Bits and Pieces

By: neen


WHOA. THERE'S A SECOND PART TO THIS ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS THING? Am I certified insane? Yeah, I know you're thinking that. But, it's okay. I have a reason: I'm loaded on a double shot of espresso, a caramel latte, and orange juice. I realize that orange juice has no caffeine and is made of 100 pure juice (says Minute Maid), but I'm still including that with my drink craze. Enjoy!


II.

"You're incredible, Lily flower," James said, looking doe-eyed at Lily with a loving expression. "Fantastic, terrific, wonderful, magnificent, mesmerizing, and magical."

Lily snorted loudly. "Stop that; you look like a twit."

James frowned. "Lily! You're supposed to be in love with me now! Remember?"

Lily took out the quite wrinkled piece of parchment and scanned in quickly. "Oh. Right, we just confirmed our dying love for each other."

James narrowed his eyes at her sentence. "Dying?"

Lily shrugged indifferently. "Undying, sorry."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"By the way, the atrocious nickname 'Lily flower' is so incredibly fluffy that I'm insulted by it. I'm out of love with you now," Lily says, wearing an offended face.

"NOO! This can't be happening! Would you like it better if I called you…Furball, perhaps?" James asked in a panicky voice. "Would Furball work?"

Lily's expression softened immediately and took one of pure adoration. "I've always wanted someone to call me that! Oh, breastling!"

"Oh, Furball, must you call me that?" James asked, only slightly annoyed. The only thing that mattered was that he had made Lily happy. Well, the only thing besides his stomach rumbling anyways.

"Oh, but it suits you so well!" Lily said with extreme passion, and then giving a seductive grin, continued, "And—it turns me on, each time I get to breathe it."

James eyebrows shot straight into his hair. "Oh! Well, anything that suits you, Furry!"

Lily frowned. "NO. Not Furry. Just Fur-ball. Do not shorten my nickname unless you want me to cut off your second part of my nickname."

James frowned as well. "Wait, that doesn't make sense. What are you trying to say? Furball is one word, is it not? Or! Are you referring to my balls being furry? Because, well, I'm sure they're quite--"

Lily rolled her eyes at his stupidity and quickly interrupted. "--No. It's hyphenated between the 'fur' and the 'ball'."

"Oh!" James nodded, as if understanding. "So, you're going to cut off my second part of your nickname. Fur-ball. Ball? You're going to cut off my furry ball?"

"Yep!" Lily said, a smug smirk on her face.

"So, not balls, just ball?" James asked.

"Mmm hmm."

"Oh. So, you're going to have to choose or something? Something like which one has more hair?"

"YES! NOW BLOODY SHUT UP AND KISS ME!"

"Kiss you?" James asked, bewildered. "That's not very random at all…"

Lily shook her head in disbelief. "Breastling, it's time! We're on schedule to kiss at this moment, and we would have been on the right track with all the fluff talk, but noo, someone just had to keep asking questions until we run out of time, and now we're late! Oh, and the fact that you're acting completely stupid, which turns me on, so just mmphf!—"

They broke off exactly thirty seconds later.

"All better?" James asked. "Was I at the thirty second mark yet?"

"Yeah," Lily said, breathless, "Great job, breasts."

"Same to you, Fur-ball."

"So, let's see," Lily started, looking at the parchment again. "Aha! 11:16 A.M. You're supposed to say, 'Lily, why do you hate me so much anyways? Can't we just forget everything and move on with it?' It also has a footnote that says to act passionate and determined."

"Okay. Can I substitute the word 'Lily' with 'Fur-Ball' now that we've established it?" James asked sweetly.

"Have at it."

"Fur-ball, why do you hate me so much anyways? Can't we just forget everything and move on with it?" James asked, looking very solemn.

"Of course, big breasts! Wait a minute, didn't we confess our love and stuff already? I should've forgiven you already, right?" Lily asked, confusion taking over her brain.

"Right."

Lily looked at the date of the paper. "Agh! This is one from a week ago! Now, where's the one for today's conversation?" Lily checked her pockets, but simply could not find it.

"Whatever," Lily muttered furiously. "Let's just do this one again. I like the phrases I get to say and stuff anyways."

"So I start at the 'Fur-ball, why do you hate me' stuff?"

"Yes. Do you have to repeat everything I tell you to do again?" Lily said, irritated.

"Aw, Fur-Ball. You're being mean."

"Oh, my apologies, breastling. Don't worry about it," Lily said, melting into a puddle of goop at the mere mention of her new nickname.

"Fur-ball, why do you hate me so much anyways? Can't we just forget everything and move on with it?" James asked, looking very solemn. (Deja-vu?)

"Well, it's just—I've always held a grudge for you when you cut off my hair," Lily explained in a kind tone.

"When was this?" James asked, looking concerned.

"Well…"

"HEY, LILY EVANS!" An obnoxious boy of eleven years old shouted loudly and waved frantically at a cute redhead sitting in the corner of the Common Room.

"HEY, JAMES POTTER!" Lily shouted back with a grin.

"What's that?" James asked, pointing at a fuzzy looking rabbit Lily was clutching in her hand as she read.

"It's Fibbs. He's really comfy, and helps keep me calm when I read," Lily explained sweetly.

"Oh! And what if I did this?" James said and muttered the charm for cutting, and Fibbs' ears fell to the floor.

Lily smiled. "It's okay. I just learned this. Reparo."

Fibbs' ears were back on.

"Cutta."

"Wait, Fur-Ball—Cutta's really the spell for cutting?" Present-day James asked of a ticked-off Lily.

"It is now!" Lily said furiously and continued with her story.

"Cutta."

"Reparo."

"Cutta."

"Reparo."

"Cutta, cutta, cutta."

"Reparo."

"Hey! That's not fair. I had to say it three times, and you only said it once!"

The petite Lily shrugged.

"Why aren't you mad? Why aren't you mad, LILY EVANS?" James demanded angrily and then, on impulse, shouted, "CUTTA" at Lily's hair.

Wisps of the brilliant copper hair flowed down elegantly and encircled the small girl's shaking frame. The unshed droplets of dihydrogen monoxide (H20) shined in her orbs of refreshing jade.

James cleared his throat loudly to grab Lily's attention. It brought her back to reality. "Stop with the whole embellishing thing. Fur-ball, you absolute narcissist."

Lily growled. "It was a beautiful description. But that is beside the point. The point being that I couldn't repair my hair, so I had to wait until it all grew back, which was years. So, that's why I hated you, boobs."

"Oh, okay. I guess I can take that."

An awkward silence passed for 2.18 seconds. It was quite short because James remembered he forgot to put on his new cologne this morning. And he heard that the cologne could do wonders. He grinned as he thought of obscene thoughts of Lily and him.

"Hang on, Fur-Ball. I've got something special for you," James said, giving a mysterious smile.

"An aphrodisiac?" Lily asked teasingly.

James looked very serious. "Quite possibly."

"Oh, heh."

PSSSSSSSS. James sprayed his cologne on his hands and slapped it on his neck and chest. Mmm.

"That smell," Lily began, and took another huge sniff, flaring her nostrils quite widely.

"Yeah. Delightful, isn't it? It's Burnt Orange Almond Muffin cologne. Quite manly, I must admit," James said proudly. "I had the house-elves special make it for me."

Suddenly, Lily began to sneeze. "ACHOO."

"Merlin Charm You," James responded pleasantly.

Lily continued to sneeze uncontrollably. "ACHOO, ACHOO, ACHOO."

"Merlin Charm You. Merlin Charm You. Merlin Charm You," James said, all in one breath with a congenial smile plastered across his face.

"I'm—ACHOO—allergic—ACHOO, ACHOO—to—sniffle—ALMONDS!" Lily shouted, spraying snot and spit everywhere.

James was showered down with it. "Lovely snot you have hanging out of your nose, Fur-Ball. It's quite sexy. I would lick it up, but I dunno if that's sanitary or not. I guess I could pretend it was whip cream or something…"

"EW! BOOBS, stop it! You're acting stupid again, and you know what happens when you're—just kiss me," Lily said with a moan, wiping her nose quickly.

"Of course, Fur-Ball." Hah! I knew that cologne is magical.


Author's Note:

I REALLY should be studying for Chemistry…but as that's not going too well, I decided to do this. Hope it was funny enough! And hopefully, I'll have some more reviews to cheer me up after I've done so crappily on my chem exam?

One can dream...

Thanks, and reviews would be great.