Jude and Sadie had talked it over that night, Jude was going to finish her tour, by the end of it, she would be just over 4 months along and probably still be able to hide it if she wore loose clothing. After the tour, they would figure out what to do next, but they both decided that they weren't going to tell anyone, at all. Sadie, Jude, and her doctor when she found one, were the only people who were going to know. She wasn't going to raise her child amidst scandal and heartache. She'd learned the hard way that fame was over rated, and in the end you ended up getting burned more than anything.
Tommy was having a hard time adjusting to "family" life, it's not like he didn't want a family some day, he just didn't want this one.
TommyT: What is wrong with me? I look at my son and I feel nothing, he had blonde hair and brown eyes and acts, looks, talks nothing like me, shouldn't I feel something, god I'm a horrible father.
Kim walked into the room, she was a beautiful woman of 25, she had been a model before she became pregnant with Christopher, but now was a secretary at a local agency. Her bank account had dwindled before she'd moved to Montana, she had a bit of a gambling problem and Atlantic City had been a hop, jump, and a skip away. Tommy was the answer to her, Keith, and Christopher's prayers. He just didn't know it yet. Hopefully by the time he did they would be too far away to touch.
Tommy sat in the living room a few nights later watching the tv in the living room. He was barely paying attention until he heard a familiar name that immediately got his attention.
Tv reporter: We're here at 17 year old rock princess Jude Harrison's 35th stop on her 50 stop tour, here is a live feed to her concert in New Orleans,
The scene switches to Jude up on stage, singing a new song ( my immortal by evanescense)
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
As the song ends the scene switches back to the Tv reporter
Tv Reporter: wow, that girl has got some vocal power and an amazing ability to capture heart break in all of her songs, who ever that one is about, Ouch. He must have worked her over good.
Tommy couldn't stand it anymore, he clicked off the TV and stood there running his hands through his hair, he was going to ask Kim for a paternity test, and if she says no, he'll tell her he's leaving.
Jude walked off of the stage after performing "My immortal" and went straight backstage to get a drink of water. It had been 3 months and 4 days since Tommy had left her, and unknowingly their unborn child. Jude was exactly 3 months and 2 days pregnant. A doctor in Louisiana had confirmed it just yesterday.
Doctor: Miss Harrison, you have a healthy baby as far as I can see, but from what you tell me you've been under a lot of stress lately, in my medical opinion I think maybe you should lighten your work load a bit. 50 states in 4 months? If you strain yourself too much you could be putting yourself and your baby in danger.
After that appointment Sadie made Jude slow down but always made it look like things were still normal to everyone else. Jude had to drink 10 glasses of water a day, take her pre natal vitamins, and when Sadie and Jude were alone in their room, they would talk about baby names, and put the head phones on Jude's quickly growing stomach so that the little Harrison could hear it's mama's music.
Jude still wasn't whole, but she was getting there. She still missed Tommy terribly, but she knew she had to be strong for herself, but more importantly for her baby, the baby that both she and Sadie had come to love in the past 2 months. Instead of crying, she would pour her heart and soul into song after heart wrenching song about Tommy and how he'd made her feel. She hadn't heard a thing from him since the night before he had left, and late at night she still caught herself wondering what he was doing, if he was happy, or as miserable as her. I hope so, you deserve it Tommy. She turned over in bed quickly trying to stop the tears in her eyes from pouring out, she almost succeeded but one silent tear slid down her face and onto her pillow.
Tommy was sitting in his room at Kim's ranch and had just finished watching Jude's concert, she hadn't looked like his Jude, she was pale, and she looked kinda chubby, but she was still beautiful. To him she'd always be beautiful no matter what. Tommy glanced down at the piece of paper In his hands, he had been working on a song for the past 2 days and he thought to himself
TommyT: I wish I could sing this song to her, just so she'd know that I haven't forgotten about her, and that I'm doing this for her. Then he had an idea, I can record it here, I have my equipment and I'll send it to the radio stations, they'll never know where I am, and Jude can hear how much I still love her, but I need her to move on.
Tommy spent the rest of the evening and night recording his song in the mini studio he had set up for himself in one of the guest bedrooms. He was sitting at the soundboard and held the final bootleg copy of his song in his hand.
Tommy: Here's my song Jude, I hope you hear it.
Tommy left and drove to the nearest post office, he walked up to the counter and said "Hi I'd like to send this to the nearest national radio station" The man gave him all the information he needed and Tommy paid him. "How fast will this get there"?
Man: Over night is an extra 10$
Tommy hands him a 10 and say's "thanks".
Tommy made his way back "home" He still couldn't quite think of it as home. He went to bed early that day, and couldn't wait for the next day when he hoped his song would be played on the radio.
Jude was laying down the next evening listening to the radio, Sadie had just gone out to get her chunky munky ice cream, because Jude was having a craving. Jude was thinking to herself how much of a good sister Sadie really was.
JudeT: I wouldn't be able to get through this without her, she really has come through for me, and my baby. I know we've had our differences over the years, but she's here for me when it really counts and she has completely waited on me hand and foot since she joined the tour, I'm really lucky to have a sister like her.
Just then her thoughts were interrupted when she heard "His" name.
Radio: Well guess who popped up with a new single almost 4 months after he disappeared somewhere in the states, yes that is right folks, little Tommy Q formerly of Boyz Attack apparently sent out this bootleg copy of his new song "Hate me"
Here you go, call in and tell me what you think the number is --. (hate me by blue October)
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so damn far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "how can you do this to me?"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
Radio: Well you have to wonder who that number is going out to. Well Tommy Q who was Jude Harrison's producer until his mysterious disappearance, has been in hiding since May, but we hope he comes back, and produce's some more great hits by the one and only rock princess herself. Since were on the subject of Jude Harrison, here is her hit single "Skin" (Skin by Alexz Johnson)
I drift away to a place
Another kind of
life
Take away the pain
I create my paradise
Everything
I've held
Has hit the wall
What used to be yours
Isn't yours
at all
Falling apart, and all that I'm asking
Is a crime,
am I overreacting
Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me
something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this
alive
Another little white lie
What you had didn't
fit
Among the pretty things
But never fear, never fear
I now
know where you've been
Braids have been un-tied
Ribbons
fall away
Leave the consequence
But my tears you'll
taste
Falling apart and all that I question
Is this a dream
or is this my lesson
Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me
something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this
alive
Another little white lie
Oh my permission to sin
You
might have started my reckoning
I've got a reason now to bury him
alive
Another little white lie
I don't believe I'll be
alright
I don't believe I'll be ok
I don't believe how you
throw me away
I do believe you didn't try
I do blame you for
every lie
When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine
Jude and Tommy were both listening to that same station and though they were a thousand miles apart, each cried. Both of them crying because they knew the other wanted them to get on with their lives, and one cried because she knew she never would, no matter how much she tried.
