It's not always easy, being with him, being his lover. Honestly, he doesn't contribute much to the relationship, at least, outside of private areas. I love him. I really, truly do but sometimes, I can't help but wonder why I'm with him? Why do I stay with this man? It's certainly not for the conversations, or the humor. Looks? Maybe. He is gorgeous…If you like sallow guys who wear a lot of red and black. And frankly, I do.

But that's completely beside the point. I do wonder sometimes. But then, it'll happen, and I'll remember. It makes the absent public displays of affection not matter so much. Somehow, it never fails to make me feel special. The fact that I'm one of the very few people to see it. And better, that I am the only one to cause it.

Somehow, the times when I feel compelled to kiss him or even just hold hands with him in front of people other than our closest friends, while disappointing initially, he always makes up for it later…in more ways than one. And when we're lying there, a tangle of sweaty limbs, it's there. And it's the most beautiful thing in all the history of the planet…or at least the whole of my history.

I'll never forget about Zack. I can't. I'll always love him, and every weird thing he did. He was beautiful in his own right, but a distinctly different type of beauty. And now, as I sit here, watching my pale lover, I smile at him, because I know, I can never leave him. I'm as much his, as he's mine. And when I feel like I can't be near him one more second, I'll say just the right thing, and it'll happen. I'm one of the very few people to see it. But, more importantly, I'm the only one that can cause it.