A/N: I am really sad right now. I've just got one review. It is mean! I know that the miscarriage thing was terrible but still. I want reviews! Review me or not chapter 16. I mean it!
Anyway, I want to thank ProFfeSseR, because she is an incredible beta, an amazing friend and helps me whenever I need.
I also wanna say that I don't know when I'll post chapter 16 (if I'll post, depends if y'all will review). ProFfeSseR is in vacation now and she is traveling, so I'll wait until she gets a break to check on hers e-mail. And I just wrote 2 pages or so anyway. I'll probably finish it around Friday and send it to her.
One last thing, the stuffs in italic, is Lorelai's thoughts or Luke's thoughts.
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Imagine if I was a part of ASP's staff? It would take 3 weeks to an episode air. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Chapter 15 – Never again, back to the way that they were
Christopher walked towards her and kissed her cheek lightly. Lorelai kept looking at him with confused eyes.
— Hey Lor — he greeted, she forced a smile.
— Oh.. hey... hi. How are you?
— Oh well, the usual, you know. — he replied dryly.
— Well... Rory is not here, she'll be home around nine-ish. — she informed.
— Great, 'cause I wanted to talk to you. — Lorelai looked at him surprised. What could it be?
— Okay, then. Sit down — she pointed towards the porch sofa. He sat down but she kept standing — Do you want something to drink? Water, beer, soda...
— Beer, I guess. — she nodded.
— I go get 'em. — Lorelai walked towards the kitchen and grabbed the beers from the fridge. Christopher's here, at her house, sitting on her sofa, drinking her beer and he doesn't want Rory's presence. It was definitely weird. She opened the bottles and walked back to the porch. There she found Chris siting with his head down in his hands. — Chris are you sure that you are okay? — she asked. He shook his head.
— I am far away from okay. — he said it more to himself than to her. She handed him the bottle and he took it.
— Tell me what is going on. — she caressed his shoulder friendly. He looked up at her and several seconds passed. They both sipped their beers and after a few more seconds of not speaking he seemed ready to say something.
— I don't know why I came here. — Lorelai closed her eyes tiredly.
— Well, if you don't tell me what is happening, I won't be able to help you. Come on, Chris. We can talk.
— It has been a long time, since we don't talk anymore. Since we can't talk like we used to.— Lorelai shook her head.
— We never talked, Chris. When did we sat down and told each other how we were feeling? — Lorelai asked seriously but still calm. Christopher sighed.
— When we were teenagers. We talked, we talked about our feelings, Lorelai. We were the perfect couple.
— We weren't, Chris, we weren't. What we had was great, I don't regret it. Because of what we had I have Rory. But the perfect couple? No. You loved me, I loved you. But I already was more mature than you were. And I am not saying this to offend you when you're down. When I needed you the most, you couldn't help me. I asked you so many times to talk to me and tell me what was going on. That time that you had that huge fight with your father I said "Chris, open up". But you didn't. I'm not judging you, but this is how it is. — she said calmly. She sipped her beer.
— Maybe we really weren't the perfect couple, maybe we didn't talked so much. But I remember that there was a time were we talked through the night to wake up again the next day at 6.
— That was in the beginning. We were fourteen Chris, we were fools. We are twenty-eight, now. That's twice as much. It was 2 years of thinking that we'd be together forever and 12 of me raising a child without your help, the help of a man that I thought that would stay with me forever, a man that was only the donor of the sperm and not a father to his daughter. — Lorelai dried some tears.
— Stop it! — he said angry and stood up. — You and Luke have to stop this!
— Stop what? — she asked and stood up as well.
— Stop putting these things in Rory's mind. She was the perfect kid around me, but lately she is acting like a little bitch. Like she hates me for no reason.
Lorelai looked at him puzzled. Her mouth dropped open. She pointed at him.
— Don't you ever say that my daughter acts like a little bitch. No one, are you listening, no one can call her like that, no one! Take it back. — she said angrily. Christopher sat down and sighed loudly, regretted.
— I am sorry. I didn't mean it. — he pulled his hands through his hair. — I am really sorry.
— What is happening to you? Huh? How can you show up at my doorstep saying that your daughter acts like a little bitch? For Goodness' sake, Christopher! She is twelve. What could she have done to you that you have enough reason to call her that? — Lorelai sighed. Yeah, like she didn't had enough on her mind already Christopher wants to show up and make a scene? Greaaaattt! Let me buy popcorn and some candy to watch the spectacle.
— She said that she doesn't love me. — he murmured. And then Lorelai looked at him with her mouth dropped open, her eyes wide open and a very confused look on her face, as if she just saw Taylor kissing Kirk. But it wasn't so fun though.
— She said what? — still not believing what Chris was saying.
— She said that she doesn't love me, that she loves Luke, her daddy. — Lorelai sat down next to him trying to clear her head.
Rory. Told. Chris. That. She. Doesn't. Love. Him. Rory told Chris that she doesn't love him? If this is a dream, is not a funny one. Rory wouldn't say that. Rory wouldn't do that to Chris. I am sure she loves him. Doesn't she? Okay I know that he isn't her most favorite person, but not loving him? It's different. Maybe he said something that let her down, made her sad or something. But even sad or upset she wouldn't say that if she truly meant it. Rory don't love Chris. That is new. How long has it been since I talked to her? Lorelai shook her head. I am so worried about my own life, my own sadness that I am not talking to her. She doesn't love Christopher, she told him and I didn't knew. Oh my God. What is happening with my life? I want to talk to Luke, we need a family conversation. We have to open up. We are so far away from each other... but I have to focus on Christopher now. Yeah focus on Chris. She stood up.
— Are you sure that's what she said? Aren't you misinterpreting it? She told you in those words that she does not love you? — Lorelai was trying to make sure that's what he said.
— I am sure about what she said. I am not misinterpreting it 'cause she told me letter by letter, word by word that she does not love me. — he looked at her, expecting her reaction. Expecting she would say something that would comfort him, to make sure that everything will be okay between him and his daughter as it always does. But when his words hit her, she didn't had much to say. She didn't knew how to comfort him, because he didn't deserved Rory's love, at all. For her daughter's sake she has been pretending that she was okay with Chris just coming sometimes when he thought it was necessary or when he didn't had anything to do. She didn't wanted to be in the middle of their relationship. She didn't wanted to be the kind of mother that chased away her daughter's father as much as he chased away himself.
— So...you are talking to the wrong person. — This time he looked at her confused.
— What do you mean?
— If she doesn't love you, you have to talk to her. Or not talk at all. I mean, if she does not love you, it doesn't mean that she hates you. But it also doesn't means that she accepts you enough to talk to you. You have two choices: take a change and risk that she does not want to talk to you. Maybe she will talk to you and tell you everything that she has to say and why she doesn't love you. Or you can wait, expect her to cool off. Maybe you have a bigger chance that she wants to talk to you later, but maybe she won't talk to you even if you wait a while. I don't know Chris, what we are talking about here isn't because of me. And it isn't me you're supposed to talk to. We barely spoke in years and now you want me to give you an advice like I gave you so many times, until my wedding, when you showed up and went away without even talking to her and became even less present in her life? — Lorelai shook her head.
— It was that wedding that screwed up everything. — he said. She shook her head not believing in what she was hearing.
— Didn't you hear a thing that I just said? God, Chris! — she sad madly — Stop thinking about me and Luke! Start thinking about you and Rory! — she almost yelled. He stood up holding her by the wrist.
— I can't stop thinking about you and Luke, I can't start thinking about me and Rory. I can't Lorelai, I can't! — he said kind of desperate.
— Let me go!— she tried to pull away her wrist. He wasn't listening to her, and when he said the next thing she was totally taken by surprise.
— I can't! Because I just think about me and Rory... — he hesitated but decided to say it anyway — and you.
He let her wrist go. She looked at him, still surprised. She was about to take a few steps backwards when in a quick motion he put his right arm around her waist, pulling her close. He leaned his head towards hers and could finally press his lips against hers. It was a wonderful feeling for him. Tasting her lips, sucking her lips, now with a new lipstick flavor. It tasted like strawberry. He started to open his mouth wanting to let her tongue melt with his. He wanted to feel her like heaven on earth. He could remember the feeling very well. If there was something he would never forget it was how good it is to have Lorelai's tongue against his. He was almost getting what he wanted when something hit his chest. He pulled back stunned. Lorelai was looking at him almost crying of anger, she was so pissed. He could see her eyes flashing at him. It wasn't good. He sat on the floor sighing several times. Now he knew that he had lost the two women that he loved most in his life.
Lorelai on the other hand, just stood still, remembering what just happened. She could never erase it from her mind. He had kissed her. How could she tell Luke about this? He had taken her by the waist, pulling her so close to him that their noses were hitting each other; he had pressed his lips against hers. He had taken her by surprise so badly that she needed a few seconds to compose herself, to realize, to keep her brain working in normal speed so she could pull away. He was sucking her lips! He was obligating her to kiss a man that wasn't her husband. Her husband, the man that she loved, who she promised fidelity. Had she cheated on him? No, she hadn't. Christopher kissed her, she just didn't pulled away before because she was so confused that she couldn't think clear. Never, not once since the day that she met Luke, she wanted to kiss Christopher again, never. Boy! The same question kept running around in her head over and over again: How could she tell Luke? How?
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— Caesar? — Luke called — Caesar are you here? — Luke entered the kitchen glancing at his watch. It was already 7.
— Yeah, boss. Just frying the burgers. What's up? — he asked turning around to face Luke.
— I am leaving now. Are you sure that you can take care of the diner during dinner rush? — he asked. He wasn't 100 sure to leave Caesar alone in the diner. But he wanted to talk to Lorelai. And Rory told him this morning that she'd be at Lane's.
— Positive. Go get the lady. — Caesar laughed but when he saw Luke's crossed arms, his stern face and that I-am-about-to-kill-you-so-shut-up look he stopped — I mean, yes boss, you can go home. I'll take care of the diner, make sure that I won't burn it down. — Caesar looked at him expecting some reaction. Luke uncrossed his arms and walked backwards towards the kitchen door.
— I hope so. — Luke poured coffee to the guests who were sitting on the counter stools and then left.
Luke walked towards the house, passing people who were on the streets showing everyone their bright smiles of happiness. Miss Patty was singing and dancing in her studio with a muscular man, smiling. Kirk was at the post office, smiling. Babette and Morey were in the market picking out fruit, smiling. Luke was going towards his house, he wasn't smiling and wouldn't smile in a long time.
When Luke approached of the house he could see the light on the porch. It was most likely Lorelai was reading there, she used to do it before. Maybe she was trying to put her life back on track. But then he started to realize that something was weird. Lorelai was still standing and someone was with her. Would Rory be home so early?
What his eyes saw next changed his life.. The person who was with her was Christopher, her high school love, her first love, the father of her daughter, the man that could give her a child. And she was kissing him. Did you ever have a time in your life that you saw something but wasn't sure you're eyes were showing you the truth? That you had to look a second time to make sure what you were seeing was truly happening?
Luke squeezed his eyes, looking at his wife kissing another man. He tried to fool himself, make himself believe that he wasn't seeing what he was seeing, but it finally hit him, and he felt anger. He wanted to kill Christopher, he wanted to kill Lorelai. No. He didn't. He didn't wanted to kill her, because even though this was happening, she is still Rory's mother. But he wouldn't be able to look her in the eyes ever again.
In a long second he thought about what to do next and decided to leave. He could fight with Christopher, beat him up till he was death but it wasn't worth it.
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— Why did you do that? — Lorelai asked angrily, looking at him like he was a piece of crap — Why Christopher? WHY?
— I love you. — he said truthfully.
— So you decided to screw up my life? — she asked while walking towards him — I don't know why I am so surprised. You always screw up everything! — she yelled.
— But not like this right? — he murmured with some sarcasm.
— Not like this. — she shook her head — How can I tell Luke about this? Did you think about that? Did you thought about me for once? — she asked almost crying.
— You don't have to tell him. — he looked inside of her eyes.
— I have to tell him. Maybe someone saw us. Maybe not but I can't spend my life in guilt. — she let tears fall down.
— It isn't your fault. — he came closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder. Lorelai pulled away angrily.
— Stay away from me! — she exclaimed and he took a few steps backwards. — I don't want to see you ever again.
— Lorelai... I am...— he started.
— I don't want your apologies! — she yelled and a guy who was walking down the street looked at her like she is was crazy.
— I am not apologizing because I do not regret what I did. I meant it, and if I had a time machine and could come back and do it over, I would do the same thing again. I want you, I want to stay with you. I want you to say "yes" to me once in life. I want a family with you! — he came closer and held her arms — I love you.
— But I love Luke! — she exclaimed not even caring about his feelings. He loosened her arm — I won't stay with you, I won't have a family with you! I already have a family Christopher. Don't you see it? — she cried harder while she screamed — I may have lost my baby but I still have a family. I still have Rory, I still have Luke. And that you don't have anybody is because of yourself. You always put Rory in tenth place. Not first, not second, tenth! I am so sick of it Christopher! I am so sick of you thinking that you can come in and out of ours lives whenever you feel like it! — she dried a few tears — I want you to leave, right now. — she dried more tears, pulling her hand through her hair but Christopher was still standing right there.
— I know that I am not being the best father or... — he tried to say but Lorelai interrupted him.
— If you just realized that now it is your problem, not mine. It would be my problem if my daughter needed a dad, but she already has one and that person is not you. He is better than you. He is perfect. He is my man. — Christopher looked at her one last time and then turned around ready to leave — if you try to call Rory try it at a time when you know 100 percent sure that I won't be at home or that I will be sleeping. And do not leave a message on the machine. If God helps I won't ever see you or hear your voice again in my life.— Christopher took a few big steps towards his motorcycle and left.
Lorelai sat down, trying to inhale and exhale slowly, calmly. Christopher just kissed her. He was playing with her life. He was playing with her feelings. But now she wouldn't be his friend anymore. Now he was just the guy that had sex with her and it turned out in Rory. The only thing that he did good in life. And only because he had her help.
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Luke was walking down the streets, going nowhere. He kept passing the same places several times. He didn't even realized it. All he did was trying to make sure he held in his tears, not to let anyone see him crying. Not to see himself crying for someone that didn't deserved him. While he was walking he wondered if it somehow was his fault. If he wasn't a good husband. He knew that they weren't talking lately, but it wasn't a reason for her to cheat on him. For Lorelai to kiss Christopher on his porch. Not even worried if anyone would see them. If he would see them.
It was hard not to let the tears fall down. Not to cry because of a life that has been thrown in the garbage. Because of a family that drove away. A wall of happiness, partnership, love that fell down right on his head. He felt suffocated, empty, lonely in his own sadness.
Without realizing it, Luke had entered the crowded diner and walked to his old apartment that now was his office. The bed was still there in the corner. He didn't wanted to get rid of it. Good choice. It would be his bed again. His single bed. Not the king size one that he used to share with Lorelai, his wife. The bed that maybe Christopher laid in, joined by Lorelai. In the bed where they "made" their now lost child. The bed that Lorelai probably was making a new child with the father of her other child. Luke sat down with his head in his hands, feeling lost. No-one could see him here and he couldn't take it anymore. The tears would fall down within seconds. A side of him wanted it to fall, the other side of him was too stubborn to cry. He was a man, he wasn't supposed to cry. He didn't cried when he was 13 and broke his leg and arm. He cried when he lost his baby, a good reason to cry for. Or when Rory gave him a father's day card. Lorelai had been mocking him all day, but he was happy, Rory considers him as her real father. Not Christopher, the man that was having sex with his wife. Wife. He had cried in their marriage. But was this worth enough to cry for? Was his break up marriage worth enough to cry for? Lorelai worth enough to him cry for her? She had betrayed him. She broke him down. But still, she was the woman that he loves. That doesn't love him anymore.
It came, warm, full of frustration and sadness. And when the first one came, the others kept coming down on the path you can also call his cheeks. Luke supported his elbow on the table, his fingers in his hair.
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Downstairs the crowd was slowly disappearing while they were paying their bills and leaving Caesar in trouble. He wanted to look responsible and efficient enough to his boss, But handling a diner full of people, checking if they paid the right amount of money, giving them their change and cooking was too much for him to handle.
— Okay people! — he finally said, almost yelling so everyone would hear him — you have to stay in line and stop talking at the same time. I'll check your the money now, so if you want to pay, pay now or you'll have to wait until I come back from the kitchen. And those of you who are waiting for their orders, I ask you just 15 minutes and everything will be ready. Sooooo do not freak out or I will freak out.
— Why don't you call Luke, Caesar? — Miss Patty asked.
— Because he left me in charge of everything. — he replied while he was giving some change to a woman.
— But he's upstairs, I saw him come in. — Miss Patty pressed.
— Where he's is or not is, is non of my business. If I'm in charge I'll take care of everything without bothering him. — Caesar pointed and Miss Patty just rolled her eyes. While they were talking, someone heard them.
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Luke dried his cheeks and was about to go to the bathroom to wash his face or to take a shower when he heard a knock on the door. He pretended that he wasn't there. Talking to someone wasn't what he wants at the moment.
He went towards the bathroom and washed his face while the person kept knocking.
— Come on, Luke! I know you are there. — he heard the person calling. He recognized the voice immediately.
— I am not in the mood to talk right now, Rachel. — he responded.
— Please Luke. I really want to talk to you. — she turned the knob and when the door opened she said: — I am walking in!
Luke walked towards the apartment 'living room", with a towel in hands and a pretty angry look on his face.
— I told you that I don't want to talk. That means you can't just walk in here! — he exclaimed.
— I don't want to fight with you. I came in peace. So please listen to me. You don't even have to response. Just listen. — she asked. He looked at her like he was about to kick her ass.
— Get the hell out of here! I don't want to talk to you, or to anybody else! — he threw the towel on the table.
— Why are you so mad? — she asked sweetly.
— Are you deaf? — he asked grinding his teeth.
— I am just worried about you. You are more upset than usual. Please tell me what is going on. Please, Luke. — she came closer to him and caressed his cheek. He pulled away.
— You are not my friend. I am not going to tell you about my problems.
— So you assume that it has anything to do with your problems. — she pointed, sitting on the couch.
— If you didn't realized that before, I really don't know why you were accept at NYU. — he said sarcastically
— Forget about NYU. Forget about our differences, about our problems. Focus on yours. I am pretty sure that I can help you. Or just soothe you.
— I don't need someone to "soothe" — he made air quotes — me. And we don't have any problems. Rachel, I'll tell you again, what happened between us ended. — he looked straight in her eyes. I do know how chase away a first love. I am not Lorelai who has sex with her first love.
— Because you have Lorelai now. — she said standing up. Right, I have Lorelai now. Huh! How did the conversation turned me into this, sarcastic Luke? Rachel noticed the look on his face and couldn't help but smiled. — Don't you? — she came closer, placing her hand on his shoulder.
— It's non of your damn business. — he walked towards the "bedroom" and sat on the bed. Then he stood up again and walked towards the kitchen where he grabbed a beer out of the fridge. — What are you still doing here?
— Waiting for you to sit down so we can discuss your problems. — she persisted. Luke sighed heavily.
— Look Rachel, I appreciate that you are concerned about me. But all I want to do now is to take a shower and go straight to bed. — her eyes widened, her mouth almost dropped to the floor. She was trying hard not to look to happy.
— You aren't going home? I mean yours and Lorelai's place? — Luke realized that he said too much.
— Okay Sherlock, enough! Stop intruding my life. Rachel, I'll ask you one last time, get out. — he looked at her while she kept standing still. This was her chance. She wouldn't miss it.
Luke was tired. He had a long, busy, unexpected, horrible day. He was giving up. If she wanted to stay here, sitting on his couch while he was asleep, it was her problem anyway.
— You know what? Do whatever you want. I am not going to argue with you any more. — He sipped his beer again. The bottle was almost empty now. He sat on the chair for a few seconds till he felt Rachel's lips on his cheek.
— Looks like it doesn't matter what happened between the two of us. I am your friend, remember? We used to talk a lot. Tell me that you remember. — she smiled at him. He nodded.
— I do remember.
— Good, because I know that you are really upset right now, and that you need to talk to someone. — She took his hands in hers and squeezed it, waiting his answer.
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Lorelai was inside the house, looking at a cold pizza. Her hunger faded when she realized she still had the taste of Chris' lips on hers, what was really disgusting. She brushed her teeth twice but it didn't worked. She was sitting on the couch now with the television off, an old CD playing in the background, the volume low. Now that she was more calm she wanted to relax a little. She had taken a nice bath and was wearing more comfortable clothes now. She just needed to fine a way to tell Luke what happened. She'd start by telling him to sit down and not to freak out. Then she would tell him what happened, all the details from the beginning to the end included. It was the right thing to do, to be honest with him. She glanced at the clock, it was 7:45 p.m. already. She was completely sure that Luke had said 7:30 p.m. She walked towards the answer machine and listened to his message again. Yeah he said 7:30 p.m. She grabbed the phone and dialed the diner's number. It rang 6 times before Caesar answered.
— Luke's diner. Caesar speaking, how may I help you? — he said bored.
— Hey Caesar, it's Lorelai. Is Luke still around? — she asked.
— Oh hey Mrs. Danes. How are you? — he asked.
— I am... fine. So is Luke still around? — she asked again, impatiently.
— Yeah, he is upstairs. Do you want me to call him? — he asked confused. Didn't Luke said that he'd take the night off to stay with Lorelai?
— Hummm, no. Do you know if he will staying there long? — she asked.
— Hummm no, Mrs. In fact he said that he'd go home, but a few minutes later he came back in and has been upstairs ever since. — he commented.
Lorelai's started to freak out. He went home. Oh my God! Oh my God!
—Mrs. Danes? Are you still there? Hello? — Maybe he just has to do some paperwork. Yeah, maybe it's that. Maybe he didn't even came here. But what if he did? He will think that I kissed Christopher. Well hello, you did Lorelai. Although it wasn't my fault. Christopher kissed me first and I just didn't pulled away before because I froze. He has to believe me. Maybe I am freaking out for no reason — Hello? Hello? Mrs. Danes? It has been almost 2 minutes since you spoke. Are you still there? I'm going to hang up.
— I am still here Caesar. Look, if Luke comes downstairs and wants to leave don't let him, okay? Use all the strength you have and do not let him leave. Understand? — she asked. He nodded but then realized that she couldn't see him.
— Positive.
— Okay, I'll be there within 10 minutes. Close the diner, take the money and if someone is still eating it doesn't matter, tell them to pay and give them the food in a to-go bag. When I arrive there all I want to see is you sitting in a chair, alone, with a fresh pot of coffee. Do you understand me? — Caesar was shocked. This woman knew exactly what she wants.
— I got it. But what if Luke comes downstairs and says something?
— I don't know. Make up a story until I arrive. And if he doesn't come downstairs don't go upstairs to warn him. And pleaaaaaaseeee Caesar, I beg you. Do not tell Miss Patty, Babette or Kirk what is going on.
— But I don't know what is going on.
— Better this way. Thank you so much, Caesar.
— You're welcome, Mrs. Danes.
Lorelai hung up the phone, got her coat and closed the door while leaving the house, going towards Luke's diner.
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Luke hadn't said much. All he said was that he was to tired to talk. Rachel agreed with him. She realized it was better to give him some time. He finished his beer and went towards his old bed. His single bed.
— Are you going sleep? — she asked surprised.
— Yep. — he replied and laid down on the bed.
— But it isn't even 8 o clock yet. — she commented glancing at her watch.
— I just need to lie down.
She nodded and sat down at the end of the bed. A few minutes passed in which neither spoke.Rachel wondered what was going on. Luke wanted her to leave. But maybe it will be good to talk to her. Nah. She wasn't the right person to talk to about this. And he didn't wanted to talk to anyone that someone cheated on him. That the woman that promised to respect him as long as they lived cheated on him. He sighed heavily.
— She kissed Christopher. — he murmured. Rachel turned around looking in his now open eyes. She could see the anger in it. She felt sorry for him, she felt happy for herself.
— Oh.— she paused — Is this Christopher your friend? — Luke laughed sarcastically.
— Huh! No. He is Lorelai's first love. First guy. Rory's real father. — Rachel was so surprised that Luke regretted telling her. He shouldn't have said anything in the first place. He didn't even knew why he told her.
— Oh, I am sorry, Luke.
— For what? For my wife cheating on me? Is that where you are sorry for? Because since you have nothing to do with it, I'm pretty sure you have nothing to be sorry for! — he said angrily and stood up. He went straight towards the fridge where he took another beer and opened it in record time. Rachel stood up as well, following him.
— Luke...
— It's okay. — he said quietly.
— No it isn't. I don't know why she did that to you. But I do know that you didn't gave her a reason to do it. — Rachel caressed his cheek. — You're an amazing man. You really are. — she placed her arms around his neck.
— Rachel. Don't. — he said sternly and shook his head but it was too late already.
Rachel had pressed her lips against Luke's. Caressing his cheeks while she closed her eyes. She could feel his tongue, his mouth wanting her eagerly.
The moment she leaned in he knew what was coming. He didn't wanted it. He told her not to do it. But when she pressed her lips against his, he started to feel angry again. The memory of Lorelai on his porch kissing Christopher dominated him and he didn't pulled away. But it wasn't that what kept him kissing Rachel. It was the memory of Lorelai. Her soft skin, her sweet lips, her beautiful eyes, her smooth hair. Lorelai, just her face. It wasn't Rachel who he was kissing so eagerly, so passionately. It was the picture of Lorelai in his mind.
Rachel felt a hand in her arm, holding it tightly. This hand pulled her away from the kiss, and that same hand slapped her in the face.
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Lorelai walked into the diner and found a couple taking their change from Caesar and they were about to leave. Lorelai forced a smile to them and Caesar. She asked him about Luke and Caesar told her that he was still upstairs. She took a cup of coffee and drank it quickly. She wanted to have at least some caffeine in her blood when she talked to Luke. She sent Caesar home and he replied with a "good night".
She climbed the stairs and found the door open. Lorelai couldn't be more surprised. Her stomach fell. Luke was kissing Rachel. She froze again. She was watching them, standing there and she couldn't move. It was as if they were making their moves in slow motion, in her head at least. It seemed like they wanted to enjoy every second of the pleasure.
Life is ironic. Almost an hour ago, Christopher had kissed her. But she didn't "returned" the kiss. But here Luke is, returning, participating happily into the kiss. A kiss with Rachel.
"He is perfect. He is my man." She could remember herself telling Christopher. He wasn't perfect. He wasn't her man, not anymore. He was Rachel's man now.
The tears were welling up and she couldn't hold them in. Her mind drifted off to other things. The dream. Rachel taking over everything. Her little baby, Luke, Rory. Not Rory. She wouldn't let Rachel take Rory. Rachel couldn't take Rory. No way.
Before Lorelai realized what she was doing, she had already grabbed Rachel's arm, pulled her away from Luke and gave her a nice slap in the face. The sound of the slap echoed through the apartment.
Lorelai dried her tears and looked at Rachel, not even turning to face Luke. He was completely shocked. He had just kissed Rachel, Lorelai saw them, she slapped Rachel's face. It wasn't making sense. Any sense. He wanted an explanation. He wanted a damn explanation to understand what was happening today. 50 million things happened in just day.
— What are you doing? — he asked, looking at Lorelai. She however, was still looking at Rachel. And Rachel herself massaging her cheek with her hand.
— Can you... leave me alone with him? — Lorelai asked her coldly. Rachel nodded.
— Luke... I... — she started but Lorelai interrupted her.
— Don't you get it? I told you to get out. — Lorelai gave her a pointed look. Rachel walked towards the door and glanced towards Luke one last time before she disappeared. Lorelai finally turned to Luke.
— Why? — it was the same question she was asking herself over and over again since she first saw them. Luke shook his head in disbelief.
— You have no moral.
— What the hell are you talking about? — she asked angrily — I came here and found you in her arms. You, my husband, in her arms. — she said slowly. The tears almost starting to fall again.
— So now you remember that I am your husband? You're such a hypocrite! — he yelled, his eyeballs launching hate rays.
— I am the hypocrite? It was you who was kissing Rachel if I remember correctly. And what the hell do you mean with me just remembering that you're my husband?
— Well let me give you some clues. — he said sarcastically — You. Christopher. Porch. — he put the beer on the table so rigidly that the bottle almost broke — Does it remind you of something? Any scenes pop up in your head? — Lorelai looked at him, the tears falling. The strong Lorelai that everyone knows was falling apart in front of his eyes.
— So... you kissed her because you saw me and Christopher? — He looked at her, not understanding why she was crying. He felt the urge to hug her tightly and tell her things would be better like he always does when they have a problem. But his stubbornness made him lie. He couldn't do it, she cheated on him for crying out loud!
— Yes.
Lorelai sat on the couch, her hands covering her face. A few minutes passed in which both of them remained silent. All you could hear was their breathings filling the room. Finally Lorelai looked up at him.
— It was Christopher who kissed me.
— It seemed like you had some participation too. — he replied sarcastically — It doesn't matter if it was him who started it, all that matters is that you where in there too.
— You know what? It really doesn't matter. — she looked at him, angrily — It doesn't matter that when he kissed me I was so astonished that I couldn't pull away immediately. That it seemed so surreal that I was standing still with my arms loose. And that when I realized that his lips were against mine I pushed him away and told him to go to hell! — Lorelai took a deep breath.
Luke sat down on the chair to not fall on the floor. He shook his head several times, not believing that it was happening. A misunderstanding. He laid his forehead on the table and knocked it several times against the wood. He didn't made sure that she was kissing him back. He got angry for no reason. He was screaming at her for no reason.
— What really matters — she continued — is that you kissed Rachel because you saw me with Chris. You didn't asked me for an explanation. You just came here and cuddled yourself in her arms. That Luke, is what matters. — she dried more tears, looking at him sternly. But his eyes weren't looking at her. — Seven years... seven years, Luke. — she walked towards the door. Her steps signalizing that she was walking away made him look up.
— I am sorry. — She shocked her head.
— I gotta go.— she said sadly.
— I didn't kissed her. — he emphasized the "her" — I was just too mad, and... when she kissed me... I know that I didn't pulled away, — he stood up — but it was because of you.
— Please Luke, don't blame this on me. Please. — She couldn't believe that he was doing this to her. She couldn't believe that he kissed Rachel and was now blaming her. She whirled the knob but Luke grabbed her arm.
— It was you who I was kissing. I don't know why, because in that moment I was pissed and I had no reason to be wanting to kiss you. But now I do know that if I kiss someone else in my life it will always be the picture of you in my mind that I'll be kissing. Because... you're the one that I love. — they looked in each others eyes for a long time.
Oh God! Tell me that this is a dream. Please. I can't take it anymore. I can't take a miscarriage and a break up. It's so harsh. He kissed her thinking of me...
Lorelai move closer and threw her arms around his chest. She pressed her head against it, hugging him. Luke was taken aback but quickly wrapped his arms around her waist.
— It will always be you. — she murmured.
— It will always be you. — he repeated.
— But right now, I can't take it anymore. — He rubbed her hair, understanding what she was saying, but not wanting to be right. — I need some time away from this.
— You mean a break?— She nodded.
— Yeah. I guess that ever since the miscarriage we aren't talking. We aren't getting along. We aren't being us. We're not the couple that we always were.
— A break won't make it come back the way it was before. — he pointed out.
— I know. But Luke, it never will never come back the way it was before. — Luke dried her tears with his thumb.
— It will be better.— he assured her. She smiled brightly wanting it to be true.
— I really hope so. — He nodded.
— I will stay here for the night. — She nodded.
— I'll bring you some clothes in the morning.
— I still have some here.
She looked at him surprised.
— Oh. You've been prepared.
— It's not like that, Lorelai.— she forced a smile.
— It's okay.
— And what about Rory?
— I really don't know. I'll figure something out.— He agreed. — Bye Luke. — He kissed her forehead sweetly.
— Bye Lorelai. — She was about to leave when he added: — Please come in for breakfast.
— I can't live without your coffee. — She smiled. For the first time Luke was grateful for Lorelai for being so addicted to his coffee.
Lorelai descended the stairs slowly. When she finally descended the last step she walked towards the coffee machine and grabbed the coffee pot. The mug that she used before was still there. She poured herself a cup of coffee and drank it. Then she walked towards a table and sat down on one of the chairs. She rested her elbows on the table and covered her wet face with her hands.
Everything was fading away. Her life that she needed to construct in so many ways was fading away. She had lost everything in just a week. She'll never have the whole package permanently. She had it for a while, the best five years of her life. But now all she had was Rory. And she didn't know how to tell Rory that Christopher had kissed her, that Rachel had kissed Luke and that they were on a break. And how to tell Rory that she thinks that they won't work it out anymore. She didn't wanted to think like that. She didn't wanted to think things won't be better. But... something was telling her that she lost everything.
Her man...
Her perfect man...
He wasn't hers anymore.
And the tears rolled down vigorously.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Upstairs, Luke grabbed the beer that was sitting on the table. He gulped it and put it back on the table again. Luke sat on the couch but the place was suffocating him with memories.
Will things come back to the way they were? No. Lorelai already had warned him about that. Will things turn in a way so that they could be a good family again? He didn't know. Everything was conspiring against him.
He descended the stairs and found Lorelai. She looked up when she heard the noise. They gazed at each other.
— Is it because of the kiss? Are you crying because of the kiss? Do you need any time because of the kiss? — he asked in a whisper.
— No honey. — she smiled slightly — It is because we aren't what we were anymore. — He nodded, knowing that she was right. — Are you crying because of the kiss? — she asked him and he noticed that he was crying in front of her.
— No Lorelai. It is because we aren't what we were anymore.
She stood up trying to control her tears. He walked towards her and hugged her as tightly as he could. A last moment between them as a couple, maybe, but maybe not.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
I know that it is shocking, and that you want kill me right now, but I have to be alive to keep with this. I wrote it because it is what I always imagined for the fic (as the miscarriage), so please don't think that I putted it on the story just because I was bored.
Please reviewwwww!
