
"Yes, I think he feels the same way about you that you do about him." James said.
Sirius looked back at him, perplexed. "You do?"
"Yes. He does same thing around you that you do around him." James explained. "The only other explanation is that he's found that you like him, is straight, and feels uncomfortable around you." James could see Sirius' expression fall in despair. "But I don't think that's the case." James said, comforting him. "Because if I didn't know, surely he doesn't." Sirius' expression brightened.
"So, you think I should tell him?" Sirius asked.
"Yes, I do." James agreed.
"Ok. I will."
They walked down to the common room to find out that Remus wasn't there.
"Where do you think he went?" James asked.
"To the Astronomy Tower." Sirius said. "Can I-"
"Borrow my Invisibility Cloak?" James finished. He smiled. "Of course." He ran upstairs, grabbed it out of his trunk, ran back downstairs, gave it to Sirius, Sirius slipped it on and left the common room.
Sirius quietly trudged his way to the Astronomy Tower. When he got there, he realized that he had been right. There Remus was, leaning on the windowsill, looking at the stars, looking absolutely with the little moonlight that there was shining down upon him.
"What are you doing up here so late?" Sirius said, startling him. "And without the Invisibility Cloak?"
"Looking at the stars." Remus said. "I lost track of time."
"Well, let's go back down to the common room." He said.
"Ok." Remus said.
"But first, there's something I want to talk to you about." Sirius said.
"Ok." Remus said, turning around. "What is it?"
Sirius didn't know where to start. Remus was just standing there, leaning up against the windowsill, with the moonlight shining on him. Sirius ran a hand through his long, silky black hair. "God, Remus." He said. "Do you have any idea how absolutely beautiful you are?"
Remus' eyes widened and swore he nearly died when Sirius said that. He can't mean that. He doesn't. He couldn't possibly…"You don't mean that." He said.
Sirius took a few steps forward. "But, I do." He said, "You have no idea how much I care about you."
"Oh, Sirius." Remus said. "I've waited so long to hear you say that. But there's no way –"
"Yes, there is, Remus. There is. I promise. I do care about." He walked forward, and grabbed Remus' hands and looked straight into his eyes, blue meeting hazel. "I've never felt like this before. About anyone. I'm not playing with you. I'm dead serious."
As soon as Sirius had said that, he believed him. "I've never felt this way about anyone either." Remus said, admitting his feelings for him.
"So, will you be with me?" Sirius asked.
Remus thought about it, and didn't know what to say. Sure, he cared about Sirius. But Sirius' history with relationships was not good. He never kept a date for more than a few weeks. Remus cared about him so much, but…. He didn't want to be hurt. "Sirius…" he began, but he didn't know exactly what to say.
Sirius stepped forward more, and Remus lowered his head in submission. Sirius put a finger under his chin, and lifted it up so that their eyes met again. Sirius leaned forward and began to kiss him. Unable to help himself, Remus began to kiss him back, not knowing exactly what to do. The longer the kiss, the more passionate it began. When they finally broke the kiss, they were both out of breath, and panting.
"Whoa," was all Remus to think to say. "Are all first kisses like that?" he said, openly admitting he had never been kissed before.
"No," Sirius said. "That wasn't my first kiss, but… I've never felt anything that before."
"You've kissed people like that before?" Remus asked.
"Yes," Sirius answered, "but… the way it felt… it's…" He couldn't think of a word what the kiss felt like. "… different… than anything I've ever, ever felt… much stronger… deeper… than anything I've ever felt."
Remus was shocked at what he was hearing. How could this be happening? Sirius had just said that he had never felt that way before. With him it was different. Remus couldn't believe it. He agreed with everything Sirius was saying, except for the fact that had never been kissed before, and he was still in utter disbelief.
Sirius put his arm around Remus' waist, and pulled him closer to him and kissed him again. This time, as the kiss got deeper and more passionate, Remus pulled away, unable and unwilling to submit to his feelings. "No." he said, flatly. "No. I can't do this. I won't!"
"What?" Sirius couldn't believe his ears. He knew Remus felt the same way, so why was he doing this? "What are you talking about?"
"Sirius, I refuse to be just another passing fling!" Remus said.
Sirius' eyes widened in disbelief. What was he saying? "Remus, what-"
"How do I know that I'm not just another fling, and that I won't be worth more than a few weeks of your time?" Remus asked.
Sirius walked up to him and put his hands on Remus' face. "You are." He said, clearly and flatly. "You are. You're worth so much more than that." Love and caring was shining in his eyes. "Why don't you believe me?"
Remus looked down, hurt. "Oh, Sirius… I'm so scared. I don't want to get hurt."
"You won't." Sirius said. Then looking deep into his eyes, he promised, "I swear that I will never hurt you. Never."
"Sirius, that's not the only thing I'm scared of."
"What else is there?" he asked.
"I'm scared of…" He began.
"Scared of what?"
"I'm scared of… my feelings for you. They're so deep, they… they scare me."
Sirius lowered his hands. "You have no idea how much I agree with that," He said. "They scare me, too. Why do you think I've been so weird around you lately?"
Remus nodded. "Yeah. I know how you feel."
"Look, Remus. I know you're scared. I am, too. But not being with you is killing me." He wrapped his arms around Remus. "I need you." He said, with hope and concern in his voice. "I need you."
Remus gulped, and digested what had happened so far tonight. He couldn't deny he felt the same way Sirius did. And Sirius was scared, too. And it was tearing him apart not to be with him. But there were so many consequences on a relationship with Sirius Black. But, he cared about him so much and this had been a dream come true. But it was all over when Sirius leaned forward, and whispered into Remus' ear, "Remus, please. I need you with me. I need to be with you. I need you at my side." Then he lowered his voice even more and said, "I can't live my life without you."
Sirius hadn't even planned what he whispered to Remus. He had just done it, and it had just come out. But he meant every word. He did. He meant every word.
Remus turned his head, so that he was looking at Sirius' face. He looked into his eyes, and said one word that would forever change their lives… "Ok."
That was all it took. And their lives were forever changed.
A/n: I really do hope you enjoy this one. I'm proud of it. Please r/r!
