John entered into the motel room only to find Sam next to Dean's bed, smothering his brother's hair. When he had left twenty minutes ago to go get something to eat, he had made Sam promise he'd stay in bed. After all, Sam also needed all the rest he could get. John sighed. He should have known better. He also approached Dean's bed, resting a hand on his younger son's shoulder, a rare affectionate gesture between them.
"Has he awoken?"
Sam shook his head and John wasn't surprised. Dean was still very weak. Sam had managed to grab some IV bags and they had started one on Dean's arm just after signing in the motel.
"I've brought dinner, you should eat, Sammy"
"I'm not really hungry" Sam didn't move from his position next to Dean's bed.
"I know you're not, son, but you really need to eat" Sam looked at his father. John's eyes seemed to beg him to eat, to heal, to not make him worry about him even more. And John's appearance… his eyes were bloodshot, he was clearly favoring his uninjured leg and he look like a strong blow of wind may knock him out. Sam remembered he hadn't seen his father sleeping or leaving them in all the days they spent on the hospital.
"I'll eat when you do, dad"
"Ple.. please Sam, eat the dinner or you'll start arguing and I won't be able to go to sleep again…"
John and Sam both stopped staring at each other at the same time, to stare at the source of the last sentence. Dean was watching at them, eyes half open.
"Dean!" John thought Sam's smile could lit LA right now. "How are you?"
"Like I got hit by a truck" Dean frowned "Woah. Déjà Vu. Didn't we already had this conversation? Where are we?"
John sat down Dean's bed. "We had to leave the hospital"
Dean nodded. "Yeah, possessed nurses. Scary thought. The… the woman?"
"Erin's in her bedroom, two doors from here" John looked again at Sam and at the food, and in the end, sighing, Sam walked to the small kitchenette, took a hamburger from the bag, and started eating, making a show of munching every bit just for his father's sake. Apparently satisfied with his youngest son, John centered his attention once again to the man laying on the bed.
"Dean, what happened in that cabin…"
"Hey, I know. It wasn't you. I understand, dad"
Dean could cope with Sam throwing those chick-flick moments at him. He himself had been known to had one of those every once in a while (he's still would pay big bucks to see Sam's face when he told him how proud of him he was, during all that scarecrow fiasco), but listening to his father getting all emotive was another completely story whatsoever.
" I know you understand, son." John continued "but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about what the demon said about me being proud of you. It was wrong"
Dean swallowed. Of course it was wrong. Dean himself had told the Demon the moment he had been sure his father had been possessed. John would have never been proud of a son who had wasted one of the precious bullets. Even though, the longing for hearing those words was so great that Dean had almost believed it… almost.
"I know dad. I'm sorry I wasted a bullet, but Sam was being beaten to death and…"
"No Dean. It was wrong that it had to be that Demon who told you that. It should have been me. And I shouldn't have waited so long for saying them to you"
Dean was sure he would have sit up from the shock at hearing that, hadn't it been for his father who pushed him down gently.
"Whaaaaat?"
Dean looked at Sam, and the look he saw on his younger brother, of total shock, mouth hanging open with a half taken bit of hamburger, told him he had heard correctly.
"I should have told you, both of you" John looked at Sam for a second at that "how proud of you both I am. When I left all those months ago, I knew the first thing you'd try to do would be reach Sammy and coax him into helping you find me. I thought Sam would refuse, so when I learnt he had come with you to Jericho…" John smiled "You've always been able to keep the family together. Even when Sam and I were at our worst, you've always been able to find a compromising point"
Except once, Dean thought, and that once keep as apart for two whole years. At this point, Dean was finding his hands quite much more interesting than his father. Finally hearing the words, really said by John, not by that son of a bitch was something he had only dreamt about.
"I know you thought that after that ashtriga incident so many years ago I looked at your differently"
Dean's head shot up at this. He looked at Sam with accusatory eyes, but Sam suddenly had taken again a big interest in his hamburger and would not look at them. John continued as though he hadn't notice any of that.
"And maybe you were right. But I should have never blamed you for what happened. I should have never put a gun on the hands of a child, or have you to have to burden with Sam…"
Dean looked at his father. "Sam was never a burden! I understood why we had to do what we had to do"
"I know you did, because I made sure you understood. But after nearly loosing you two, I realized that none of this, none of the hunting, of having to kill the Demon, of avenging your mother is worth it, if any of you die in the process. And not just that. I shouldn't have dragged you all over the country, not letting you enjoy your childhood. Not letting you be children. I'm so sorry…"
Dean looked at Sam who seemed as lost for words as himself. "Dad… it's not. I can not imagine having lived my life any other way, or wouldn't want to…"
Sam didn't say anything. He had more than once imagined what their lived would have been hadn't their mother been murdered. When he was in Stanford, he even envied secretly all of his friends, whom would leave to spent the weekend with their families, or would explain how they had been on the high school football team. But as he now sat watching at his father, he knew living a relatively normal life, without giving his father the chance to avenge his wife, would have killed him. He smiled
"Dad, you did the best you could. And you're right. Dean and I may not have had the best of the childhood, but we had a family, and that's thanks to him"
John nodded and looked at Dean "What I said about Sammy getting a degree, about you having a home is true"
"I know. And once we finally send this son of a bitch to hell once and for all, we'll get to that"
John smiled and gently ruffled Dean's hair. "that's my boy. Now you try to get some more rest, tomorrow will be a long day and I need you both rested"
Sam and Dean nodded and John smiled. He was sure now. As long as they had each other, they would be able to cope with everything.
