Gavotte
See disclaimer in the prelude
"I don't like him," Shinji said definitively of Kaworu when his mother asked how things had gone in the waiting room.
Yui paused to peer back at her son through the car's rearview mirror. "Oh? Why… what happened? Kaworu didn't do anything that bad, did he?"
Shinji fidgeted, and gave Rei an uncomfortable sidelong look. She was waist-deep into her book again, and looked for all the world like Armageddon could crash down around her without her taking even the slightest notice. "He's just… weird, Mom…" He made a face. "He kept asking me all these strange questions, and he kept coming too close. He's not normal."
Yui sighed and returned her focus to the road. "Shinji…"
"But, Mom, he isn't normal!"
"I know, Shinji," Yui told him gently. "Please understand… Kaworu hasn't been raised like most children. He's still learning how to act around people who aren't used to him. He does a lot of these things because he just doesn't know better yet."
"He kept asking me about what living with you was like," Shinji said to his mother, baffled. "And he said that he lived alone, in the lab."
"Then there isn't much left for me to explain," Yui replied. "Kaworu is a lot like Rei. You know that she stayed there until your father and I decided to take her in."
"He's nothing like Rei," Shinji said flatly, giving Rei a slightly nervous look, wondering if their talking about her would make her angry.
"They're more similar than you would think. One of the reasons that Rei seems so withdrawn to you is that she's never really had to reach out to others to satisfy her needs. If there was ever anything she had to have, your father and I—or one of the scientists who work with us—have seen to it that she gets it." Yui flipped the turn signal next to the steering wheel and changed lanes. "But Kaworu is used to having to work to get people's attention. I'll admit, he's an unusually blunt boy, but Shinji, try to be understanding and help him however you can. Even if you can't help not liking him, the two of you are going to be together a lot from now on. You'll see each other at NERV, of course, and as soon as we decide to introduce Kaworu to the rest of the world, I'll take him with us to do things and have Misato take care of him along with you and Rei.
"You don't have to be his best friend, Shinji… all I'm asking you to do is try to understand why he acts the way he does. Okay?"
Shinji sighed, defeated. "Okay…" At the very least, his home and school lives were safe from Kaworu. He could deal with the other boy's strangeness as long as he had some kind of sanctuary.
---
Shinji's father was missing from dinner again that night, and their silence around the table was awkward, with continued glances at Gendo's empty seat. Yui seemed perfectly calm, but Shinji knew that his mother got lonely when her husband didn't come home.
At times like this, he could almost hate his father.
The silent meal was followed by brief baths for both children, and the more accustomed silence of bedtime. Shinji had long since outgrown his need for a nightlight, and so the only illumination came from the open window, whose curtains drifted lazily in the breeze, framing a rather beautiful view of the night sky. It was neither too cold nor too warm, but Shinji found himself unable to get to sleep for quite some time, staring up at the lower ceiling that the bunk bed he shared with Rei created. He almost wanted to climb up the ladder to see if she was still awake, but like the silence that pervaded the air around her, the top bunk was hers and hers alone. He would only brook Rei's as yet nonexistent anger by venturing up, so he stayed as quiet as he could, fidgeting around uncomfortably.
No matter how hard he tried to banish the thought, Shinji found that the image of Kaworu's wistful expression as he said that he didn't have parents kept popping into his brain. At least that host of questions was more understandable than the rest. Shinji's parents worked so much, but at least they were there for him—the thought of life without them was unspeakable. Still, he tried to imagine what it must be like. No otherwise gruff father taking him to the beach and watching with an arm around Yui's waist as their son played in the shallows. No smiling mother there to welcome her child every day as he returned from school. Shinji shivered and pulled the covers over his head, feeling a terrible sense of seclusion sweeping over him. It would be so lonely, not to have parents.
And yet, Shinji realized as he found the comforter too stifling and held up an opening so he could breathe, Kaworu wouldn't feel that awful loneliness, because he wouldn't know what the companionship of parents was like. And knowing that other children had them, of course Kaworu would wonder.
Shinji punched his pillow, feeling his face grow hot. He didn't even like the other boy, and here he was, starting to feel sorry for him. He needed to stop thinking so much and just go to sleep already.
But for hours yet, Shinji could only feel his pity for Kaworu growing as his restless mind cycled along the tracks of what he had seen at NERV and what his mother had told him. It was a long time before he could manage to get comfortable enough to sleep.
---
Shinji was already in a fairly surly mood due to lack of sleep when he hunched into his desk at school the next morning.
Hikari, across from him, blinked and pulled at one of her pigtails with a frown. "Shinji-kun, is something wrong? You look angry…"
Shinji sighed and rested his head on his crossed arms, closing his eyes. "I'm just tired."
Hikari blinked and looked helplessly at Rei, who sat next to her and across from the empty desk beside Shinji. Though she didn't say anything, Rei was staring at Shinji with an inscrutable look on her face.
"Okay, class, listen up!" the teacher chirped. Her cheer only darkened Shinji's black mood, and he sunk closer to the cold comfort of his desktop, letting his chin rest against its surface. "We have a new student joining us today, so I'd like to have your attention!"
Shinji's eyes flew open. He sat up and whirled around to look, the itch of suspicion creeping around his chest. It couldn't be…
The teacher looked to the door and beckoned. "Come on in, dear!"
Oh, God, no. This is a NIGHTMARE.
That outfit.
That impossible hair.
That gaze, intrusive to the point of violation.
And that incredibly annoying, larger-than-was-natural smile.
Nightmare, Shinji's mind protested feebly as his heart hit his shoes and his mouth dropped open in numb disbelief.
"Class, this is Kaworu Nagisa. He just transferred here from a different school, so be nice to him, okay? He doesn't know his way around yet, and he doesn't have many friends."
"Do you know him, Shinji-kun?" Hikari asked in a whisper. Shinji couldn't answer.
The teacher scanned the room. "Nagisa-kun, there's an empty desk over there. You'll be sitting with Ikari-kun, Ayanami-chan, and Horaki-chan. Is that alright?"
Kaworu nodded and threaded his way through the clusters of desks to his new seat as Shinji's sanity threatened to rebel against him.
This can't be happening…
"Waiii, Shinji!" Kaworu turned his beaming smile on the horrorstruck boy as he sat down. "Hi! I didn't think I'd see you here!"
Shinji shot the teacher a pleading glance, but she was going through roll call and didn't see him. Oblivious, Kaworu went on.
"There are so many people here… I don't think I've ever seen so many people all together at once. It's good to know someone out of everybody… don't you think so, Shinji?"
I wish he'd just attach a suffix or something… Shinji fidgeted. He makes it sound like we've known each other forever. Please, God get me out of this and I will never, ever, ever do anything bad again, I swear.
Always eager to make friends, Hikari smiled at Kaworu, only managing the barest fraction of the brilliance the silver-haired boy radiated. "Hi, Nagisa-kun! I'm Hikari Horaki. It's nice to meet you."
Shinji sighed in relief as Kaworu shifted his attention to Hikari, striking up an animated conversation with the heavily freckled girl. At least for now, he'd been spared.
But how in the world was he going to be able to survive the rest of the day with Kaworu sitting right next to him?
Glancing at Rei, who was watching Kaworu with mild curiosity, Shinji wondered if maybe she didn't have the right idea, not talking to anybody. Still, that ruse probably wouldn't work with Shinji—not talking was a lot of hard work, and he bet that Kaworu could be excruciatingly obnoxious if his questions didn't get answered.
It was amazing, how the heart-wrenching pity he'd felt for the boy just last night had evaporated as though it'd never existed in the first place once Kaworu was next to him again, exuding that strange alien sense of being something not quite right. He knew he should be patient, like his mother had told him… but there was no way he could ever adjust that much to Kaworu's over-intrusive nature.
"Do you like to play games, Nagisa-kun?" Hikari was asking.
"Games…?" Kaworu looked blank for a moment. Shinji winced, suddenly embarrassed for the other boy. Obviously Kaworu wouldn't know much about just doing fun things, living a life of being a test subject at NERV. He almost wanted to reach out and say something to break the situation, but he didn't know how to do it.
Maybe Yui and his turbulent train of thought last night had the right of it after all. Maybe Kaworu was someone to be pitied.
Watching a slow blush start to creep across Kaworu's face, Shinji almost cringed in his seat. He felt like the world was moving in slow motion as the strange boy beside him groped for some kind of answer. There was nothing he could do, but he didn't want Hikari to find out about Kaworu's background like this.
Then the unthinkable happened.
"Do you read?"
Hikari and Shinji both gaped. It was only three words, but that was three words more than Rei Ayanami usually spoke on a daily basis without being prodded. It was incredible—just as incredible as the fact that she'd just reached out and effortlessly rescued Kaworu from revealing the deprivation of his childhood.
Shinji was able to stop staring at Rei just in time to see Kaworu give the reticent girl a look of such effusive gratitude that it almost made Shinji squirm again, wishing he'd been the one to pull Kaworu out of his awkward situation. Which was weird. He didn't want Kaworu to be grateful to him—that would just make the other boy even more clingy, wouldn't it? But he couldn't help feeling that way nonetheless.
It was strange…
"I like to read," Kaworu said, nodding, slipping his smile back into place. "There's a Western author called Tolkien who writes these really cool books that I like… but playing my violin is even better than reading."
Hikari turned around and gaped at Kaworu instead of Rei. "You play the violin?"
Kaworu blinked at her, nonplussed. "…Yeah…"
"That's really hard! My mommy's teaching me how to play the piano, but I can barely do it… it's so hard to read the music!"
Kaworu shook his head, the luminescence of his smile becoming even brighter and more genuine than Shinji had ever seen it before. "Don't worry about it! You just need practice, that's all. I had trouble playing the violin at first, but it's so much fun now!"
"Really? What kinds of songs do you like to play?"
Shinji honestly thought that Kaworu's smile couldn't get any wider, but it did. "My favorite one is the 'Ode to Joy'!"
Shinji had wanted to stay silent, but he couldn't help himself. "Yeah, that's a nice song."
Hikari giggled. "Wow, Shinji, I didn't know you liked that kind of music!"
Shinji instantly went red. "Well… you know… my mother gave me a tape player a while back with a bunch of classical music on it… and I just got used to it… so…" His voice trailed off as he stared down at his hands, his cheeks flaming.
"Ikari-san says that when I get older, she thinks I can play in a quartet," Kaworu cut in, the utter glow of his happiness diverting all attention from Shinji—Purposely or not? the boy couldn't help but wonder. "That would be soooo fun! Playing with other people… violas and cellos have such a beautiful sound."
"Now, everyone, stop talking, please, and pay attention," the teacher called, clapping her hands. "We have a time test on adding and subtracting double-digit numbers today. I hope you all practiced!"
Hikari instantly started looking nervous. "I don't know if I studied enough…" she whispered, guilty-faced.
Shinji reached across his desk and hers to pat her hand. "It's okay, you study harder than anybody else even though you don't need to."
"I don't know… what about you, Nagisa-kun?"
Kaworu shrugged, looking blank again. "Math isn't that hard."
Shinji gave him a sidelong look. "Speak for yourself."
"Quiet," Rei said softly, which was enough to shut them all up just in time for the teacher to deposit tests on all four of their desks.
Amidst Hikari's fretting and Rei's unusual talkativeness, Shinji spared a peek over at Kaworu only to find that the other boy was smiling at him now.
Urk.
Well… at least as long as he had someone else around, it looked like the rest of the day could be livable.
Harsh, but livable.
Shinji sighed and resigned himself to seven hours of constant annoyance.
:TBC:
