Savior Self

Maybe I should make up a different title. Dantooine part five.

Rated PG13

Disclaimer: It just keeps getting worse. This time I accidentally typed, "Rated PG24."

Savior Self

Finally, Cortessa motioned for her friends to join her. They rushed forth, and Carth embraced her tightly. Stunned, she said nothing, and gazed at Canderous blankly.

"Are you alright?" Mission asked. "That looked really close. We were scared for you."

"She would have killed you, too, if you had interfered," said Cortessa, dislodging Carth, who recoiled hesitantly. "She felt that she had been overwhelmed by the dark side."

"Had she?" Canderous asked.

"No. She's going to the Enclave now to confess and hope to be redeemed."

"So you saved her," said Carth. He studied her face. "Right?"

"She saved herself, Carth."

"But you convinced her to save herself, didn't you?"

"I only gave her the chance. She took it."

"So –"

"Give it a rest, Carth, please," she sighed, pushing her bangs away. She felt exhausted, now that the battle fever had faded away. Her limbs felt limp and weak; she had overexerted herself. She couldn't even find the vigor to call her favorite pilot 'doll.'

"Are you sure you're okay?" murmured Mission.

"Cortessa Blatt, please open your eyes," said Zaalbar suddenly. He reached out a heavy paw to steady her, and she wavered.

"I'm sorry," she said, pressing her palm to her forehead. "I've just… I haven't fought another Jedi before. I-It's…" She sighed. "Overwhelming. I… you wouldn't understand." She leaned against Zaalbar tiredly, and he held her, gazing at his companions desperately.

"What do you mean?" Carth asked, a bit more sharply than intended.

"It's… deep," said Cortessa, watching him through half-closed lids. Her lips were gently parted as she breathed. "It's… I think I let her in too far. Oh, Carth… it's deeper than anything. It's moving. It's like… like… like a dance, Carth. It's like dancing, only with your soul and mind… I can hardly explain it. I think… I think it comes very close to love… passion… oh, damn. I'm tired. I'm going crazy."

"I'll say," said Canderous, his voice a little weak.

Carth was in stunned silence. He watched her with wide, soft eyes; deep eyes that made her feel ill. She looked away, fixing her eyes on a nearby tree. Its charred, broken, gnarled branches were turning a healthy brown, and it slowly perked upwards again. The black burns were fading, being swallowed as the taint was sucked away. Zaalbar, Mission, and Canderous watched, too, awed, but Carth continued to stare at her.

"What do you want now?" she moaned, turning her gaze to him, held upright only by Zaalbar's huge paws.

Carth shook his head and stared at his feet. "Nothing."

Her knees buckled. She gasped, her eyes rolling back in her head, and she fell to the ground. The world spun, and faded into darkness.

------

"What's wrong with her?" Carth demanded, raising his voice at the Jedi medic. He had been waiting outside her room the entire day with Mission, Zaalbar, and Canderous, waiting for her to emerge, and no one would tell him what was wrong. He was getting tired of it. His knuckles were white, for he had been clenching his fists to tightly his fingers ached.

The medic rested a hand on his shoulder. "Peace, child," he said coolly, though he was only ten years Carth's senior at most.

Carth tensed. "You tell me what's going on or I'll do something we'll all regret."

"Gods, Carth, calm down!" Mission said. "You're being unfair."

The medic folded his arms. "She is merely overwhelmed after her first real battle with another Jedi. She will recover in time."

"She's fought a Jedi before," said Carth. She had – in the Sith military base on Taris.

"She did not fight him, she attacked him from behind," said the medic. "It is quite simply not the same thing. There was no battle. Merely a death. To a Jedi, their first battle is as dramatic as having their virginity stripped from them. It will be a while before she gets over the shock." He looked over Carth's stunned face and added, "You may visit tomorrow, if you so wish."

"Is it that awful?" Carth asked, stunned. He had been there, of course. The look on their faces, that unmistakable lust and sensuality, but Cortessa had always reacted that way to battle. The suggestive positions they had taken seemed only coincidental. Were all Jedi battles that poetic? That gripping? That hurtful?

"That is too much information for you, child," said the medic shortly. "You are not a Jedi, and to be knowledgeable of these things will be far too painful for you."

"I don't want her to be a Jedi!" he cried. "I can't let her… DAMMIT."

"Carth, sit!" Mission snapped. "You're getting worked up."

"The Force works in strange ways indeed," said Canderous.

"Get over here!"

Carth slunk into his seat and lost his face in his hands. The silence and stillness was unbearable. It took all of his will not to pace, to scream, to throw something precious. He was worried for her, down to the pit of his stomach. He didn't know what he would do if she was horribly hurt, hurt beyond repair. For the first time in a long time, he felt utterly lost.

Suddenly, the medic was sent sprawling, and he scrambled to his feet, reeling backwards. He stared with wide, horrified eyes at the door, which burst open as forcefully as it might have if there had been a great wind. The entrance hangings waved horribly, like thrashing hands reaching for one's soul. Carth stared with shock at the inside of the Cortessa's room. Everything had picked up in a whirlwind, including a Jedi nurse, who screamed and flailed her arms as she went round and round.

Cortessa stood in the thick of it all, laughing hysterically, her hair sweaty and matted down against her head. Her skin was unnaturally pale, her eyes lacking the iris and pupil. Her teeth glared in the bright lights of the medical room.

"OH MY GODS!" screamed Mission. "OH MY GODS!"

"What's happening?" Carth cried.

Cortessa's head snapped back and she laughed at the ceiling, curling her fingers like menacing claws.

Carth stumbled backwards as an enormous shockwave was sent through the Enclave. Zaalbar roared incoherently, frightened, and Mission screamed. Canderous was stiff with something between awe, fright, and fascination.

"I CAN FEEL IT! THE POWER!" She thrust her hand outward, and a light exploded. "CAN YOU FEEL IT?"

She went on like this, speaking to someone who wasn't there, about power, about the Force, about strength and triumph. Carth pressed himself to the floor so that he would not be knocked back by the wind. It ended not at all spectacularly. It mid-laugh, Cortessa suddenly crumpled onto the floor with a thump and everything was stilled. It might have been humorous if it hadn't been real. The medic lay, gasping for breath, in the corner, and his nurse was sobbing into her hands. Mission and Zaalbar were in hysterics and Canderous was motionless.

Carth stumbled forward to gather Cortessa up in his arms. "What happened to her?" he snapped at the poor, confused medic.

"I am not sure!" the medic gasped. "I will go ask the Council!" As he lurched to his feet, the door to the med area opened, and Bastila staggered in, eyes wide and wild.

"HER!" she screeched, pointing a manicured fingernail at Cortessa's unconscious form. "It was her!"

"Her what?" Carth shouted, pressing Cortessa to his chest, for fear Bastila would try and take her from him. The woman groaned weakly, furrowing her brows and opening her mouth to breathe heavily. She buried her face in his chest, desperate for his comfort, even in her sleep. He gazed down at her for a moment, stroking her hair gently, before he looked back at Bastila. "Leave her alone. She's been through a lot." Even in the horror of it all, he felt it wasn't her fault, and, despite his rising suspicions, he had to help her. He needed to help her.

Bastila flushed angrily, gritting her teeth. "This has nothing to do with you, Carth," she hissed. She rested her hands on her hips. "I will not have you jeopardizing anything, do you understand? Hand her over. The Council must see her."

"I won't let you." He felt prepared to protect her to the death, while she was so small and helpless in his arms. Her sly, playful nature was gone, replaced by the raw need for his care. She was strong, but even she had the basic needs of any person.

"You're ridiculous infatuation is becoming very wearying, Carth," snapped Bastila.

Carth gaped. "I am not infatuated!" he shouted, though his voice caught in reluctance. "She is my companion and that alone! We work together for the same cause and I'll be damned if I let a comrade fall just because YOU ask for it, Bastila!"

"If that is what you like to believe, so be it," Bastila growled. "Just give her over."

"No!"

"Carth, listen to her," said Mission unhappily. "If you actually care for her wellbeing you'll let her go so that the Council can make sure she's okay! You saw what she did, Carth. Something's wrong."

"But…"

"Let Corty go. Please."

"Listen to the women, Onasi," said Canderous, snapping out of his silence. "They know more than they let on most of the time."

The silence spread out for the longest time. Carth remained huddled on the floor, cradling Cortessa like an infant. The others stared at him expectantly, waiting for his answer. The nurse had stopped crying and was watching them with fascination; the medic wasn't sure what to do, so he stood in the background pointlessly.

Cortessa shifted. The uneasy expression on her face had faded into a look of peace, and she sighed against Carth's chest. He started and looked down at her, as did everyone else. She made a contented noise and nuzzled her face against his jacket. He flushed slightly, feeling oddly achy and tender inside.

"Carth," said Bastila softly.

Carth swallowed loudly and nodded. "Okay," he said. "Just… don't hurt her."

"I promise, Carth," said Bastila, reaching out her arms for Cortessa.

Carth got to his feet and carefully passed the woman over. Cortessa was a few inches taller than Bastila, and at least thirty pounds heavier. Bastila looked like she was going to collapse beneath the weight, but she used the Force to make her friend lighter. She strode out with Cortessa in her arms.

Carth watched her go, and continued to stare at the point she had vanished long after she was gone. Mission pressed a hand to his shoulder.

"Carth… are you okay?" she said softly.

He gazed down at her for a moment and offered a halfhearted smile. "Yes, I'm okay," he said. He glanced back for a second before he nodded. "Let's get some sleep. It's been a long day."

------

Cortessa was released three days later, early in the morning. She approached the Ebon Hawk at breakfast, just when everyone had gathered in the main hold. When they heard the loading ramp hiss open, they fell silent, looking at each other with wide eyes.

"She is here," said Bastila calmly, allowing her eyes to flutter closed as she returned to her meal.

Mission gasped, her eyes snapping to Carth. He was anxious, gazing at the entranceway expectantly.

Cortessa strode in noiselessly and paused in the entranceway, watching them carefully. Her skin was sallow, her hair was limp and dull, and her eyes were rimmed with shadows, just like they had been during her training. She smiled at them weakly and shrugged inside her robes, which had become too big as she lost weight.

"Hey, guys, I'm back," she said. Her voice was quiet and feeble.

"Cortessa," said Carth softly.

She nodded at him and sat beside Bastila.

"How're you, Corty?" asked Mission brightly, smiling broadly.

"I'm feeling much better, thank you," said Cortessa.

"What happened the other day?" asked Canderous. "You gave Carth a hell of a scare."

"I'm… not… I don't want to talk about it," Cortessa mumbled. She twirled her fork between her fingers. "I… I want to talk about something else."

"Okay," said Mission sympathetically.

Cortessa smiled weakly. "I'm a Padawan now," she said, looking around at them all. "Despite what happened, they think I did well. I'm an actual Jedi."

"Excellent," said Bastila, even though she already knew.

Canderous nodded. "I knew they would accept you," he said. "You're a great opponent."

Mission agreed. Carth wasn't sure what to make of this.

"But I'm not going to follow their ridiculous code," said Cortessa, waving a hand. "No passion, no love, no fun, blah blah blah. I'm going to keep living like normal."

Carth slumped, relieved. Bastila's expression turned sour but she remained silent.

"I have a mission, now," said Cortessa. "The Council wants me to inspect some ruins in the plains."

"What?" Carth said. "Why?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure. He wants me to bring Bastila. Do you want to come?"

"I'm not leaving you alone ever again," he said, before he could stop himself.

She blinked, stunned. A faint flush had come over her cheeks. "Carth…"

"Every time I leave you alone, you get in trouble," he said firmly, ignoring the sickening feeling rising from his gut to his throat. "I swear, it won't happen again." A smile came over his face. "I can't have you dying all the time."

"Oh, of course," she said, waving a hand and laughing.

Despite the levity, the tension in the room boosted several notches.

"So," said Cortessa, clearing her throat awkwardly. "We'll leave tomorrow. I want to rest today."

"So be it," said Bastila, nodding, and there was silence.

------

Author's Notes: How cuuute, Carth, you clueless little thing, you. X3 And I know Cortessa isn't reacting at all to the things that are happening to her, like they're normal. Just wait – that is going to be important later. She's not as calm as she makes out to be. There's a Carth-bashing over yonder.

Ilea Dreike – Thank you very much. I like the idea of the Canderous father/daughter relationship, too. I also liked his comments on the droid. Even as a wizened adult he's immature.

FaintlyAlarming – Thank you, thank you.

Dark Lord Daishi – I'm glad you liked the Juhani fight. It was fun to write. And maybe Carth WILL have one, then. DX Just kidding.

… Or am I?

Child-of-the-Dawn – I had heard about it already, but it still shocked me, and I laughed for a while. Now I have fun imitating it with my friends. Yeah, we're nerds.

Dante-Revan – I made Juhani live for a reason, yes. Also because she's just pretty and I didn't want to have to slaughter her. Cortessa had mercy in her heart TODAY.

Amme Moto – I feel a little better. Yay!

SilverSentinal21 – You got your romance today. I hope you're happy. There will be more later, and there will be times when there are none, but from now on there will always be something along the lines if you look. So happy happy joy joy. :D

JadeFalcon3 – Thank you very much.

Queenofinsanity – The image came to me while typing, and I couldn't resist. Canderous is just a bad boy.