A Glimpse into the Future
By Major Dork
Summary: He went to bed in his own room alone, he woke up with a wife, three kids… and a screwed up future.
A/N: Here's yet another chapter, but PLEASE remember to review! The torture is slowly coming to an end! Yay! Or is it:D
Part Seven "Sanctuary"
It hit him like a tornado, wreaking havoc with his thoughts, as he realized what she was saying. John was starting to wonder if maybe fate had a problem with him. Just when you think you're on the right track, BAM, you end up lost again. Sheppard closed his eyes, trying to think, unsure of what to say. His future self was a serious idiot, of that he knew for sure. "Elizabeth… I…" John began, unable to finish. Sheppard looked down, sighing, trying to clear his head.
Elizabeth turned, beginning to leave once more.
"WAIT!" he called after her, running in front of her. "You can't just leave… we have to talk about this… I know… from what Rodney told me that I was pretty confused at the time, but that's no reason to treat me like this! You can't marry Simon!"
Elizabeth just gave him a sad smile, moving a hand to his cheek. "No, your right… I can't marry Simon. It wouldn't be fair to him."
John smiled his heart swelling with hope.
"But I can't be with you either, John. I'm… I'm sorry, I just… John… maybe we just were never meant to be. I'm not strong enough… to try again," she whispered, moving her hand away. Their eyes held each others for what seemed like forever. Time slowed down, the world melting around them. "I'm sorry." Suddenly she was off, leaving the room and out the door.
John closed his eyes. It was over. He knew that now. With everything that had happened, he was starting to wonder if maybe he deserved what he'd gotten. "Dad! Why'd mom leave? Things were going so well!" Jason ran in front of John, forcing him to open his eyes. "What happened? Why'd she leave?"
"It's over," John told him softly.
"What?"
"I said… it's over," John repeated, his eyes growing cold by each second.
"But… but… we CAN'T stop now! We'll wear her down! Come up with another plan! We'll figure something out! You can't just give up!"
"YES I CAN!" John snapped, frowning when he saw Jason jump. "It's over, Jay… just let it go," he told his son, trying to stay calm. Finally he ran a hand through his hair and began to head toward the door.
"You told me you'd try your best! But you're giving up! Just like Dad did!" Jason shouted after him.
John paused, closing his eyes once more before he carried on out of the room.
Anika knew something was wrong when Sheppard walked out of the room, a broken look on his face… the same look he'd had when he and Elizabeth had chosen to separate. For once, she was relieved Noah was with McKay… it would have upset him too much. After a moment, trying to calm her heart down, she walked inside, watching her angered brother rip each white sheet off the walls, yelling with each tear. The projections still played, mocking her as well as Jason. They had failed. When Jason Sheppard finally fell to the ground, exhausted from his fit, Anika ran over. "I failed, Ani… it's never gonna be the same."
"At least he tried… that's more than we can say for OUR Dad."
"I hate them," he whispered, staring at the ripped white sheet, showing a scene of their father holding their mother in his arms. They were on the beach. Both remembered the video as their family outing to the mainland, months before everything had changed. It seemed ironic when Sheppard finally let his wife down, grabbing her hand, the rip splitting the sheet between John and Elizabeth. Ripped… just as their family now seemed to be. Anika moved down to the floor next to her brother and grabbed his hand as she watched the tears fall from his eyes. "I hate them both, Ani. I HATE THEM."
Ani squeezed the hand tighter, knowing what Jason was going through. With little hesitation, she moved his arm around her and closed her eyes, hugging him. Jason sniffed, trying to get his emotions under control; finally he looked away from the projection and pulled his sister closer, holding her to him. "It's going to be okay, Jason… you'll see," she assured him. "You'll see."
She was soaked to the bone, frozen solid, and she knew it was only gonna get worse… and yet she just couldn't leave. The storm seemed to be gaining in strength every second, raining even harder, wind blowing even stronger. It seemed an ironic representation of her mood at the moment. She hadn't even bothered to change before she'd left for the balcony, unable to think of anything else. Suddenly the same balcony that had once been a reminder of better days had turned into her deserved punishment. She knew she was an idiot for leaving John after all he'd done to win her over, but the fact was, while her mind for once was saying yes… her heart was saying just the opposite. Colonel John Sheppard was the first man Elizabeth had ever met that had been able to hurt her as deeply as he had. Never had she felt so scared, so betrayed… so naked. The truth was… John Sheppard scared the shit out of her.
She still loved him, couldn't seem to get herself to stop loving him, but she also knew it was the ones you loved that could hurt you the worst… John had proven that theory well and she wasn't looking for an encore. Elizabeth knew another blow as the one John had thrown at her would knock her out, weaken her, and tear her to shreds. Self preservation was a powerful thing. A very powerful thing. She'd been sitting, watching the storm, for almost an hour. She felt numb… and strangely enough, it seemed to help. The cold wind, the pouring rain… enforcing her symptoms to a point that it was starting to be difficult to think. She felt exhausted, whether physically or mentally, she'd never know. All she knew was that it didn't just numb her body, but chilled even the mental pain as well… something she desperately needed. Her eyes grew empty as she stared at nothingness, the dark of night making it difficult for her to see anything… only feel, sense. Elizabeth lowered her head, closing her eyes and just taking it all in. Suddenly she was falling back in time once more, her memories of the balcony showing through.
FLASHBACK
"So what did you want me to see?" she asked, sure he was up to no good.
John just smiled, looking out at the sun set against waves. "Beautiful… isn't it?"
Elizabeth followed his gaze, hands on the rail. "Yeah."
Sheppard moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her, warming her to the bone. "I love you… you know that right?"
"Yeah John… I know," she assured him, smiling as she felt his chin rest on her shoulder.
"More than anything, Elizabeth… no one else matters but that."
Elizabeth turned around, still in John's arms, wanting to see his eyes. "What is it John?"
John sighed, running a hand through his hair as if to consider his alternatives before he got down on one knee, his eyes still holding yours. "Marry me?"
"What?" she asked, shocked by his question, not sure if she'd heard right.
"I want you to marry me, Elizabeth. I know you've had your doubts about us, but I know we can make it! We're strong minded, we're both stubborn, and don't even get me started on how well we work together! I love you and I know there could never be anyone but you. We have what it takes, Elizabeth, but we can't take the step until you let me put this ring on your finger," he told her, opening a velvet box to show a beautiful silver ring with one red diamond. "I know how much you love red," he quickly added in explanation.
Elizabeth smiled, unable to breathe as she realized what he was doing. Suddenly her mind quieted down, her heart stopped, everything stopped. "I do love red," she agreed, taking the ring out of the box it'd been confided to, and offered it to John.
John grinned, taking the ring and putting it on her finger. "I love you," he told her again.
"I know. Just promise me I won't regret it."
"Not unless you'd regret living happily ever after," was his quick remark before he got back up and kissed her hard, passion taking over his control. Elizabeth hadn't minded one bit.
END FLASHBACK
So many memories… so many happy moments, treasured seconds in a screwed up day. They were supposed to live happily ever after… he'd broken his promise to her. He'd promised her forever, but came up short. Till death do us part… it seemed so serious, but she was starting to wonder if anyone ever much prayed attention to it. Suddenly she heard the doors open, but chose to wait for the stranger to reveal his or herself. "You know… if you'd just wanted to take a shower… you could have done that INSIDE."
Elizabeth smiled at the voice, looking up just in time to see Caldwell getting down beside her. When they'd first met, they'd seemed more like enemies rather than friends, but that may have mostly had to do with the Goa'uld inside his head at the time. Strange how now she couldn't even imagine not having his friendship. He was actually rather funny when he loosened up, Atlantis had been good for him. "Steven… hi," she greeted, not really interested in talking to anyone, but not really strong enough to make him leave her alone.
"It does get easier, Elizabeth, of that I'm well aware… but you have to work toward it."
"It's complicated, Steve."
"When I was taken as a host by the Goa'uld, I lost control. I could have killed everyone I care about… almost did. You know what's kept me going after that?"
"Your freedom?"
"Even better, Doctor Weir, my stubborn refusal to leave things unfinished. I wanted to prove to you all that I wasn't the cold-hearted man I was when we first met. I wanted to prove to you that you could trust me. I couldn't just leave it where it was, leave the story unfinished. You and John… you have a book to complete, Elizabeth, and one day I promise you it will be finished… one day you'll get the happy ending you deserve."
"One day," she sighed, it seemed more a like a fairy tail now that truth.
"One day," he assured her, hugging her. "Now get the hell inside! It's too cold."
"You know before I met Elizabeth I never really KNEW what love was. I mean my family wasn't exactly the best in that regard considering I never saw my mother again after five, and my dad was military, so our relationship wasn't exactly the warmest in the world. Elizabeth… you changed all that. You taught me what it means to love someone, to feel loved myself. The moment I fell in love with you… was the moment I realized what true love is. You made me better, made me stronger, made me whole. Without you… I am truly lost. So I'd just like to say… on this day… our one year anniversary… that I love you more than life itself, Elizabeth. You ARE my life… the only life I ever want to have. Here's to years more till death do us part."
The people raised their glasses in agreement, the camera focused on Elizabeth Sheppard, tears in her eyes as they stayed focused on her husband. The John on the screen grinned back, leaning over to kiss her. "I love you too, John."
"I know… just promise me you'll feel that way when we're old with grandchildren."
Elizabeth grinned back at him. "Promise."
John turned the video off, unable to see anymore. Why he was punishing himself, he'd never understand, but in some ways it had been comforting… knowing somewhere in the universe they'd once been happy together. Too bad she didn't keep her promise. "I knew this would happen."
John turned toward the voice standing from his door, it was Carrie. "I'm busy," he muttered.
"You see THIS is why I told you to forget her. Elizabeth Sheppard is just as stubborn as you."
"Don't you have something better to do?" he asked, getting up to sit on his bed.
Carrie smiled, folding her arms. "John, John, John… you poor soul. One of these days it'll be nice to see you stop torching yourself for something that wasn't your fault. You have to get over her, Sheppard."
"Easier said than done," he muttered.
"Obviously." Carrie frowned walking over to sit next to John, moving an arm around him. "Why is it whether you're going through the gate or trying to find lasting love… you always end up screwed over?"
"I'm cursed," he answered, no longer fighting her, surprised at how good it felt having her hold him.
"I doubt that… after all could a cursed man get the chance to be a father to three amazing kids? John, you had almost FIFTEEN years of happiness… that's more than most. At least you had something."
"Why do you bother with me… I'm in love with another woman, I have THREE kids, and I'm obviously unhappy. Why do you bother carrying about me?"
Carrie just smiled down at him, kissing his forehead. "Guess I'm cursed too."
It was almost as if it was pulling him to the place more special to him than anything else in the damn city. It seemed to symbolize the beginning of their relationship… their close friendship. He wanted to go home, go back to his timeline, wake up from this nightmare to know none of it would end the way it so obviously had. His talk with Carrie had helped more than he'd ever expected, but the fact that time had just been screwed up even worse than before wasn't helping him improve the mood. It had finally stopped raining, but the wind was just as cool. John looked out from the balcony, wondering if only for a second, if throwing himself off of it might just make things better. Thankfully the feeling left just as fast as it had come. John walked over to the wall on his right side, sitting down near the railing of the balcony, just sitting there, taking in the fresh seawater air. Before he knew it, everything began to fade into darkness as he fell into a deep sleep.
"John! John! Wake up John!"
John groaned his neck sore as well as his back. After blinking a few times, letting his eyes adjust, he awoke to see Elizabeth knelt in front of him, a worried look in her eyes. "Elizabeth?" he asked, his voice deep from sleep.
"Dammit John! You scared the crap out of me! You've never slept so hard before. I was starting to wonder if you'd ever wake up."
"Sorry… guess yesterday kind of exhausted me," he told her, starting to realize just how close she was to him. John moaned in pain as he tried to move his neck, pain shooting through him. "God."
"Are you okay!"
"My neck… I guess sleeping on a hard balcony isn't exactly the best for this busted old body," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Yes well you aren't exactly twenty anymore." Elizabeth, moved to his side, rubbing his neck for him.
John frowned. "Elizabeth what are you doing?"
"I'm trying to help."
Despite the pain, John moved away from her, getting up with a wince as he realized just how old he was in this timeline. "I don't need your help, Elizabeth. Just leave me alone," he said, trying to sound as cold as possible, and he looked back out at the ocean.
"John… I know I've hurt you but-"
"HURT ME!" John laughed at her choice of words, turning back to look at her. "HURT ME! Oh god, I WISH you'd just hurt me… unfortunately as easy as it may have been to you… it wasn't as easy for me. You didn't just HURT ME, Elizabeth… you ripped every internal organ I have out of my body and stepped on each with as much force as possible. I'm just glad you didn't grind the bones while you were at it."
"It doesn't have to be like this. Why can't we just be-"
"FRIENDS? IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE GONNA SAY! HUH! FRIENDS?" John shook his head, unable to keep the anger from his voice. "We can NEVER be friends Elizabeth… it just can't work."
"I never wanted it to be like this, but the fact is we just can't do anything about it. I… I can't do it again."
"You told me you'd love me… on our first anniversary you made a promise to me! Looks like a lot of promises were made huh? Yeah well you're not the only one who's lost the strength, Elizabeth. I've lost the strength to deal with this anymore. That stupid machine made a HUGE mistake, brining me here. He should have taken me back in time… so that hopefully I could save myself the trouble to begin with!" John snapped, then turned around and walked out of the balcony, leaving Elizabeth behind.
"WORK DAMMIT! SEND ME BACK!" he screamed at the object that had caused this whole mess. He was an idiot! I complete idiot! If he'd just kept his hands to himself, he wouldn't BE in this mess! He wanted out, and the damn machine wasn't working! "WORK!" he yelled, ready to throw the device across the room.
"JOHN STOP IT!"
Sheppard turned, putting the machine down, surprised to see Elizabeth had followed him from the balcony. "What do you want from me, Elizabeth? When I push forward, you step back; when I step back you come forward… just pick a place a stay there dammit!" He knew his control was hanging by one small thread, he was pissed… beyond pissed.
Elizabeth walked toward him, her eyes never leaving his as she stopped right in front of him, determination written all over her face. "John… just stop it."
John just smiled, despite not even being close to pleased. "You know what I first thought to myself when we first met?"
"What?"
"That woman is gonna be the death of me."
Elizabeth couldn't help but smile at the thought, before her smile faded, knowing that just might be true. "I would never want to do that to you."
"Yeah well… sometimes we do things we never wanted to do… just funny that it's always to the ones we love."
"Funny isn't exactly the word I'd use."
John took another step forward, his eyes never leaving hers. "There is one thing I've realized since being here."
"And what's that?"
"You're my sanctuary."
Elizabeth frowned, confused.
"Sanctuary… I looked the word up… you know I've heard of that word since elementary school… but I never looked it up until a few moments ago. It has a number of definitions. It can be a consecrated place, or a place of refuge and protection. It took me a while to realize just how much of a refuge you've become in my life… even before the marriage and kids. In my timeline… you're my sanctuary. It was never the balcony that provided me escape when I needed it… it was being on the balcony with you that made it special. My sanctuary."
Elizabeth stared back at him, he could tell she was hesitating, not sure what to do. Perhaps there was still hope? "I guess… in someways you're my sanctuary too," she admited.
John smiled faintly at that, his anger slowly draining away with one sentence. "Elizabeth… there's a reason I've tried so hard to make you see… make you realize we need each other. We made promises… we depend on each other. But most of all… I'm not sure I can live without my sanctuary… I can't go on this way. Yes… I did share myself with Chaya, we shared each other's souls… it was special. But what I share with you is so much more, Elizabeth. You gave me happiness, you gave me three of the most beautiful children I have ever seen… but most of all… you gave me you. There's no other woman in the world, in the universe that could touch that. All I want… all I'll ever want is you, because without you… what do I have?"
Suddenly he feels her lips touch his with all the passion she had. John quickly moved his arms around her, holding her to him as they kissed right there in McKay's lab. It seemed like days before they finally broke the kiss together. It seemed even the toughest surfaces could be worn down. He had no idea what had made her change her mind, but the truth was he didn't care. This was most definitely a step forward in the right direction. "John… I'm still not sure I have the strength to do this."
"Then use mine."
Elizabeth kissed him once more, exploring his mouth, holding him to her. "God John… why can't I stop loving you."
"Maybe I was wrong."
"About what?"
"Maybe I'm not the only one who can't seem to get their heart back."
Elizabeth smiled against his lips. "Just be sure to take better care of it this time around."
"I promise."
To Be Continued
A/N: Just one more chapter to go! Well… at least I only torched you for most of this chapter… eh:D Review if you want the ending! And I just thought I'd explain, when Elizabeth askes him to take better care of her heart this time around, she's refering to when he pretty much broke her heart when he told McKay he wasn't sure if he loved Chaya or not. I think anyone would feel hurt if they heard their husband/ wife say that so... just thought I'd explain. Tell me what you think!
