The time spent with Logan had calmed her nerves, and she felt closer to content than she had felt in a very long time. Even though it was ridiculous, even though it was a promise he could never keep, she wanted him to say it. She wanted to hear him promise to her, that he would stay for her. That he wouldn't go running off when she needed him. He had been silent for a while, as though he
Her mind had been rampant while he had been silent, so desperate for him to say that he wouldn't leave her.
Lie to me, she had thought.
Just lie to me, and tell me you'll stay.
She was expecting him go all grown-up and mature on her, and tell her that he had his own life, one that did not include her, but he didn't. He made the promise, and Rogue felt herself breathe as though she had been holding her breath for eight months.
He knew it was impossible. He couldn't stay. And yet he had made the promise, because he knew, even though he wouldn't admit it, that she was the reason he had returned. She had been so enticing, her murderous skin so close to him, her warm breath sending shivers down his spine. Logan knew it was wrong, but he had wanted her at that moment. And at the same time, he was appalled that he felt that way.
Through his journeying to recover his lost past, he had discovered things he had never wanted to know. The things he had done.. He had murdered people. Without a thought of what was right, he had carried out the command of Stryker, and himself. He had killed because he had wanted to. As he had learnt more about his past, memories had resurfaced, and consequently, the nightmares had increased in intensity and had become more frequent. And it broke his heart to think that Marie was seeing them. Seeing the memories he was trying so hard to forget. He had thought, that with a part of him inside of her, she would try to run after he left. That she would disappear. But she hadn't, and he had felt relieved at the fact. And yet now it was he who was considering running.
Logan was deep in his own thoughts when he heard Jean's voice call out to him as he passed her room.
"Could you help me with this, Logan?"
She looked a bit ridiculous, one foot on a chair, the other stretched out in the air as if to make her reach higher on the wall, where she was attempting to hang up a picture. Like an unskilled ballerina with a nail in her hand and a pencil in the other, devoid of all grace she usually possessed.
"Hand me that hammer."
Logan chuckled at the absurdity of the image in front of him, just loud enough for her to turn around and look at him with a pair of scolding eyes.
"You're a powerful telekinetic, Jean, and yet you insist on all this manual labour?"
Jean shot an exasperated look at him, and he turned, understanding that there would be no point in arguing about this.
"I don't understand why you would want this on your wall anyway," he mumbled under his breath. "It's hideous,"
"For your information," Jean thundered, her countenance demanding full concentration from him. "It was a gift from Scott. My gift to him was to learn how to do things without using my powers every now and then. Do you have a problem with that?"
"No I don't, Red," he retorted with his usual smirk, and pleased that he had gotten such a reaction from her, handing her the hammer .
As he watched her stretch even further to knock the nail into the wall, he knew she was going to fall, and took some pleasure in this. The amazing Jean Grey, beaten by simple household task.
And then, as the inevitable happened, she fell.
He considered letting her fall as she saw her lose balance, but decided against it. After all, she was quite powerful when she decided to use her powers, and he didn't any of it directed at him.
Logan caught her easily, his hands wrapping around her waist as she let out a small 'umph.' The closeness was something he had wanted so bad before he left, and yet now it just felt.. wrong. He released the grip he had around her waist, and she turned around, standing there for a while, looking into his eyes, her hand on his shoulder.
At first he thought she was going to kiss him. He surprised himself by not taking a step back, but there was something about her eyes.. And then he realized that she was reading his mind, and he quickly backed off.
Her eyes were apologetic, and he nodded as to tell her it was alright, then turned and left. He arrived to the hallway just in time to see a familiar green cloak disappear out the front door
'Fuck.'
She had gone looking for him. Wanted to see him, stay in his presence. Where she felt safe.
And then she had seen them. Logan and Jean. So intimate.
Rogue had felt so small at that moment, it was as though everything was crashing down around her. Like her powers were absorbing her own insides, and she was left feeling empty. And then she had run. She didn't know why, there was no sense in running away from the one man she could feel truly safe with. But there was no point in staying either.
Logan was not hers. He had made a promise to protect her, and he was why he had returned. Not because he felt for her what she felt for him. Not because he loved her. And so running felt like the natural thing to do. It was the right thing to do, she thought, while putting Scott's key in the ignition of the motorcycle, speeding off.
