Here we go, another messed-up Narnia chapter, fresh from my messed-up mind.

On to Closet World!
Chapter 3 - Beaver Butt

Short Devon finished sitting in the woods and staring blankly at the sky, so he ran over to the clearing by the closet-entrance and spotted Tall Devon.

"Devon! Catch me!" Short Devon yelled, running at full speed to Tall Devon. Short Devon jumped and landed in Tall Devon's arms then jumped down again. "You got into Closet World too!"

"Yeah... Cool isn't it..." Tall Devon almost told Short Devon about his meeting with Kristy-- I mean... the White Witch, but a little voice in his head (who later turned out to be the director) told him not to, so he didn't.

The two Devons ran back through the closet-door to the old house in the middle of nowhere and back to the room where everyone was sleeping.

"You guys! YOU GUYS! Wake up!" Short Devon yelled. Everyone woke up.

"What is it now?" Brenna said. "I was sleeping."

"That's why I woke you up," Short Devon stated obviously. "But this is important! Both me AND Tall Devon got to Closet World!"

"Wasn't it called Narnia?" said James.

"Nobody asked you. Shut up," said Govind.

James just got up and started to walk around making a drum-set noise kind of like: 'Uhn-tss, uhn-tss, uhn-tss' then Janel hit him over the head with a random brick, killing him.

"Oh my God, she killed... Hey, wait a minute. Didn't Erin kill James in chapter one?" Hilary asked.

"We're doing the South Park thing, like when Kenny is killed every episode, remember?" said Brady.

"Oh, right," Hilary said. "Well then - Oh my God, she killed James!"

"Bastard," everyone said together.

"Hey, back to me now!" said Short Devon, jumping around trying to get their attention.

"Trust me," said the ghost of Sam McGee, "it's not easy to get some peoples' attention..." With that he wandered away, munching on his frog toast.

"YOU GUYS!" Short Devon bellowed. "LISTEN TO ME!"

"Your mom listens to you," said Brad.

"Brad stop trying to use 'your mom' burns. You're not good at them," Molly said dryly.

"Your mom's not good at them..." he muttered under his breath.

"Listen. I DID go through the closet to Closet World! And this time Tall Devon was with me! Go on, tell them," he said, turning to Tall Devon.

"Uhh... Actually, we were just pretending," Tall Devon said.

"NO! YOU WERE THERE!" Short Devon started crying over-dramatically. "Melodie, you're my favorite!" He ran over to Melodie to get a hug.

"Whatever," said Molly. "I'm gonna go eat chocolate for breakfast." She left to go to the kitchen and everyone else followed.

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Later on, everyone got bored so they decided to go out and play cricket, even though that's not what happened in the actual book.

"Why are we playing cricket anyway?" Hilary complained. "It's for snobby British people."

"We have to break a window somehow," Janel replied.

"Alright, who's up first?" Tall Devon called.

"Me!" Brady said. He went up with his cricket bat, Tall Devon threw the ball and...

"STRIKE ONE!" called Melodie as Brady hit the ball so far it crashed through a window.

"Uh... Mel? I wouldn't exactly call that a strike," Erin said.

"Hey, don't make fun of my golf skills!" Melodie said.

They all ran into the house and heard footsteps coming toward them. They were chased to the wardrobe room, and when the footsteps still followed them, into the closet. They came out in the snowy world of Narnia.

"Wow, Short Devon was right!" Brenna exclaimed, "There is a world in the closet!"

"Let's go exploring!" Janel said.

"Sure, as long as I don't have to be a drunk rock star..." Govind said.

"Wait, let's all take a jacket since it's not really cold out," said Short Devon. Everyone agreed to this so they all took a gothic-looking jacket from the wardrobe and traipsed out into the woods. After a while they came across a beaver.

"It's a beaver!" said Brad.

"No, I'm a moose," said the beaver sarcastically.

"Omigod, no way! I've never seen an actual moose before!" Hilary said. "Does anyone have a camera?"

"I am a beaver, you twat. I was being sarcastic," it said impatiently. "Let's go, we have to go to my dam."

"DON'T USE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE!" Melodie yelled at the beaver.

"Melodie, it wasn't swearing. A dam is what a beaver home is called," Erin informed her.

"Oh. Well still, don't swear!" Melodie said.

"Yeah. Are we done here?" the beaver said. "We've got to get going, or the trees will hear us!"

"Whoa! The trees here are alive?" Brady said. He had trouble grasping some concepts. He still marveled over the fact that girls lay eggs.

"Uh... sure they are, if it'll make you all hurry," said the beaver. He ran off into the woods and everyone followed for lack of anything better to do.

After running through the woods for a while and Melodie tripping a lot, they reached a pile of wood in the middle of a stream.

"Here it is, my humble home!" the beaver said proudly.

"Wow. What a pile of crap," Molly commented. "Is this really where you live?"

"Yes. I don't suppose you would shut up?" said the beaver, not so happily.

"No. You suck," said Molly.

"Just come down to meet the warlord," the beaver sighed.

They all went to the supposed dam and upon entering were surprised to see...

"KAITLYN!" yelled Erin, Molly and Melodie.

"People!" Kaitlyn said by way of greeting.

"What are you doing here?" Erin asked her.

"I told you I was gonna be a warlord," she said, "and so now I'm Aslan's chief in war. I get my own lightsaber!" She proudly held up a purple lightsaber, nearly cutting off the beaver's head.

"Alrighty then, let's cut the story off right here since the author's wrist is sore!" said Brenna. The scene faded out.

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Just in case you're interested, I base all the characters on exactly how they act in real life. EXACTLY.

This one was full of inside jokes. I'll explain a few:

The 'ghost of Sam McGee' thing was from a poetry assignment I did with Erin and it ended up being awesome. For further explanation, message me.

Melodie's golf skills are from when she and Erin went golfing and whenever she hit the golf ball she'd yell, "ONE!" and Erin's like, "Uh, don't you mean 'four'?" Melodie was made fun of after that.

The drunk rock star thing is from when me, Kaitlyn, Kristy, Janel, Brenna, Govind and Brad were all together for a group in drama, and we had some explorers and Govind was cast as a British drunken rock star, which he didn't really like.

The 'girls lay eggs' thing is from last year in PDR. We were discussing the reproductive system and our teacher just got to the part about 'fertilizing the eggs' when Brady got confused and said, "Girls lay eggs?" We are still laughing at that.

And as you may have heard, I fractured my wrist so after this I won't be writing much until the cast is off. Boo hoo. So be patient.