Bits and Pieces
By: neen
Woo! Part Seven's here…geez, I really update this story, don't I? You spoiled people.
Anyways. Please review, so I can see if people actually like this! Enjoy.
VII.
The next few days passed without much incident.
Unless you count Snape's constant love declarations for James towards who people thought was 'Prinscilla'. He even went so far as to fling his arms around James's legs passionately.
Or if you think that 'incident' can be used for when Sirius managed to attach his hands to James's boobs with a Sticking Charm that needed four hours until it wore off.
Or, if you consider Lily constantly dragging James into the shady cupboard on the second floor every day between classes for a quick snog fest, then yeah, maybe there were a lot of incidents.
However, that pales in comparison to today.
Why, you ask?
Because, dear one, today for the first time in his life, James Potter saw blood.
On his knickers.
Ohhhhh.
So, you're thinking that James went to find Lily and screamed his head off about getting his period and desperately begged her for a tampon and a tutorial.
Well, you're partly right.
James did scream his head off. But for another reason.
He, due to the excitement of becoming a girl dying down days ago, had promptly forgotten there was such a thing as a female menstruation cycle.
Instead, he thought he was dying.
So, quickly, he ran into the Common Room, hoping very much that Lily was in there and not upstairs in her dormitory.
And so she was, staring into the fireplace with a mixed expression on her pretty face.
"LILY!" James shouted, so glad to see her. "I'm dying! So much—I've lost so much! I don't think I have much time left!"
Lily's face quickly turned into an alarmed and concerned one. "What, James? What's the matter with you? What did you lose? Weight? Brain cells? Blood?"
At her last word, James nodded frantically. He paled as he nearly shouted with fear, "Yes! Blood!"
Lily inspected James quickly, her brow furrowing with concentration. "I don't see any bad injuries on you, James. Where are you talking about?"
James lowered his voice to a whisper. "That's because I have—cervical cancer or something!"
"Cervical cancer makes you lose blood?"
"Erm—" James pondered over this a minute, then quickly said, "I dunno, but this is drastic! There's so much blood on my undies!"
Lily looked startled before a smile spread across her face. "James, you dolt! You have your period!" Lily grinned brightly.
James's eyes widened quite big. "Excuse me? My what?"
Lily rolled her eyes at James's shocked reaction. "Remember? I reminded you that day already." She then smirked. "What, so now you need a tampon?"
James looked rather disgruntled. "I can't believe this! I have to suffer through this?"
Lily's smirk grew bigger. "Of course! And yes, I will very kindly give you a tutorial on how to use feminine hygiene products."
Lily magicked a small container bulging with objects from the air.
She smiled wickedly. "So, James, do you want to stick something up your arse or do you want to wear a diaper?"
James blanched even more. "Erm, what if I don't want either?"
Lily cackled. "Well, I guess you're going to have to keep bleeding the entire day, and people will be staring at your buttocks."
James fidgeted uncomfortably. "Um, does the stick tampon thingy hurt?"
"Well," Lily paused for dramatic effect, "it depends."
"It depends!" James shrieked loudly. "On what?"
"If you stick it in properly, of course."
"Oh. I think I'll go with the diaper. Pad, that's what it's called, right?"
"Good choice for your first time," Lily said, nodding. Then she held out an array of brightly colored packaged pads. "Now, depending on your blood flow, you will need either a normal-sized maxi, a super maxi, or an overnighter. Since you've told me you've lost so much, we'll stick an overnighter for you."
James moaned as Lily beamed.
Lily instructed him on how to place a pad in line with his underwear.
"This sucks."
Lily chuckled lightly at his comment. "Well, thankfully for both you and me, you only have to suffer through this one time."
James nodded, agreeing with her.
"Now, be a good boy…or should I say girl?" Lily smiled, and continued, "Go put your cute little diaper on!"
"Fine," James grumbled and went inside the girl's bathroom.
Five minutes later, he emerged, looking very uncomfortable and waddling a deformed penguin walk.
"Euuuugh. It's so bulky, Lily!" James complained, feeling his behind with his hand. "Does it look too bad?"
He turned around, letting Lily view it. Lily had to admit, James's pad was poking through quite a lot. It indeed looked like he had a square butt.
But on the other hand…Lily could still see the form of his butt, and she had to say, he was giving a very fine view. Not that she would ever tell him that, of course.
"Lily? Is it really that bad?" James asked worriedly.
"Nah. Just squeeze in your butt a bit when you walk. If you sit on it long enough, it'll eventually mold to your butt shape," Lily quickly said before James caught her staring at his butt.
"Oh, okay. Thanks, Lily," James said, sighing in great relief.
"Sure," Lily said, shrugging. "And don't forget to change every couple of hours, or else you're going to give off a nasty smell like something just snuffed it in the attic."
"Okay."
A silence passed over the two.
James then noticed that Lily was staring at him strangely. Probably because I just asked her on how to put in a maxi pad correctly…I bet she doesn't get that much from guys. "Lily, why are you looking at me like---mmpfh!"
Lily had closed in the space between them, smashing her mouth into his.
Slowly they broke apart.
Lily looked confused, then slightly embarrassed. "I have no earthly idea why I keep doing that…it's just that you're so damn…so damn attractive. Or your lips actually."
James ruffled through his currently long, flowing hair that was naturally curly. Very curly. "Thanks, I guess. You're very attractive too. Yours lips as well."
Lily flushed. "T-thanks."
Suddenly, they noticed that about ten pairs of eyes were on them.
So they weren't alone. Crappity crap it.
Their fellow Gryffindors were looking very shocked and whispering amongst each other.
"—Did you know!—"
"—No! I didn't realize that Lily Evans was—"
"--Gay!--"
"--Lesbian!--"
A bolder Gryffindor girl walked up to Lily and James. She paused before asking casually, "I guess this is it, then? You two have come out of the cupboard?"
Lily didn't say anything, as she didn't know what to say. How was one supposed to respond to that without letting James get embarrassed?
James, on the other hand, was furiously denying it, and with his quick thinking, said, "Non! Eet eez ze French way to greet someone! Mwah, mwah! Come here, you Britain girl! Let me greet you!"
The girl, now wearing a horrified expression on her face, quickly screamed, "AHHH! The French, they're all crazy!"
Another Gryffindor murmured to a close friend, "Please remind me to never step in France. Those weird customs that I'll never understand…"
Frantically, the rest of the people departed, not wanting to be caught by James and be 'greeted'.
"Well," James said cheerfully, "that solved everything!"
Lily could not contain her laughter. "Prinscilla, please do greet me again!"
With a sly smile, James waddled over expertly, making sure to squeeze in his butt, and acquiesced to her request.
Author's Note:
Yes! This was an incredibly great chapter to write! You have no idea how glad I am that summer is here…!
Oh, and to all French people, sorry if I offended you…I could think of no other way to present it! My apologies.
Enjoy and please, please review!
I do accept anonymous reviews!
Thanks.
