:A/N: This chapter is very, very important for me, especially the part about Erik. It has parts of my soul in it, and I would like you to read it passionately. P
:Disclaimer: I don't own "Le Phantom de l'Opera". The song I used for this fic is from the POTO soundtrack, sung by Carlotta and I just HAD to write about it. I kept on listening to it a lot for the past week, and God, it's more than soothing.
:Claimer: Maxime, the cook, Monsieur Piaf, Jacques and Tatjana belong to me.
:Thanks to: Lady-Miranda-Van-Tassel (who keeps forgetting about how to push the "review" thingy), Robika (who never does … big smile… thanks!) and Incapability.
:Beta-Reader: L-M-V-T
: Far Cry:
: Chapter 18 : Learn to be Lonely:
For Erik and… me.
Maxime leaned against the wall, her eyes focused on nothing. She silently sang a song, but parts of it were swallowed by her weak voice. She hadn't eaten for days now, but it was her will to die. Die down here, where Erik had lived his life, here, in the middle of what was left of his lair. It was cold, very cold… She had already forgotten what Erik did so that it was as warm as on a summer day. And the last time when she had felt her fingers was several "hours" ago, at least it felt like it. Since her last candle had burned down, she stared into the darkness. Not even the water made any noises to comfort her. But she wanted to feel what her lover had felt inside all those days ago, oh, and she would freeze or starve. She would die, and she would do it because she deserved to.
Hadn't she been foolish? What was she thinking when she seduced the cook, not far away from her only true love? God, how happy they had been. Their plan would have worked out perfectly if only she had been faithful. Raoul wouldn't have died and Erik and her would have been able to live happy ever after.
She had undressed her to feel more of the cold, to die faster. It was a dreadful death, but she wanted it so. And soon, it would be over. Some hours later, she couldn't sing anymore and closed her eyes. Falling into a deep sleep out of which she would never wake up again, Maxime died alone, unfortunate and, worst of it, without Erik by her side.
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Erik stepped out of the house. Taking a deep breath, he made his way through a very crowded street of Paris in the late evening. He crossed several streets; his head bent down under a hood, watching his feet take one step after the other.
Child of the wilderness
He was so different from all the people he had met. So very different. They had stared at him with horror written on their face or pitied him. None of them had really liked him. He did not even dare to think that they might have "loved" him, for his heart had given up that thought a long time ago.
Born into the emptiness
Was it his fortune? He came to a halt on the most popular bridge of Paris, leaned against the balustrade and looked into the water. The starts were shining on it, and he saw his own reflection. What was fortune, after all? He had made his fortune. He had left the Opera, sought a different place to live. He had broken his chains; he had left the place he thought the only one to ever be at. He had proven his heart differently. Unhappiness lay in the eye of the beholder.
Learn to be lonely
He turned around and watched some women pass by. He took off the hood, revealing his white mask. A small child waved at him. The child's mother smiled at him too, a little ashamed of her daughter waving to some stranger on a bridge.
Learn to find your way in darkness
Well, now, at night, they didn't see his face. They could not make out his scars, his ugliness, and his dreadful lines. At night, he could hide what kept him from living a normal life and feel a little bit of "life" himself. There were no more books that told him about it, he was there, he smelled the air, and he waved back to the child.
Who will be there for you?
Comfort and care for you?
Oh, he didn't want to have friends. He didn't need anybody, now that he was full of himself.
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your own companion
He was his own friend. And he was the only person in the world he needed. He could make himself happy, laugh, and cry. He didn't depend on anybody, and he wouldn't ever again.
Never dream that out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You've always known
You heart was on its own
He had been alone after his birth, and he'd be before death. The time between those two occasions were to be treated with dignity, and after his battle with what he thought had been love and human feelings, he had decided that being alone was the only thing in the world assured to him.
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
He lived a different life now. Peace had healed his heart. He turned from the water and went back to the house. A cat ran next to him, always looking up in case he would throw down something to eat. He laughed. Oh, what joy was out there in the world? And he needed nobody for it.
Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be alone
