A/n: Well, here's the next chapter! I hope that I get this one out a bit sooner than I have been getting my chapters out. I hope they're worth it, though. J Anyway… More Depressing stuff in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it. R/R!
A/n2: Doesn't look I'm getting this chapter out any sooner…. Haven't started writing it as I'm writing this, but I re-read my story, and am getting some ideas, so I'm going to sit down (even though I'm already sitting down) and write it.
LunasStar: Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you like my story so much! Thank you! Finally, someone else who likes Stacey. All the more reason for me to write a story on her. J Lol your comment about Peter. Thanks again for your comments.
Sleeper6: Thank you so much! I really appreciate it! I'm glad that you love my story so much! Thank you so much!
xBr0kEnB0tTle: Yes… Lol your comments. Thank you for reviewing.
Lover not a fighter: Lol, yes, I'm alive.
Chapter 22
Sirius ended up crying himself to sleep. Remus just laid there, looking at him, rubbing his back, trying his best to comfort the upset young man in his arms. It hurt Remus so much to see his lover like this, and it hurt Remus even more to know that there was absolutely nothing he could do to ease the pain Sirius was feeling right now.
Is this how Sirius feels when I'm upset? Remus thought. Because of Remus being a werewolf, he had more… emotional problems, and things to deal with concerning that, and he was often upset for some reason because of it. More recently, his growing heavy attraction for the young man currently in his arms and the werewolf's equal (if not more) desire for the young man. When it got close to the full moon, it positively tore Remus apart. Does Sirius feel like this when I'm laying in his arms crying for some reason? Remus wondered.
Remus looked down at Sirius had sighed. Sirius was asleep now, which meant that his crying had stopped. Remus wasn't sure if he would start crying again when he woke up. Sure enough, when Sirius woke up, the memories came flooding back to him, and he started crying again.
James and Peter came in later, and gave Remus some food from dinner, as they knew Sirius wouldn't unlatch himself from Remus, so they brought him food.
"Here," James said, "there's extra food, so try and get Sirius to eat."
"I know." Remus said. "I will."
James and Peter tried not to spend any time up in the dormitory because of Sirius. They couldn't stand seeing their friend, who was usually so strong, breaking down like that.
The day he found out he didn't really register what anyone else said or did. All he could tell was that he was laying on Remus' lap, and Remus' arms were wrapped around him protectingly, and he was rubbing his back, obviously trying to get him to calm down, or soothe him as best as he could, but to no avail.
Sirius couldn't believe that his father was gone, actually gone. His father had been so great to him over the course of Sirius' life. He tried as best as he could to mold Sirius, and help him become a strong, responsible adult. Strong Sirius was, but responsible? Not so much… His father loved him anyway. His father had no prejudices (except for gays and bisexuals, of course as Sirius remembered from the Christmas break) and he wanted what was best for Sirius (so far as he knew) and not the "pureblood line" that Sirius was of.
Yes, Sirius was a pureblood, and he never forgot that, but his father didn't make his life all about the "pureblood line" and the "pureblood heritage" like some families did (like the Snape's and the Malfoy's). His father always made it a point to tell Sirius that he would back him in whatever he did if it was what he wanted. And Sirius loved that, and respected that part of his father.
His mother… was a different story… She had a much stronger feelings towards "non-purebloods" than his father did. She wanted more of what was best for the "pureblood line" and the "pureblood heritage". Sirius' father was not like that.
Sirius slept and cried off and on for the next couple of days. Lily insisted on bringing the assignments that Sirius and Remus had missed, even in the couple of classes that they did not have together. (Lily would copy someone's notes that was in the class.) On the 3rd day that they had missed class, Remus insisted on starting some of the homework, or it would begin to pile up even more than it already had.
When Sirius was awake, he would talk to Remus about his father, and how much he missed. Remus would put down everything he was doing at the moment (reading a book, or later, homework) and listen to him, and give Sirius his undivided attention.
On the 4th day, Sirius had stopped crying. When he woke up, Remus was doing his homework. Sirius looked up at him, and said, "Homework?"
Remus, who hadn't realized that Sirius had woken up, said, "Yeah. I don't want it to pile up on me too much."
Sirius gave a stiff smile, and said, "I couldn't concentrate on that even if I wanted to."
Remus smiled. "I know." He said. "But you're going to have to help me with potions. It's dreadfully hard this year for me."
"Yeah, don't worry, love." Sirius said. "You know I wouldn't let you down. Not on purpose anyway…."
Remus' smile faltered. "You haven't let me down."
"I feel like I have." Sirius remarked. "I'm always the strong one, and now…" Sirius sniffled as tears started to form in his eyes, which were usually startling blue, and were not red and puffy from all the crying.
Remus dropped his quill, and wrapped his arms around Sirius, and started to shush him. "Now, now, don't say things like that. No one can blame you for being upset. This is a traumatic event for anyway." Remus slid down a little bit father so he could hold onto Sirius better, and Sirius wrapped his arms loosely around his lover. Remus laid his head on top of Sirius. "You can't be strong all the time, love, and that's why I'm here."
Sirius gave a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I know." He said. "I can't believe you stayed here with me all this time. It's been, what, four days?"
"Yeah…" Remus said. "But I couldn't leave you. You were so upset, and even Dumbledore told me to stay with you for a few days. He said you would need me."
"And I do." Sirius said simply.
"I know." Remus said. "I couldn't leave now, when you need the most."
Sirius' tightened his hold on Remus. "I can't believe he's gone…" His voice started to shake again. "I mean…"
"Sh, love, I know,." Remus shushed him. "It's alright. It's alright."
They just laid like that for a while, and the Peter and James came in again, and saw that Sirius was up. "Oh, you're up!" James said. "How are you?"
"I don't know." Sirius said honestly. "Not good, I guess. Better, but, still…"
James and Peter just nodded in understanding. "Yeah, we understand." It looked like James was going to say something more, but one look at Remus and Sirius and he decided against it.
Just then an owl started tapping at the window. Peter walked over, and opened it up and let the owl in. It flew over to Sirius, and then stuck it's leg out. Sirius turned on his side next to Remus, and untied the letter from the owl's leg. Sirius recognized the owl as his mother's.
"Who's it from?" James asked.
"My mother." Sirius replied. "She says the funeral is this Saturday, and insists that I'm there."
"It is your father's funeral." Peter remarked.
Sirius nodded. "Yes, it is." Sirius sighed, and set the letter down. The owl stared at him, and then, realizing that Sirius wasn't going to move, flew off the opened window, which was closed by Peter.
"Aren't you going to reply?" Peter asked him.
"Yeah." Sirius said. "Later. I don't feel like it right now."
They nodded. James and Peter looked at each other, and then excused themselves, and went down to dinner. They brought up food, and James insisted that Sirius eat. Sirius said that he didn't want to, but James insisted, and when Remus agreed with him, Sirius agreed. James and Peter left down to the common to do their homework, and Sirius sat up next to Remus, slowly eat.
"Is that what they've been doing?" Sirius asked Remus. "Bringing us food?"
"You didn't notice?" Remus asked.
Sirius just shook his head. "No." He said. "All I noticed was you."
Remus simply nodded, and ate.
After they ate, Remus said that he should write his mother so that he would be sure that she would get it in time. Sirius agreed that Remus was right, and took the parchment that his mother had written her message on, and turned over, and wrote to her, saying that he would be there, nothing more, and told Remus that he would tell Peter or James to go and send it when they came back up, which he knew they would.
He was right. A little while later, James and Peter came back. James said that he would go to the Owlrey and send it, as it was getting late. They went to bed shortly after, Sirius insisting on holding Remus through the night.
They woke up late the next day, and Sirius laid on Remus' lap, still upset at his father's death, which is completely understandable. Remus, feeling that he had to tell Sirius, sometime, said, "Sirius, I knew."
Sirius, confused, looked up at Remus as best he could. "What?"
"A-about your father." He said, stuttering a little. "He sent me a letter a little while ago. He knew he was going to die."
Sirius' eyebrows furrowed as he said this. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I couldn't." Remus said with total honesty. "There was no way I could tell that your father had told me that he knew e was going to die."
"Why did he tell you and not me?"
"He said that he didn't want you to know." Remus said. "He said I could tell you if I wanted to, but I just couldn't." Continuing, Remus said, "He also said that he knew… about us." Sirius looked up at Remus. "He said we were painfully obvious." Remus thought about letting Sirius read the letter. "Do you want to read it?" He asked.
"No." Sirius said. "I trust you. I believe you." Remus knew he would. "So, he knew?"
"Yeah."
"About us, too?"
"Yeah."
Sirius sighed, and something hit Remus. That brought up something else that Sirius would have to know before he started going among the school again. James had docked more house points and handed more detentions. The news about Sirius and Remus and the way that Remus had held Sirius had spread rapidly around school. Not many more people dared to say anything, even if they wanted to, with fear of the Head Boy or Girl giving them detention and docking points for what they were saying about the two seventh year boys.
Remus glanced down at Sirius, and took a deep breath and decided that it was better now than tomorrow when he would start to go amongst the other students again. "Sirius?" Remus asked.
"Yes, love." Sirius said.
"Um… there's something else you should know." Remus stated. By the look on Sirius' face, he thought it was something else about his father, but when he saw the look on Remus', he knew that wasn't the case.
"What is it?" Sirius asked.
"The rest of the school knows about us. Or most of them do at least." The confusion shown on Sirius' face. "They kind of are making their own inferences about the way I was holding you after you found out." Sirius nodded in understanding. "I couldn't help it. You were so upset."
"It's alright." Sirius said, shushing him. "It's been getting harder for us to hide our feelings towards each other. It was bound to happen sooner or later."
Remus nodded. He was right of course.
The time passed slowly until James, Lily and Peter came in after dinner, with food in hand. Sirius and Remus ate as James and Peter told them about what had happened, and Lily handed them their day's homework. It was really starting to pile up.
"You should really starting working on that." Lily suggested nicely. "It's really starting to pile up."
"Yeah…" Sirius said, not really in the mood. He glanced over at Remus and then glanced over at the homework.
"Anything major?" He asked.
"No, nothing you can't find in your books." Lily perked up. "Here." She handed the two boys a stack full of books. "They're for the essays." She said. "For research." Sirius and Remus looked at each other and sighed. "Oh, knock it off. This is what happens." She said. They just nodded at her.
"So," James said to Sirius, "Remus told you?"
"About what some of the students are saying about me and Remus?" Sirius asked. "Yeah. He told me."
"Some of the girls are very upset." James said, as Peter chuckled.
"Yeah, I bet," said Sirius, chuckling. "I'm irresistible." Everyone in the room was glad to see that Sirius was starting to regain his sense of humor, but, nevertheless, Remus smacked him the arm for that remark.
"Watch it, Sirius." Remus warned him. "Upset over your father or not, that will not let you get away with those kind of remarks."
"What?" Sirius said. "It's not like I care." Remus nodded with a knowing look on his face. "I can't help it if I'm gorgeous."
Remus smiled, and kissed him. "Nevertheless, I don't want to hear you making those kinds of remarks, mister."
"Oh, Remus." Sirius said. "It's not as if I'm going to be with anyone but you." He returned his kiss. "A year and a half ago, I would have said differently, but no one else matters to me, but you." He kissed him again, this time longer. Remus was glad to see that he was feeling better, and they noticed Lily giving James a look.
James, not wanting his girlfriend to hit me, gave her a kiss as well. She smiled.
The group sat there and chatted, and then James and Lily left for their rooms, and Peter got dressed, and went to bed. Sirius got up, and he and Remus got dressed, and then Sirius got back into his bed, and laid his head on Remus' chest.
"Thanks for staying with me, love." Sirius said.
"Your welcome, Sirius." Remus said as they drifted off to sleep.
Sirius' attitude the next day was less relaxed. His father's funeral was that evening. He and received a message from his mother, saying that she would be glad to see him, and that he could bring Remus along if he wanted the company and support (which quelled any thoughts that his mother did not know about he and Remus' relationship).
Sirius glanced at Remus as they laid in the dormitory. "Would you like to come with me to my father's funeral?" He asked. "I would appreciate you being there."
Remus smiled. "Of course, Sirius. I know that you need the support right now."
Sirius smiled back, and kissed him. "Thanks, love."
"Anytime." Remus said. "We should go down to breakfast before we leave."
Sirius sighed. "Yes, we should." They got dressed, and met Peter, James, and Lily in the common room, and went down into the Great Hall for breakfast.
The stares of the students were not as bad as one would think. Yes, a great number of them started, but most didn't. Some simply didn't believe it. Others, didn't care. Some, however, did care. Most were Slytherins or females that had a hopeless crush on Sirius, and were upset that such a good-looking guy was no longer currently unavailable, and taken by another guy no less. The ones who did care, would not say anything, as both James and Lily (the Head Boy and Girl) were sitting near Sirius and Remus and they didn't want to risk any more points being taken off their house, or any more detentions.
Sirius leaned forward, and talked to James, Peter, Lily, and Stacey. "Remus is coming with me to my father's funeral today."
"You'll have to tell Dumbledore, but I'm sure he won't mind." Lily said. "He understands.
Sirius nodded in agreement.
After breakfast, they spotted Dumbledore walking towards his office. Sirius and Remus caught up with him, and told him what was going on later on that day. Dumbledore gave Sirius a sad smile, and said, "Of course Remus can go with you. I understand how much you need his love and support right now. Will you be back to take your classes on Monday?"
Sirius smiled. "Thank you, sir, and yes, we will be."
Dumbledore smiled, nodded, and then continued back to his office.
The two boys packed their trunks (as they would need to take all their books with them) and went at caught the train at Hogsmeade station.
When they got to Platform 9 ¾, Sirius' mother and brother were their to pick them up. His mother's face was tear stained, and so was his brother's. His mother told them how glad that they had come, and told Remus that she was glad that he could give her son the support he needed.
Remus nodded, but noticed that the smile she gave him didn't reach her eyes. He attributed it to the fact that she was upset over her late husband's funeral being that day.
The funeral was utterly depressing, as would be expected. Remus' heart ached for Sirius as tears streamed down his face. Sirius insisted on having Remus right next to him, and he told him that he didn't care if his family realized anything or not. This was who he loved, and this was who he wanted to be with, and this was where his heart lied, and Sirius said that he didn't give a damn about whether the rest of his family cared or not.
Remus stood by his side, with his arms around him, comforting him. He noticed the stares of a few of the members of Sirius' family, but most didn't notice or didn't care.
After the funeral, Sirius' mother again thanked Remus for supporting Sirius in his time of need, but her smile was strained, and she had a look her that Remus had seen before on other people towards him, but he dismissed it as she was strained because her husband's funeral had just ended.
They ate dinner, and then went up to their rooms.
That night, Sirius and Remus insisted on sharing the same room, and his mother didn't argue, though Remus noticed that she didn't seem happy about the arrangement.
Sirius and Remus did some of their homework, but it started to get late, and they put their books, parchment, and quills away, and got ready for bed.
Sirius turned to Remus, and put his arms around him, and pulled him close to him. "I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this, but I'm so glad that I can count on you to be there for me when I really need you."
Remus nuzzled into Sirius' chest. "Of course you can. I wasn't about to leave you when you were that upset, and when you really needed me. I couldn't. After all you've done for me…"
Sirius held him tighter. "I guess this just means we're meant for each other."
Remus just smiled.
Sirius held Remus back a little, and kissed him passionately on the lips. Sirius ran his lips down to the nape of Remus' neck and gave it a passionate kiss, which made Remus arch, and gasp in pleasure. Sirius laid Remus down on the bed, and then ran his lips from the nape of Remus' neck up to his lips, and kissed them again. He ran the back of his hand down of his cheek, a serene, loving smile on his face as he looked at the face of his lover. He gave Remus another kiss, one not really full of passion, but one that poured out all of his feelings towards the young man beneath him into it. Remus arched into his kiss, and wrapped his arms around Sirius. Sirius broke the kiss, and laid his head down on Remus' chest.
Remus understood. Sirius still felt vulnerable because he was so upset about his father. Remus heard Sirius sniffle as tears rolled down his cheeks. Remus just ran a hand through his hair, and gave the crown of his head a kiss, and they drifted off to sleep.
The next day, Sirius' older brother, Aiden, drove them to Kings Cross. They got on the train, and went back to Hogwarts. People were whispering about them, but no one expected it to die down any time soon.
Sirius and Remus struggled to finish their homework, and gave the books and notes that they had borrowed from Lily back to her. She just smiled at them and gratefully received them.
The next day, they turned in all their work, and their teachers were grateful that they had gotten it done even after missing so many classes. It was hard for Sirius to get back into his routine with the death of his father just shortly behind. But, eventually, he got back into his routine, and then it was as if nothing was wrong.
A/n: I hate that ending, but… eh… whatever… R/R, as always! I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter is still going to have a little bit sad undertones, but I'm going to try to get away from Sirius' dad's death, but when you see the title to the next chapter, you'll understand why that's going to be a bit hard to do just yet. I do hope you enjoyed this chapter, though!
A/n2: Oh, and btw, I could not send the update e-mail to LunasStar and Spirited-Away. I have no idea why, but I got a failure notice when I tried to send an e-mail to those two people. So, sorry!
