First to Fall
Apology fic for wesleysangel.
Rodney leaned over the balcony, staring out at the ocean, deep in thought. The wind ruffled his hair and he closed his eyes and sighed. He thought about his current relationship with John. It started out as just a buddy fuck, just two friends comforting each other in times of stress. He sighed deeply, that's how it started out but now . . .
Now he wanted more. He had been in other relationships in the past and he had loved each of them in a different way. He had had love and for awhile been loved in return. He had been held close and cherished and then they had decided to set him and themselves free. It had hurt but he had been around long enough to know that sometimes that's how things often went, especially for him. Now, now it was time for him to make a decision.
He had to decide if he was going to tell John how he felt about him and that he wanted more. Or . . . or he could just stay silent and not say anything at all. He could be content with what he had, knowing he loved John but unsure of his place with him. To continue to be jealous of every female John looked at appreciatively wondering if that woman was going to be the one to take him away from him.
He opened his eyes, looked down at his hands and smiled softly. He had already made his decision this morning when he had woken up to find John still in bed with him, sleeping peacefully in the early morning sun. He had subconsciously decided that if this love was going to have a chance he'd have to say something. He was going to take a chance even though he was scared to death that he'd lose it all. He would tell John how he felt about him. He knew there was a 50/50 chance that John would stay or that he would go. He knew that his heart could be broken but . . .
Rodney looked up at the sky and took a deep, shaky breath. He would take that chance to find out if it could be more. He would, he had too. He had to make the first move. He would have to be the first to fall.
The door swished open behind him and he heard someone move up behind him. "Rodney, you said you wanted to take to me?" John asked softly.
Rodney turned to face John, leaned back against the balcony balustrade and defensively crossed his arms over his chest. "Yes, yes," he muttered nervously and cleared his throat. "Col . . . umm, John, I wanted . . . I wanted to talk to you about our relationship."
John arched a brow inquiringly, "What about it?"
Rodney took another shaky breath, this was the moment. This was when he was going to find out if his heart would be broken or not. He knew, even if John said no, his heart would still love him anyways. 1 . . . 2 . . . 3, "John, I think . . . no. . . I know that I love you." He looked John in the eye and whispered, "I want more out of our relationship. I don't want it to be just a buddy fuck anymore. John . . . John, I need to know if it is anyway possible for you to . . . for you to love me back?"
John smiled softly and stepped forward, gently cupping Rodney's cheek. "Yes, it is possible for me to love you back." He whispered softly and tenderly kissed him.
Rodney kissed John back passionately. His hands reached up and grasped John's silky brown locks, pulling him down closer to him. He moaned into the kiss and a little while later John pulled back and smiled down on him. "Perhaps we should take this to somewhere more private, hmm?"
Rodney smiled at him, "Yes, we should."
They walked toward the door and it slid open. They entered the hall and began to walk, side by side, down to Rodney's room. He smiled; he had taken the chance and found the courage to be the first to fall. He looked at John out of the corner of his eye and his smile broadened as he realized that by taking that chance he found out that John had fallen along with him.
