"Well, your fever's down," Dr. Kadowaki said brusquely, tossing a thermometer in the trash. "That's good. And those pills that I gave you should stop your coughing. If things go as planned, we'll have you out of here tomorrow afternoon."

Squall was going to answer, but he didn't have anything to say. Even if he did get out of here, what was there to go back to? His mood was constantly fluctuating: one minute, he'd desperately want to get out, and the next, he'd desperately want to stay in.

Dr. Kadowaki continued. "I guess you just can't wait to get back in the action, huh? All the time, I hear people talking about how great you are. Guess they must really miss you, huh?"

Liar, Squall thought. But he merely said, "Um. Yeah." The perfect reply for anything.

Dr. Kadowaki smoothed his white coat. "Well, my work is done here. You just take that medicine, get plenty of rest, and we'll see about getting you out of here."

Squall rubbed the side of his nose. "Okay."

Dr. Kadowaki left. Squall sat back on the bed. His head would spin if he stood up for too long.

What day is it? He was starting to lose all perception of time. He didn't know how long he had been in here. He ran his hand along his jawline. I need a shave. And a shower. He felt as if he was languishing in here, all alone except for a certain pesky, perky man who kept coming in every now and then.

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"Not going to the infirmary today?" Kiros asked.

"No," Laguna replied. "I'm taking a break. I think we've both had enough of each other for now."

Kiros laughed. "That doesn't sound good."

"Oh, no, it's not like that. It's going better now. There's still a lot of ground to cover, though. We'll get there eventually. It's just that there's only so much we both can take before we rip each other's heads off."

"What a healthy, normal relationship," Kiros joked.

Laguna smiled. "Believe me, nothing is normal or healthy about this relationship. But is that really so bad?"

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Rinoa was sitting in the quad with Selphie. She smiled and nodded blithely as her friend chattered on about whatever happened to enter her brain. As much as she wanted to (and God, she wanted to), she couldn't lose herself in whatever Selphie was saying.

Selphie stopped her twittering abruptly. "What's the matter, Rin?"

"Nothing!" Rinoa said quickly. Too quickly.

Selphie narrowed her eyes shrewdly. "Something happened with you and Squall, didn't it?"

"What? No," Rinoa said forcibly.

"I'm not stupid. Everybody thinks I am, but I'm not. Nobody makes you more upset than he does. And besides," Selphie added. "You're not wearing the necklace."

"Oh." Duh.

"Well, gosh! No wonder you're so sad. I'm sorry, Rin!" Selphie wailed, immediately reverting back to herself.

"It's no problem, Selph." Really.

Selphie was about to respond, when a shadow was cast over the two friends. They looked up to see Seifer Almasy standing over them.

"What do you want?" Selphie asked immediately.

"Clear off, would you, Tilmitt? I wanna talk to Rinoa for a second."

Selphie scowled, but obliged. Rinoa shifted uneasily. Whatever Seifer had to tell her couldn't possibly be good.

"Hey," he said, flopping down lazily next to her. "I heard about you and Leonhart."

What's up with this place? Why does everyone have to know everybody else's business? Rinoa felt like shouting, but she merely said, "Yeah. What about it?"

"Well. I just wanted to know," Seifer continued indignantly. "If you were OK."

Why does SEIFER want to know if I'm OK? Since when does he care? "I'm fine," she said. She looked down at her knees. Why did tears have to be coming to her eyes now? Why?

"That's crap. He really let you down hard, didn't he? What a jerk."

"Hey--" Rinoa started to say irritably, but Seifer kept going.

"He's insane. He should've treated you better. Any other guy would've treated someone like you better. I mean, it's you. You're pretty, smart, funny…Leonhart must be nuts."

Rinoa blushed. She couldn't help it. I'm not immune to flattery…

She was all set to tell Seifer to get his sleazy, manipulative ass out of her personal space when he leaned in and kissed her in front of everyone in the quad.

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Quistis came to visit Squall late in the afternoon. "They tell me you're getting better," she said by way of greeting.

"Yeah. What brings you here?"

She didn't answer him for a long time. Finally, she said, "Would you want me to tell you the truth? Even if it hurts?"

Squall was taken aback. "Um…yes?" He wasn't so sure anymore.

Quistis curled a long lock of her blond hair around her finger, a nervous habit very uncharacteristic of her. "I was in the quad, and I saw Seifer and Rinoa."

"…so?"

"Together," Quistis said impatiently. "Squall, they were kissing."

Squall sat silently, letting the shock and anger wash over him in waves. It felt like something was gnawing at his insides.

"Please tell me that you're the slightest bit upset," Quistis said, facing the wall and trying to compose herself.

"Why should I be upset? We're not together anymore," Squall said evenly. "She can do whatever she wants now."

Quistis whirled around, her face angry. "Squall! What is wrong with you?"

"What? Why are you getting so upset?"

She gripped his shoulders suddenly, trying to make him see. "Why aren't you upset? You love her! And now she's with Seifer, of all people! Why doesn't this make you angry?" The furious expression on his instructor's face was scaring Squall.

Squall blinked and said, "You want me to be angry?"

Quistis released Squall and paced around the room restlessly. "I just hate it when you pretend that you don't care. You do care. Why can't you show it? You can't honestly expect us to believe that you're just fine and dandy about all this."

"I'm not," Squall argued. "Fine. I feel awful, OK? I feel beyond horrible. But what'll that do? Being angry isn't going to change anything."

"It shows that you're not completely immune to human emotion," Quistis corrected. "It shows that you're not a complete robot. What you're doing, Squall--it's not healthy."

"I know that," Squall snapped. "What do you expect me to do about it?" He was feeling moody and unreasonable. He hated arguing with Quistis.

"What do you think? Do something. Go get her back. You're Commander Squall Leonhart! What's stopping you from showing us your big comeback?"

"You were never very good at giving motivational speeches, Quistis," Squall said wryly.

Quistis smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. "That's why I'm only an instructor. But seriously. Do something. If you don't, you're just gonna rot in here."

Squall laughed humorlessly. "Aren't I rotting already?"

Quistis narrowed her eyes. "Is this all a joke to you? What you lost…don't you want to get any of it back?" She didn't wait for an answer. She turned and started heading for the door.

"Of course I do!" he shouted at her retreating back.

He turned angrily to the wall. His hand was itching for his Lionheart; he wanted to take it and swing at something. The "something" he had in mind now was Seifer's fat head.

Ugh. It was just like Seifer to move in on Rinoa like that. Or maybe…

Maybe Rinoa had wanted it. Just to spite Squall. NO. I have to stop thinking like this. Damn you, Quistis. Now you have me thinking like a horrible person.

He put his head in his hands. He couldn't stop thinking. He couldn't erase the mental picture of Seifer, Seifer kissing Rinoa. Would she smile that tender half-smile that she always did whenever Squall kissed her?

Something jolted in his body at the thought. He hated it. He hated the thought of anyone touching Rinoa other than him. He clutched Griever. The very thought made his whole body ache. I wish I could just turn my mind off…

His head spun, he became short of breath, he felt nauseous. He knew what it was immediately: a panic attack. All he could do was grip the side of the bed and wait for it to pass.

It's not fair, he thought, gasping for breath. It wasn't fair that he had to be so weak. Immediately, the darker part of his mind answered him:

Life's not fair.

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"He kissed you? Oh, gross! That is so gross. I am going to kick his ass. I swear, Rinoa, don't try to stop me, 'cause he cannot do that to you!"

Selphie looked like the picture of childish indignation: little mouth pouted, hands on hips. Rinoa would've laughed had she not felt totally shattered.

"Selph…" she wailed. "You don't understand." Tears bubbled over, and her chest heaved.

"Just look how much he's hurt you! Oh, he's soooo dead!"

"Selphie, listen!" she cried. "I…I…"

"You what?"

"I kissed him back," Rinoa whispered, like a little girl. "He kissed me and I kissed him back. I didn't try to stop him."

For once, Selphie was quiet. She slowly sat down next to her friend. "No…that's not--"

"It is possible. It happened. I feel like shit, but it's what happened," Rinoa said hollowly.

Selphie hugged Rinoa hard. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry. Are you OK?" Rinoa's tears soaked her collar.

"No," Rinoa replied thickly. I'm not OK, because I'm disgusted with myself.

Even though she and Squall weren't together anymore, she felt unfaithful. She imagined the look on his face, if he knew. She imagined him saying, How could you do this to me?

She could remember him in every part of her body. His lips on her neck, his fingers in her hair. She tried to cleanse herself of her memories, but it wasn't working.

"I love him," she whispered tearfully. It was the painful truth; the words came so easily.

"I know," Selphie said comfortingly, and she didn't have to ask who Rinoa was talking about.

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-peridotaurora