Wow, this is sooo much longer than i actually intended, but it is a pivotal moment in their relationship. This story has been probably the hardest and longest for me to write, for those of you who message and comment for me to update and keep up with it, I am so grateful, and it is for you guys that I truly discovered my love for this again.

Chapter fourteen:

Three days and three nights. The exact amount of time he had spent with Rose. And also, the amount of time searching for her aboard a ship to see any signs of her. Until the night the fog came in thicker as they came to the throng of icebergs nearby to where Titanic had hit. Some passengers were blissfully unaware, others were praying, clutching their cross and pulling it to their breast. Jack, stood with a smoke, at the stern, watching how the propellers cut through the thick waves of icy water. The deck was illuminated slightly by the small lamps dotted about and they seemed to illuminate a certain face in some ethereal way. A face which was familiar. Eyes which had once watched him with such open curiosity and with such an open heart. Now, they were closed, in some sort of prayer. Sobbing into the darkness of the unknown. She was leaning so far over, that it was terrifying for him to even make a sound to not frighten her. To ensure that she stayed on the right side of the rail.

Approaching her quietly, so not to spook her, Jack ceased smoking his cigarette so that the smoke wasn't visible and edging his feet closer, until he could clearly see the back of her head and the luxurious long strands of copper red curls in a disarray about her shoulders, back and face. Her side profile was half covered by the lamp light but then, it turned to him, fully. As watery lined, beautiful green eyes focused to sharpen upon him. Jack's vision was more serrated than ever known.

It was her…

Rose screamed. So much that it had pierced the entire night and his own heart, as her body seemed to suddenly be flailing towards the ocean. Suddenly, he was jerked to the rail as he became caught in the overlay netting of her dress and she slipped forward as he caught any part of her that he could. He slammed up against the railings, and was almost winded as though a bull had struck his chest. Buttons flew from his shirt as her grasp had reached out, his entire chest was exposed to the cool bite of the breeze and then, there was Rose, dangling eighty feet above the Atlantic Ocean, having nearly taken him with her after all, but now, he was her only anchor to life. To the ship. To solid ground.

''Jack, Jack!'' She gasped in fear, it sliced through the night and right through to his stomach.

Despite his own accelerated heart, Jack breathed out as steady as he possibly could. ''Listen to me,'' he squeezed at her hand, to ensure that she stopped thrashing. ''I have got you.''

It wasn't enough. Rose tried to use her feet to climb up the hull but it was no use when she was in such shock, swaying and thrashing. Jack's grip on her was going to slip, and then she would fall to her death. He squeezed onto her hand as hard as he could, and she glanced up at him with such terror in her eyes.

''I have got you, Rose. I will not let go. I never will.''

Jack's gentle tone seemed to calm her enough to listen. Panic wouldn't help, but calmness of the situation, no matter how severe it was.

''Now, pull yourself up, come on.''

Using his entire strength, Jack pulled her hand, instructing Rose to place her free hand on the lower bar to pull her weight up, and then her feet to climb up, to clasp onto anything which she could to enable herself to be higher and then, once she was hunched about the lower bar, Jack used both of his hands to clutch onto anything which he could to pull her to safety.

''Come on, Rose, you can do this.'' Jack encouraged, quietly, so as not to panic her.

Jack grasped at her shoulders, her waist and her stupidly ill fitting gown, and then finally, once Rose was at a high enough level to put her arms around his shoulders, and fasten them tightly around the base of his neck, Jack drew her upwards, sliding her body over the rail in one smooth but shaky haul, as he turned to stand Rose upon the decks, finally exhaustion gave in and his own legs buckled and sent them both crashing to the floor of the deck, panting with such adrenaline it was frightening.

Rose was trembling below Jack, as his body covered hers. His hands at her waist, her hands still clutching onto his shoulders fiercely as though her life still depended on it. Jack felt her shudders, smelled how close her scent was, her breath and then, for one serene moment, drawing himself away in order to examine her; their gazes were locked together in an intense reverie. Those wide, shining eyes, raked over him; the way which his shirt had torn open, exposing his chest, his hair was no doubt dishevelled and now hung in his eyes, and then, Jack, in turn, allowed himself to see how her erratic breathing caused her breasts to press to his thin shirt, her pumping heart could be felt beneath him and it matched his own in acceleration. The tears flowed freely, of shock, of terror and everything in between. He wished to bury his face into her and never stop.

''Rose,'' he was suddenly breathing faster, more than her, in a strange panic and she reached out, shakily caressing his face. Everything about the last few days simply disappeared and she was there, within his arms and weakened once more until they heard fast and certain footsteps approaching.

Quickly, Jack moved to a stance then extended his hand to Rose. At that moment, a steward came bursting through the gate to see just what the commotion was all about. Rose stood, with a trembling figure, and her dress falling from both of her shoulders.

''Who goes up there? It is past midnight…''

Upon seeing Rose, obviously a woman, his features softened, until his eyes set upon Jack.

''Is this man hurting you?''

''It's all right.''

Jack helped Rose to her feet, assisting her to a stance and catching her waist when her legs almost buckled. To protect her modesty, Jack draped his outer coat across her shoulders and pulled the lapels to a close to ensure that her décolletage was not exposed.

Once he stood next to them, the steward bowed his head to Rose.

''I heard a scream ma'am.''

''Yes, she is all right.''

''Yes, I-'' Rose stuttered, clutching to Jack's hand before he slowly led her to a wooden bench nearby. ''I was leaning over the rail, to see the um-the um-''

Jack watched as she struggled to even string a sentence from the absolute shock of not only his presence but the fall, glancing at the steward. He glanced then at Rose. ''The propellers?''

''Yes, the propellers, and I slipped. I would have gone overboard but Mr. Dawson here saved me, and then he went over himself.''

The steward's concern disappeared as fast as it had arisen. ''Was that the way of it?''

''Yes it is.''

Jack felt Rose's pleading gaze upon him.

''And, do you feel well? No harm has been done?''

Rose shook her head, fast. ''No, I am well, thank you.''

''Well, if all is well, then I shall return.'' He paused a moment, seeing Jack's out of place hair, and raised a brow. ''Perhaps you should require a chaperone back to your stateroom, ma'am?''

''No, thank you. I shall be quite well. Mr. Dawson here is a good friend.''

''Very well. I shall bid you a good evening. ''

With one last check about the area, the steward returned and disappeared into the darkness of the deck.

Rose must have felt Jack watching her, head bowed and clutching the lapels of his outer jacket.

''What were you doing out here?'' Jack was taken aback by her shrill question. The tone of her voice was suddenly sharp. ''What the Hell are you doing here? A-aboard? I thought you were in Southampton!''

''I was.''

Rose's eyes opened and met his; the concern and softness of his gaze melted her instantly.

''You-you came aboard?'' Suddenly anger flashed again, and she clung to the wooden bench. ''What were you doing? If anyone, any other person had seen us then we could have been exposed for God knows what-'' she couldn't finish, and Jack only hoped that she didn't truly believe that he would allow that to happen. ''I am a woman engaged to be married.''

''Rose-'' He tried to reason. Despite her status wounding him. As though her engagement had suddenly reappeared. As though all barriers which had once been removed were now firmly back in place.

''I am barely dressed-''

''Yes, I know..''

''And, we would have looked to be indulging in God knows what.''

''Then, perhaps I should have let you fall to your death, huh?'' Jack raised his voice above her but not enough to cause her to wince. ''If that's what I wanted then I would have done so in Southampton.''

''Yes,'' she whispered. ''I suppose so.''

Jack clenched his fist and visibly gritted his teeth. Rose thrust herself to her feet, so sudden and abruptly that she almost lost her footing once more and her vision blurred. A pair of hands were at her waist before it cleared and Jack was in front of her again, mere inches from her face and to Jack, it all went cloudy.

''I looked for you.'' Jack whispered, lost within the depths of her innocence. She grasped onto his balled hand and pulled it apart with firm but gentle fingers.

''I am all right!''

''You almost fell to your death!'' He turned away from her just for a moment as he fought with his own anger. She stiffened as he ran his fingers through his hair. He cared for her; she knew in that instance. Really cared...

''Jack, I-I cannot be saved.'' He turned, his eyes softening. ''I am not yours to save. We knew that whatever we had was never meant to be past a few days, a little fun whilst I stupidly stepped away from that ship.''

''I know that.'' He turned to the rail to support himself. ''I thought that I knew that.''

Rose felt the urge to run and run, away from all of the frustration, the confusion and the pain. Everything which seemed to pin her down to Cal. To the life which she was returning to.

''I am not a child! Everybody thinks that I am a delicate little flower but I am not and I am certainly entitled to dabble in whatever fun that I need to have, but now I have to go home to my family. To the man that I-'' she was to say love but found that the word didn't even escape her throat without sounding and tasting bitterly sour. Her body shook; adrenaline soaring through her entire body like an electric charge. Why must there be so many barriers for her? Why could they not be torn down in one single swoop to allow her to be as free as she possibly could be.

'I know that you are not delicate,'' he responded, his voice low as he turned from the rail to her. ''I know what you are saying.'' They felt so far apart and the need to stand closer to him pulled at her. The wind howled at times as it blew, biting her stinging face and whipping her hair about. Rose trembled beneath her gown. Her lips quivered. Her eyes searched. Perhaps they looked for the trust, or for a reason that he was lying, but being a man who would forever wear his heart upon his sleeve, Jack only gazed back solemnly.

Rose's pale green eyes glazed over; the wind causing them to water and blur.

''Perhaps I did deserve to fall after all,'' Rose fired back, ''I am the woman engaged to be married. I was the one who lied about my whereabouts to dance within a stranger's arms. I allowed the stranger to take me to the beach, stay within my room, do every single thing which could be seen to ruin my reputation.''

Jack felt his jaw tense. ''No, this was never your fault and our intentions were never to damage anything that way.''

''No, but I have to take some of the blame. I haven't entirely felt myself since the morning that I was to board the Titanic. I felt as though I was about to be led to the stocks to be executed; I may as well have been, it led me to want to die. The sheer boredom, the lack of life within my world. All of that until you.''

Jack remained silent as he listened. Did any other person ever listen to her? He already knew no one else ever had.

''That was what scared me the most.'' She inhaled a shaky breath and it hurt her lungs. ''You saved me. Even when I didn't want to be saved.''

Jack clasped his hands together in front of his stomach. The cold wasn't helping either of them but it felt as though they were rooted to the spot and this exchange between them was important; it would lead somewhere important. It would lead them to their destiny, somehow.

''I had to make sure that you were all right.''

Rose bit at her lip, her eyes blurred and the feeling of sheer vulnerability nipped at her.

''I told you that I would wait for you at the docks and I didn't,'' she whispered, ''But…I am engaged and a part of me must love Cal to wish to return to him.''

''Was that a lie as well?''

''Of course not!'' She softened for a moment. ''Yes, but you already knew that, didn't you?''

Rose shifted her gaze out to the endless black sea. The colour was like hell when once she had loved the ocean and how it called out to her, as though it was her own saviour in times of need.

''Yes I knew.''

There, the first barrier had been torn wide open.

''I intended to tell you once we boarded this ship…together,'' he told her as he shifted his weight about his feet, ''I wanted you to see that my intentions would have been honourable and that I was to offer you nothing more than a hand out of the engagement if that was what you wished to do, to find refuge in a place he would never find you. I feared the wrong impression may have been given. Yes, we kissed, and I feel something for you…''

''What impression was that?''

''That I wanted more than just a friendship.''

Rose's stomach bubbled; the butterflies broke flight but then it turned into an ache, one which she feared could grow into a mass of pain. She was unsure if she was prepared for what the answer would be, but it had to be known regardless.

''And did you?''

This was the potential for another barrier to break away. Rose's body trembled but she didn't know if it was from the cold or for fear of his answer. He swallowed nervously.

''I think that we both know that I care for you, far more than I should do for a guy of my standing.''

Rose furrowed her brows. ''So social status dictates who should feel what for whom?''

''Never. No.''

Rose clattered her teeth together.

''But I care for you, Rose. You know that.''

Her eyes seemed to clear fully for the first time since she was on the deck. The wind seemed to die down and the sea's whooshing melted away into nothing. Her eyes cleared to view nothing but a man who stood before her; he cared for her. He felt something for her.

''I know that.''

Shaking hands came up to her shoulders as he had taken a step forward towards her. They rubbed down and upwards in gentle movements then down her arms towards her un-gloved hands. It was touching and a small effort to keep her warm. His eyes seemed to glow sapphire in the dim light, their sparkle stunning her as she wished to know what they would reveal.

''Rose, the day that I met you, I followed you. I had won tickets aboard the Titanic in a lucky game of poker, and just as I was about to leave to board, I saw you pass the window of the pub and I followed you, giving up tickets aboard. I should have told you so then, but I feared you would have run.''

''I did run.''

''Yes,'' he glanced down to the deck, not removing his hands from her shoulders. She sensed the hurt which she had caused; the way they had parted had been terrible. ''And as soon as I saw that you had gone, I followed you again, I was right on your heels, just as I had been the moment I saw you in Southampton.''

''I am sorry that this has wasted your time and efforts. I would be sorry that you missed the voyage, but find that I cannot. I am grateful for your life.''

His eyes came back up to hers. ''I don't need you to be sorry. I just need you to be all right.'' Slowly, his hand came back up to her cheek and stroked across it and it seemed to heal the sting. ''I need to you to-,'' he paused as his words stumbled, ''please, do not marry him.''

The gasp which Rose took seemed to be louder than she intended it to be.

''Pardon me?''

Jack had been heard; he knew that but the surprise element had not allowed her to hear it clearly enough. His words had been stumbled but this time he spoke clearly.

''Please, do not marry him.''

This time it was clear. Concise. To the point.

Rose's stomach dropped. The thought of marrying Caledon Hockley was terrifying, suppressing and depressing once more. But the guilt which nipped at her was even worse.

A soft laugh escaped her. ''What would become of me without him and my mother? What would become of them? They have survived the most…''

Jack's eyes remained on her gaze; his face stoic.

''What of the passengers of the Titanic? The people who have lost everything which they own on a ship which was supposed to be taking them to a better life? They have nothing. No money. No house. Some have no family.'' It was a slow burn but as the realisation crept up, so did the determination. ''Do you intend to go back to him just out of the guilt that you feel for leaving them aboard the Titanic when it sank?''

''I have everything, Jack. Family who survived. A train will arrive in New York City as soon as we dock to take me home to a dry and warm mansion which has been my home for seventeen years.''

''And will that make you happy? Will you go home and return to your life easily?''

Slowly, she shook her head. Of course, she wouldn't.

''I guessed not.''

Shaking herself away from his hands, she moved towards the rail in order to gain some clarity. The air seemed to be so thick about them; full of hesitance, longing and something else unknown. That part scared her. Within his arms, she was unable to think or speak clearly but yet she could do it freely. It was dawning on her that with Jack Dawson she was becoming another version of herself. One which she did not recognise.

Behind her, she sensed his questioning at her change of stance. As she turned to face him, she noted his lovely features and how they made her entire world seem filled with something. It ached her entire stomach as though she was clenching so tightly for some unknown reason.

''I do appreciate your way of thinking. You seem to be very much filled with faith in how I could just leave behind my life and run away into the never land and live happily. I wanted to...''

''It isn't always happy.'' He thrust his hands into his pockets. ''I get lonely, I get bored and some days I have been so hungry that I thought I would go crazy. Days without food and never knowing where the next meal would come from is one of the worst times. The loneliness…that is what I know hurts the most.''

His gaze caught the sky and seeing just how clear the stars were, he moved closer to the rail. ''Then you see the beauty in the world. I lay on the beach, the ocean at my feet. I see the world and the people in it. I see how they live and work and that is what inspires me. I see art, hear music, talk with some of the most profound people and then when you move on, to your own next adventure, you carry that piece with you.''

The way Jack spoke of the world filled her with such adoration that she felt her tear fall, just once and she wiped it away. Joining him at the rail, Rose watched the sky above them.

''You speak so beautifully moving about the world even with the cruelty that you have felt with it.''

''It is just how I see it.''

Rose sighed. ''I wish I could see it the way that you do.''

''You learn to see the beauty in the world.''

''What do you see?''

Jack exhaled slowly, turning his gaze to focus on her. Enthralled by the night sky, it took her a few seconds to take note of his watch. ''Because I struggle to see past the darkness so many times that the light almost becomes a second thought.''

''I just see you.'

Silence hung thick in the air. Something else hung thicker. Rose did all she could to focus on her breathing for the hammering of her heart and clenching of her stomach seemed to take over everything. Her hands clung to the rail so tightly that her knuckles were white and she was pinned beneath his blue gaze so afraid to even move in case the moment ended and reality would return. She was a deer in a head light; fixed to the spot without any way of moving and yet his hands were not on her, only his eyes. Rose had never felt so fully exposed to a man and she was fully clothed. Her teeth began to chatter again but it wasn't from the cold as for the first time in days, she couldn't feel anything but the heat which seemed to radiate from him. Mere inches away he stood from her; watching.

Finally, he broke the silence, as though he had been toying with the ability to speak himself.

''I think that you're afraid. I think you need to grieve. I think the Titanic sinking has been such a shock; for us all.'' He glanced about. ''Just days ago, people were out here, fighting to live.''

''And I am just here, fighting to learn to live with the guilt of leaving behind my mother and my fiance?''

''No, I think you feel you've wronged them. You have. I have. We never planned to become something of a friend to each other.''

A friend. The word stuck in his throat, but he got it out clearly.

Suddenly, she was frowning. Deeply.

''Where are you sleeping?''

''In the cargo hold.''

Her eyes widened.

''It isn't the first time but I have a cast iron stomach and I can sleep in the cold without harm. Say I am used to it.'' He shrugged away her concerned gaze with a nonchalant smile.

''So, you're a stowaway?''

He nodded. And she could only feel the urge to cry deeply once more. He had stowed away aboard the ship. For her.