A/n: Hey! Wow, up to Chapter 23! There are only 5 or 6 chapters left after this one, so, please, R/R! sighs Of course, you all should know me by now and know that it will still be a while before I get this story finished! lol Anyway… I hope you enjoy this chapter. As you can tell by the title, it will be a sad chapter, but as I said in the last chapter, I will try to get away from the "death and gloom stuff" (thanks for saying that btw, mizukimarr910) and get into more… fun.. and uplifting stuff… Anyway, please R/R and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
A/n2: For all those who are on Mugglenet Fanfiction as well, and have read this story there, Yes, I am GiaSesshoumaru.
Sleeper6: Your welcome! I thought that that would be a good way to let my readers know that I updated. (I have most of the authors that I read on Author's Update, so I get an e-mail anyway, but I know not everyone does that…) Yes, Sirius does have Remus to take care of him. This kind of proves that they are meant for each other, doesn't it: ) Anyway.. .your welcome for the update again, and thanks for reviewing! If you're lucky, it won't be too long before you get this chapter.
mizukimarr910: Lol, I loved your review! Thanks for reviewing my story, and I'm glad you like it! Yes, I know there's a lot of "death and gloom stuff", but, hey, the guy's father died! I will be getting off it in this chapter if I'm lucky (but take a glance at the chapter name, and you'll see what I mean). Lol, and yes, don't worry there will more snog sessions soon. Sirius can't go that long without a good make out session. (I'm sorry, I'm laughing my head off while I'm writing this.) Again, thanks for reviewing! I'll try to get this finished soon!
Tracy-Lou: Yes, I know, sad chapter. This chapter will be sad too, but I'll try to get off all of the "death and gloom stuff" (as mizukimarr910 put it) and get to more fun stuff. Thanks for the review!
The all mighty and powerfulM: Thanks!
Tara Sparrow: Thanks for letting me know. I re-uploaded it. I don't know what happened. You can read it now. Sorry about that.
RanmasAngel: Thank you so much! I'll try!
moongirlSelene99: Thank you so much! I will!
Mars explorer: Thanks so much! Yes, I know it was sad. It was supposed to be sad.
Heartofgold07: Thank you so much! Believe me, I won't ever stop writing. Thanks again for your review! Thanks!
Lover not a fighter: Thank you for your review. Sorry it made you depressed, though it was a depressing chapter. Sex? Not in this story, sorry… Just heavy make-out sessions… No Mpreg! shudders That's just gross… (Sorry to all those who think otherwise…)
Padfoot and prongs forever: Yes, well, when I wrote that, I didn't realize that his family was not so nice. A Mary Sue is an inherently perfect female, a female who's usually really nice, and good at everything. Sometimes the author inserting herself in the story (not the case in the story, I assure you). A Gary Stu is the male equivalent.
Lozza12rcc: Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
YamikiofAnime: Thank you so much! I will, hopefully. Thanks!
Punkwerewolf: Thank you so much! I won't forget to update, believe me!
Lozza12rcc: Thank you so much! I will, believe me!
Chapter 23
Sirius' spirits seemed to lift up, but as Christmas neared, they dropped again. He put on a good façade, but Remus saw right through it. One night, while they were in bed, Remus asked him if he was alright. Sirius' reply was, "I'm fine, love, I promise. It's just… This will be the first Christmas that my father hasn't been alive. I mean, I know I was here at Hogwarts most of the time, but, still… I know that he won't be at home enjoying Christmas, and… it's a depressing thought." He smiled at Remus. "I'll be fine." He gave Remus a kiss. Remus had smiled back, and gave him a kiss, and that was the end of it.
Other than that, things were pretty much back to normal. Homework was starting to get particularly hard, though. Remus, Stacey, and Peter were getting particularly fed up with Potions. Professor Morano was being unrelenting, and a lot of the students were suffering. Some thought that she was doing it on purpose.
As Christmas neared, so did the next Hogsmeade trip. The Marauders, Stacey and Lily split, to find each other presents for Christmas. James and Sirius went together. Lily and Stacey were together for the first part of the day, but then Stacey ended up going with Snape later, and Lily ended up tagging along with Peter and Remus.
Sirius and James were discussing what to get their friends and respective partners for Christmas. "I have no idea what to get Remus for Christmas," Sirius had been saying.
James looked at him, and said, "Actually, I don't know what to get him either. Nor do I know what to get Lily." James sighed. "I'm sure we'll figure out something."
"Yeah," agreed Sirius. "I'm sure. I mean, I knew what to get him last year, because I knew that he had always wanted a watch. But, this year… I mean, he's done so much for me recently…"
James smiled. "I'm sure you'll think of something, and I'm sure whatever you get him, he'll love it."
Sirius returned his smile. "Yeah, I'm sure."
They passed the Quidditch supply shop, and both boys stopped, and stared. There were some new brooms there, and some new supplies.
"Nice stuff," said James.
"I agree," said Sirius. "Of course, I already have a state-of-the-art broom, so…"
"Same here," agreed James. "But I still like to look."
"Unfortunately, none of our friends, or our respective partners, will enjoy anything in that store, except perhaps Peter, but… He's not on the Quidditch team." Sirius said.
James nodded in agreement. "Yeah. We might get him a book on Quidditch or something."
"Or some candy." Sirius suggested.
"Yeah, that could work, too." James said, and they continued walking. "I could get Lily a book. She could always use another book."
Sirius chuckled. "Yeah… not very special, though…"
James turned to Sirius in confusion, tightening his jacket against the wind as he did so. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean, you love the girl, right? And you're pretty serious about her?" James nodded, and Sirius continued. "So, get her something special."
"Like what?" James asked, and Sirius shrugged.
"I don't know, but I'm sure she would appreciate something thoughtful a bit more." Sirius said. "At least put some thought into the gift, James. If you're going to get her a book, get her one that she'll really love. Not just any old book. You see what I mean? She'll like it more, and, in turn, you will, because she'll enjoy it more, and be happier with you, and you know what that means…" Sirius elbowed James in the ribs with a wide grin on his face.
Both boys laughed, as they knew what Sirius was implying. They walked along, and then stopped as they walked past a bookstore. Sirius and James looked at each other, shrugged, and walked in.
They scanned the shelves, and James stopped, and gasped. Pointing a book on the shelf, he said, "Lily has wanted this book for a long time. She would die if I got it for her."
"What about that one next to it?" Sirius said, motioning towards a book right next to the one James had noticed.
"She would like that one, too." James said. "I can't buy both, though."
"I'll buy this one, and you buy that, one." Sirius said, grabbing the book off the shelf. "How about that?"
"That's fine," James said then they paid for the books, and stared at some of the books. "Can you think for anything in here for anyone else?"
Sirius shook his head. "No. Let's get out of here." They left the store, and continued walking, glancing at the shops, seeing if they could think of anything to get Peter, Stacey, or Remus. They went into Honeydukes and got some candy for Peter, and stuffed it in their book bags, and then continued walking along the shops.
Lily and Stacey had also made a detour into the bookshop before Stacey went off with Snape. Stacey had decided to buy one of the books for Severus, and Lily one for Remus that she thought he would like, and then they walked out. Stacey soon met up with Severus, and then went back into the bookstore, and bought another book for Lily. Lily did the same later for Stacey.
Later they all ran into each other in the street, and decided to switch and go with someone else so they could buy presents for the person they were with. Stacey, however, made it a point to avoid them, as she was with Severus, and she knew that the Marauders would not like that. Sirius and Remus went with each other, and James and Peter with Lily.
"So, did you get anything for me?" Sirius asked Remus, and Remus shook his head.
"No." He said. "I can't think of what to get for you."
Sirius smiled. "It's alright. I can't think of what to get for you either."
Remus gave him a small smile, a slight blush creeping up his face. "You don't have to get me anything."
Sirius gave a sweet smile, and moved closer to him so their arms were brushing. "I want to, love." He whispered, leaning his face closer to Remus so he could hear him better. "You've done so much for me recently, I… I want something to pay you back in some way. Even though I never could."
Remus' blush deepened. "I did it because I love you." Remus said, whispering as well, and also leaning his face closer to Sirius. "I didn't do it because I expected anything from you. I love you."
"I know." Sirius said, looking around. "But I want to get something for you." Standing up straight, he said, "I got something for Lily and Peter, and that's the extent of the presents at the moment. What about you?"
"I got a book for Lily before she met up with us." Remus said, going along with the switch in conversation as he didn't want to blush anymore, especially in pubic. "But that's it. I can't think of what to get anyone else."
"James and I just got some candy for Peter." Sirius said. "He'll like it."
Remus nodded. "Yeah, he would." He agreed. "But I don't want to get him that."
"That's fine." Sirius said. They walked along some more, and Remus stopped at the bookshop again. "Want to go in?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah." He said. "Who knows, we may think of something to get someone else."
They walked inside and as they looked, Remus spotted a book on the shelves. Sirius just stood behind him as Remus walked towards the book. "What is it?" Sirius asked.
"A book," said Remus, and turning back at Sirius, smirking, he said, "obviously," He turned back to the book. "It's a book about study tips and stuff like that."
"Peter wouldn't like that." Sirius said to him.
"But it would him some good." Remus argued. "Especially with our N.E.W.T.S coming up soon. It has some tips of different techniques and stuff that'll help him do better, get better grades, and have a better chance of getting a better job after he graduates. I mean, he's not that good of a student, you know, and this could help him." Remus said, looking back at Sirius, and holding the book.
Sirius sighed, and gave him a smile. "You have to give him that might help him instead of something that he'll enjoy."
"He'll enjoy it if he does better." Remus stated, his heart pounding in his chest as he looked at the smile on Sirius' face.
Sirius nodded, still smiling. "Yeah, you're probably right." At the moment, with Remus looking back at him, Sirius wanted to kiss him so much. He knew that Remus knew it as well.
Remus cleared his throat, wanting to get out of the awkward situation, picked up the book, and began to wall along the bookshelves, looking at the books. Sirius got behind him as they walked. A little ways down, Remus spotted another book, titled Prophecies and the Mind. Remus picked it up, and turned it over, and read that it was about prophecies, how the affect the mind of others and of the one of whom the prophecy is about. Over his shoulder, Sirius read as well.
"Stacey would be interested in that." Sirius sated.
"You're right." Remus said. "I saw the title, and had to check it out." Remus thought that, with her prophecy, it might do her some good to have a book like this. Remus knew it was hard on her. Remus glanced at Sirius and smiled, and then proceeded to walk to the counter to pay for the books.
On their way, Sirius spotted a book. He froze, staring at him. Just as Remus was about to look at him after paying for his books, he quickly picked it up and put it behind his back. He smiled nonchalantly at Remus.
"Ok, I'm ready to go." Remus said.
"You wait for me outside." Sirius said to him.
Remus looked at him for a moment, shrugged, and walked outside. Sirius slowly pulled the book from behind his back, making sure that Remus didn't see it, and then looked at it. It was a book that Remus had wanted for a while, but had never expected to find, or be able to pay for it. When Sirius had seen it, he knew that he had to get him the book.. He walked to the counter, and set the book on it.
The man behind the counter looked at the book, and said, "That's a very expensive book."
"I know." Sirius said. "I can afford, and the person who's going to get this book is worth it."
The man nodded, and didn't ask. When he told Sirius the price of the book, Sirius winced. It was expensive. More expensive than Sirius thought it would be. Sirius just pulled out the money, and set it on the counter. The man accepted the money and thanked him. Sirius slipped the book in his bag, and then went to meet Remus outside. "We can go now, love." He said to him.
Remus smiled, and they walked along. They slipped into the Quidditch shop later, and Sirius bought a book of Quidditch techniques for James. In another shop, Remus bought James a new quill (James had been complaining about his for a while now, and Remus knew he wouldn't buy one for himself), and managed to slip in something for Sirius without him seeing.
Sirius got some nice parchment for Stacey, because he knew she needed some, but was slowly running out of money. "Ah, I don't have much money left," he said aloud. Remus looked at him quizzically and Sirius said, "I, uh, left most of my money back in my trunk in our dormitory."
"We can back at get some more." Remus said, motioning toward the door.
"No, that's ok." Sirius said, quickly. "It'll be okay." In all honesty, Sirius had spent most of his money that he had with him on Remus' Christmas present.
They all met up in the Three Broomsticks later, and Stacey made it a point to not sit too near the Marauders and Lily, and she didn't want to hear any remarks from them on her spending time with Snape.
"What does she see in him?" Sirius remarked scathingly. "I mean… He's Snape! How could she possibly be kind to him?"
"Maybe she sees something in him that you all don't." Lily said, including the other Marauders as well as Sirius.
Sirius stared at Lily. "She's told you something, hasn't she?"
"Maybe," Lily stated in a haughty tone, "but that's none of your business."
"What could she possibly see in him that we don't?" he said, glaring at Stacey and Snape again.
Lily just shook her head. It was apparent that Stacey had told Lily something, but Lily was determined to keep her mouth shut, and not tell Sirius anything. Lily gave Sirius a curious look as she sat in between James and Peter, and said, "You don't honestly think they're dating, do you?" She asked him.
James piped in this time. "You mean they're not?"
Lily gave James a glare and said, "Of course not."
Peter glanced back at the two, and said, "You could've fooled me."
Lily gave him a glare as well. "They're not."
"If you say so," Sirius stated.
Lily glared at Sirius again. "I'm serious." She said. "I told her that people where thinking that, and she told me that it was ridiculous, and that she couldn't date him." Sirius, James, and Peter nodded, but it was apparent that they didn't believe her. She sighed, and it looked like she getting annoyed, and it was obvious she thought that she shouldn't have to say what she was about to say, but she said it anyway. "Look." She leaned forward, and lowered her voice, and the boys leaned forward as well to hear Lily better. "You all know about the prophecy involving Stacey right?" They nodded. "Do you remember what she said it stated about her and You-Know-Who?"
Lights clicked on in the three boys head. "Of course." Peter stated. "She can't, because-"
Lily cut him off. "Sh, don't say anymore. We're in public, remember."
The boys nodded, and all leaned back in their chairs. "I still don't see why she's nice to Snivellus." Sirius said.
"Let it go, Sirius." Remus told him, and Sirius dropped it.
They sat and around and talked for a little bit longer, and then made their way back to their dormitories. Finally, Christmas rolled around. As the full moon had been about earlier, Remus was recovered and fine by the time the holiday arrived. All of the boys sat on the floor, and one by one opened their presents, thanking each other as they did so. Then, Remus came upon the present that Sirius had got for him.
Remus froze, holding the book in his hand, a look of shock on his face.
"What do you got there, Moony?" Peter asked innocently.
Remus, not taking his eyes off the book said to Sirius, "Where did you get this?"
"At the bookstore down in Hogsmeade." Sirius said. "I hid it from you so you wouldn't see it."
Remus was in complete and utter shock. "I don't believe it… This is book is incredibly expensive…"
"I know." Sirius said. "I spent most of the money I had on that book."
Remus looked at him in shock, a blush creeping up on his face. "You didn't have to do that."
"Yes, I did." Sirius said. Remus tried to argue with him, but Sirius would have none of it. Sitting close to him, he said, "Remus, I did, alright. So stop arguing with me," giving him a kiss. "Open it up, and look at left side."
Remus did so, and there, in Sirius' handwriting, was a note. It said, "Remus – I know I can never truly pay you back for all that you've done for me, but when I saw this book, I knew you had wanted it for a long time, and I felt that it was one thing I could do to try to pay you back. You mean more to me than you'll ever know, and think of this as the first step in the lifetime I will spend trying to pay you back for being there when I really needed you and being the love of my life, two things that I know I will never be able to pay you back for. You're beautiful, and amazing, and I love you so much. Love, Sirius."
As Remus finished reading, with everyone watching, tears were starting to form. Sirius just forward, and with his lips an inch for Remus', smiled and said, "Happy Christmas," and then kissed him on the lips.
They proceed to open the rest of their presents, and next, Sirius opened Remus' gift for him, thanking him with another kiss on the lips for the great gift.
Afterwards, the boys went down in the common, and met up with Stacey and Lily.
"Where did you get this book?" Lily asked James of his Christmas present to him.
"At the bookstore down in Hogsmeade." James replied.
"It must have cost a lot." Lily said, looking up at him.
James just smiled. "It's alright," he said. "Don't worry about it."
Lily smiled sweetly up at him, and gave him a kiss. "Thank you."
"Your welcome," he said. "Happy Christmas."
"Happy Christmas, James." Lily said, smiling.
"Read the inside cover." Remus said, handing the book Sirius had got him for Christmas.
Lily looked at the book, then at Remus. She shrugged, and then opened it. Her eyes fell open the writing on the inside over, and she proceeded to read it. As she did, tears started to slide down her cheeks at the beauty and the meaning behind the words. Tears were flowing down her cheeks by the time she finished.
"That's beautiful," she said, sniffling. She then handed the book to Stacey, not Remus, signaling for her friend to read what had between written there. She then proceeded to hit James in the arm.
"What did you do that for?" James exclaimed.
"Why don't ever write me anything like that?" Lily asked him.
James looked at her, and at his best friend, Sirius, then back at his girlfriend, and then glared at Sirius, giving him a hit in the arm.
"Hey!" Sirius cried. "Just because you're a dolt who can't express his own feelings doesn't mean you get to take out on someone who can."
James didn't say anything but just stood there as Stacey handed Remus back the book saying, "That was beautiful." They then went down the great hall.
That night, Remus and Sirius were in bed together. Sirius was unusually… silent that night. Remus snuggled up in his arms, and asked, "Are you sure you're alright?"
A smile crossed Sirius' face, and he gave his lover a kiss on the crown of his head. "I'm fine, it's just…" His voice faltered for a moment. "I miss my dad, that's all. I mean… I know I would still be here, and not there at home, knowing that he's not at home enjoying Christmas because… well, it's a very hard thought…"
"I bet it is." Remus said, looking up at him, waiting for Sirius to continue.
"I mean… I still can't believe he's gone…" Sirius said, continuing just as Remus had thought he would. "I can almost imagine sending him a letter and him actually replying…" Sirius smiled sadly. "I mean, this summer, I almost expect him to be there when I go home. Then reality bites me, and makes me see that he's not going to be there… ever… He's gone." Tears started to flow down Sirius' face, but he made no noise, the tears just flowed.
Remus sat up, kissed Sirius on the lips, and smiled at him. "I can imagine that this is hard," he said, "but you have to remember that death is a part of life. Everyone dies, even though no one's really prepared for it when it happens to the ones they love."
Sirius smiled, tears still lingering on his cheeks. He reached up one of his hands, and entwined the fingers in Remus' hair. "As long as I have you, I think I'll survive."
Remus smiled, and a light blush started to creep across his cheeks. He laid his head down on Sirius' chest and snuggled into him. Sirius tightened his arms around him, and sighed, giving him a kiss on the crown of his head. Remus heard a sniffle, and gave a small smile. He really did feel bad for Sirius. "It's alright." Remus said. "You can cry. It's just me. I don't mind."
Sirius smiled. "I know, it's just…" Sirius' voice faltered. "I miss him. My dad and I got along so great… I mean, my mom and I were never really close, but my dad and me were, and for him to be gone is just… almost too hard for me to imagine. I just…" Sirius began to cry before wiping the tears of his cheeks, and taking a deep breath to calm his emotions. He really hated crying, but… Sometimes one just need to cry, but Sirius felt that he had cried enough.
Sirius took a finger, put it under Remus' chin, lifting it up towards him, and drew him into a deep kiss. Sirius lips' lingered on Remus' for a second longer, reminiscing in how he tasted. He lingered his lips an inch from Remus' before drawing them into a kiss again. Sirius gently pushed Remus to his back, trying to be a bit gentle, and not as… rough as he usually was. He wanted Remus to get more… comfortable intimately, but still…
Sirius kissed Remus deeply again, and ran a hand down Remus' side, stopping at Remus' waist. He looked appreciatively at the young man beneath him and smiled. Slowly, he slid the hand up Remus' hand, trying to get Remus used to feeling his hands on Remus' bare skin. Remus moaned softly, and slipped his arms around Sirius' neck. "One minute you're crying about your father's death, and then you have me on back, and you're kissing me, and more besides."
"I could do much more than just kiss you." Sirius said seductively. Remus gasped, as he usually did when Sirius got a bit too… sexual… "It's not hard." He ran a hand through Remus' hair, looking sweetly down at him. Remus smiled, and Sirius smiled back. "But, seriously… I just wanted to kiss you, and I went a little bit… overboard." Sirius said, sliding the hand that was still underneath Remus' shirt to Remus' back. Remus shifted a little bit, but stayed where he was. Sirius smiled at him again, and then lay down next to him, taking Remus with him. Slowly, Sirius moved to his back, moving Remus on top of him, causing Remus to let out a suppressed giggle, and causing Sirius to chuckle deeply.
Remus smiled, and then laid his down in the nape of Sirius' neck, nuzzling him. Sirius, with his hand still on Remus' back guided him down on top of him. Remus moved partially to the side, leaving part of his body on and part of his body off Sirius, wrapping his arms loosely around his lover, and laying his head on Sirius' chest. Sirius kissed Remus on the crown of his head again. Remus snuggled into him, sighing contentedly.
Yes, Sirius thought, I've had it somewhat tough recently, but…Sirius' gaze fell on the young man in his arms, who had quickly fallen asleep so peacefully with his arms wrapped around him, as long as Remus is here to guide me, and help me through whatever troubles I have, I think I can survive. Sirius felt a stray tear run down his cheek as he thought about his father, and he wiped it before falling into a peaceful slumber.
A/n: I hope you enjoy! I tried to end it well, and I hope I did! I'll try to have the next chapter out as soon as possible, but… you know me… I can't believe how long it took me to write this… Ah, I hope you enjoy! R/R!
