For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1
Chapter
4: The Other Side
(Sam's POV)
"Okay, let's leave that alone for a moment, could you at least explain to me why you didn't tell the colonel what you knew?" I ask, hoping to change the subject, well aware that otherwise I would just end up getting more than a little mad here... and we would just keep going around in circles anyway.
"As I said, I did not realize that he was unaware of our failure. What Turghan did to you was a dishonor to us all and a warrior does not willingly share his shame. I was surprised when he did not insist that we go back to seek vengeance, especially when he allowed you to fight Turghan, but..."
"It had to be me," I interrupt, deeply relieved by the fact that we are back in somewhat familiar territory, though I'm fairly certain it won't last.
"I am afraid I do not understand, Captain Carter."
"The old laws we were using to challenge Turghan's 'right' to stone his daughter to death dictated that the one issuing the challenge had to be another chieftain," I remind him. "When you were trying to get me back, one of the arguments Daniel used was that I was the chief of our people. That may have sounded crazy to Turghan's ears but it did mean that neither one of you could fight him, not according to that law."
"I see," he says, though I'm pretty sure he is still far from convinced.
"It was my responsibility," I insist, still trying to explain. "I was the one who had talked Nya into defying her father in the first place and there was no way I was going to let him kill her for my mistakes."
"And you were our responsibility so the fact that he hurt you was our failure," he says and I can't help but cringe at that because the truth is that even I can see the double standard in my words. I challenged Turghan because my principles told me that it was wrong for Nya to die in the way her own laws dictated but at the same time I am getting mad at Teal'c for holding on to his own ways where I am concerned. Why is it right for me to say that Nya was my responsibility but to take offense when Teal'c says that I was under his protection?
I mean, I pride myself on being logical but I think Teal'c has managed to trap me with only a handful of words here... and he has also succeeded in pointing out that I must really learn to accept other cultures when I go through the gate. That is not going to be easy... especially because we can't really rule out the possibility that we may someday encounter another civilization with values similar to the ones we found on Simarka.
Sure, that possibility is not something I want to dwell on but the bottom line is that, based on human history, that's not an unlikely scenario... in fact it is far more likely than I care to contemplate.
That is a disturbing thought but I can't keep playing the ostrich here and burying my head in the sand, pretending that such a thing will never happen, nor can I go on expecting the universe to mold itself to my sensitivities and beliefs because that could end up making matters much worse, as was the case on Simarka. Sure, there were some things on that mission that were definitely beyond our control and those played a major role in the way in which the whole situation unfolded, but at the same time there's no denying the fact that my own actions, my determination to challenge their rules because they were different from my own and I found them offensive, also contributed to the way in which things turned out.
In other words, if I want to keep going through the gate, I am the one who is going to have to come to terms with the fact that other people may have principles, values and beliefs that are incompatible with my own and that definitely includes Teal'c.
I mean, I held on to my principles while we were on Simarka but at the same time here I am, demanding that Teal'c turn a blind eye to his own. Sure, I'd like to pretend that the situations are entirely different but deep down I know they are not.
On Simarka I intervened to keep an innocent girl from being murdered in the name of some barbaric laws and traditions. I couldn't help myself, especially because I knew I would never have been able to live with myself if I had allowed that execution to go forward. The thing is that, as far as I was concerned, preventing Nya's death was a matter of honor... and that is exactly how Teal'c perceives 'his obligation' to protect me.
In other words, the only real difference is that Nya's life was in danger as a direct result of my own actions, whereas there's no way anyone could argue that what happened to me on Simarka was Teal'c's fault.
Sure, that difference sounds relevant but deep down I know it's not. Even if I had had nothing to do with Nya's decision to defy her father, if I had learned of her impending execution I still would have intervened, of that I have no doubt.
Unfortunately that understanding brings me no closer to figuring out what am I supposed to do about my current problems with Teal'c... though maybe I should try the logical approach and check my emotions at the door.
From a logical perspective I guess I can understand why he would be more than a little puzzled by the fact that I am getting mad at him for treating me like a woman... especially because, as far as Teal'c is concerned, that is probably the respectful thing for him to do. After all, there's no denying that it is my own background that leads me to perceive such treatment as condescending and offensive and that background is definitely not his fault.
The thing is that that understanding also points me toward a possible solution to our current problem because it means that I don't have to convince Teal'c not to treat me like a woman, not really, I just have to get him to understand that I am --in his terms-- a warrior in spite of my gender. In other words, this is not about getting him to replace one term with another but rather to come to terms with the fact that it is possible for both of those terms --warrior and woman-- to apply to the same person... the rest is basically my problem.
Of course, even achieving that much will probably be easier said than done... though I think he may already have given me an opening in that regard. After all, he did mention that --even though they don't go into battle-- women in Chulak are trained to defend themselves. That means that men probably don't expect them to be completely helpless and it also means that they are likely to expect them to be at least competent when it comes to defending themselves and those they care for. That is certainly something I can work with.
If that is the case then it should be possible for me to get Teal'c to trust my ability to take care of myself, even if he does insist on treating me like a woman.
