A streetlamp outside the old building flickered, setting an odd and eerie light on the tense scene. Satisfied that Robin was safe, for the moment, Batman focused more of his energy than ever into breaking his bonds.
Harley stood from her seat, handing the clipboard to the Joker as he took her place. She quietly made her way to the shelf in the back, crossing her legs and leaning forward in anticipation.
"Now then. Let the healing begin!" Joker reached into the pocket of his own lab coat and drew out a yo-yo. He began to spin it, and the spiral pattern went round and round. "Just relax, Batty. This won't hurt. Too much. Watch the circle."
Batman obliged with an eyebrow raised under his cowl. Several minutes of this went by before he finally spoke. "Did you honestly think that this was going to work?"
"Eh, it was worth a try." The Joker threw the yo-yo away with a careless shrug. Something in another part of the room broke with a crash. "But don't think I haven't prepared myself for that."
"I didn't. I've known you too long."
"Good boy." The Joker smiled. Again, he let his long fingers dip into his pocket, and this time pulled out a syringe. It was empty, but not for long. With an exaggerated show of caution, The Joker turned his back on Batman for long enough to dip the needle into a container of some liquid on Harley's shelf. His eyes gleamed as he lunged across the room, jabbing the point into Batman's neck.
His training had long ago taught Batman exactly what would happen if he were drugged. He felt the taint of the chemicals flowing through him, disabling whatever they touched. His tightly-clenched fist was one of the last areas to be infected. He couldn't stop himself from releasing his hold, and dropping the Batarang.
"Oh-ho? What's this?" The Joker asked, stepping forward and picking the weapon up. "Tut tut, You shouldn't be playing with such dangerous toys! Harley!"
Harley jumped up from her place on the shelf and took the Batarang from Joker's hand. "I coulda sworn I got all his stuff, Dr. J!"
"He's a tricky one, this patient," Joker said. "We'll need to be extra-careful!"
"But not too careful, Dr. J," Harley added, climbing back onto her seat. "This patient needs a lotta help, and we gotta give it to him!"
"Right you are, Dr. Harley. So why don't we start?"
"Okie-dokie, Puddin!"
"Good, good." Batman watched drowsily as The Joker folded his arms behind his back, rummaging around for a few moments before allowing them to re-emerge. His right arm could no longer be seen—it was hidden under a sock puppet.
Batman blinked several times, unsure whether this was reality or a delusion brought on by the drugs.
"Now Mr. Batman, say hello to Socko!" Batman merely shook his head, and blinked again. "No? You'll hurt his feelings." The Joker drew the puppet back to his body, hugging it. "Oh fine then, Socko forgives you. 'That's right Mr. Batman, I forgive you!'" Joker had extended the puppet again, raising the pitch of his voice to provide Socko with words. "'Now Mr. Batman, tell me what's wrong? What made you such a nasty little bat?"'
Batman knew that he had to be under the influence, but his cautions were down, and he replied sarcastically. "Well Socko, if I had to guess, I'd say it was fighting delusional, dangerous psychopaths day in and day out. It does strange things to a person."
"Now, now. No need for that kind of a tone, young man," Joker admonished, wagging his finger. "Socko hasn't done anything to you!"
"Maybe he hasn't."
"Well fine! If you're going to be like that, then Socko won't help you!" The Joker folded his arms like a spoiled child.
"Is he cured yet?" Harley asked, from her new position of reclining on the shelf, with one leg stretched into the air.
"Not yet." Joker peeled the sock off of his arm and tossed it aside. "Let's try something else." He began to pace around the small space.
"You and me, Batty? We're not that different, really. Oh, I know what you're thinking. 'He's insane! Surely I'm not!' Well Batty, you're sadly mistaken.
"It's not as if I'm doing this to hurt you. Of course not. The first step is recognizing that you have a problem, after all. Until you learn to accept your madness, you'll be fighting against it. Why, look at me! Not a day goes by that I don't revel in lunacy! And I've never been happier!
"But you, you, my dear Batty, you wallow in sanity, trying to prove that you're better than the rest of us madmen. And I must say, You're making quite a few enemies out there. You just couldn't leave well enough alone, let us have our fun! People want good, old-fashioned revenge."
"People like you?" asked Batman.
"Why yes, as a matter of fact. But I'm hardly the only one. Plenty of us want to get you back for butting your beak into their business!
"But of course," Joker continued, "we need to identify your problem before we can cure it. Now, I think I know you quite well enough by now, eh chum?" He laid an elbow on Batman's head, and continued to go on. "You've got to be more trusting, open up a little! Why, I bet little bird-boy over there doesn't even know who you are!"
"That's a lie," Batman growled.
"Well now well now WELL now! So why does he get special treatment, hm?"
"He isn't a psychopathic murderer."
"Well neither was Socko! Are you going to tell HIM your name?"
"No."
"Then don't interrupt." The Joker removed his elbow, and resumed pacing. "I don't get to do this just any day." He put a hand to his chin and frowned slightly. "Harley, Would you hand me the list?"
"Sure, Puddin'!" She bounded over, picking up the clipboard from the chair as she went.
Joker flipped through a few pages. "Ah, here we are. Paranoia, Schizoid disorder, a check for sheer madness—why else would you dress up as a flying rat every night?"
"Not ta mention reclusive behavior, and just bein' a shut-in," Harley chimed in. "He's got a lotta issues, Dr. J!"
"And he doesn't appear to be paying attention to my hard-written monologue," Joker said as he leaned back over Batman. "And I typed it up and everything! Very well Dr. Harley, the patient seems to be beyond conventional treatment. Better break out the big guns!" He began to laugh as Harley skipped across the room, drawing attention to a large something hidden in the shadows.
"Yer in for a real treat, my batty old friend!" Joker giggled.
"Dun du-nuh dun dun dun duuuuh! Pree-senting..." Harley flipped a large cloth off of the contraption, revealing a seat in the shape of a bat, uncomfortable-looking straps and entirely too many wires. "...shock therapy!"
Harley struggled to push the machine into the middle of the room by herself; Joker was barely even paying attention to her efforts. A few ominous sparks came out of the tall antennae sticking out of the bat-seat's ears.
"What do you think? I made it special just for you."
"I have to say, Joker, the setup was too much even for you." Batman darted his eyes around the room. The drug was still in his system, but it had been slowly wearing off. It never did do to underestimate a man who had spent years honing every aspect of his body—including at least partial immunity to most known poisons. His wits with him again, Batman decided that enough was enough.
"Now, don't be so negative!" The Joker turned around to admire his creation. "This little beauty will have that fixed in no time!"
"I don't think so." Finally, Batman was able to grab the last strap holding him to the couch, and he ripped at it with all the strength he could find. The leather had been worn away enough by his Batarang to come apart, and he instantly leapt up into a fighting stance.
"Your license is being revoked, doctor."
"Oh-ho, it's a fight he wants!" Joker turned back around with a smile and rolled up his sleeves. "Well then, it's a good old fight he'll get!"
"Don't go starting without me!" Called a young voice. Batman didn't have to turn around; Robin's presence at his side was enough to tell him that his ward was in as good health as ever.
"HARLEEEY!"
"Mr. J, I swear I tied 'em, I promise, please Mr. J!"
Before Joker could go to personally reprimand her, Batman grabbed him by the collar and lifted him up into the air.
"Let's do this," Robin said confidently.
Batman nodded.
