Thank, you, thank you. Randomness IS beautiful, isn't it? Anyways, I also have a new assistant to help me and Pat. Please welcome…. DAVID!
David: ….Uh….hi?
On with the story!
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"You cannot be serious." "Oh but I am," Tsunade replied, "You and all the other ninjas will be part of a Christmas play to raise money for me to gamble—I mean…buy new weapons for you all." Kakashi looked at her strangely and said, "Please tell me this is a cruel sick joke and you're going to call it all off?" "Ok, this is a cruel sick joke and I'm going to call it all off." "Really?" "No."
Later that night at the auditorium…
"Hello, and welcome to our ninja sponsored play!" Nari said enthusiastically, "I am the one who casted the actors for this production, director, and also the storyboard director, and the stage crew and… well basically everything other than the actors. So without further adieu, I give you 'In Search of Rudolf'!" The audience clapped and Nari walked off the stage while the curtains parted. The musicians started playing the introduction to "Walking in a Winter Wonderland".
Rudolf/Gai: Come my reindeer friends, let's go outside and play! It shall ensure our youth!
Seven more ninjas in reindeer costumes walk onstage. They included Kakashi as Dasher, Sakura as Dancer, Lee as Prancer, Kankuro as Vixen, Naruto as Comet, Hinata as Cupid, Kurenai as Donner, and Tenten as Blitzen.
All the reindeer lined up and started singing while kicking left to right in a broadway-ish manner:
Sleigh bells ring, are ya listnen?
In the lane, snow is glistnen,
A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
However, about halfway through the song, Naruto decided that to impress Sakura he'd try to kick extra hard. He accidently kicked Lee in the face, who took this as a challenge and kicked Naruto back. This made Naruto lose his balance, so he knocked into Hinata, who knocked into Kurenai who knocked into Tenten. Sakura was so shocked by all the chaos and the heat from the spotlight on her reindeer suit that she fainted. Kakashi and Gai were the only ones standing, since Gai knocked over Lee 'for being an idiot'. Kakashi decided to improvise.
Dasher/Kakashi: Look what you've done to us you red-nosed freak! We never want to see you again!
With a heroic effort, he managed to get all the unconscious/knocked over reindeer offstage.
Rudolf/Gai: (To the audience) Can you keep a secret? I'm supposed to be practicing for leading Santa's sleigh, but I want to go outside instead. If you see Ma or Pa Claus, don't tell them you've seen me, ok?
Audience: (All but some little kid) OKAY.
Some little kid in the audience: NO.
Rudolf exits. Temari, or Mrs. Claus to be specific ran onto the stage.
Mrs. Claus/Temari: Papa! Papa!
Santa/Shikamaru: (entering) Yes Mama?
Mrs. Claus/Temari: I can't seem to find Rudolf anywhere. He should be practicing for Christmas eve!
Santa/shikamaru: Oh how troublesome. I need to finish making a bunch of troublesome toys with those troublesome elves.
Mrs. Claus/Temari: I know. I'll look for Rudolf and you help the elves. (exits)
Santa/Shikamaru: but where are my elves? (to the audience) Have you seen my elves? Have you seen my elves? Has anyone seen Elvis?
The intro to "We are santa's elves" plays as 6 elves walk onstage. They are dressed in cute little green outfits and have pointy little green hats. The elves are played by Sasuke, Asuma, Choji, Kiba, Ino, and Gaara.
Elves: (sung) we are santa's elves
Busy little elves
Making toys for all the girls and boys
We are santa's elves
The elves sit down and Santa exits.
Mrs. Claus/Temari: Oh elves? Have you seen Rudolf?
Elves: No.
Mrs. Claus/Temari: Oh no! I don't know where any of the reindeer are! (exits)
Musicians singing: You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen…
The first four reindeer enter.
Musicians: Comet and cupid and Donner and Blitzen…
The next set of reindeer enter.
Musicians: But do you recall….the most famous reindeer of all?
Dasher/Kakashi: Comet, have you seen Rudolf?
Comet/Naruto: No Dasher, why?
Dasher/Kakashi: Well he needs to practice for Christmas eve and ma and pa claus are very upset with him. How about you Donner?
Donner/Kurenai: He's not down here.
Dasher/Kakashi: how about you Prancer?
Prancer/Lee: No, I haven't seen him either.
Cupid/Hinata: I know, maybe if we sing his favorite song he'll come back. How 'bout it kids?
Reindeers singing:
Rudolf the red-nosed Reindeer (Elves: reindeer)
Had a very shiny nose (like a lightbulb)
And if you ever saw it (saw it)
You would even say it glows (like a flashlight)
All of the other reindeer (reindeer)
Used to laugh and call him names (like Pinocchio)
They never let poor Rudolf (Rudolf)
Join in any reindeer games (Like monopoly0
Then one foggy Christmas eve,
Santa came to say
Rudolf with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
Then how the reindeer loved him (loved him)
As they shouted out with glee (yippee)
Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer (Reindeer)
You'll go down in history (like George Washington)
Frosty the Snowman enters.
All Reindeer: Hey! Look! It's Frosty!
Neji was in a snowman costume, and not looking very happy about it.
Frosty the Snowman/Neji: I heard you guys are looking for Rudolf.
Reindeer: Yeah
Frosty the Snowman/Neji: I saw him playing outside.
Reindeer: you did?
Frosty the snowman/Neji: Of course, how do you think I got made?
Everyone singing:
Frosty the Snowman
Was a jolly happy soul (Neji winced at this.)
With a corncob pipe
And a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
Frosty the Snowman
Was a fairy tale they say
He was made of snow but the children know
How he came to life one day.
There must have been some magic in—
The song was interrupted by Neji shouting, "What the? Where's my hat?"
At that moment Nari ran across the back of the stage wearing Neji's top hat and screaming, "I'm a monkey! I'm a monkey!" "uh…okaaaaaay…Anyway…" The actors got back into character and started the part after the song.
Frosty the Snowman/Neji: Hmm, what can we do to get Rudolf to come back inside?
Prancer/Sakura: I know! Maybe if we get into the Christmas spirit, he'll come back and join us! We really need some Christmas spirit…let's….
All singing:
Haul out the holly
Put up the tree before my
Spirit falls again
Fill up the stockings
I may be rushing things but
Deck the halls again now
For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute
Candles in the window
Carols at the spinet
Yes we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute
It hasn't snowed a single flur
But santa dear we're in a hur
So climb down the chimney
Put up the brightest stream of
Lights I've ever seen
Slice up the fruitcake
It's time we hung some tinsel
On that evergreen bough
For I've grown a little leaner
Grown a little colder
Grown a little sadder
Grown a little colder
Yes I need a little angel
(At this point Shino was lowered by rope above the stage in an angel costume.)
Sitting on my shoulder
We need a little Christmas now.
At the end of the song, the rope suspending Shino above the stage snapped and he fell on Vixen and Comet, aka Kankuro and Naruto. "Ow," he groaned, "I think I broke my wing."
On cue Gai ran into the auditorium shouting "Hi guys! I'm back!"
Rudolf/Gai: (Enters stage) Wow, that was fun.
Mrs. Claus/Temari: (Enters) Rudolf! There you are! We've been looking all over for you!
Rudolf/Gai: I'm sorry I was partaking in youthful frivolity instead of practicing for leading Santa's sleigh tonight…
Blitzen/Tenten; hey, now that rudolf's back, why don't we all sing Santa's favorite song?
Reindeer: Okay!
Everyone:
Who's got a beard that's long and white?
Santa's got a beard that's long and white!
Who comes around on a special night?
Santa comes around on a special night.
Beard that's white, special night,
Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus! Yay!
After hearing HIS cue, Shikamaru/Santa walks onstage.
Santa/Shikamaru: Rudolf, there you are!
Rudolf/Gai: (Falls to knees) Please Santa, PLEASE let me still lead your sleigh even after I went outside instead of practicing! PLEASE!
Santa/Shikamaru: Hmm…I don't know…
Prancer/Sakura: Pick me instead! I've got a flashlight!
Comet/Naruto: No! Me! I've got a map!
Vixen/Kankuro: Both of you are being stupid, I'VE got a global positioning unit! (holds up a small beeping GPU)
Frosty the Snowman/Neji: Now Santa, remember what Christmas is all about.
Santa/Shikamaru: For giving and for forgiving?
Frosty the Snowman/Neji: Of course not, the presents!
Santa/Shikamaru: Well in that case, sure Rudolf. You can lead my sleigh. Besides, how could I find my way around without that shiny red nose of yours?
Vixen/Kankuro: (muttering) Global positioning unit…
Everyone singing:
Jingle bells, monkey smells
Melman laid an egg
Marty thinks that Alex stinks
And the camels say oy-vey!
THE END
The curtains fell and the audience (except for that one kid) was clapping. That one kid was saying boo until someone randomly decided to vaporize him. Rather than going into detail about the lawsuits from that, why don't we get back to the ninjas.
Backstage….
"That was so troublesome," Shikamaru said, trying to take his fake beard off. "At least you weren't an elf," Sasuke snapped, "We had practically no lines!" "Hey!" said Naruto, "Wasn't Sasuke supposed to be at therapy? And where'd those weirdos from Sand go?"
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Deep breathes. In….out….in….out. I think (pant pant) that was (pant pant) the longest (pant pant) chapter I've (pant pant) ever done. Phew… (collapses)
Patrick: Ok, ISAS, I'm here! Finally! ISAS? And WHO'RE YOU?
David: Uh, I'm the new assistant of the assistant.
Patrick: Oh…wanna just leave here like that and get donuts?
David: Sure.
