Disclaimer: sadly, I still don't own Harry Potter...
Sorry it took me so long to update... I know it's been forever! I'm posting two chapters, I hope that'll make up for the delay. Riker15: thanks! JetGriffins89: lol I know what you mean... you both dislike the way a character reacts and strangely you want him to continue... thank you for the review!
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Chapter8
Do not pretend you do not care
He stood beside Hermione, a few feet away from Lupin, his face a perfect mask of coldness and indifference.
"Professor," Hermione started uneasily.
Lupin raised his head with an expression of mild surprise.
Harry did his best not to let out an exasperated sigh. Come on, Remus, you knew perfectly we were standing there when everybody while everyone else walked out. And don't tell me you have no idea what we're here for.
"Yes Hermione?" Lupin said. His tone was calm, even friendly. It hurt Harry more than he wanted to admit. Hermione, Ron, Ginny, the twins… everyone had always considered Remus their friend ever since they'd been together at Grimmauld Place.
Even he, Harry, had thought Remus was an ally when he'd seen him at Sirius's place in fifth year. Not a simple adult, not a teacher, just a friend.
A friend who had betrayed him so deeply he knew the wound would never heal.
"Erm─ do you know─" Hermione stammered a little. "I mean… where's Ron?"
There was an uncomfortable silence.
"Ron─ Ron is not here for the moment," Lupin muttered, his words echoing strangely in the empty classroom.
"Is he─ is he sick?" Hermione tried.
Lupin shook his head. "I'm sorry, Hermione, I'm─ not authorized to tell you. An announcement will be made this evening," he said apologetically. "Dumbledore's orders," he gave a shrug that he hoped looked casual.
Hermione didn't answer, and Harry frowned despite himself.
That's a lie.
He's just not telling her because I'm here. He's taking revenge on her, withholding information─
"Ron's all right," Lupin let out a forced smile. "He's all right" he repeated.
Harry wasn't convinced. A knot of burning anger was forming in his throat, along with a need to yell at Lupin. Remus was being so stupid, why didn't he just inform them of what was going on?
"Ok," Hermione decided. "I guess─ We're on our way then. Goodbye, Remus."
"Goodbye," Lupin let out a sigh─ was it relief?─ and turned back to his desk.
She's giving up, Harry thought with panic. But we're not done yet! What is she doing? We still don't know where Ron is, Lupin's not telling us anything─
Harry shut his eyes in an attempt to control himself, but he failed at it. He didn't follow Hermione out; instead, he remained standing with his feet firmly planted in the ground.
Hermione stared at him. "Harry─" she said hesitatingly, "Are you coming?"
He opened his mouth to speak, and the words were out before he could stop himself. "I want to know where Ron is," he said in a low, threatening tone. He wanted to meet Rmeus's eyes and see how desperate the man was; but he found he couldn't.
Lupin, who had been stacking some of his papers together, froze. Hermione seemed to be silently imploring Harry to follow her out, but when he didn't move, she took a few steps and meant to grab his sleeve. "Come on, let's go," she said determinedly.
He pulled his arm away from her grip, and took a step forward in the direction of Lupin's desk.
"Tell me what's going on!" he almost yelled, his voice full of barely concealed anger. Lupin showed no sign of comprehension, so Harry waited. The seconds passed, meaningless. His entire body was shaking now, whereas Lupin seemed frozen on the spot.
At long last, Remus met his eyes, really met his eyes for maybe the first time in weeks. There was determination in them, and maybe─ maybe a sort of incomprehension mixed with regret.
What are you regretting? That you killed Sirius or that you can't finish me off like you did everybody else?
"Watch your behaviour there, Potter," Lupin said in a harsh tone.
Harry would have laughed out loud. Lupin's attempt at authority really was pitiful.
Ok, you're regretting that you have to reprimand me? What would you like to do, take me in your arms to protect me? But who do you want to protect me from? Voldemort? Yourself? Or me?
Hermione watched Lupin questioningly, then turned around and left when he motioned for her to exit the room.
Still pretending you're in control of everything?
Is it the same control as in the Department of Mysteries?
IS IT?
The door closed, and Harry burst out, "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS CONSIDER YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW EVERYTHING?"
"Harry, don't─" Lupin started, but Harry went on, mad to a point of no return, not knowing whether the words that he spat out were from his own sane mind of from the unconscious part of himself that had wanted to fight its way out since Sirius's death. "YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T CARE IF YOU WERE MY DAD'S FRIEND OR ANYONE ELSE! YOU'RE NOTHING MORE THAN A MURDERER!"
"LET ME SPEAK!" Remus yelled back at him.
But Harry was so enraged he seemed beyond control. "YOU WANTED TO MAKE ME─"
The door opened abruptly.
Harry fell quiet in the instant, caught off guard, and automatically turned his head toward the door. Before he had the time to do anything, Lupin took two quick steps forward and hid Harry from the sight of whoever had arrived.
"I heard shouting," someone said. Harry instantly recognized the voice. Although Lupin was still in front of him, he saw the shadow of Severus Snape closing the door silently before walking forward, a malevolent sneer impeccably drawn on his pallid face, his black cloak billowing in his back.
"Severus─" Lupin warned in a whisper. Harry could see that Lupin had squared his shoulders, as though preparing himself for a fight.
"Well, well, well," Snape replied, peering on his left to see past Lupin, his eyes focusing on Harry and becoming narrower. "Why am I not surprised?" he sneered. "Family reunion?"
Harry turned bright red with fury, then whiter than death. It was too much. Right now, he'd rather have Dudley for a family than Lupin.
"He's not my family" Harry said coldly, as Lupin walked slowly toward Snape. "He never was. And never will be."
Lupin stoped dead in his track. His back was still turned, but Harry could feel the tension in the room.
The words hurt, don't they?
Yet don't you think what you did hurt me even more? Why did you hold me back? WHY?
"Not your family?" Snape repeated in Harry's direction, insisting on every word to make it sharp like a razor blade, his sneer more pronounced than ever. "Should I remind you, Potter, than this man was your father's best friend? Your godfather's best friend too─?
Harry didn't wait for Lupin to speak. "You're no better than he is," he said with disgust.
He pushed aside a chair to walk away and closed the door loudly in his way out, wondering sardonically despite the tears now rolling down his cheeks what Lupin and Snape would tell each other.
He hated Remus. And he hated Snape even more. For what he had just said, for what he always said, and for the simple fact that he was still alive.
Snape was alive and Sirius wasn't. How fair was that?
He hated his life, and everything about his life; he wanted to disappear under the ground, to vanish and never come back, to forget everything and be forgotten. Yes, in that instant, he wished he hadn't been born as Harry Potter, the Boy who lived, the powerful and famous wizard who had defeated Voldemort, the saviour of the wizarding world, the planet's hope of a better future.
The sad, miserable, lonely boy with no mother, no father, no brothers and sisters, no more godfather; the sixteen year old wizard who didn't know what future awaited him, the sixteen year old wizard unable to speak and make up with Remus Lupin, the only one who still meant something to him.
Because despite himself he knew that, one day, he would have to admit Lupin was, as the last tie to his parents, more important to him than anyone else in the world.
With Lupin, Harry felt horrible. But without him, he knew it would be even worse.
