A/N: Sorry guys.. it's been a minute. What with school and the pandemic. Thank you all for staying tuned though, y'all are the best 3


Chapter 11: Plotz

Plotz (verb): to be overcome with emotion; give way to excitement, anger, delight

Orochimaru watched dispassionately as Jiraiya walked away.

It had not even been four weeks since the man had healed from his fatal wound, and Jiraiya thought himself to be hale and hearty, ready to take over the world; or in this case… to be a monk.

Such altruism, Orochimaru scoffed in disgust.

Tsunade, meanwhile, was avoiding all forms of communication with him. He wondered if this was due to some misguided sense of guilt she harboured or because she thought him to be the devil himself. It was really, anybody's guess. No doubt, Jiraiya too held doubts like her. As did Sarutobi Sensei. He had seen their disgusted expressions at the mention of his more.. experimental hobbies.

But instead of talking to him about it, they would only gossip like hens among themselves.

And so, as it was for most families, Orochimaru had decided to let this one go; he would.. pick his battles.

Orochimaru pursed his pale lips and looked into the horizon. He was not wrong, he knew it! Jiraiya was weak. He understood attachment to family. Like he had to his, the three of them and their sensei were a bunch of oddballs for sure, but they were his.

But Jiraiya latched on to every creature that made a pathetic whimper, and so he and Tsunade had watched Jiraiya disappear in to Ame to train the orphans.

What would sensei say? He thought sardonically.

Jiraiya, Jiraiya… how often must we pick up after you? I have no doubt Sensei will spin this in a way that you will not even be labelled a missing nin.

Leaves rustled next to him and they sped back towards their home, and he turned towards his other teammate so he could catch her eye. She looked startled.

"So.." he trailed off.

Tsunade gave a long sigh. "I don't know Oro.. I don't like it."

His family understood him so well. He hummed.

"The council will not keep quiet."

A familiar expression of the steely resolve took over her features.

"I'll take care of them. For-" Tsunade's expression crumbled.

"..he did abandon us" Orochimaru said haltingly.

She frowned. "I cannot begin to speculate his reasonin-"

"-Come Tsunade, this foolishness does not become of you"

There was a pregnant pause.

"We will ask him why then."

Orochimaru nodded. "We shall.."

And for the moment he was satisfied. They did not speak about their own issues but.. for now, this would do.


His leg swung in an arc but it was quickly blocked. A counter to his solar plexus, and he was thrown against a tree with a thump.

Tom was not frustrated. NOT. FRUSTRATED. He repeated to himself. No, he was simply sick of being beaten into pulp. What did it matter that it had been a month since he began? There was simply no improvement!

Tom ground his teeth as he willed his body to sit up straight and shook the hair out of his eyes.

If only I could use my magic. It was a taijutsu only fight and the young man bit his tongue so he could stand up. It would help.. if I was not fighting this cocky little Uchiha brat-

"My, Voldemo-san, a drunk civilian in a pub brawl would last longer than you.."

Tom's eyes flashed red.

"That's enough for today", Sakumo's voice cut through, his usually expressive face unreadable.

"You are dismissed for the day.", he said ignoring the animosity between his charges. "And Voldemo?"

Tom turned to look at him. "The Hokage expects you tomorrow at 0900 hours."


He was not entirely sure what brought him to the Naka river, but Tom desperately needed some space to think. Still waters glinted in the sunlight and he meandered to a smooth rock by the edge to sit on it. He stared into the forest, back erect.

The more he pondered his situation, the more certain he got about his theory: The shinobi and wizarding bodies were intrinsically different, they had mutated in different ways.

There was, of course, a lot mulling over this.. especially when he was not aching with various bruises and cuts. While he was a stranger to hardwork (he was magically gifted afterall), he would like to think he had been putting his best into his training. He had diligently learned the katas, showed up on time, put in extra time, followed the diet plan… Tom frowned.

And yet, it did not yield any results. Yes, his form was near perfect but if he could not land a hit, what good was it?

Which lead him to believe that perhaps, the body of wizard-kind was not accustomed to such hardships. Tom smirked. There were ways to change the rules, of course.

Tom did not sit idle. Every evening he would enter his mind palace and search. Admittedly, it was a while before he stumbled upon the perfect source. Much to his consternation, Tom had forgotten about it.

The Slytherin Chest.

He had filched taken it before fleeing The Chamber and in all the excitement, he had shrunk and stored it like the prized possession it was.

Forty five minutes and a minor temper tantrum later saw him speeding through the texts in parsel.

And it was perfect, it was right there, A Ritual for increased strength and speed. Tom had almost fallen into uncharacteristic peals of laughter.

Yes, things were looking up. He had decided to wait a little longer before giving in-

A cough brought him out of his thoughts. Tom spun around to face a heavily bandaged man. His heartbeat picked up. He had not even sensed the shinobi approach him.

Tom's gaze roved over the man's face. He did not seem to be giving much away. Though, he obviously wanted something. Tom could almost taste his anticipation. He took note of the limp in the man's left leg.

Tom nodded, politely. "Councilman Danzo."

"Voldemo-san.." Danzo drawled, like a long lost friend. "What a coincidence to see you here.."

Tom almost scoffed. A coincidence indeed.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

Danzo eyed him speculatively.

"How is your training faring?"

Tom scowled, making Danzo smirk.

"Your skills have really opened our eyes, Voldemo-san. Opened our eyes to the possibilities. You truly are a remarkable asset to the Village Hidden in the Leaves.."

No. Tom thought, beffudled. Is he really…?

"Yes, a promising young man like yourself has much to offer. However.."

By Merlin, he really is..!

"Your training has obviously been lackluster-"

"Voldemo!" A sharp and familiar voice broke into Danzo's monologue, making the man in question twitch.

Tom clicked his tongue in amusement. Impeccable timing, Sakumo.

"I was looking for you.." Sakumo eyed the brunette with a sharp gaze. Something about it unsettled him. "Did I interrupt your meeting, Danzo-Sama?" He asked abruptly.

For a split-second, Danzo's face looked thunderous.

A trick of the light, Tom reassured himself quite sarcastically.

"No.." Danzo said slowly. "I was only acquainting myself to Voldemo-san here. And making sure he was settling in properly.."

Tom's smile was razor sharp. "Oh I assure you, I find myself quite comfortable in this village."

There was a beat, and a blank façade took over Danzo's features.

"Well, in that case, I bid you two farewell. Good day Sakumo-san… Voldemo-san.."

After a quick glance at his face, Danzo was gone.

"..So." Sakumo said mildly.

Tom could not quite help it. A low chuckle erupted from his throat.

Danzo was trying to recruit ME?!

The chuckle turned into laughter and Sakumo was staring at him wide-eyed with his mouth open in shock.

"Oh do close your mouth, Sakumo. The best way to trap flies are with honey, after all.."

Sakumo abruptly snapped his mouth shut. "What the hell was that about?!"

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with." Tom said dismissively.

Sakumo grit his teeth.

"Well. Alright.. The reason I came here was.. well, I'll just call them shall I?"

Before Tom could question him, two figures dressed in black appeared behind Sakumo. Tom immediately fell on the defensive.

"No no! No need for that! Voldemo, this is Otter and Owl. They are part of an elite force and are going to guard you, until you can do so yourself."

He relaxed. Minutely.

Now that he got a moment to examine them, he did appreciate the masks they sported. And the tanto's strapped to their backs.

Hmm.. Maybe I should get a few masks made for my Knights..?

"So, do not get too surprised if you spot them occasionally. Hopefully, it will not come to that."

Tom nodded and visibly shook himself.

"Sakumo?" He waited for the man to turn back to him.

"Is there any way you can procure a foot from a living man?"

He did not miss the looks exchanged by the silent men behind Sakumo, despite their masks.

An inevitable round of questioning later, Tom did indeed, receive his foot.

Tom had eagerly stuffed it in his pocket.

("..you might want to freeze tha-"

"I am well aware of cryogenics, Owl-san" Tom scoffed.)

He then rushed back to his apartment like a giddy child and quickly collected the supplies required for his little ritual.

And what a ritual it was.

The moon had hung low in the night sky and his magic thrummed in the air.

Thick, viscous, and potent.

And at the bank of a lake, he threw in the herbs chanting fluently in parseltongue.

He knew his shadows were watching him.

An aroma rose from his make-shift cauldron; sweet, yet bitter.

And before he knew it. It was done. He collected the pale, pink liquid in a conjured goblet and downed it one gulp.

He vanished everything else. Which was good too because Tom swooned in place for a moment.

He had no memory of making it back to his apartment.

No memory of anything really.

He only awoke two days later fresh and alive.