This story starts much like any other: A purportedly Omnipotent-Dog-Girl and her Not-Dog-Yet-Still-Ecto-Brother meandering through space on a giant yellow battleship.
And so ODG, (Omnipotent Dog Girl) who goes by the name Jade Harley, finally spoke after teleporting into a room with more casual excitement in but a moment than I will know in my considerably shorter lifespan. "John!"
NDYSEB, (Not Dog Yet Still Ecto Brother) who goes by the name John Egbert, who has all the time in five worlds for her, stood up and spun on his heel to greet her. Because what the hell would he even be doing otherwise, a prank? Getting yelled at by his friend Karkat Vantas? Davesprite rapping at him? Probably, because he doesn't need patience for those two, he's just so damn endearing, they get away with murder in front of him. See why he has so much free time? Okay I need to actually write this shit-
"Hey, Jade!" John quickly yet casually replied, casually waving at her with a bead of sweat rolling down the back of his head, in his hair, where he hopes she will never find it. His Ecto-Sister began quickly. "John, with the power of badly-understood-science, I can open portals of great distance!"
John quickly defaulted to the usual mood he takes, when someone tells him something he doesn't understand, doesn't care about, or does understand but still doesn't care about: A happy, fake-yet-weirdly-genuinely-intrigued, spacing-out facial expression. It would act as a great distraction. "Is there a limit to great distance?" Was the first thing he thought to ask.
Jade rubbed her chin, she had never actually confirmed, but from her understanding, there is no way of finding that out. "Well no. So I guess a 'portal to pretty much anywhere' would be more accurate." She told him as she finally demonstrated.
It was a simple portal she opened, she reached her arm through, and poked John's shoulder, prompting him to speak to her through it- "Now we know it can reach behind someone's shoulder." He chuckled, making her giggle. "Yeah! Pretty swanky, huh?" She asked, and he pushed his arm through it without her realization as she turned away.
It closed around his arm, not squeezing it, just kind of sticking there. He could feel his arm just fine, and even walk around with the portal, allowing him to Hi-Five himself- If anyone, he's the last person he should leave hanging like this -as she simply watched. "Oh." She began, placing her hips into her hands. "So that's what it does when it comes into contact with a solid. I can even feel it there." She continued as jade sparks danced across her body, and she shifted space around her to fling her body from room to room.
"Right, so it seems I can even determine distance with it, as some kind of psychic beacon. Nice!" She opened it back up, gently but firmly pulled John's arm from the portal, and watched it disappear. Yet somehow she still felt it there, just smaller, almost impossible to notice if not thanks to her enhanced senses.
"We should try meeting up with Karkat and everyone else, Jade! They'll be so excited to see us!" John told her as she adjusted the microscopic portals until the feeling was all but exercised from her mind. "Absolutely!" She jumped for joy, bringing the two to the deck of the Golden-Battleship with her powers.
"Sup." Davesprite raised his hand for a quick greeting, having been sunless-sun-bathing on the deck, and all his clothes on, because I think it's funny, and I could totally see him doing it. After all, he was so focused on his personal-crises, and his need to maintain absolute one-hundred-percent-stoicism, that whether it WAS ironic-or-not, it didn't really matter…
"Oh, hi, Davesprite." John says and Davsprite folds his arms. "Teleporting around the ship?" He asks, as John takes a quick glance at one of the many doors to the ship's deck, before resting his nerves in his personal security.
Jade quickly stepped forward, taking a swift yet unnecessary slide between the two boys to grab their attention. "I figured I can just sit the battleship next to the meteor, and we'll fly alongside'em. Doesn't really matter HOW we get there." She told him, opening what Davesprite knew would be an all too easy to fail Portal…
"If you're gonna get us lost, throw us somewhere near a star, I gotta get my tan on." He tells her, floating back over to his folding-beach-chair. "Fully dressed like that?" Jade asked. "Yeah, the commercials make these ass-chafers look way more comfortable than they actually are." He floats like a foot over it, obviously being too good for any foldable ass-chafers.
This brief lapse in Jade's focus, as you can imagine, is my excuse as to how she somehow accidented the portal into the Avatar-World. Let's get going-
Location: Earth.
Year: Dude Idfk.
More specific location: Wherever the hell Zuko is.
Meet Fire-Lord Zuko: The calm yet hotheaded member of Team-Avatar, worst son and best nephew, and recent discoverer of the fact that he wasn't entirely versed in the ways of BEING the Fire-Lord. Luckily for him though, Uncle Iroh is also here. So is Aang, because he's on vacation in Ba-Sing-Se.
It's been a good year since young Zuko took up his position as Fire King, and one of his first plans of action was to aid the Earth-Kingdoms in recuperating from Sozai's conquests. The Water-Tribes of course came first, but were too small for him to personally oversee, unlike Ba-Sing-Se where he could still reliably command his nation.
He runs his hands over a stone brick, inspecting it. He wanted to see it all, from the smallest and most inconsequential of bricks, to the greatest of projects and structures the most impressive Earth Bending Artisans had to offer. In fact, it made Zuko outright QUESTION the judgment of his regal-ancestry, specifically the part of it that included Fire-Lords focused on war. They must have witnessed Ba-Sing-Se's beauty. How could they NOT desire the potential of the Earth Kingdoms?
For that matter… How could they not seek the potential of the Water Tribes and the Air Nomads? Zuko sighed and chalked it up to shortsighted warmongering. He looks up to spot Ang, landing as lightly as his greeting. "Hi Zuko." The Avatar climbed down from the stone brick and stood next to the Fire Lord, shaking his hand in just one of many different forms of greeting.
Zuko gave a simple and soft smile, happy to see his younger yet technically-unbelievably older friend. "It's good to see you, Aang." Greetings were however cut short, not even giving Aang a chance to say hi to Iroh before the world's-greatest uncle noticed something in the sky.
It was like some kind of Green-Sun… It didn't bring him discomfort to look at, and Zuko quickly caught on, followed by Aang just a moment after. "What is that?" Aang was the first to ask, despite being last to notice. "I don't know. But it doesn't bode well." It was rare that Iroh got serious, and for once in his life he was so taken aback that he actually let something like that slip where it was best left out.
And just as quickly... "Either that, or a shooting star!" He pats his belly and gives them an uproarious laugh, quickly easing Zuko and Aang's nerves. "Yeah, sorry about the scare, Jade and I can handle this." John told them, and they further calmed down-
The three of them turn around in an instant to find the two children who'd teleported in. "So you're sure you can slow it down in time?" John asked, knowing that the moment the ship enters the atmosphere, the planet will be lit up like a match. "So long as you don't distract me this time."
Her unjustly passive aggression made John back away, fully aware that he's no real help here… "Got it, I'll just say hello to the locals." He tells her, having already found out that Jade's mistake will leave them stranded here for a while due to plot-convenience.
"Excuse me?" Zuko asked, being the first to speak up. "Hi! I'm John Egbert, resident Heir of Breath at YOUR service." John gave them a quaint bow, in hopes it might remedy their concern. Before Zuko can say anything in response though, Guards instantly arrive on the scene and begin firing fire-blasts!
So of course John calls upon his powers, protecting himself and Jade by diverting their course. "What!" Aang exclaimed with confusion! Was he a surviving Air-Bender?! He'd never abandoned the idea that SOME of the nomads MUST have survived!
The ship arrives, and Jade catches it with her powers before it can cause any kind of damage. The problem now was to find a place to sit it down. Which became infuriatingly hard the moment she was hit with a Fire-Bender's fire blast! "Hey!" She barks, completely shrugging it off and making him falter for a moment in surprise!
"Alright guys, let's calm down…" John tried to advise, quickly reminding Zuko to TELL them to stand down. Which he was now trying to do, but the Fire Nation's military had already assembled en-masse enough to drown him out…
Volleys of fireballs behind shields were unleashed with military-precision as airships approached over the horizon. "Dammit! Stand dow-" Zuko tried to command, but he was just as quickly interrupted- "Don't worry, Fire Lord Zuko! You're safe with us!" A particularly loyal guard said, just wanting to impress their Fire-Lord…
While on the other side, John and Jade's luck wasn't looking much better… "H-Have you found a spot to set down the ship yet?" John asked her, a little nervous as he increased the air pressure… "Yeah, I'd love to, John, but I can't exactly see." He stares at her for a moment.
"Can't you teleport?" He asks, and she smacks her head, before doing exactly that, and allowing John to take a breather- He's suddenly pelted with fire balls as Jade has gone off who-knows-where to find a good spot to dock their ship…
"That's enough!" Iroh roared, finally getting some kind of order through the sound of fire and screaming. The three rushed to the front, to find a heavily burnt John-Egbert rubbing his glasses while coughing out his lungs… "Jeez, they really did a number on me…" He chuckles, before falling to his knees.
"Shit, dude. Should I put you out of your misery?" Davesprite asked, having descended from on high. "Please, man, it hurts…" Davesprite tears the sword from his torso, and everyone watches in fear as he raises it! "Wait!" Aang screams- "Don't worry, Dr. Feel-Good is on the scene." And just like that, John's head was lopped off in a flash of light!
Aang was of course the first to scream. How could he let this happen? He didn't want to harm anyone, and with the guards so packed together, entering the Avatar state just wasn't a viable option… The only other possible Air-Bender in the entire world was gone in an instant, almost as quickly as he arrived.
Jade returns in a flash of green light, falling onto her ass as Davesprite torso-sheaves his sword and she finds John dead- "You didn't have to kill him! We have healers… We could have…" Aang falls to his knees, and the two look over, instantly hit with the impression that Aang isn't as accustomed to death as they are…
"H-Hey. It'll be okay." Jade tries to reassure him with a smile, until Aang shouts- "He was your friend! Don't you even care?!" He cried. "I- I do care! He's actually my brother!" Jade answered- "Yeah, and he was my best friend. Seriously, calm down." Aang suddenly didn't know WHAT to think-
"Are you INSANE?!" He really was at a loss for words, as Jade nudged the corpse- "H-Hey, John, come back already, kid's upset." She mutters as she tries to find something else to say- "You're monsters!" And with that, he knew that the only course of action would be to take their bending powers from them.
"Watch over John, Jade. I'll distract him." Davesprite flew up and prepared for Strife, knowing Jade would swap places with him if things became too-hot-to-handle. Aang took the moment Davesprite began trying to measure him up as an opening, and narrowly missed a grab at the Orange Ghost's forehead.
"I'll give it to you that you've got speed, but you seriously need to calm down dude. Like shit, I'm just a fucking bird." He begins as earth pellets from a nearby mountain fly like bullets and Davesprite counters each one, only to realize each one's aim was slightly off- Water descends on him, soaking his wings and shooting him to the floor, as all the guards prepare to assist their Avatar-
"Stand back! I only want to disarm him!" Aang commanded with the righteous authority of the generations that have come before him. Dave began floating back up, deciding to use his normal ghost-powers instead of his wings.
"Holy shit dude, stop being a tool and listen to me for a minute." But before another word can be said, a gale of wind throws him through the sky as Aang gives chase- "John what the hell! Is that you?!" Davesprite didn't drop his cool façade easily, but an unwarranted betrayal from his best friend was NOT going to slide-
As soon as Davesprite's wings dried off thanks to the air, he got serious and began using them to boost himself through the sky! "Dude, the sword is literally part of my body. You can't just 'Disarm' me. This shit's stuck to me so hard you gotta-" He dodges a current of water, and notices John beginning to stand up-
Jade spots him, and teleports him over- "Thanks Dave." John says, standing up and chuckling at all of his buddy's ruffled feathers. "He sure got'cha good, huh?" Aang appears in a minute and drops the avatar state as he realizes John is suddenly alive again, thanks to God-Tier Immortality.
Even IROH, who's seen everything but THIS, is left speechless… "Yeah no problem. Just had to get tossed around by this jackass. I was like a sack of shitty laundry getting chucked in the washing machine and then the drying machine like, right after. I mean damn, dude, I heard of polishing a turd, but this is a league of its own. So yeah, suffice to say, I'm slick as shit, dude, and just as fresh to boot now." Everyone couldn't help but simply STARE at Davesprite as he took the reins on this moment and held it hostage for a full minute.
"I-Is he…" Zuko begins, a little nervous from the guilt of letting his soldiers burn their friend alive. "Yeah, he's done. Usually you just gotta give him a minute until he decides to start talking to himself." John tells the Fire-Lord, irking Davesprite for a second time.
"Yeah, fine, fuck you too, Egbert, I'mma go sunbathe. Y'all call me if you decide you wanna apologize and kiss my feathery asshole." He says, letting John chuckle as he floats off in search of the Prospitian Battlecruiser.
Dave's big ol' ghost-tail creates a sort of trail behind him, as Jade stands up to walk over. "Hello, I'm Jade Harley, Witch of Space… I'm going to assume you're the one who let these buffoons kill my brother?" Jade asks Zuko, holding her angered hand out to shake his own.
Zuko looks at Aang- A simple shrug followed by his return to questioning everything he thought he knew… And then it was a look at Iroh, who also shrugged, he didn't have ALL of the answers. Zuko figured as much…
A quick tapping of her shoe against the ground, cracking it more and more, was Jade's way of telling him how much he's pushing his good-looks against HER patience. He quickly took her hand, and she pulled him to his knees, crushing the poor Fire-Lord's hand… "O-Ow." He says.
"So what's your name? I gotta say, you really need to learn how to control your cronies." She tells him, shaking his hand ever so quickly as he nods along with pain. "Z-Zuko. Fire-Lord Zuko… If you wouldn't mind, uh…" Zuko of course has been hard at work learning politics, and how to talk to people as politely as possible.
Jade releases him, since she and John are still immortal and still very much alive. "You get a pass this time, Mr. Fire-Lord. And you two? And I guess whoever else that is important to meet?" She asks, and Zuko sighs with relief. "I'm sorry about the men, they really were just trying to protect me. Would it be okay if I take my friends for a moment?" He asks, and Jade looks away, then allows it, dismissing with a simple wave of her hand.
And so the three of them walk away, ready to call in a couple of their friends from around the world, while John and Jade take stock of the situation. "So… Are you guys having a good time?" John asks, as all these well trained men and women stare at him…
"I am!"
Aang, Zuko, and Iroh sat in Zuko's office for multiple minutes, before Aang broke the silence. "So you guys have any clue what's going on here?" Zuko and Iroh of course stare at him for a minute, unsure of what to say… "I believe…" Iroh began.
"That Zuko, you should call your friends, and discuss with them, before you come to any decisions." In all honesty, Zuko thought those Soldiers wouldn't have to fight much at all in their lives again… He was in the middle of rebuilding his armies from the inside out, starting from his royal guard, as they would be different from the soldiers who attacked the world. The problem was that he knew they would also seek any chance to prove themselves to him. So circumstances really just kind of came in to bite them as hard as it could.
I mean seriously- How does THAT even happen? This is unprecedented, it's so out of left field, Zuko is still kind of reeling from shock- "Zuko. Are you okay?" Aang asked him, quickly getting him back on topic. "Yes. Yes, I- I am. Sorry Aang, I've got a lot to think about-" He looks out the window, spotting the two kids, actually speaking to his own guards.
"Uncle?" He asked, seeking Iroh's wisdom. Maybe now that he's had a second to breathe… "Once again, Zuko, my wisdom fails me. Allow me to mend relations with our guests, while you determine a better course of action." Iroh of course placed his hand on Zuko's shoulder, smiling at him to once more reinforce their trust.
"And will the Avatar's counsel be needed?" Aang asked, chuckling at them as Zuko nodded with agreement. "Of course. Come, we'll have letters sent out in the meantime." So professional, he couldn't help but feel he was being strangled. But it didn't matter, when in the service of his people.
End of Chapter 1.
Thank you for reading.
