TITLE: Little Girl Lost: The Diary of Kate Austen
AUTHOR: Kate of Claire and Kate
DISCLAIMER: Don't own anyone, but can I at elast have a polar bear or maybe some scrap metal? Plllllllllease? pouts
NOTES: This is a random idea I came up with and felt I would enjoy doing, I adore Kate and relate to her so I thought this would be a fun/emotional experience. Please R & R! I'd love yo hear any input you guys have to share :) As always, dedicated to my Claire.
SUMMARY: What if Kate started a journal? What would you discover as you opened the pages? My take on Kate's life, before the crash and after. Written just before and after the finale.
- - - - - - - L O S T - - - - - - -
Fifty odd days. Fifty odd days since we crash landed here. I'm alone with my thoughts more then I want to be. Okay, maybe this is a crappy way to start a journal, but, it's helping. I've never been the journal type. Part of the reason is, I've never had much privacy. I could have never had a journal at home because who knows whose wands it would end up in. When I finally got my privacy, I didn't have the stability to keep a journal, that was the last thing on my mind. I don't want anyone to see me writing this here either. I could just imagine Sawyer anxiously awaiting his chance to snatch it up and read through for his name. There you go, Sawyer! One Point! Wait, make that two.
I'm not the best with introductions, and I'm not even sure I need to make one. Maybe inside to do hope someone, someday will find this and read it. I've heard before that people don't keep journals for themselves, they keep them for other's. So that other's can read them, or something.
I'm surprised I even remember how to write. It's been so long since I've sat down and written anything. When I was young I used to write little stories, stories that helped me escape.
...I don't regret it. No, not now, and I never will. I regret things that happened after, and even before, but in killing him, I killed every moment of... I don't know how to describe it in words. I don't regret it, but I'm not happy either. I thought doing it would set me free, give me a sense of who I really am, but sitting here now I feel more confused, more alone and more empty then I ever have been. And yet, I'm not even alone for once.
This is how my brain works, random thoughts, random ideas. So this? Random journal, my place to let loose.
I'm trying to find a start...and I've already written a lot. I thank Claire for giving me this idea long ago, and I thank this damned island for making me insane enough to go through with it. I don't know where I'll hide this, but I've carried around this empty notebook since I found it in the hatch and it's taken some time to actually sit and write in it.
Hmmm, it's late, I'm tired, but there's still so much to say.
Who AM I? I'm not even sure I know. Some girl, hidden behind and average name with a far from average life. Katherine Austen. Even the name is a facade as I'm not even truly an Austen, and that thought alone makes my stomach turn.
Somedays I really miss my Mom and the way she'd french braid my hair or how we'd take bubble baths together when I was really small. It breaks my heart just to think about her, she basically stabbed me in the back...but I can't hate her. Love makes you crazy...and she felt she was in love. You can't think, breathe or even sleep sometimes. I know that first hand.
I'm needed, Sun needs my help with something so I better go. It's nice to feel needed, and that's one thing I love about this place, is the fact that i finally feel important.
I'll write again soon,
Kate
