Disclaimer: Don't own FFVII… ask SquareEnix.

17.06.06

ChaChaChar


Awkward Hush

She wrung the rag cloth one last time. Moving to hang it, she stole a look at Cloud… who was currently absorbed with a map. She bit her lip to hold back a sigh. She leaned on the metal counter top on both hands and looked down the drain. Done with tidying up and with nothing left to do, she did not know how else to keep the overwhelming quiet at bay.

He had been sitting at the corner booth since she closed the bar and stayed there to work on his delivery paperwork while she cleaned up. One hour of small inanimate noises between them and she has yet to figure out how to connect to him with words.

She chanced a glance at him again and found blue eyes staring back at her. A little startled, she forced her voice against the hush.

"I'm all done. I think I'll head up now." She tried to sound warm, friendly…normal but her own voice grated on her ears.

"Un." was all she got. Looking down, she released a long silent exhale and pushed away from the counter. She'll try again tomorrow. Ignoring a little voice in her head that tells her that 'tomorrow' was never a sure thing with him, she made her way up the stairs quietly and with each step the air seemed to get lighter and she could breathe easier. She did not realize that the silence was slowly suffocating her.

She paused at the children's room. The light from the hallway filtered in through the tiny opened gap of the door and all she could make out was a lump on Marlene's bed. If the door was slightly opened more, she would have been able to see a lump on Denzel's side and the moonlight shining through the window, casting a shadow on the wall above his head of the flower resting on the sill. She believes that they picked a yellow one this time.

In the shower, she closed her eyes and willed her frustrations to wash away with the hot water cascading down her body. She tells herself that it will be better tomorrow. After everything that had happened, this… awkwardness is only natural and temporary. Soon it will all be normal again. She opened her eyes and thought back to the 'normal' days; back to the 'beginning of their new lives', before geostigma, before Cloud drifted away, only to find that the memories were unclear. A slight apprehension gripped her when she could not recall how it felt to be at ease with him. She wondered if the silence is suffocating him too. Like her, did he feel like he was constantly going in circles, lost and frustrated? Would he just give up and leave again?

Closing her eyes again, she rested her forehead on the cool tile. She counted to ten, exhaled, breathed in deep, continued to sixteen and exhaled. Sometimes she felt like giving up but he was one of the few that she had left. She did not want to be alone and she knew that despite his aloofness, he did not want to be either. She wanted him to stay but the choice to do so or leave was his to make. Her nor the children's selfishness did not justify preventing him from doing what he wanted but as long as he decides to stay, she'll keep trying to have a normalcy free of awkward silence.

With a renewed resolve, she headed back to her room. She found Cloud turning away from her door. She looked into his eyes as he looked into hers. He opened his mouth as if to say her name but then changed his mind, looked away and said, "I just wanted to say goodnight."

"Goodnight, Cloud"

Smiling, she felt a tiny hope flutter in her chest as she closed her door.