Disclaimer: Characters and concepts from "Tenchi Muyo!" are Copyright AIC, Pioneer LDC, and Funimation. This work is a parody and not to be used for any commercial purposes.

"Sasami," Ayeka spoke up after a few moments, "I think you should go back downstairs."

"But what's going on here?" Sasami asked.

"That's what I asked." pointed out Mihoshi.

Tenchi, Ryoko, and Ayeka all stayed silent for a few moments, turning various shades of red.

"Ohh . . . " Sasami realized. "You mean sister Ryoko and father Nobuyuki slept together?"

"But," Mihoshi inquired, "what was wrong with sleeping in your usual place, Ryoko?" There was a triple face-fault from Tenchi, Ayeka and Ryoko. Ryoko took the least damage, since she was on a soft surface.

"Mihoshi," Sasami turned towards the blonde, "sleeping together means they . . . well, when a man and a woman really like each other . . ."

"Ohh!" Comprehension dawned on Mihoshi's face. "You mean sex! But I thought here on Earth most people called it--"

"Don't say it!" Ayeka clamped her hands over Sasami's ears.

"Since when does Mihoshi know a word I haven't learned yet?" Sasami protested.

"If you're going to play word games, could you at least close the door again?" Ryoko demanded.

"Oh, sorry." Mihoshi took hold of the door, but then paused. "So does this mean you and Nobuyuki are in love?"

"WHAT?" Ryoko flared. "Me? Love that perverted, depraved, lecherous, no-good--"

"Hey! That's my Dad!" Tenchi's eyes narrowed.

"Uh--well--" Ryoko tried to backtrack.

"And that's also the pot calling the kettle black," Ayeka chimed in.

"You stay out of this, Ayeka!" Ryoko snapped.

"Well, let me at least get you a robe so you can go see Washu." Ayeka said.

"Go see Washu?" Ryoko blinked. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Did you and Nobuyuki . . . umm . . . use precautions?"

"AHH!" Ryoko looked aghast. "I don't know! I don't remember any of it!"

"You mean Tenchi could be getting a baby brother or sister?" Sasami exclaimed.

"Oh, that would be so darling!" Mihoshi gushed.

"It would NOT!" yelled Ryoko.

"Don't worry," Ayeka soothed, "I'm sure that Nobuyuki will do the right thing and make you an honest woman if you're expecting."

"Make me a -- what?"

"She means he'll marry you," explained Sasami.

"Marry?" If anyone had bet that Ryoko couldn't get more horrified, they would have lost their money at that moment. "Never! Never in a hundred thousand million billion yea--"

"But we could have such a beautiful ceremony," said Ayeka, "think of Sasami doing the catering, and I could arrange the flowers, and Mihoshi would make a lovely maid of honor . . ."

"How wonderful!" Sasami and Mihoshi exclaimed together, their eyes lighting up.

"Nooo!" Ryoko's eyes, however, were panic-stricken. "This is a nightmare! I'll never drink saké again!"

"Oh, you don't mean that." Ayeka said.

"Yes I do! Go to my room. Clean out the saké--every bottle!"

Ayeka shook her head. "No, I really couldn't accept it. You just need some time to think this over."

"Fine, fine." Ryoko doubted it, but Ayeka looked set in her refusal. "In the meantime, I need a bath. Mihoshi, can you scrub me down? Hard?"

"I think Brother Yosho will help you perform a kessai (water purification)." Ayeka suggested. "It's also supposed to bring good fortune."

"Yes! Yes!" Ryoko seized at the idea. "I need all the luck I can get! Now if you can all just leave so I can get out of bed . . ."

"But what's stopping you from teleporting?" Mihoshi asked.

Ryoko stared at her for a long moment. "Oh, yeah." She said, and disappeared.

A short time later, Ryoko was one of the most dutiful shrine worshippers in Japan. She had put on the traditional white shrine maiden's outfit, and was stoking the fire under the large barrel for the purification bath. Satisfied that the water was warm, she turned to a large wooden basin next to the barrel.

"I really have to rinse with cold water?" she called to the shrine building.

"Yes, Ryoko." Katsuhito's voice came in reply. "It signifies the sacrifice for the removal of sin."

Gritting her teeth, Ryoko held the basin above her head, and dumped the contents over herself. "Yeeooowww!" she couldn't help exclaiming. (Back in her lab, Washu grinned over the sudden spike in her instrument readings.) Ryoko clapped her hands twice, and bowed her head. At first she could only think please let this all be a bad dream. Finally she changed her prayer to please let Tenchi forgive me. She removed her robe, folded it with unusual care, and climbed as respectfully into the barrel as she could manage. She closed her eyes and tried to relax. There was too much to worry about, however. If only she had woken up before Nobuyuki had left, so she could find out exactly what had happened. Maybe--just maybe--they had both fallen asleep before anything serious?

Ryoko opened eyes with a start. Come to think of it, why hadn't she woken up when Nobuyuki's alarm clock had gone off? Space pirates slept light--it was a matter of survival. And why hadn't Ayeka made more comments about the situation? This should have been the perfect opportunity to for her to tell anyone within earshot that she had been right all along about Ryoko's character. And on top of that, she had refused the offer of Ryoko's saké stash. Ayeka had a capacity for alcohol almost as great as Ryoko's, and she never turned down saké without a reason . . . perhaps a guilty conscience. Ryoko's face slowly turned crimson.

One of the disadvantages of life at the Masaki household is that when some members go ballistic, they do it literally. Ryoko blasted out of the barrel in a spray of instantly vaporized steam. Phasing into her gray and red battle-suit, she went into an arc that would take her to the top of the clouds, and then back down to the house by the lake.

Happily, one of the advantages of the Masaki household is that there are early warning systems. "WARNING--WARNING!" Azaka and Kamidake came through the living room with sirens wailing and lights flashing. "RYOKO ALERT! RYOKO IS INBOUND. THIS IS NOT A DRILL, REPEAT, NOT A DRILL."

The repetition was totally unnecessary. From the first words, the household had sprung into action. Metal shutters went up over windows, protective covers went over furniture, fragile objects were stowed in cupboards, and a wall of sandbags appeared between the house and the lake, courtesy of Washu.

Mihoshi was handing out the helmets and anti-beam goggles to everyone when she noticed Ayeka putting on her shoes by the front door. Usually, the princess refused to leave the area until Ryoko actually arrived, so that the ex-space-pirate would not have the satisfaction of making her move. "Ayeka, you're going out to meet her?"

Ayeka nodded. "I have a good idea what Ryoko's problem is this time."

Tenchi looked at the princess. "Ayeka -- you did something, didn't you?"

"Yes, Lord Tenchi." Ayeka confessed. "I could not leave things as they were." She finished with her shoes, and dashed out the door.

Tenchi hung his head. "Will it never end?" he demanded, but no one was listening.

Ayeka could move remarkably quickly when she needed to. Summoning her miniature logs, she sprinted to a clear area a short distance from the house. She looked up and spotted Ryoko descending. A grim smile played across her face, and she raised her arms to focus her shield to its maximum. Ryoko struck with a thunderclap, sending a shock wave that tore leaves off the branches of the nearby trees and shook the walls of the house beyond.

"You liar!" Ryoko shouted. But the princess' shield held, and from the expressions on the combatant's faces it was clear that Ryoko's strike had done more hurt to herself than her opponent.

"And what about you?" Ayeka shouted back. "Those pictures were just as fake!"

"At least you knew you hadn't actually done anything!" Ryoko dropped to where the force sphere met the ground and tried to lift it and Ayeka with it.

"And so do you--now!" Ayeka dissipated the shield, and her logs shot streamers at Ryoko, trying to trap the cyan-haired woman. Ryoko sprang clear just in time.

At the top of the steps leading up to the shrine, Yosho looked down and observed the combat. His expression was judicial, with a hint of disapproval. Back at the house, however, things were much more vocal.

"Ryoko looks even madder than usual!" announced Mihoshi, peering above the sandbags. There was a medium-sized explosion, and a flash of light illuminated her for a moment. "Wow! What a blaster shot!"

"Go, daughter!" Washu cheered.

"Hey! Be fair!" said Sasami. "Go, big sis!"

"How about 'stop, everyone'?" moaned Tenchi, to no effect.

"Look at Ayeka dodge!" said Mihoshi.

"See the value of practice," Washu couldn't help lecturing. "She's learned just about all of Ryoko's moves by now. Come to think of it, Ryoko's insults aren't very original either."

"You should have seen your face!" came Ayeka's taunt. "I'll bet you never looked so scared in your life!"

"Scared? I'll show you scared!" Ryoko pointed her hands at the ground, spread her fingers, and concentrated. Wisps of white, looking like puffs of smoke, began to come out of the ground and flow together.

Ayeka instantly realized what was happening. "No, Ryoko! You can't control it!" She ran towards her opponent and launched herself into a flying strike, trying to disrupt the formation of Ryoko's spirit-monster. Ryoko phased herself with a chuckle, allowing the princess to pass through her and come to an undignified landing a short distance away.

Ayeka scrambled to her feet. "Ryoko, stop! You'll be in as much danger as I will!"

"Now why would a monster go after sweet and beautiful me, when he could have a loud-mouthed princess?" Ryoko resumed guiding the spirit wisps together. Rapidly the arms and legs formed, and then the multi-eyed head. In a few moments Ryoko looked with satisfaction at her finished creation.
"It's only polite of me to give you and your new boyfriend some privacy. Be sure to tell me the details of your first date!" She waved good-bye, and started to teleport.

And that was as far as she got. Her outlines grew faint for a moment, but immediately solidified. "What?" she exclaimed. She tried again, with the same result. The spirit-demon turned to look at the noise and activity. Ryoko decided that old-fashioned running would do in this case, and began to sprint away. Immediately she ran face-first into an invisible wall. Shaking her head from the impact, she noticed that Ayeka's miniature logs were now in a large circle, low to the ground, surrounding both her and the spirit-demon.

"I'm afraid I wasn't accurate," said Ayeka, "you'll be in considerably more danger than I will."

"Ayeka!" Ryoko screamed. "Drop your dammed force-field right now!"

"And let two monsters loose on the countryside?" Ayeka said quizzically.

Ryoko growled and fired a bolt of energy at the force-field. It bounced off, and ricocheted around the inside of the sphere, causing Ryoko to duck hastily before it finally blew the left leg off the spirit-demon. The monster growled, waited a moment for the leg to re-attach, and then lunged at Ryoko. She dodged, and in moments the two were racing around like goldfish inside a huge invisible bowl. Only the fear of grass stains on her clothes kept Ayeka from rolling on the ground laughing.

"You can run, but you can't hide!" the princess called out.

Ryoko snarled, summoned all of her energy, and hurled herself against the force-field. Since it was larger than usual, and didn't have Ayeka at its center, the globe ruptured with a loud bang. Ayeka cried out and fell to her knees as a good amount of her power was dissipated. The strain in Ryoko's face showed that she was even more drained. But there was the stir of movement behind her, and she rolled clear as the massive arm of the spirit-demon came down and ripped a good-size hole in the ground where she had been.

Both girls, suddenly galvanized, leaped to their feet and took off running for all they were worth. Ayeka headed for the shrine steps, with Ryoko right behind. The monster chased after them.

"Well, this a familiar mess!" Ayeka complained.

"It would have worked just fine if someone hadn't gotten cute with her force-field!" Ryoko didn't have enough power to teleport, but nothing was going to make her let Ayeka have the last word.

"I wasn't about to do nothing!" Ayeka retorted, starting to pant from going up the steps, "Much as you would have liked me to!"

"Well, how about doing something now! That thing doesn't get tired going upstairs!" Ryoko pointed out.

"Katsuhito! Priest Katsuhito!" Ayeka shouted, careful to use her brother's Earth name outdoors. "We have a problem with spirits!"

"That's your brilliant idea?" Ryoko was not impressed. "Call on your big brother? What can he do?"

Just then, the fleeing pair reached the top of the steps and ran onto the level ground surrounding the shrine. They headed across towards the building, and found the priest already outside, in a combat stance with his bokken (wooden sword) held ready. Katsuhito performed an acrobatic leap, going up to the level of the spirit-demon's shoulders and taking its head off with a lightning-fast cut. He landed like a hawk touching down, and immediately reversed his movement. As the monster tried to re-attach its head, Katsuhito charged in from behind it, his bokken whirling like a propeller. A cloud of white seemed to erupt as if a giant sack of flour had been burst open. The cloud resolved itself into the spirit-wisps Ryoko had originally summoned, now separated again. Katsuhito waved in a commanding gesture, and the wisps faded back into the ground.

Ryoko's mouth hung open for several seconds before she remembered to close it. "Oh yeah . . . I guess Shinto priests do know something about spirits."

Katsuhito lowered his bokken, and turned to face Ayeka and Ryoko, who both looked rather tired from their scramble to evade the spirit-demon. "Ryoko," he said in a quiet but disapproving voice, "you left without completing the kessai ceremony."

"Well, it turns out I don't need it." Ryoko answered, shooting a venomous glance at Ayeka.

"All of us are in need of purification from time to time," Katsuhito said firmly, "and the Masaki way is to finish what one has begun." And Ryoko found herself going back towards the barrel on top of the low fire. The priest turned to face his sister. "Ayeka, I saw the beginning of the fight, and I confess to being disappointed."

Ayeka straightened up, checked to see that there were no visitors at the shrine, and addressed her brother. "I am sorry for the disruption my actions have helped to bring about, brother Yosho. But it was necessary."

"Actually," the swordsman-priest replied, "I was speaking about your mediocre execution of the Streamer Trap."

"Eh?"

"Perhaps one or two training sessions would be in order." From Yosho's tone, there was little 'perhaps' about it.

Ayeka couldn't help but reflect that being First Princess of Jurai didn't stop her from being ordered around a remarkable amount.