Chapter Eleven: Past Troubles
It started about a year and a half ago when I was not yet nineteen. My parents were desperate for me to marry because I was much older than the usual age. They had found a rich suitor who agreed to marry me but was much too old. Since I didn't love him or care for his money I refused. But my parents were ever persistent. They decided that I could live with him for a while and see if I grew to love him. They hoped I would agree to marry him. If after I had lived with him for a set period of time I still didn't love him or feel I could marry him then they would find someone else.
On my nineteenth birthday I moved in with this man, his name was Edward Paine. He lived in a town house in Boston. From the moment I arrived he pampered me with presents, servants and special outings. We went to balls and to hunting parties out in the country. I knew he was striving to gain my attention but I would not give it to him. I ignored him when we were at home, preferring to read than to converse.
Months passed. My parents visited a few times and we went for a few trips out of the colony. Mostly I stayed home while he went to work each day. He owned a shipping company and there was always a ship that needed some kind of attention.
A month and a half ago my parents visited for the last time. They wanted my answer. I couldn't say yes and I couldn't say no to them, they were so desperate. Over lunch I told them that I would tell Edward myself when I decided and that they should go home and stop worrying.
A week after this conversation and I still hadn't told him no. He was getting impatient. He stopped pampering me, stopped taking me out, he even stopped trying to get my attention and engage me in conversation.
Another week went by. That day he came home for lunch. We ate in silence. As he stood to leave he asked me.
"Cordelia, darling, you've been living with me for the better part of a year now. You've had plenty of time to think about it. Have you decided whether or not you will marry me?"
Silence.
"Cordelia?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. No. I don't want to marry you. You're a wonderful person and a good friend but I just don't love you. I hope you understand and I hope you find a loving wife someday."
"Yes. Of course I understand dearest. I completely understand. I will see you this evening. Good afternoon."
When he left the room I breathed a sigh of relief. He took it well. Too well as I found out later that night. He had seemed unperturbed when he left so I greeted him warmly when he returned. He slapped me hard across the face. I clutched at my face and followed him.
"What's the matter? Is there anything I can do?"
In answer, a backhand across the face, so hard I fell to the ground. I started to cry. I was only nineteen and had been pampered my entire life.
"Please tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing. Leave me."
The maid helped me to my room. I had had enough. Tonight I would sneak out and find my way home. I gathered my most prized possessions and any money I could find. As I was packing I heard the front door slam again. I also heard yelling. A minute later he threw my door open. He had been drinking and was clearly not himself. He came at me, a murderous look on his face.
"What are you doing!' I screamed.
I couldn't escape him. He started beating me mercilessly. Blow after blow hit my body. I blacked out after he threw me down and my head hit a chair. I woke quickly as he kept beating me. When he finally stopped I took my chance. My entire body screaming in pain I kicked his legs out from under him. He came crashing down. I grabbed my shoes, coat and bundle of possessions and ran from the house into the rainy night.
I ran as fast as I can, bruised, beaten, and exhausted, through the pouring rain. I have to escape him. If he catches me, I don't even want to think about what he might do.
I have run to the harbor, a dead end, save for the ships and the water. I hide behind some crates, clutching my bundle of possessions close to my body and trying not to breathe. I hear him run past. I release my breath in a sigh of relief. I am safe until he returns. I check to see if the coast is clear then sneak up the nearest gangplank.
I silently creep below deck and look for a hiding place in the cargo hold. I find a good one behind some crates. There is even something soft to sleep on. I curl up in the corner, shivering in my damp clothes. I am wet and cold but safe. As I close my eyes, consciousness leaves me in a dead faint.
Tears were streaming down her face and her body was shaking as she tried not to sob.
"Oh love, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked," Will said, putting his arm around her.
Cordelia looked up.
"What?" she said horrified.
She started sobbing. Now she was thinking about Jack too.
"Oh, Cordelia, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to."
He pulled her into his arms and let her cry. She cried more. No one in her life had ever treated her so kindly. They had never shown her they actually cared. She had been raised by a nurse, her parents remaining distant and obsessing over her marriage.
"Did I make it worse?" he asked. "I can leave you alone if you want."
"No. Please don't. You're very kind."
"If it wouldn't bother you I'm curious to hear what happened after that. You know, why you hate Jack so much."
"Uh, sure, just don't judge me. It was all his doing," she said, thinking was hate really the right word. Did she hate Jack?
She proceeded to fill in the rest of her life from the time she first met him to the time she met Will.
"Wow. He's never acted like that around Elizabeth. But he's probably afraid of her. She can take care of herself."
"The worst part is that he won't listen to me when I ask him to stop. I told him that I want to be his friend, not his lover. He just won't take a hint."
"I think he's sorry Cordelia. He looked very sorry as he left."
"Oh, let's not dwell on the subject. I feel bad enough as it is," she glanced out the window. "It's getting late."
"Yeah, let's turn in for the night."
She took off her shoes and stocking and reached behind to unlace her dress. Her hands met Will's. Cordelia blushed.
"Would you like some help?"
"Uh, sure."
He carefully unlaced her dress and she stood up letting it fall to the floor. She of course left her underclothes on.
"The nights in Boston were so cool. I'm not used to the warm weather yet."
"It's alright. I really don't mind."
He took everything off save his breeches. She watched him intently. Now that she had seen a male body she was hooked. He took no notice of it, or at least showed none. He got up and turned down the lamps then he pulled back the sheets and lay down. He looked naked in the moonlight. It unsettled her and she stayed sitting on the edge of the bed. He touched her hand.
"Cordelia I really don't mind," he said from behind her.
"It's not you Will," she said, finally sliding under the covers, wanting to be near someone. "I don't know what's wrong. Something just doesn't feel right."
"Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Good night Cordelia."
"Good night Will."
