Chapter 7
Finding You
Harry's eyes popped open in the middle of the night. His mouth opened in pure wonder. Why the hell hadn't he thought of it before? Goosebumps stood out on his arms and he got a chill. He looked over. Hedwig was sleeping quietly in the corner of the room, her head under her wing. He had barely remembered to feed and water her.
He got up and scribbled quickly on a roll of parchment, messily signing his name, then tapped the cage. Hedwig screeched, and her deep amber eyes seemed to narrow. Harry scowled.
"I don't care if you're tired. This is my life." He said, and fastened the message to her leg. He unlocked the cage door, and then opened the window. A cool, freeing breeze blew his hair back and seemed to sooth him. Harry shrugged at Hedwig, who nipped him on the wrist before flying off.
"Ow!" He shouted at her. He rubbed the bandage on his back absentmindedly.
Harry crawled back under the soft cotton sheets. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get back to sleep. For some horrible reason, every time he closed his eyes all he saw was Draco.
Arrogant racist ferret, he thought angrily. An absolutely disgusting waste of flesh. Little rich boy. Man whore. Spoiled brat. Fornicator. Molester.
"A victim." He whispered. He was shocked at his own words; he hadn't even meant to speak.
But he wasn't a victim, was he? Only of his own stupidity, and that of his parents. His dad had almost killed him. They brainwashed him into being racist. But you can change, you can always change the way you are, and you do have the choice. And people can help you change, too. Could I help him?
Harry sat up straight in bed. It was then that the urge hit him. He slipped some socks on and went down quietly to the kitchen to steal some of Dudley's triple fudge cake.
He was quite surprised when he got downstairs to find Aunt Petunia sitting at the table, eating the cake. She looked rather guilty, but Harry gave her a tiny smile. She pulled out a chair for him and he sat down.
They ate quietly for a couple of minutes, savoring the fudge and the silence. Harry cherished the fact that he was somewhat close to his aunt now, and things weren't like they used to be. He stared at her for a moment, for once in his life wondering about her past, and why she hated Lily so much.
"What was my mother like, Aunt Petunia?" Harry asked abruptly. Aunt Petunia swallowed, smiled painfully, and looked up at him.
"Harry," she said. "Your mother was extraordinary."
Harry beamed.
"I was so jealous of her. She got to go away to a magic school, it was like a fantasy. She didn't have to do anything…and Mum and Dad…of course, they favored her. And her husband…let's just say Vernon doesn't compare." She looked down again, suddenly very aware of her life. Harry's heart went out to her, truly and wholly. "It was quite funny, because at first she thought he was the vilest creature that had ever walked the earth. I would often hear her ranting to our parents about his arrogance, and how spoiled rotten he was."
Harry nodded, letting it all run over him in small bits. He thought about none of it right away.
"Oh, and that Snape character. He was in love with her like you'd never imagine. Followed her everywhere, like a lamb…was at our house all the time. I believe they had a relationship as well."
Harry nearly choked on his cake. "Snape? And my mum?" Inconceivable.
She looked into his eyes as if she had only just realized she was there. "You know Harry, her eyes weren't always green. They only became green after she started dated that Potter."
He nodded. He still had more questions. Harry found it amusing how this whole conversation had just kind of come up out of the blue. "But how was she around Snape?"
"Oh, she loved him. She really did. But something just wasn't right about the relationship. It seemed so…star-crossed. He had asked her to marry him, but she had already promised herself to James so she said no. After that, she never heard from him, as I understand. But…I did."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh now, that's nothing you should be concerned with. Go to bed, it's late." She shooed him away, suddenly looking very uncomfortable. Harry frowned.
"Actually, I think I'll go for a walk." He stated, getting up.
"Don't be too late." She called, turning and walking out. He went out the kitchen door and down, his hand dragging on the railing. It was a starry, starry night, as some guy once said. He snorted at his own humor, and broke the night's silence.
He remembered what Aunt Petunia had said about his mum hating his dad because he was arrogant and spoiled, and that reminded him of his own situation. Excepting, of course, that he was not gay, would never be gay, and never, ever, ever would think of Draco especially as anything more than an acquaintance…or a weird, iffy sort of friend.
So why now, in the middle of the night, after the horribly awkward experience last night, was he going to the Malfoy's house, where he would probably be stunned by Draco's father and then left that way on their doorstep?
"Incredibly stupid…" Harry muttered to himself. And yet, he kept going, and as he walked, he braced himself for a Stunning. He knocked on the door with his eyes squinted shut.
"Potter?" came a young and somehow blonde voice. Harry almost smirked. "What the hell are you doing here? At this time of night?" Draco added.
"Restlessness…" Harry murmured. "You too?"
"Yes, what else?" he replied nastily.
"Don't get pissy with me, Draco."
Draco didn't have any reply to that one. They both stood there in a terribly uncomfortable silence.
"Come for a walk. We can't talk here."
"Why not?"
"You haven't got a clue?"
"No."
"Then come, if only to satisfy your curiosity."
Shrugging, Draco stepped down and closed the door behind him. He was only wearing his underwear. Harry's face and neck suddenly grew very hot. Immediately, he felt disgusted with himself.
"Listen, Draco. I really…I don't think…that what happened last night was…a fluke."
Draco stopped and turned to Harry with blind fury in his eyes. He was breathing heavily through his nose and his nostrils were flaring. "Do you mean to tell me," he hissed. "That we are gay?"
"That's not what I said." Harry said hotly.
"Then just what are you saying, Harry? That we jacked each other off because we're best mates, and that's it?" Draco shouted.
All was silent for a moment, then Harry spoke very calmly. His heart was hammering in his chest like he had just run a thousand meters. "What am I supposed to tell you? Don't you understand what's happening?"
"No."
"You don't want to understand, then."
"I don't even know what you're fucking talking about!" He cried. "Why won't you give me answers?"
"But you liked it!" Harry burst out. Silence again. "You know exactly what I mean by that! You wanted more, even after you knew it was me!"
Draco was suddenly very close to Harry's face. "Well, Harry," he whispered. "You caught me."
Draco bent in and gave Harry a passionate, tongue-thrashing kiss. Harry, surprised but happily so, kissed him back and gave him a fairly equal tongue-thrashing right back. He had just noticed that they were very far into the woods by now, and certainly not within hearing distance of the duplex.
Slowly, they knealt on the grass, and Harry prepared for one of the most harrowing experiences of his life.
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The grass rustled. A twig snapped. Lucius quietly cursed at himself, reminding himself to be careful. Don't make any fucking noise, Lucius. He squatted in the bushes, watching the two boys carefully. He hadn't realized how much Draco had grown. Potter was a different story. Average-sized, but pulsating. How utterly disgusting.
The moans and whimpers and curses were loud, too loud almost, but Lucius remembered how deep into the woods they were. Of course they didn't notice him. No one ever noticed a good spy. Of course, he didn't like to think of his work as spying, just…carefully observing.
As he watched them together, he found that he was pitching a tent as well.
Hell, I'll be quiet.
Lucius unzipped his pants, still watching the boys very, very carefully.
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Draco lay next to Harry on the grass, panting, but smiling. He was exhausted. It was like being high. So much relaxation…comfort…safety. He'd never had that with any girl he'd had his way with. It was so much different. He ran his hand of Harry's stomach and loved the way Harry's skin felt on his hand.
"This is gay." He whispered, and they both started to chuckle.
"Yes, it is." Harry agreed. "D'you think this'll be awkward later?"
"No." Draco shook his head, his slicked-back platinum-blonde hair rubbing against the grass. "No, it won't."
Harry propped himself up on his elbows, and got to his feet. "I've got to go. It's almost morning, and my ass is bleeding."
They exploded into a loud, happy laughter. Draco got up, too, and kissed Harry goodbye. This was all so strange, all so new. But he liked it.
Quietly, they went back towards the duplex.
