Chapter 17: Don't Fall To Pieces

Eos sat on the window seat in the alcove in her bedroom. The window overlooked the back garden, which had been dormant during the winter, save for a few snowdrops. She however, looked over the garden with a blank gaze.

She clutched a mug of tea between two trembling hands. A blanket was wrapped around her shoulders. Berylla had coaxed her into getting a decent night of sleep, but there were still dark circles under her eyes. Her long dark hair hung loose around her shoulders.

She could not think. She'd tried reading but could not focus. The day before still bore a weight on her heart. Her mind revolved in circles, her train of thought always bumping into the same obstacle, like a dog chasing its own tail.

He lay in oblivion. All around him were fuzzy hallucinations of shadows and figures. The people in this half-dream were unidentifiable. Except one.

A black specter closed its hand over her body. Her eyes were closed and her dark hair dangled loose. They were carrying her away. Away from him.

He tried to reach out and grab her back but his arms seemed to be made of leaden rods. He had no choice but to watch as they carried her away. It was worse knowing that it was his entire fault. He was the reason they were taking her away.

His dry throat could only croak out one word: "Eos, Eos…"

Celandine, coming on one of her weekly visits, found her sister in that same vegetative state on the window seat. She sat across from her, and they sat in silence.

Eos, sensing her gaze, broke the silence. "Berylla told you?" she asked hoarsely.

Her sister nodded solemnly. "She told me that you went up to the Cottons' to tell him the… the news."

Eos let out a harsh laugh, breaking the frozen mask on her face for the first time in hours. "And that went well," she said sarcastically.

"Why did you run from him?"

"What?"

"Why did you run from him, even though you hadn't heard his response to your news?"

The younger woman gazed blankly out the window. "I suppose – I was afraid of what he would say. I'm not sure. I might have just lost my senses. But, sister, Frodo or no Frodo, I'll – we'll –", she put a hand over her belly, acknowledging the life inside her for the first time, "We'll make it through."

Celandine reached over and took her hand. "Bear and I, we'll always be there for you. Don't forget that."

They sat hand in hand, contented for the moment. Celandine temporarily diverted Eos's thoughts with news she had heard in town and ceramics she'd bought. She was describing a mug to her when someone banged loudly on the front door.

"Who could that be?" Celandine wondered in alarm. "Could it be…?" She looked at Eos. Eos stared back.

"No," said Eos, listening hard. "It's Rosie!"

Berylla's head appeared in the doorway, her eyes slightly nervous. "Eos? Are you free? Rosie wants to see you, badly."

Celandine and Eos stared at each other, now thoroughly puzzled.

"Come on, Eos!" urged Berylla. "Your friend looks like she'll lose her patience if she waits any longer! She's jittery as a cat!"

"Rosie? Jittery doesn't sound like her," said Eos, getting to her feet.

"Maybe she's heard about your… trouble," suggested Celandine.

"Perhaps, but... jittery? Upon hearing about your friend's pregnancy?"

As soon as Eos was out of the room, Berylla practically pushed her down the hall and into the parlor. Before closing the door behind her, she gave her younger sister an almost apologetic look. And then Eos was alone with her friend.

Rosie Cotton was not composed as she usually was. She was not sitting down. She was standing and looked ready to go out and about. Eos saw a bead of sweat run down the side of her face. She was twisting the front of her dress into a mess of wrinkles. As soon as Eos was alone, she ran to her.

"Oh, Eos!" she cried, grabbing her hands. She was breathless. "Oh dear, I hardly know where to begin!" Eos thought she was on the verge of tears.

"Rosie, sit down first, please," she said. Her friend looked reluctant, but complied.

"There, now, what's going on?"

Rosie put her face in her hands. "Oh, Eos, you must come at once." She paused, trying to put her words in order.

"Come… where?"

"Up to our place. For Frodo."

"Frodo?" Eos stiffened upon hearing his name. "What for?"

Rosie really looked like she was going to cry now. "Frodo is ill."

"Ill?" Eos felt a tug of panic at her heart.

"Oh yes, and with the most awful symptoms. My father and little Crystal found him lying curled up on the bed, muttering about something being dark and empty. We all tucked him in and found he had a ghastly fever. Then he started hallucinating and muttering to heaven-knows-what. It frightened the poor little girl so!"

Eos frowned. Dark and empty… she remembered little snippets of what Frodo had told her about the Quest. Darkness…

"What did Sam say about this?" she asked.

"That was the worst! He wasn't even there! He left early this morning to plant trees! He won't be back for a few days."

Eos sat back. Damn. Sam could have done some explaining. And yet, why would she be needed? Rosie answered her question at that moment.

"Also, why I came here… is that Frodo has been calling for you."

"What?"

"He has. A few hours or so after we found him he started whispering your name. Then he became more and more malcontent, and started saying it louder and louder, like he was tormented." Here, Rosie reached over and grasped her friend's hand. "I knew you wouldn't be comfortable going over there again, after yesterday… but we couldn't pacify him, so I came for you."

She tightened her hold on her hand. "He loves you, Eos. He needs you desperately."

Eos was still skeptical. "How do you know that this is not just a result of this illness? What if he's just jabbering to hallucinations?"

"Oh, I know. I talked to him last night, when he told Sam and me about the news," Rosie replied. "He said that he was just frustrated about the bad timing, that's all. And there's more."

She drew a sealed letter from her pocket. "I found this on the table in his room. It's for you." She handed it over to Eos. "I couldn't resist opening the sides and having a glimpse at a line or two," she grinned apologetically. "But… just read it."

Eos took the letter and broke the seal. Slowly, she opened it and read the elegantly sloping hand:

Dear Eos,

I knew you would not be comfortable speaking with me in person after taking off yesterday. Therefore, I am doing the best I can to communicate myself in words.

I do not deny my initial shock when you broke the news to me. I suspect that because of this you fled from me when Sam appeared. I admit, I was too slow to respond to you, and may have caused you to suspect that I would not take the news well. Furthermore, I was convinced I would never father a child, and perhaps that fact made you fear informing me about the contrary.

However, I still wish you hadn't left so soon, and given me time to compose myself. You must know that I have no qualms about our new coming child, but for the current circumstances of your marriage. We do hear stories in town of men who have abandoned girls who carry their illegitimate children, and perhaps you thought your pregnancy, likewise, would cause me to love you less. Darling, did you really think of me this way? Why would I abandon you over such a matter, after I have loved you and wanted you for years on end? How could you even think that I was so cruel?

I do not expect you to believe everything I have said, for I know it takes more than words to prove one self. Simply know that I still love you and will gladly accept any child, as long as it is yours.

Loving you always,

Frodo Baggins

Rosie watched Eos as she read the letter. No significant change came over her face, save for her eyes, which softened a little. Rosie waited with apprehension.

Eos finished reading, and looked up at her. She closed the letter and stood up. She said, "Wait at the front door. I shan't be long." And she disappeared through the doorway.

Her friend stifled a yelp of happiness, and rushed to the front of the hole. After a few minutes, Eos came with a bag whose contents rustled as she walked. She put on her blue cloak, and taking Rosie's hand, left the hole.

There was unusual tension in the Cottons' house. Nibs was sitting in a chair in a kitchen, biting his nails nervously. Farmer Cotton stood watch at Frodo's door. He was holding Crystal, who was sobbing loudly. He rushed up to Eos when she arrived.

"Miss Took! Thank goodness you've arrived!" He handed the tiny girl to Eos.

"She's been crying all morning, the poor thing," he said, as the girl buried her face in her mother's shoulder and wailed into it. "Mr. Baggins bein' sick an' all, I s'pose it scared her stiff."

Eos rocked her daughter and shushed her gently. "It's alright, Crystal, Mama's here. Don't cry."

"F-Frodo's s-sick!" Crystal wailed. "I'm s-scared!"

"Scared? Baby, don't be scared!" Eos crooned softly.

"I - hic! - I - hic!" Crystal hiccoughed between sobs, as one does as a result of crying too much. "I - hic! - don't - hic! - want Fro - hic! - Frodo to be - hic! - sick!"

"Maybe," Eos whispered, in an attempt to mollify her, "he won't be sick if you stop crying so much."

At this, Crystal stopped, still hiccoughing a little. Rubbing her back a little, her mother gave her to Rosie, and headed to Frodo's room. At the sight of him, tears sprang to her eyes.

He lay hapless on the bed, covered in sweat. His nightshirt was soaked through. His beautiful head swayed from side to side on the pillow, the lids half shut and his lips dry. They were moving, croaking words which Eos could not decipher.

She sat on the bed beside him. His complexion was a ghostly white. She choked back a sob, for he hardly looked like himself at all, so withdrawn from reality. She took one of his cold hands and held it to her breast. It twitched feebly in her hands. Eos kissed his fingers, one by one.

At this, Frodo's mutterings became louder and louder, and his head twitched more violently. Suddenly, Eos realized he had been calling her name the whole time.

"Eos…Eos…"

She leaned over him, and answered his call. "Frodo."

He paused. Eyes still half-closed, he turned his head towards her, searching for the source of her voice.

Eos placed a hand on his hot forehead, stroking his damp curls back from his face. She called him again, kissing his cheek. "Frodo."

He opened his eyes this time. As the room slid into focus, he saw her face. As his eyes widened in wonder, he became himself again. He lay there for a moment, drinking in the sight of her. He let her name slip through his lips as he drew breath. "Eos…" Trembling, he reached up with his free hand to touch her, but his fingers faltered inches away. "I am dreaming," he whispered hoarsely.

Eos grasped his hand and kissed the palm. "You're not," she replied. "This is real. It's me. I'm here."

Frodo's dry and cracked lips broke into a smile. "Eos," he whispered with increasing joy. "I didn't think you would come."

Eos picked his head up and cradled him in her arms. To further convince him that she was not a vision, she bent and kissed him deeply. She felt a small groan emit from his throat. She kissed him again, brushing her lips against his. Slowly, he followed the movements of her mouth with his own.

They ended their kiss together, and Frodo rested his head in Eos's arms, his gaze never leaving her face. "Don't leave me," he said.

"I won't," she replied.

She searched the room for a glass of water, and found one on the table. "Your mouth is dry," she remarked, tipping the glass toward his lips. "Drink it," she told him, upon which he gulped down the water obediently.

"I love you, Eos," he said as he lay back.

"I know," said Eos.

"Eos, I do want the baby. I want a child that's ours."

"I know that, I read your letter. Rosie gave it to me."

Frodo sighed contentedly. He snuggled closer to Eos. "Tell me you love me," he murmured sleepily.

"I love you, Frodo. Sleep a little now." She kissed his eyelids one by one, and he fell asleep as told.

She rocked him in her arms until she was sure he was sleeping. She lay him down on the pillows and tucked the covers over him. He still had some traces of fever, for sure, but better than he was earlier.

Frodo had his vulnerabilities, too, Eos realized. They both had histories which they both wanted to forget. They would have to rely on each other to overcome the past and make it through. Neither of them could afford to completely fall to pieces.

Eos watched him sleep. Oh, how she loved him to death. It was a relief to find out that he wanted the baby after all. He was going to be a father! He was going to have a child of his own flesh and blood.

She glanced at the clock. It was two o'clock in the afternoon. She'd be able to stay for a while!

I looked away

Then I looked back at you

You tried to say

Things that you can't undo

If I had my way

I'd never get over you

Today's the day

I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall

Make it through it all.

(Chorus)

I don't want to fall to pieces

I just want to sit and stare at you

I don't want to talk about it

I don't want a conversation

I just want to cry in front of you

I don't want to talk about it

'Cause I'm in love with you.

You're the only one

I'd be with 'till the end

When I come undone

You bring me back again

Back under the stars

Back into your arms.

(Chorus)

Want to know who you are

Want to know where to start

I want to know what this means

Want to know how you feel

Want to know what is real

I want to know everything, everything.

(Chorus 2x)

I'm in love with you

'Cause I'm in love with you

I'm in love with you

I'm in love with you.

-- "Fall To Pieces", Avril Lavigne, from her album "Under My Skin"