The phone call ended before she finished saying her second "bye." The only thing keeping the observation center from drowning in silence was the squeaking of her chair, as she swiveled from one side to the other over and over.
Misato's face was lit only by the million little indicators and graphs on the computer screens in front of her. An email message from Ritsuko, containing the full report of pilot Ayanami was opened, and although it was extensive and very detailed, Misato's eyes were not focused on it.
The ending of the call left her with a weird sensation, something she could only describe as a bad feeling. But at the same time, she was excited. Misato didn't want to assume she already had the position of operations director, but she was already hyped. And knowing Ritsuko, it was within reason that she was going to be selected. Her friend probably just didn't want to speak without express confirmation from her boss.
Then she caught one little detail from the email that Ritsuko sent to her. It was not addressed to Lieutenant Katsuragi. The subject read: "This is the report you requested, Captain Katsuragi."
A slow smile appeared on her lips. Of all the perks of the new job, she thought the best part would be the opportunity to work side by side with her best friend. She missed how close they were in college and the way they used to take care of each other. Even in really bad moments like breakups, illnesses, or even family tragedies. Ritsuko may never admit it, but when her mother died, she got so drunk and depressed that she had to sleep in Misato's bed for almost two weeks.
That Monday of the third week, Misato woke up and there was not a hint of alcohol anywhere. The floor was obsessively clean, and even the air smelled like pinecones. Ritsuko was totally sober, sitting at the table in their living room with the scent of shampoo around her. Misato vividly recalled the image of her roommate sipping at her coffee mug and working on her computer, fingers flying across the keyboard.
After that, Ritsuko was a lot more serious and focused on her studies during the day, but the nights were wilder. Misato smiled as she remembered some horrible hangovers. One of the most memorable times was when she had to keep Ritsuko's hair out of her face while the soon-to-be doctor puked the entire night of cocktails, all the while laughing about some stupid joke they heard at the bar. Or the only time Ritsuko had to drag her to the bathroom and give her a warm shower, because Misato wasn't even able to walk straight. But it didn't matter how bad the previous night was; everything was clean and organized the next morning. The entire house smelled like coffee and pinecone cleaner.
She didn't consider Ritsuko a sister. But it was close.
To think they were going to fight together with the pilots against the monstrosities that were to come...
A shudder made her close her eyes for a second, while the memory of the giant creature of light resurfaced. Maybe it was the general excitement she felt, but that made the memory a lot more defined, crisp, and almost vivid. For a second, she actually felt the air so hot around her that she had to check her skin to be sure she wouldn't get burned.
Misato started to breathe faster and faster. Her hands suddenly got clammy and shaky.
"Fuck, no. Not here," she whispered to herself. Then she braced herself by holding the heavy, metal desk in front of her and closing her eyes because she started to see darker edges at the sides of her vision.
She tried to regain control by breathing in a slow, deliberate manner while trying to think of something else.
She grabbed the first thought that came to mind and clung to it with all her focus. The benefits and payments for the new position would be awesome. Definitely an improvement over her current, quite humble salary. She made an effort to imagine herself owning a house or an apartment with some level of luxury. Maybe with a great view of the city. She knew Tokyo 3 was beautiful, she saw some pictures of it being built, surrounded by mountains, lakes, and endless roads where she could drive and drive... hold on. She could get a car.
A brand new car! Her mind began racing through many magazines she remembered, listing the benefits and drawbacks of various models.
In the end, after some deliberation, she managed to get her list down to two possible candidates. A Mazda Cosmo or a Renault Alpine A310.
A very beautiful blue Alpine A310 won by a huge margin. She loved the aesthetic of it, the lines, and the supposed performance she was totally interested in tuning up.
Her heart steadied, and she managed to breathe normally again.
That was effective. As always, driving a car or even just the idea of doing it on long, fast roads helped her relax. She opened her eyes again and saw some of the screens were already off, showing no data or only little graphs without movement.
That wasn't right. Did Asuka's training finish? How long ago was that?
All of a sudden, the pungent, deep scent of L.C.L. assaulted her nostrils and made her stomach twist. Something moved in the corner of her eye, and she was sure a lock of red hair flew down the corridor.
Her heart started racing, and she jumped out of her chair, in pursuit of the pilot. The puddle of L.C.L. to one side of the door made her almost slip, but she regained her footing quickly.
Damn, did she hear the conversation with Ritsuko? and how much?
"Crap. Asuka, wait. Come here."
"No!" came Asuka's voice from ahead.
"Stop running!" Misato had longer legs and was not a slouch in regard to physical activities, but Asuka made her run hard in order to catch up to her. The child's red mane danced in the air behind her like a flag.
"Why should I stop? Go away already!"
Damn it. No.
"Asuka, at least let me talk with you!"
Finally, she managed to reach her, just before she ran out of a door. Misato grabbed her by the wrist and pulled just hard enough to stop the kid and face her.
Asuka's eyes were glossy, and her cheeks were a little puffy, but her scowl was hard and cold.
"Let me go," she said. Asuka didn't scream or raise her voice. She said it with the calmness of a giant glacier. The pilot tried to pull her arm away from Misato's grip with a slow, steady force.
Asuka wasn't even sweating, and Misato's left side was hurting. Fucking youth.
"No," Misato said, trying to ignore her own agitated breathing, "this is concerning work, and you have to listen to me."
"Oh, you are right," Asuka said. She then stopped pulling, abruptly, and Misato staggered a few steps back. She thought the chase would resume, but instead Asuka stood still, piercing her with her eyes and visibly searching for the right words. "I am only work to you."
Ouch.
"Asuka, you know that is not true. Yeah, I may be your superior and trainer, but I don't consider this just work."
"You just sounded like I was just a sheet in a report you read. You know I..." Asuka apparently wanted to say more, but the kid just closed her mouth for a couple of seconds. Then she just looked tired and said: "I don't want to talk to you anymore. I want a shower and to sleep, the L.C.L is already coagulating on my hair, and it is a bitch to remove it if I let it dry and turn into a gel. See you tomorrow."
Asuka actually turned to face the door, and Misato placed her hand on the handle. Gently, without any intention to seem forceful.
"Please let me go, Lieutenant Katsuragi."
"Oh, you want to play that game? Fine. Attention pilot Langley," she said calmly, using the same tone she used when they were at work in front of other members of the organization.
Asuka's eyes went mad with rage. Misato knew it was because she used the kid's proper last name, and although she regretted doing it, she swallowed the ugly knot in her throat and continued. After a few angry, stunned seconds, Asuka did a salute and clacked her heels in a very formal and stiff way of obeying her orders.
Misato's instincts told her there was a real possibility of violence in front of her. She decided to smooth things out little by little.
"At ease pilot," she said, allowing Asuka to take a more comfortable position. "Now that we can talk in a civil manner, tell me, what did you hear?"
Asuka's jawline tensed over and over again.
"I heard everything since you said I had a fiery temper," she managed to say through clenched teeth. The kid rolled a shoulder but didn't do anything else.
"Did I lie, pilot?"
Asuka kept her mouth shut for a few seconds. Then she reluctantly admited, "No..." apparently that was going to be all, but Misato knew Asuka would not tolerate to just simply agree to something that could paint her in a less than stellar light. "But I have improved my behavior, ma'am. The record shows I am better at following orders," she added.
"That is true. You have been improving constantly and quickly. I am proud of your progress, pilot."
The magic words. Misato almost felt bad for saying it, knowing the effects those words usually have on Asuka, but she needed her in a better mood to approach the topic of the conversation she eavesdropped on.
As predicted, Asuka's cheeks took on a very slight blush, and her brow furrowed a little. "Thank you, ma'am."
"I only say the truth, Asuka," this time she dropped the formal tone and eased out of her severe expression. "Didn't you hear how I acknowledged how good you became at fighting? I mean, the way you sent those stupid kids to the hospital was awesome."
Asuka blinked fast, and then the ghost of a smile touched her lips. "One of them was crying..."
"I know, I remember. That was a groin kick very well delivered."
Asuka expelled a single, quick laugh and tried, without success, to compose her face into neutrality again. "They had it coming."
"Yeah, they did, Asuka, and while the higher-ups didn't like it, the fact that I approve of what you did and consider it an act of self-defense is just between us, Asuka. As friends."
The kid snorted, "Oh yeah, right, friends," she said the word with a little more poison than usual, "you told that schlampe I was really bad with my aim, that I remind you of her? What the hell, Misato? I am not at all like that strung out crazy scientist!" Asuka placed her balled up fists on her hips.
"Hey, mind your language, Asuka. And you now what? You don't know her, she is a kind person, she just comes across as a little cold sometimes."
"You werent there when they came and admonished me for the fight. You know who set the horrible penalties they gave me? The papers were signed by her! I saw the signature. I was in survival training forThree. Fucking. Weeks."
The conversation started to get more heated and derailed again, so Misato thought of a way to de-escalate the situation and put Asuka in a better mood.
"I remember. Did you forget I agreed to all that too? I got punished too, you know? I had to pay a fine, talk to the parents of those kids, assume responsibility, and they took a chunk of my paycheck that month, on top of giving me a ton of paperwork."
"I... I didn't know you had to do all those things."
"Yeah, I did. Come on, Asuka, I really think you are great, and I support you, all the way to the end of this project, and beyond. I told you, we are friends above all else." Then, raising her hands in a peaceful manner, she added. "I am glad I managed to teach you a little."
"It was a lot more than a little," Asuka said in a whisper. Her eyes seemed to find something very interesting in one corner of the corridor.
"Thank you for that. As I said, I am really proud of your progress, and also of what happened after the fight. You did the right thing; you called me and were responsible. You accepted the punishment without making it harder for yourself or me," then she let a brief laugh escape her lips, "and please, don't tell me it was horrible, you loved it, going all Rambo in the artificial jungle. I know you still have the knife that got, ahem, lost."
Asuka's ears turned red, and she looked at her with visible surprise. Misato got the idea that she was no longer interested in running away, or fighting. "Don't worry, you can keep it. Just be careful, just like in training."
"Right. Anyway," Asuka said after a couple of seconds where she seemed to have reignited some of the fire in her eyes, "none of that matters. You actually begged to know if the position could be yours..." then, she appeared to remember something that made her scowl return, "when you talked about the other pilot, what the hell did you meant by: Is she that bad? worse than Asuka?"
The girl imitated her voice with scary accuracy. Misato was almost certain the words were verbatim too. That eidetic memory of hers was a constant pain in the ass, as well as one of her most useful capabilities. At first, Misato thought there was no way out of it, but then she just smiled.
"Come on, Asuka, please, don't try to convince me you are easy to deal with. Every time I need you to do something, I have to fight, bargain, or trade favors with you to get you to do it."
"That is because you ask me to do repetitive, stupid things!"
"I only ask you to do your job, Asuka. Yours and no one else's. And there are chores associated with it. Clean your own room, wash your own dishes, put your clothes in the washing machine, and don't take those damn synch clips out of the facility."
"No! These are mine and mine alone. I will take them wherever I go. That way anybody can see I am an Eva pilot."
"Who would see it, Asuka? Nobody knows outside of NERV and some politicians. Those clips are NERV's property. Do you know how much it costs to repair them? Or make them?"
"I don't care about the money they spent. And nobody knows yet. One day it will be public and I will be recognized. This will be a part of my image. Besides, I like how my hair looks with them."
"You know what? Fine, keep them, just... don't break them, ok? It will not be good for us. Besides, if they get broken or you lose them and we need you immediately on your entry plug, it could cost us precious time and resources. It may even risk the lives of people."
"Oh please, Misato, the only one at risk of dying here is me. Either by boredom or in training. Besides, the angels are not scheduled to appear for at least four more months."
Misato's heart skipped a beat, and her stomach plunged into some deep abyss below her feet.
Asuka's eyes went wide open, and her hands flew to her mouth, "Scheisse."
"How did you know that, Asuka? Did you hack into my personal terminal?"
Asuka gave her a dead stare, "Oh please, it's hardly any hacking if you are past drunk in the couch and I simply look."
"Damn it, Asuka," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose and breathing slowly in and out."Ok, you know about them, how much did you read."
An impish smile appeared on Asuka's face. Another doubt popped into Misato's head.
"Are you not scared?"
"Why should I? I have my precious Eva 02," the kid said, turning her head to the left and a little bit down. Misato noted that she was facing the direction where the Eva 02 body's assembly was being finished, very many floors below the level they were at. "Every time I do a sync with the real core, I feel like I should never fear anything. I think the Eva knows what's coming, and it's not impressed."
Misato dried her hands on her skirt. She felt as if she were on a wagon on a very high and dangerous roller coaster. And the little cart was almost at the top of the highest drop.
"Well," she tried to sound confident and professional, "the training has been preparing you and all of us for what is going to happen. We don't know the details, but we will be there. Together." She placed a hand on Asuka's shoulder and tried to smile with confidence, "I promise."
Asuka's eyes narrowed without hostility, more like curiosity and focus, "one thing I don't understand is why there were no mentions about how those creatures look. I mean, the Evas are enormous, so I imagine them being at least that big as well, but that's it. We know almost nothing about what I will have to fight."
"Yeah, well... I am sorry I can't give you more details, we really don't know, that's why we prepare in every possible way. All the scenarios are important. So we have to do our best."
"But you are going away. And in the last months of training..."
"It's not definitive..."
"Please, I am sure you'll get it. And you will do fine, even with someone so difficult as me under your command," there was a little smile on the girl's lips, she was visibly trying to prevent her eyes from getting glossy again.
"Hey, don't be sad. If I get transferred, we will always be in touch. Besides, who knows, you might end up being transferred too."
"Doubt it. The pilot program details that no more than two Eva units should be possessed by a single country."
"Damn it Asuka, you have to stop hacking into my stuff."
"I told you, it's not hacking."
"Anyway, just stop, please. You will get us in trouble."
"Maybe if I give you enough trouble, you will stay here."
That was a very real and very possible situation, the kid was capable of so much chaos that Misato tried not to show any sign of nervousness.
"Please don't, it will be bad not only for me."
"I know... Hey, now I really need a shower. Please, let me go."
"Are we good then?"
"I guess so. But even if we still work together, it will be long distance, and.."
"Hm?"
"It will not be the same, I mean, who knows who will be your replacement here..."
Right then Misato got it.
"Asuka... I will miss you too."
The german's usual anger returned to her face, especially her eyes. "Shut up! I won't. I don't miss anybody, I don't need anybody."
"Yeah, I know Asuka, I know. You are very capable and self reliant, just keep practicing and do your best if I have to go ok?. Oh and you know what? Make sure to give my replacement a hell of a hard time," Misato said, lowering her voice and winking. "Not enough to get you in any trouble, but, you know, enough to make clear who is in charge."
That made Asuka give a full smile and laugh. "Very well, on your behalf and mine."
"That's better. Now go, take your shower, and try not to leave chunks of that stuff in the drainage. Scoop it out with the little plastic shovel. That is why it is there."
"Every time I do that, I feel like a cat cleaning my own poop on the litter box."
"Oh my god, that is an image I didn't want to have in my mind."
"Something to remember and talk about over the phone, maybe?"
"Yeah, yeah, of course. You will be fine, kid, I know it. Even with all the horrors that will come, we will fight side by side."
Asuka fell silent and blinked quickly. Then she bobbed her head, "and I promise to put in my best effort."
"As you always do. Although you have to improve your aim, Asuka, please just listen to my instructions tomorrow, okay?"
The kid just rolled her eyes and opened the door, stepping outside. "Fine, I'll do it, but don't tell me I told you so if it works, you know how much I hate that," she said flatly.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, I won't. Now go, and have a good night," Misato said, holding the door open for her.
"You too Misato. You too." There was a hint of a deep turmoil hidden behind the tone of tiredness the pilot was showing.
She knew the kid got hurt. That conversation, although it ended on a positive note, gave her a very bittersweet sensation in her chest. She knew Asuka well enough to see the change. Like a couple of walls being built in her direction.
A very solid prediction formed in her head. There was going to be an increasing distance between the two of them in the next few weeks. Probably Asuka's gradual effort to detach herself from her.
When Asuka was out of sight, Misato closed the door and forcefully stomped on a puddle of L.C.L. that had formed where Asuka had been standing before. The liquid smelled and behaved like blood when it was outside of the entry plug, and she hated it. The mystery of its composition only helped in making her worry about Asuka being exposed to that thing. Will there be any long term side effects?
She decided to talk with Ritsuko about that. If she was going to be in charge of the pilots, her responsibilities were going to get bigger and more complex. She hated the fact that only children like Asuka could pilot those things. The Eva 02 gave her goosebumps every time she was at eye level with its gigantic face. It seemed like the beast was capable of seeing her too.
Misato went back to the training observation center, turned off everything, and picked up her personal terminal in order to read about the other pilot while she was in her room.
"Fucking unfair sacrifices," she muttered under her breath.
