The sun had gone down, and twilight was fading rapidly. The sound of leather shoes came up the path. "Dad must be home." Tenchi said.

"Please don't let Noboyuki have seen any of the pictures." Ayeka prayed over and over.

The front door slid open, and Noboyuki stepped inside. In each of his nostrils was a small wad of tissue, stained red. His briefcase bulged noticeably larger than usual.

"What's going on, Dad?" Tenchi asked.

"Oh, I hit my nose on the door leaving the office." Noboyuki said unconvincingly. "Um . . . why is Miss Ayeka on the floor?"

"Honestly," Ryoko commented, "How many times in one day can that girl faint?"

"Hello, father Noboyuki." Sasami leaned her head into the doorway. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. My, it looks like you've brought a lot of work home."

"Work. . .yes!" Noboyuki nodded. "I'll have to get on it right after dinner." Tenchi suspected that his father would work primarily on hiding what he had brought home. Sasami also looked thoughtful.

Katsuhito was waiting by the door when Washu emerged from her lab at last. If a weatherman had made a forecast guided by Washu's expression, it would have been 'sunny'. The pint-sized genius indicated her holographic console. "It seems Ryoko got into my secure area by following Mihoshi in. Ryoko could dodge the teleporter since she didn't need to walk on the floor. From there, she used the Virtual Imaging equipment along with the biometric scans I made of Ayeka to produce the pictures. So, they look exactly like Ayeka would." Washu chuckled. "Gotta give it to her, my daughter is pretty good at what she decides to do."

"Ryoko is certainly clever." Katsuhito acknowledged. "But, Lady Washu, I hope you will be in a more serious mood when you apologize to my sister."

"Apologize?" Washu repeated blankly.

"Didn't you promise Lady Ayeka that all of her medical data would be kept confidential?" Asked Katsuhito.

"Oh." The forecast changed to 'gloomy'. "I did, didn't I. . ."

"And it seems only fair to inform Tenchi as well." Katsuhito added. "I could not blame my grandson if he declined to participate in any further experiments."

The forecast was now 'thunderstorms'. "I'll KILL her!" Washu darted out of the room.

Katsuhito calmly collected the pictures and Washu's notes. Before putting them away, he gave them one last appraising look. For the first time, he felt a twinge of regret that he had not married Ayeka after all.

Not too surprisingly, Ryoko had made herself scarce. Instead, Washu found a very perplexed Mihoshi and an exasperated Ayeka.

"But if you're not in the pictures, then who is?" asked Mihoshi. Somehow, Washu couldn't bring herself to interrupt right away.

"I don't know who!" Ayeka tried to explain. "Maybe Ryoko disguised herself to look like me."

"Nope, that can't be it." Mihoshi shook her head. "Ryoko's toes aren't as long as yours."

"Uhh. . . just how closely did you look at those pictures, Mihoshi?" Queried Ayeka. "And come to think of it, how did you get them? Aren't the magazines I bought still with Washu?"

"Well, Father Noboyuki shared his copies." Mihoshi studied her fingers intently. "He can be very helpful if you ask him nicely."

"I don't suppose he offered you some saké while you were studying the pictures?" Washu had found the right time to join the conversation.

"Oh, yes, he was worried I might be thirsty." Mihoshi replied. "He was going to put on some background music to help me concentrate, too, but he got strangely flustered when Sasami came by. Say, if you still have your copies, I could continue my investigation."

"No need." Mentally gritting her teeth, Washu told the two what she had found out about Ryoko's invasion of her lab. Ayeka looked grimly satisfied on hearing that her suspicions of her arch-rival were correct.

Mihoshi nodded as well. "I should have known that they were fake pictures. Ryoko's always telling me that Ayeka is underdeveloped." There were several buzzing noises as the miniature logs phased into existence around the head of the First Princess of Jurai, whose eyes had narrowed alarmingly. "Umm. . .did I say something?"

A little while later, after Washu had calmed her down, Ayeka was deep in unhappy thoughts. She couldn't have Ryoko arrested; having her tried in an Earth court would expose the secrets of the Masaki household, and there were no Juraian laws that had been broken. She couldn't have the magazines confiscated and burned; they were all over Japan by now. She couldn't take the meager satisfaction of giving Ryoko a beating; she'd never managed more than a draw in countless times of trying, and the collateral damage was sure to make Tenchi unhappy. No, this time Ryoko had won.

She looked up to see Tenchi entering the room. Ordinarily this would have raised her spirits, but now the thought came that this might be the last time she would see him. But better to do this quickly than drag things out.

"Lord Tenchi . . ." Ayeka stood up as if her clothes weighed like spun lead. "I have to leave Earth and go back to Jurai."

"But why, Ayeka?" asked Tenchi. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm in disgrace here." Ayeka replied. "I can't be seen anywhere."

"Just wait a week or two." urged Tenchi. "My dad tells me lots of celebrities get faked pictures of themselves. After a few days, nobody pays any attention." He put his arm around her, and looked earnestly into her eyes. "Please don't go, Ayeka. I'd miss you very much. So would Sasami. And everyone else. I think even Ryoko."

And suddenly Ayeka realized that Tenchi was holding her, and telling her that he cared about her. Vaguely she realized she was supposed to say something in reply. But it was very difficult with a chorus of angels singing in her brain.

It didn't last long, however. "Ayeka!" thundered Ryoko as she phased in through the ceiling. "Take your hands off of Tenchi right now!"

Ayeka gave a guilty start out of instinct, forgetting even as Ryoko had, whose arm was around whom.

But Tenchi did not let go. "Ryoko, you were eavesdropping on us, weren't you?"

Ryoko was not about to back down. "Well, someone has to protect you from this . . . strumpet! You've seen the pictures; you know what she's capable of!"

"Those were your pictures, Ryoko. Now, I want to talk to Ayeka alone."

"Alone?" Ryoko looked as if Tenchi had suggested holding a Black Mass. "With her? I . . . I . . .absolutely forbid it! Nothing is making me leave here!"

"Ryoko!" Sasami came charging into the room. This time she was not in her usual cheery mood, but rather as angry as anyone could remember seeing her. Ryo-Ohki was perched on top of Sasami's head, but the cabbit looked like she was hanging on for dear life. Sasami yelled, "I saw those awful pictures you made of my sister!"

Only Tenchi's arm saved Ayeka from falling to the floor yet again. "You saw . . ." Ayeka gasped.

Ryoko smirked at Ayeka's embarrassment. "So you've been doing some sneaking around, eh?" She said to Sasami.

"Don't smile at me like that!" snapped Sasami. Her eyes would have been blazing, but the fact that they were pink spoiled the effect. "I told Mommy what a rotten trick you played!"

"You WHAT?" Ayeka nearly screamed. Ryoko burst out laughing.

"Well, it was only right." Sasami said in a surprised tone. "What if she'd heard about it from somewhere else?"

"But -- but," Ayeka stammered, "she'll -- come HERE!"

"Ha--" Ryoko's laugh cut off in mid-guffaw as fact after fact sprang out of her memory. Sasami's mother was Misaki. Queen Misaki. The commander of the Juraian Imperial Bodyguard. Who liked to stretch Ryoko's face like rubber. And then slam her into the nearest wall.

With this review complete, the former space pirate knew immediately what had to be done, and just as quickly she sprang into action.

Ryo-Ohki gave a startled "Myaa!" as she found herself snatched off of Sasami's head. Ryoko called out "See you later -- much later!" and then she and the cabbit were out the door.

The doorbell rang late in the morning of the following day. Tenchi, Mihoshi, and even Washu nervously poked their heads into the entrance, anticipating a major episode. Sasami, however, skipped happily up to the door and swung it open. But it was not Misaki who stood just outside.

"Mother Funaho! Welcome!" said Sasami.

"Thank you, Sasami." The First Queen of Jurai seemed to float through the doorway. "Greetings, Tenchi, Lady Washu, Detective Mihoshi. I take it Ayeka is in hiding?"

"Err…yes." Washu knew there was little point in trying to conceal the state of affairs from Funaho.

"Sasami, would you please find your sister and tell her she has nothing to fear?" Funaho requested. "Neither Lady Misaki nor Lady Seto are here."

"Oh--Mommy didn't come?" Sasami's voice showed disappointment. The three others looked visibly relieved.

Funaho gave one of her quiet smiles. "No, a matter has called Lady Misaki's attention elsewhere. Now then, if I were Ayeka, I would hide in Washu's lab. The shrine is small, and it doesn't have an emergency exit."

"You're clever, Mother Funaho!" Sasami couldn't help herself, even when giving away Ayeka's secrets. "I'll go get her, but it may take a little while. She's way back in one of the jungle environment units." The little princess scampered off through the closet door.

"Would you like me to make some tea?" Tenchi asked, knowing Funaho's taste for the Earth drink of her past.

"That would be most welcome." Funaho replied, and Tenchi went into the kitchen to put the kettle on the stove.

"I noticed that you mentioned Lady Seto," Washu remarked, seating herself on a couch. "May I ask why she might be coming here?"

"A perceptive question." Funaho also sat down, seeming quite at ease while keeping a queenly posture. "I take it Ayeka hasn't told you?"

"Told us what?" Mihoshi asked.

"I thought not, but Lady Seto wanted me to find out for certain." Funaho looked at Washu directly. "What do you know about Juraian attitudes towards matters of sex?" She asked the question as casually as if she were discussing needlepoint. Tenchi, who was coming back from the kitchen, stopped as if he'd run into a lamppost.

"Not as much as I'd like to." Washu complained. "I would have thought that a civilization that advanced would have enlightened views, but I haven't been able to get Ayeka to say two words about it."

"Well, in my opinion, Juraian views are quite advanced. We do not treat sex itself as a taboo, but there is a strong disapproval about discussing it with other cultures. It is often perceived as bragging." Funaho explained.

"Bragging?" Washu repeated.

"Erotic techniques are treated on Jurai much like martial arts are treated on this planet." Continued Funaho. "A skill, a discipline, and for some, a competitive sport."

"Oh . . . and Ayeka is embarrassed about it because she wasn't very good?" Mihoshi piped up.

"Just the opposite. Ayeka was . . . well, the best Earth equivalent would be varsity team captain."

"What?" Tenchi, Mihoshi, and Washu exclaimed simultaneously.

"Oh, yes," Funaho continued, "she was quite proud of it. Too proud, actually. You know how competitive Ayeka can be."

Three heads nodded as one.

"Eventually, Lady Seto took the matter in hand. She gave Ayeka a rather firm lecture on the Juraian traditions on talking about the subject with others. Lady Seto can be somewhat intimidating. . ."

Again, three heads nodded together.

"...and it would seem that Ayeka has followed her advice."

"Followed too well if you ask me." Washu commented. "Possibly you could help me with my survey of sex practices, Lady Funaho?"

"I would be happy to help, Professor Washu." Funaho paused, and glanced around the room. "But perhaps anyone younger than half a millennium should be excused?"

Tenchi gratefully took advantage of the opportunity to escape. He was convinced there were some things he was better off not knowing about his great-grandmother.

At about the same time, at a Galaxy Police outpost considered by its staff to be the furthest point from civilization, the duty officer picked up some unusual transmissions. Adjusting his equipment to its most sensitive, he decided the signals came from two ships, one in pursuit of the other. The ships were too distant for him to identify, which meant the transmissions must be unusually loud. He switched on the speaker unit to see if he could recognize any voices.

"--dare you humiliate my little Ayeka! Even if Tsunami herself forgives you, I will not! Never!"

"Faster, Ryo-Ohki, FASTER!"

T h e E n d

Author's afterward: This story was partially inspired by the "AyekaNoPorn" image, a copy of which can be found at the "Ryoko's Heaven" website:

http/ryoko169. anyone can figure out why Achika is in the image, I'd love to know.) Comments, suggestions, and pointing out of errors are welcomed.