Right, it has only taken one year and three months for me to write this pivotal point. I am sorry for the lack of updates with this, I am usually like clockwork, but man I struggled. I have managed a few more so fingers crossed, I am keeping it up now. Mainly struggles with the absolute lack of resources to research the area, the time period, it was all simply about the Titanic sailing and that is it, the rest is in my head and I worry it makes little sense. Anyway, I have completely gone back and re-edited the entire story and uploaded it all again cos it made no sense in parts because I wrote this so sporadically and now, I am finally growing to be quite proud of this.
The ship in this chapter is made up, because we are in August, so wahey!
Chapter twelve:
The wet Monday morning was enough to dampen anyone's spirits but with Jack's hand firmly within her own as they stood, adjacent to the White Star Line dock, across the bay from where the Titanic had set sail only five days before, it felt as though it was another life to the one in which she had started with.
As the tall four funnels of RMS Augusta, stood displaying the majestic colours of her newly painted body, it was strange to see a liner so vast in contrast to the Titanic. It was as though one was the Queen of the Sea. Even the Maurentania had been vastly smaller in length in comparison to the Augusta. She stood at the inner dock, with an array of passengers about, some were taking a steady pace, others were hurrying about. The docks were a blanket of black umbrellas shielding those who stood around from the rain. The liberation was all about, or as much joy which felt could be mustered in the wet weather of their sailing day. There was a strange calm about, one which was haunting as well as peaceful. One could only muse as to what the atmosphere would be like when Titanic arrived in New York; would it mirror the marvellous spectacle the maiden voyage had been? Truth was, with all the excitement which had been made of the sailing, Rose had failed to feel even a slight twitch of happiness.
That was all only five days ago…
Those days of which Rose's life had changed in its entirety. Her own world had not sat still since Wednesday, and now a new life was just beyond the other side of the dock. The lights of the harbour in the misty morning seemed brighter somehow; almost a beacon to welcome those home or to those leaving the town.
''It is so quiet,'' Rose glanced about, ''as though, nothing in the world exists today.''
''It is Monday, too. I thought it would be full about here.''
Jack's right hand came to Rose's waist, pulling her ever closer into him. Her head tilted to his shoulder; leaning to him as she lifted her chin upwards to find his watchful gaze upon her just as it always was. Beneath his gaze was where she had come to feel the most exposed and also the most alive. Seeing how watchful he was of her ensured her of the feelings which transpired between the two of them. It was deeply profound and honest. A real friendship, which was perhaps on the verge of something more-meaningful.
''America feels so far away,'' he smiled, softly. ''Is that where we should be heading?''
''It is home. A home which I was dreading the return to.'' All tables had been turned; entirely. ''Friday night would have been my engagement gala. Imagine their faces now? A man without his bride in the centre of all the madness.''
Jack laughed, ''What will happen to the jilted husband, huh?'' His jest made her smile, a sign that she had made peace with her reasons for leaving behind her family, that there was no fear of the life which would become her norm. ''Will they worry of your whereabouts?''
Rose did often think of that; just how would her mother fair without her help? How could Cal have reacted to her failure to board the ship? Of course he would have been fuming.
"Yes, my mother will mostly, but-" she paused for a moment, not wishing to think of that now. ''I have followed my heart.''
''So, were on God's good humour?''
''Yes.''
''Tumbleweeds blowing in the wind?''
''Alright!''
Jack dug his finger into her ribs, and she squealed.
Rose turned her attention back to RMS Augusta, from beneath the shade of her umbrella which Jack held in front of his chest. Stepping out from beneath it, she felt the rain start to tap against her face, soaking into her hair and the coat. It was awakening her; refreshing her, somehow. Her breathing was caught in her lungs as though she couldn't or had forgotten how to do such a simple thing such as inhale or exhale.
''Is it bittersweet to leave one place for another?''
''Yes.'' Jack watched how her face felt sincere. ''But as soon as you reach the next, you forget about the last place.''
''Did you never long for the last place?''
Jack paused. ''I had a friend, a companion, Fabrizio, we travelled Italy and Paris but, he stayed in Paris.''
''Did he find something worth staying for?''
''Yes. He gave up the dream of becoming a New York millionaire because he fell in love with a Swedish girl.''
''Hmm, perhaps it shows that love makes you richer than money ever could.'' Under his intense gaze, Rose swallowed slowly. ''What of you?'' she almost whispered, ''you have given me so much.''
''And, you have given me so much more.''
He retreated to the rain with Rose; beside her. She turned to him with full and curious eyes.
''The second I saw you running away from that ship, I knew that I had to know you. To know your reasoning for leaving. I saw the sadness. I was just-I don't know-crazy, but I followed you to know.'' He was about to add that he had followed her for so long, risked the Titanic tickets, all for her, but that didn't matter at this very moment.
Rose's stomach was a riot of nerves, pain and absolute adoration.
"I can only be thankful that you there.''
Clutching him to her tightly, she balled his shirt in her palm and shoved her face against his chest; it felt cold and wet to touch but it didn't matter, for that was the sanctuary for her, right there against him as he held her, even in the slightest way. The smell of him, the touch of his palm against her back; everything meant so much to her. He stroked his hands down the length of her hair, calming her slowly. These past few days had been nothing but wet and miserable but beyond the rain, she had found happiness.
''I was not destined to be in that world.'' Rose watched as the docks slowly filtered with several horse drawn carriages. People lined the docks. There was a feeling to this day; almost melancholy.
This was almost like the engagement gala would have been. Just that ever pressing feeling that something was the matter but one just didn't know what. It was like attending one execution after the next, perhaps without the relief of death that she had once longed for so very much.
''I know that we shall never see eye to eye again.'' Rose exhaled slowly. ''But I made peace with that the second I left the world for another, with you.''
''You are happy?'' he kissed the top of her head.
The scent of him relaxed her. The way he spoke to her. The way he moved; it all healed her in some way. Could she spend the rest of her life with this man? The man she had known for less than a week.
''I have never known happiness, not truly, until you showed me that.''
This was a time just days ago, Rose had dreaded, the ship was taking her in chains to her engagement gala, when in fact it was now the most freeing time. She had risked everything to be with him; and he with her. That meant something. That was the part which she had clung to the most.
Past this crossing, if they decided to leave on board today, who knows what was possibly past the rails of a ship and beyond the endless waves of the sea. To carve out a future past this would be challenging with their limited knowledge of the other and the little skills which Rose had, but then there was the faith, which he instilled in her and in turn, she felt it within herself, someplace. Just a week ago she had been ready to end her life. Life changed...
''When the dream has gone, will life grow lonely and cold?'' Rose thought, more to herself, before Jack looked down at her, and queried her by pulling his brows together. ''My mother believes that a marriage based on love or attraction or any sort of affection will never be a fulfilling one; that ones beauty fades and the warmth of love diminishes then one is left simply alone and longing for a more fruitful match of some kind.''
''Is that what she thinks?'' Jack was appalled.
''Is it that way?''
''Never. There are places in the world to see always, people to meet and there is no measure of time to see it.''
Clutching his shirts tighter, she felt how his heart hammered against her knuckles. ''Would we be able to have children that way?''
Jack stilled for a second. What of it? There was no plan in place now. Could there ever be? Even with a child, even with Rose heavily pregnant, could they ever have a life of the unknown? Who could plan that life with a woman one had known a week? Then, suddenly, a calm flattened him like never before. Even though they hadn't been intimate. Even though, there were no discussions of ever becoming more than-this. Somehow, there were discussions of a brighter future than he ever could have imagined.
''My parents wanted to see the world. They wanted to make memories away from the farm on which my father's father had grown up, passing it to each son. My father toiled away day in and day out for me.'' Her eyes watched him; the innocence of her youth shone so brightly. ''If you wanted to make a home someplace then I would do that for you, for us. If you wanted to take each day, have a child and then start over again, then why the Hell not?''
Rose laughed, and it eased her mind, made her soul feel less restless. For now, she watched the craziness unfold before her very eyes as suddenly there were flashing lights of photographers. The flashes made her dizzy. Tomorrow's papers would be filled with the faces of whatever was troubling today.
In a moment, she thought of the Titanic and how missing the passage had taken a girl from adolescence; trapped in a loveless engagement to womanhood in a short time and giving her the opportunity of a lifetime. Glancing about, she anticipated the other joyous faces of all different classes, boundaries, from all walks of life. Those who had given up their lives to embark on a journey across the seas to America. They had made it. Their lives would start now. Isn't that what it was to board a ship and start a new life?
Rose was a new woman, with a new identity. A life which she was going to enjoy, to cherish and with a man who she had unknowingly deep rooted into her soul. Their future was wildly unwritten; could they be lovers for a long time? Could they even be lovers? The thought chased a thrill down her spine.
The media was a circus with flashing bulbs in the distance which looked like lightning. Jack and Rose were shoved into a crowd almost suddenly, pushed and pulled around as they were like ants in a swarm of people.The events of the day were still very blurred, combining it with the lack of rest and so, Rose simply had leant against Jack with his hands gently stroking through her hair and it had brought such comfort amongst the unsettle of her stomach.
''What's happening, Jack?''
Through heavy lidded eyes, they watched the scenes about them, the faces of the lost and lonely and then each other's before Jack gripped onto their luggage and tried his best to pull her through a throng.
Reporters and photographers swarmed everywhere; some even wormed their way up the gangplank of the RMS Augusta as passengers tried to board. They jostled to get closer to the people; for any information, for an exclusive update. For anything. They shouted over each other, to get their questions answered.
''I don't know.''
Rose wilted, slowly retreating into Jack's body. The noise was deafening; the flashes blinding...She was pushed once more, almost losing grip on Jack's hand, their fingers barely touched. Her eyes flashed with panic or fright as the crowds almost shoved her forward, away from Jack, propelling each other about in waves and swarms of bodies.
''Stop pushing!'' He cried, pulling her arm as much as he could so that she was in front of him. He locked eyes with a reporter; a young man about his own age whose eyes were wide and curious; obviously he had never witnessed such a spectacle. ''What is happening?''
''Are you a relative of a survivor-?''
''No!'' Jack pushed forward, grasping Rose against him as he did. The reporter fell back, trampled out of the way. Fighting against the crowds, Jack propelled Rose forward towards the end of the inner dock where the large wooden gangplank of the ship loomed.
Rose felt her heart completely falling. ''A survivor of what?''
In slow motion, the world seemed to be closing in around her. Lights blinded her time after time and she shielded her face with her hands, her weak body fell back against Jack and she thanked God that he was here to enable her to keep some strength. Her eyes ached. Her head was dizzy. Her body was weak. She had no endurance left within her at all.
''A survivor of what?''
Another magnesium flash went off and then the flash was blinding once more. Closing her eyes, Rose grasped onto Jack's hand tighter.
''Jack?''
From behind her, Jack placed his right hand at her waist, their luggage carried within his left. He leant forward so that his lips were at the base of her neck and then in her ears.
''It will be alright.''
Those were the words which throughout the entire charade she heard. The fear which had soaked through into her body now melted away, as the tickle of his breath against her dismissed all other emotion. She was rattled to her very core; his words the contact source of light in this darkened world. One had to believe that it would be all right, for there was nothing other than that to believe. His face buried within her hair and his hand at her waist steadying her allowed her to gain some strength. Her teeth chattered; her lips felt numb and it was as though her body was slowly succumbing to some sort of shock.
This felt like Hell itself.
''What is happening, Jack?''
''I don't know. I don't know…''
There was a sudden disturbance of screams and Rose's eyes flew open. Several languages were mingled as one as all witnessed the scene. The reporters converged on the emotional scene and suddenly they jostled together, crowding and the magnesium flashes went off once more...
BOOM!...Once...twice...three times...
She buried her face into Jack, not caring one little bit who was witnessing the moment and whether or not it was caught on the photographer's camera. It was terrifying. Others about her seemed to move freely and without caution as though they had their purpose already.
Jack's chest was tense; he, too, felt the stress. His body felt sturdier than her own, strong enough to stand the slight pushing of the crowd as the throng of people before them continued to collide in an emotional embrace. Together, they heard the devastating snippets of people's conversations…
''He's dead.''
''There is no one by that name on the list.''
''They said it is an iceberg.''
''Captain Smith went down with the ship.''
''Is there a Mrs. Martina Dorova on the list?''
The crowds grew thinner towards the cargo hold loading area, the media circus less overwhelming and soon they were on the edges of the throng; heading away from what had been their ultimate nightmare until the sight of the headline upon a newsboard hit Jack like a steam train at full speed. He stopped there, in his tracks, his jaw gaped. Rose followed, clinging to him for comfort like a child clutched its mothers skirts.
''I'll be Goddamned.''
Rose followed Jack's iced watery gaze, to see what had caused him to halt so suddenly. And there it was; in large black and bolded lettering.
TITANIC SINKS. CLAIMING HUNDREDS OF LIVES. ICEBERG COLLISION.
Suddenly, it made complete and utter sense.
''Jack.''
A strange type of exhaustion claimed her and she almost felt her knees keel beneath her weight until Jack caught her by the elbow. Her eyes stung, and she glanced back to the screaming crowds.
''This-this…'' She struggled. ''This is because the entire town is in mourning.''
Jack swallowed a large lump in his throat.
''These-these people, they have lost family…friends. People-people-'' She couldn't breathe. A strange panic overcame her and then, it was dawning…all so very slowly.
''I will find out what happened. What is going on.''
''My mother…''
''Rose, I will find out. Stay right here, all right?''
In the blinding lights, Jack held Rose.
''What will you do?''
''I am going to find out; there has to be information. A list…''
Through blurred eyes, everything went slow. Rose saw the one person who she had come to care so deeply for disappear into a crowd and leave her alone. Suddenly, her heart was thumping. Her mother…even Cal. She felt as though a large bat had hit her in the stomach. Joining the hundreds of other people, she started to weep. The gangplank was starting to be pulled away from the RMS Augusta, and members of the press were warned to get back. Looking forward, she could no longer see Jack in the crowds. Her suitcase sat at her feet. The same dark claws of misery which had tried to claim her as she had walked towards the gangplank of the Titanic were suddenly back to stab. The ship before her wasn't a gleaming white superstructure. It wasn't superhuman size.
''Jack?'' Her voice was hoarse, and through her tears and the shouts of hundreds, she knew that she was dwarfed in size and her cries for the man she was sure to love was completely drowned out.
With her heart and breathing accelerated, it took another beat for her to spin, without even a second look she took her suitcase in hand, and marched into the crowds at a pace one hoped was enough to catch the gangplank before it completely pulled away.
The ship's whistle blew announcing that she was about to set sail. That was the moment Jack would have looked at the RMS Augusta, but she was already running breathless, clutching the weighty suitcase in one hand and her chest with the other.
''Wait!'' Rose called, her voice shrill as a crewman was about to close the doors. ''Wait, I am a passenger.''
''Your ticket, Miss?''
''I am soon to be Mrs. Caledon Hockley of Pittsburgh Steel. I fear my fiance will be dead. He was on the Titanic and I need to return to New York. He was travelling with my mother.'' Her voice was full of confidence, as though, with pristine clarity the course of her destiny had been altered. ''I have to see them.''
The crewman, obviously distressed, haphazardly glanced at the wide gap between the interior and the gangplank edge where she stood. ''Bloody hell.'' Holding out a hand towards her, he could only help her aid. ''Come aboard.'' He was instructing her suitcase, but with nothing but adrenaline running through her, she made a few foot jump and was suddenly welcomed into the Reception room of a ship. Taking her back to America. And once again, she felt to be held in chains.
