For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1

Chapter 2: The Scent of Trouble
(Sam's POV)

I'm fidgeting outside Teal'c's quarters, trying to come up with an excuse not to do this, even though I know I have to. It's just that gathering the courage to knock on his door is taking a lot more than I had been expecting. I guess this is what people mean when they talk about the first step being the hardest. Right now I have so many 'what if' scenarios running through my mind that I can't even hear myself think.

Knowing that trying to postpone this won't make matters any easier I knock on the door, even as I try to make a list of all the reasons why Teal'c may not be here. He could be in the mess hall or at the gym or taking a shower or... unfortunately my hopes are dashed as soon as he opens the door.

This is it. He is here and so am I... and I am all out of excuses.

"Captain Carter," he greets me, and I don't know how to react. I thought I could do this but I can't. I am about to come up with some sort of excuse, something that will enable me not to tell him when he asks, "is something the matter?"

"No," I say before correcting myself. "Yes," I admit, closing my eyes and letting out a resigned sigh. I may not want to tell him but I desperately want to have told him and the only way in which I can get this particular confrontation into the past tense is by having it now.

"Is there something I can do?"

"No, it's just that..." I trail off, not quite knowing what to say, how to explain... and desperately wanting to be anywhere but standing in the middle of the hallway. This is not the place for us to have this conversation and I know it, unfortunately I'm not sure of how to convey that to Teal'c.

Apparently seeing something in my eyes he says, "please come in."

"Thank you," I say, walking in and not even trying to hide my relief. Now I just have to figure out what to say in light of the fact that Teal'c hasn't really given me an opening... not that I was expecting him to.

I look around, trying to think of something and taking in everything around me, looking for some sort of inspiration but it doesn't help. Almost without realizing it I mutter, "this is hard."

"I am afraid I do not understand, Captain Carter," says Teal'c and it takes me a couple of seconds to realize that I actually said that out loud.

"I know, that's part of the problem. There's something I have to tell you, it's just that I don't..." I trail off again and I can barely keep myself from shaking my head at my own inability to form the words. Taking in a deep breath I gather my courage and say, "something happened off-world a few months ago, something I kept from all of you. Daniel found out about it a couple of weeks ago and told the colonel."

"I see," he says.

I know Teal'c is not exactly known for his long and rousing speeches but the truth is that I really could use some help here. Knowing that there's no use in trying to put this off any longer I finally blurt out, "I was raped."

"Indeed," he says, catching me totally off guard. Of all the answers I wasn't expecting, that one was probably pretty high up the list. Teal'c may not be all that demonstrative but there is no shock in his voice, no surprise, no nothing. It is almost as if he had known all along but I know he couldn't have... or at least I think he couldn't have.

"You knew?" I finally manage to ask, trying to assimilate this latest piece of the puzzle.

"That is correct."

"How?" I manage to choke out.

"I have noticed that the Tau'ri are often unaware of their sense of smell. The Jaffa, however, know that it is not wise for a warrior to dismiss the warnings provided by one of his senses," he points out and I feel myself blush. I guess when he puts it like that it does make sense. What I can't understand, however, is why he didn't say anything... not that I'm not deeply relieved by that fact.

"You didn't say anything," I point out, rather stupidly, not really knowing what else to say.

"Because until today I was unaware that O'Neill did not know of our failure."

"Your failure?"

"Indeed."

"Okay, now I'm afraid I really don't understand," I say, though I seriously suspect I'm not going to like what he has to say here.

"You were under our protection, we failed," he explains as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"You didn't fail and I wasn't under your protection," I all but growl, deeply resenting the implications of that statement, even though I think I understand where Teal'c is coming from. That's one of the main reasons why I was so reluctant to talk to him in the first place.

"It was our duty to keep you safe," he insists.

"I am a soldier, I know the risks," I remind him.

"Yes, but you are also a woman."

"It doesn't matter."

"How could it not?" he asks, and the truth is that I'm not sure how to answer that question, especially because I am fairly certain that not too deep down that same mindset is exactly what is making it so hard for the colonel and the general to come to terms with what happened to me on Simarka. The only difference is that Teal'c doesn't know not to mention it.

"It's just that I can take care of myself," I finally say, knowing that it's not going to do me much good.

"Indeed, however it is still my shame."

"Your shame?" I ask, still not liking the sound of that one. This is not what I had been expecting and the truth is that I really could use some help here, the problem is that I know I'm on my own.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I failed you."

"But you didn't fail me," I say, again.

"Were you not harmed by Turghan?"

"Yes, but..."

"Then I failed."

"No, you didn't. I know you think I was under your protection but that's not how it works. You have to be able to trust me to take care of myself and carry my own weight, just like I trust you to do the same."

"I do not understand."

"I know. That's one of the reasons why I took this long to tell you, because I didn't know how to explain... I still don't know. I never thought that you might have known all along and be blaming yourself," I admit, trying desperately to keep a lid on my own frustration even as I realize that my explanation comes across as a rather pitiful case of too little, too late. The question now is: how can I get Teal'c to understand what I'm trying to say here without making an even bigger mess out of this one.