Between Love and Hate

Disclaimer: If i owned Gundam Wing, do you really think that i would be sitting here, typing up my stories for fanfiction... No i don't think so.

A/N: Yep, i totally rock, don't you guys just LOVE me. I typed this up in one day, it may be kinda rushed, but i decided to leave it with you before i go on my two week vacation to Florida! (yay, can't wait, I'm going in like 5 Min's heh) But yeah, i got this up, and i am sooooo proud of myself. So like, please review, cause i did this for you guys!

Chapter nine: Jaded

Relena, after tapping on the large oak door, walked through it, entering the dull, undecorated and bare room, which Trowa was currently occupying.

The door quietly clicked back into place as she neared his sleeping form. She glanced around her briefly; the room was painted a dull creamy white and the bouquet of flowers sitting in a vase in the corner of the room was wilting, making the room seem lifeless. It reflected the atmosphere around the room and the house; dull, lifeless and depressing.

Her eyes came to rest upon the form of Trowa, who was currently dead to the world and had been for two days.

Relena hadn't picked up the courage, until now, to come and visit her comatose friend. The thought that she may not get to speak to him, or see him again was the thought that haunted her into being there today.

Cathy, who hadn't left his bedside since he had arrived back at the mansion, had kindly evacuated the room in order to give her and Trowa some privacy, and Relena was grateful for it. She had many things that she knew she needed to get off her chest, a lot of feelings and emotions to sort out, all of which linked to Trowa.

As she watched him, the gentle, yet unsteady, rise of his chest, and heard the slow and continuous bleep of the heart monitor – securing her hopes that he was still alive – she became frightened, weary and exhausted, all at once. She hadn't gotten any sleep for the past few nights, and she found that all of a sudden it had all collapsed on her, but before she could get some rest, she knew that she had to have a talk with her sleeping friend.

Setting herself down in the chair opposite the bed, she sighed heavily, trying to think of a way that she could release all of her thoughts, without them pouring out in an unorganised manner.

"Hello Trowa," she told him, "I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I need to talk to you anyway, I need to get this off my chest, and somehow, it seems easier now that you're not awake… I need to tell you that I am sorry; I feel that, somehow, this is all of my fault and I feel so pathetic, now that I can't do anything about it. I mean, here I am, safe as can be, and you're lying here in front of me, and I don't even know if you'll ever wake up again. I'm so terrified, this whole ordeal is just so scary, the thought of never being able to talk to you again…" A small, feeble tear coursed its way down her cheek, dripping onto her light pink linen skirt and Relena took hold of Trowa's hand in both of her own, holding it firmly.

"In fact, I don't even know if I could cope with living without you. You're my best friend, when things go wrong, you're always the one by my side to make it better. And although I am only realising this now, you are the one person who is the closest to me out of all of my friends. You know things about me that even I haven't figured out yet, you're the one thing, in my fragile world that keeps me going… and Trowa, without you, my world will shatter and break." She breathed in deeply, inhaling the stuffy air of the dim room.

"For some strange reason, I have noticed, that you let me in, you open up to me like you do for on one else. Not even Cathy, your sister, your blood relative. You talk freely to me, outside of that shell that you often hide behind, and you smile at me. That real, true smile of yours that I like to believe, you save only for me. I don't know why that I like to believe this, I guess it's comforting, as you're my one solid thing in this world that keeps on spinning, and now that you might be leaving, well, it's spinning out of control, and I need you Trowa… I need you…" She whispered quietly before staring silently at her friend, almost willing his lashes to flutter and his eyelids to open and reveal to, her, dazzling, emerald green eyes. However, it never happened. His eyelids stayed glued shut and his eyelashes at rest.

"Oh Trowa… I'm so sorry. We will find who did this to you… I swear we will. In fact, the guys are already working on it." She sighed heavily again, still clutching Trowa's hand in hers and squeezed it slightly, "We're all so worried about you, especially Quatre. He's sick to the bone with anxiety, moping around the house all day, he's not even arguing with Dorothy, he's just agreeing to everything she says. And I believe that Duo has stopped eating his meals, he hasn't touched anything, and as you well know, that is a very rare thing for Duo." She chuckled, humorously, while staring out of the window, which ironically, showed a view of the Northern forest.

"Trowa, please listen to me if you can. You have to wake up, you have to fight this, you're a strong person and I know, personally that you can make it through this. I mean, you're only twenty, you have such a good life ahead of you to live… a long life, and you're not going to drop all of it now. You have to get married, have children, grow old… fall in love, and you have to promise me that you'll make it, Trowa, you have to promise me that you'll be there for me." She tore her eyes away from him to look down at his large muscular hand in her diminutive ones.

"I don't understand what's happening to me, but when I'm around you my body, brain, and emotions, not to mention my heart, go haywire. It's not a bad thing; really, it's just strange, in a nice kind of way. And maybe, I was thinking… we could do this together…" She sighed, almost angrily, "I don't know why I'm talking to you when I know you can't even here me, it's just, I need to sort out these emotions of mine, but I'm being selfish right now, so I will leave them until you wake up… which you will do… right?"

"God… I don't know how I'm meant to cope without you. I mean, you were with me through all of the tough times I've been through, and just you being there, your support, it gives me strength… the strength to pull through. Like the time that Heero left, you were there, when I was struggling with my job; you were there, when Matthew was… well you were there too, although you didn't know, you still helped me."

"And what about now… now that you know… you promised me, Trowa… you promised me that you would always be there to protect me from him. How are you meant to do that now?" Her vision was becoming blurry as she looked up at her friend again - who was still not stirring – pleading with him for an answer, droplets of salty tears now flowed freely from her eyes, dampening her face and her outfit.

"How are you meant to protect me when you won't even wake up?" She raised her voice slightly, taking her anger out on the partly dead man in front of her, "That's right you can't… and it's still all my fault." She began sobbing, almost hysterically, but after a few minutes she recomposed herself and sniffling slightly, wiped the tear stains from her face.

"Please… please… please wake up. Wake up… and be okay… Wake up, and live your life, with me, because Trowa, I think… I think I…" she brought her voice down to a low whisper, "I think I love you…" After waiting a few minutes, she lent over and placed a chaste kiss on the lips of the ex-heavyarms pilot.

Nevertheless, Trowa stayed still, still lost in a dark taunting slumber and dead to the world around him.

"That won't work," Relena jumped at the sudden new voice behind her, and spun around sharply, to see who it was. Quatre stood there, staring at her with clouded, dull aquamarine eyes. Relena briefly thought how she missed the gentle yet vibrant twinkle that was absent from his beautiful eyes. "Kissing him that is. He's no 'Sleeping Beauty', and I'm pretty sure… that you're no 'Prince Charming,'" His voice droned, non-humorously, and even though Relena knew that he was joking, his face was dead serious and no heartening smiles graced his pale lips.

"Quatre, you startled me. Isn't that Heero's tactic, you know, approaching people on feet as silent as death?" Relena asked the platinum haired man.

"We were all taught it, Heero just forgets when to use it and when to not," Quatre answered, in a matter of fact tone.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough," He answered quickly, his eyes drooped slightly as he stared at his best friend, of five years, lying unconscious on a padded table, hooked up to heart monitors, IV's and other medical machinery.

"Oh," Relena said, turning her attention back to Trowa.

"I was going to announce that I was here, but you seemed busy and thoughtful, and I didn't want to interrupt." Quatre told her, his voice was now somewhat tranquil and gentle, but Relena knew, that it was just a show, to try to calm her down.

'It's so like Quatre, to be so caring of others when he's in such a traumatised state,' she thought silently.

"Come on Relena," Quatre said, disrupting her from her thoughts, and resting a comforting hand on her shoulder he squeezed it gently, "I think you've spent enough time in here. It's not good for you to stay with him too long, it's stressing, and I had to find this out the hard way."

Relena slowly rose from her seat; never lifting her eyes of Trowa until Quatre gently turned her around and guided her out of the room.

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At dinnertime, which was usually the most cheerful of times in the house – most likely due to Duo's intense love of food – the air lingering around the dining room was tense and the conversation was structured. Everyone sat around the large table, staring reluctantly at the food, placed in large piles, in front of them.

"How is everyone?" Quatre said, breaking the silence, there was a murmur of 'good's and 'fine's that could be heard faintly across the table.

"Please everyone," Quatre continued, "Don't be like this, you know Trowa would never want it this way. He wants us, until he wakes up, to go on with our vacation and try to enjoy ourselves, no matter how hard it shall be. However, we owe it to Trowa; we should put some effort into this, because Trowa would want us to be happy."

"He wants us to be happy, Quatre," Duo corrected, "'Trowa would want us to be happy' is speaking in the past tense. He's still here; you can't speak of him like that."

Quatre looked embarrassed, a faint pink blush rose to his cheeks and he muttered, almost inaudibly, an apology.

The awkward silence settled amongst them again before Quatre, once again, spoke up.

"Well, tomorrow, be prepared for a trip to the beach… now please, eat up, my chef's worked hard to make this meal, don't let it go to waste like last night's.

Most of the friends, started eating their food except for Nikki, who stared at her food as if it were poisoned. This, for some reason, angered Relena.

"You can eat it you know," She said, rather bitterly, "I swear it won't bite back."

Nikki, startled by her sudden statement and coldness, stared up at her, shocked and then scowled. This drew Heero's attention to her and he glared at his girlfriend, an annoyed look on his face.

"Nikki…" he growled.

"Yes?" Nikki looked up at him, smiling innocently.

"Eat it," He told her, and then he sent her a warning look that gave Relena the idea that they had had a conversation about this before.

Nikki turned away from his gaze to stare back at her food, but she still didn't touch it.

"NOW!" Heero growled, almost shouting.

Nikki, with reluctance, picked up her fork and shoving her food around on the plate for a minute, started to eat it with small bites.

Heero watched her, and after making sure that she was actually eating, turned back to eating his own food, a semi-satisfied look placed on his face.

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After eating dinner, Relena, after grabbing her stuff, stumbled into the bathroom for a well-needed shower.

Once inside she looked around, noting how nicely decorated it was. The shower had this beautiful glass door with an intricate design etched onto it; there was a large, comfortable looking bath sitting in the corner and even the toilet and sink looked expensively decorated.

After stripping down, she turned the knob on the shower and stepped into the glass container, enjoying the feel of the warm steam against her cool skin and the pressurised hot water pounding against her exhausted and weary body. The whole feel of it was just calming her jaded soul.

After her quick shower, she stepped out onto the towel that she had earlier placed on the tiles and dried herself. She changed quickly into her casual clothes – a pair of jeans and a tee shirt – and left the bathroom, full intending to go in search of Hilde and talk to her, she felt somewhat tied down with all of her thoughts and feelings and needed someone, desperately, to spill them to.

But a hard muscular chest stopped her in her tracks and she glanced to find herself staring into mesmerizing, hypnotising, Prussian blue eyes.

"Heero…" She mumbled, backing away from him slightly, so that she wasn't pressed tightly against his torso. "Sorry, I wasn't looking were I was going-"

He cut off her apology quickly, by shaking his head.

"Okay, then, well I'm going to go…" She started to move away from him, but his strong hand grabbed her arm, preventing her from leaving.

"Wait," Relena turned around again, to stare at him, whilst trying to look somewhat annoyed at being held back, "we need to talk,"

"We are talking Heero," Relena answered him, sharply.

Heero's eyes grew stonier and colder.

"You know what I mean Relena, somewhere private."

Relena glanced around her, scanning the halls for anyone else who could be listening in to their conversation.

"Well, I don't see anyone else around, so basically this is private," she shrugged, and threw Heero a cold look that matched his own.

"Relena, don't be awkward. I just wanted to see how you were-"

"I'm fine," she snapped, interrupting him, "and I'm grateful for your saving mine and Trowa's life… really, I am. Is that what you want from me Heero? A thank you, because now you have it, and while we're at it, you can have an apology too." She glared at Heero, who was obviously trying his best not to look taken back by her hostility, "You know, the one that I owe you from, what, three years ago. Yeah? Well Sorry, okay? Happy now, are you Heero? You got what you wanted, now leave me alone and go back to your little skinny, pretty girlfriend of yours, I'm sure she's missing your company."

"She's resting at the minute, and I don't want to talk to her, I need to talk to you, I'm pretty sure that there are a few things that we need to sort out between you and me," He answered, almost furiously.

A large flash of static electricity bolted down from the sky outside, followed by a thunderous explosion which caused Relena to jump, and move a few paces closer to Heero, unwillingly.

"Heero, we don't have anything to talk about, okay?"

"Relena,-" The rest of his sentence was drowned by another explosion of thunder, and soon rain was pelting down upon the glass windows, which shook slightly, threatening to shatter under the velocity of the raindrops.

Relena sighed, "Look there's no point in us talking now, I can't hear you out here, there's too many windows along this hall."

"I know, that's exactly why we should go somewhere private," Heero replied, now leaning against the corridor wall, his arms folded across his chest.

'The way Trowa does,' Relena thought.

"Fine then, where do you want to go to?" She asked, adamantly.

Heero, using his thumb, beckoned towards Relena's room.

"My bedroom?" Relena asked.

"Yes, I promise I won't take advantage of you in there, what kind of person do you think I am?" He asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.

As soon as Relena had led Heero into the room, a loud bang could be heard, then a buzzing noise, followed by the flickering of the lights.

Then the power decided to go out. Drowning Relena and Heero, in her room of darkness.


'Hate must make a man productive. Otherwise, one might as well love.' -- Karl Kraus

Tadaa... don't you just love power cuts and thunder storms... Ummm yeah (confused look). So what did you guys think? Please tell me. Is this story getting worse or better as it goes along? Because I've only been in fanfiction for a short period of time, and i know my writing skills aren't exactly the best, but i love writing, with a passion, i really do. But if you think I'm getting worse or better or if the plots are getting weird, i would like to know. Also ways to make it better. I'd like to know what you guys think of this in the next reviews, but please don't be too harsh lol.

Anyways, I'll see ya in two weeks, okay? PLEASE REVIEW!

Love y'all

Allura